All Comments on 'Ancestry.cum Ch. 01'

While the story has an interesting premise, the husband is a complete dickhead. They have been married for 25 years. It's too late to change anything now. They are husband and wife and they never knew re sibling situation. Should they have retroactive abortions and murder their kids? Ridiculous. What's done is done.

Plus, if that stupid arsehole son Mike, makes one more arsehole comment, the father should grow a backbone and kick the fucker out of the house. He's 23 but acting like a child. Let him pay for his own University/College. If he calls his father his uncle one more time, tell the moron that an uncle is not required to fund his nephew's education. Play hardball and stop pandering to the smart mouth of this arsehole.

Interesting, just, please don't hold the suspense too long.

This is a great start for sure. The premise is great and the conflict is definitely driving the story very well. One suggestion I have is for transitioning scenes; they're a little rough and can be confusing. Either explain in some simple way that time has passed or give your own scene break with either extra spacing or a line breaking them up. Also, and it only happened once, keep track of who is speaking. A quick volley of dialog is fine but don't have two quotes in a row from the same person without some sort of description or action between because it throws the reader off and forces them to re-read something to confirm who is speaking.

Those are my only criticisms. I enjoy the plot so far and the characters are developing nicely. I do hope someone sets Mike straight, though. His disrespect is a part of his character flaws but should be a part of his arch too that will hopefully bring a change and maturity to him in the end.

This idea has been explored by others before. One Particular story sticks out in my memory. It was titled 23 & WTF? But I'm still enjoying your take on the idea. I gave you a 5/5 for this installment.

next chapter please

1 star - Way too much jumping around between characters and it is very hard to follow.

Two things, but neither interferes with the story. First, even a brother and sister will not have identical DNA distributions. The tests measure only a small proportion of your DNA, and due to chromosome mixing during the manufacture of egg and sperm, any given genetic sequence could come from your mother, your father, a grandparent, or beyond. I've seen one case where a brother tested mostly Irish, and his sister as Serbian and Spanish, even though both their parents had generations of British ancestry.

But, that's something that's easily set aside for the sake of the story. After all, Andy Weir knew that Martian dust storms couldn't topple rockets, but that didn't stop him from using it as his premise in "The Martian."

Second, a marriage would not automatically become illegal as the result of a DNA test. Someone would have to file a complaint, and the birth certificates of the parents would have to be invalidated. That's quite unlikely to happen. Still, it's a nice source of fear for our long-suffering husband in the story!

I like where it's going.

Congrats on an original story line.

But, Mike deserves a punch in the mouth.

Great start...

outstanding

I'm reading it as an erotic Rom-Com, so the personality quirks of the characters don't distract too much in that context. I agree that the transitions in the story timeline could be a little easier defined for the reader.

You have gotten this readers attention with some great writing. Don't disappoint !!! JEF

I’ve enjoyed a lot of your past work, but I’m finding this one difficult to enjoy as much.

Storyline wise, transitions between one event and another are not delineated well, which hinders the flow.

As for the main character’s sudden distaste for the woman he was just previously lusting over and complaining about not being physically intimate with in a year? I’m not buying it.

Wow, what a great tale. 5/5

Liked the story but it's not incest if you don't know your related 4 stars