And the Grass Won't Pay No Mind

I was so glad to see her my exhaustion faded away, and I practically dragged her into the bedroom to express my appreciation for her support. Afterward, I fell into an exhausted but satisfied sleep, knowing Virginia was there to meet the boys when they got home from school. After a nice nap, I got up and started fixing dinner while Virginia sat down at the dinner table with the boys and talked with them about their schoolwork. I loved watching her interact with the boys. They just loved her, and they paid rapt attention to her. Like she did with me, Virginia always made the boys do the work themselves once they understood the concept.

Ever since we've been together, the boy's grades have been high, and they are now both nearly straight-A students, thanks to Virginia. While I waited for the casserole to finish, I stood in the doorway for a minute, watching the boys interacting with Virginia. Matthew looked up at one point and smiled at me, and I could tell he was happy. I smiled back at him, and he returned to paying attention to Virginia. As I continued watching, I felt the burn of unshed tears as I hoped he'd still be able to smile like that after I'm gone.

July 1991

I took the exit to the airport and found a parking spot in short-term parking near the concourse entrance. The boys and I got out and walked up to the entrance. Matthew opened the first door for me, while Mark opened the second door, acting like perfect gentlemen. I was so proud of them, and I could see the influence Virginia had made on them. Considering all of the years I raised them alone without a father, they've turned out very nice. They were and would always be my proudest achievement.

I looked up at Matthew, now taller than me, his 15th birthday coming up next month, and my heart clenched at the love I had for him. He was my favorite, but I had never told him, maybe being harder on him than Mark because of that. His blond hair and blue eyes made him look so much like his father, who had walked out on us shortly after Mark was born. I've never held that against Matthew. He would be a lady killer when he grows up. I'm just so glad I'm still the woman in his life for now. Well, me and Virginia. Matthew just adores Virginia. Right from the start, I was so pleased Virginia ensured the boys were her priority, loving them as though they were her own sons.

I looked up at Mark, now just taller than me. He just had his 13th birthday in April. I loved him so much. Mark never knew his father, and he had never really asked me about him. He was always such a happy boy, smiling at me every time I woke him up, and he was such a joy. He had brown hair and eyes, and Mom said he looked like a male version of me.

By the time we made it to the gate, the passengers had started to come out of the jetway. We stood there waiting for Mom to appear. Matthew spotted her first and yelled, "Grandma's here!" before dashing forward to hug her. Mark and I were right behind him, and we spent a few minutes exchanging hugs. Mom was teary-eyed by the time we hugged, and I nearly teared up when Mom said, "Love you, sweetie." That was her pet name for me ever since I could remember. Virginia always teased me about it when she heard Mom call me that. Of course, I teased her back once Mom started calling her sweetie.

Mom was my height and has kept herself in shape. She has a slightly bigger bust than I do, but other than that, if we stood side-by-side, we looked more like sisters than mother and daughter. Mom looks so good for being sixty-one years old. Virginia always tells me seeing how Mom has turned out is a good indication I'll look that good when I'm her age. All I can say is, if I look half as good as Mom does when I'm her age, I'll be happy.

We went to the baggage area to get Mom's bags. The boys were happy to help carry Mom's luggage as we left to walk out to the car. Once we were settled in, we headed out. During the trip home, the boys regaled Mom with what they'd been doing and their plans while she was here. Since it was dinner time, we stopped at Mimi's Café off of Indian Ripple Road. We loved their food, and since we found it, it's been one of our favorite restaurants to visit.

Once we got home, the boys took Mom's bags into the house and to her room. Before it was time for Virginia to call, I reminded the boys to not say anything about their grandmother being here when they talked to Virginia. When Virginia did call, we had an excellent talk. She told me she was looking forward to coming home tomorrow, and I agreed with her. We exchanged "I love yous" before I put Matthew on the phone. He excitedly told Virginia about his day before Mark took his turn to do the same. They both told Virginia they loved her. My heart swelled with pride at how they had totally accepted Virginia as their second mom.

When the boys were done, I got back on the phone, and we exchanged "I love yous" again before we ended the call. I hugged both of my boys and told them how much I loved them before I shooed them off to get ready for bed. We had a busy day planned for tomorrow. We were taking Mom up to the Dayton Hydrobowl to watch the hydroplane boat racing going on this weekend. The races wouldn't take place until Saturday and Sunday. However, the boats will be out practicing and running trials tomorrow. The boys were really looking forward to watching them.

As we sat there on the couch watching LA Law, I said, "Mom, thanks again for doing this. I really appreciate it. Virginia works so hard, and she's really getting stressed, although she won't admit it. She really needs this time off."

Mom said, "No problem, sweetie. I really enjoy being here with the boys. Don't worry about this; we'll have a great time. You just worry about Virginia and enjoy yourselves."

"We will not have a telephone where we are staying, so we probably won't call," I said. "We're staying at a cabin in Buck Creek State Park up by Springfield. You can call the main lodge to get a message to us if you need to. I'll leave the details with you in case you need to get hold of us."

"Did you have any trouble talking with Virginia's boss about her having a week off?" Mom asked.

"No," I replied. "Alice was delighted to do it for me. She had been concerned about Virginia working so hard, too. She approved it immediately and has already put in the paperwork."

"She sounds like she's a great boss to work for," Mom said.

"Yes," I agreed. "Alice is a very nice person, and I like her a lot." As I said that, I reflected back to the time when Alice figured out Virginia was a lesbian ...

May 1989

When Virginia came home from her first day in her new assignment, I could tell she was troubled about something. I pulled her into a hug and asked her what the problem was.

"I'm getting a vibe from my new boss, Alice, that she's gay," Virginia said, looking me in the eye. She went on to describe her interaction with Alice. I expressed my concern, and Virginia hurriedly assured me she had absolutely no interest in pursuing anything with Alice.

Realizing Virginia thought I was worried about that, I quickly said, "Sweetie, I'm not worried about you straying." I then kissed her thoroughly to express my confidence in her. When we broke, I then said, "I just hope she doesn't try pursuing you or putting you in a precarious position."

"I'll just make doubly sure that anything I say or do can't be misinterpreted," Virginia averred. She locked eyes with me to reassure me of her intent.

Luckily, nothing seemed to come of that. Over the next two months, Virginia kept me informed about each time Alice seemed to be making an overture through her actions or words. I was sure nothing would ever come of it, but I knew Virginia was concerned about my feelings about it. Then one Friday night, Virginia came home, practically in tears. I rushed to her and pulled her in for a hug, asking her what was bothering her.

"I'm sure Alice has figured out that I'm a lesbian," Virginia said. I could hear the anguish in her voice, so I did my best to console her, holding her tight and raining little kisses on her neck until she pulled back and looked me in the eye. "I screwed up and gave her a good look at my ring," Virginia continued. "I'm sure she recognized what it was because I heard her breath hitch when she saw it, but she didn't say anything about it or act any different afterward. Of course, she may have been hiding her reaction just as hard as I was hiding my reaction."

By Monday morning, I had managed to convince Virginia everything would be okay. After all, why would Alice want to make a big deal about it since it would expose her to the same scrutiny? Even though she was a civilian government worker, the stigma of being a lesbian could force her out of her job too.

When Virginia came home Monday night, she smiled when I asked her about her day, and she told me everything seemed to be okay with Alice. Then Tuesday night, when Virginia came home, I could see a big smile on her face and a bounce in her step that hadn't been there since her first day working for Alice.

She threw her arms around me and told me she and Alice had talked today and outed themselves to each other. Virginia told Alice she was in a relationship, so nothing could go on between them. Alice had admitted she had been interested in Virginia until she saw the ring. Alice assured Virginia it wouldn't affect their working relationship. Virginia said she felt more comfortable working today than ever since coming to her new assignment.

Shortly afterward, I had a chance to meet Alice, and I could see for myself she was a beautiful woman and was a sweet person. We got along fabulously, and later, I thought Alice just might be someone to take my place in Virginia's life after I was gone.

July 1991

Once the 11 o'clock news came on, Mom and I said our goodnights and went to bed. As I performed my toilet before going to bed, I thought about what I was planning to do with Virginia tomorrow night after we got home. I looked at my naked body in the mirror, noting my toned core and legs. I had spent a lot of time doing yoga to keep my body in shape, not wanting to become a doughy blob, as some women do after having children.

I tried to imagine I was Virginia looking at me and what she loved about my body. I looked at my pert breasts, still firm even after having two boys and nursing them. My nipples were hardening and aching as I remembered loving how it felt as my boys suckled them. I noted the few stretch marks and thrilled as I remembered how Virginia always pays attention to them. She always tells me they were badges of honor, not something to be ashamed of and hidden. My hands cupped my breasts, and I massaged my nipples, reveling in the feeling as pulses speared through my body, making my clit pulse in response.

My gaze shifted down to my hot and wet pussy, noting the closely trimmed brown pubic hair didn't hide the fact my lips were red and inflamed from the blood engorging them. I had waxed myself, so I could wear bikini panties, but I haven't shaved my mound bald. My eyes followed the creases between my core and my thighs, again noting a couple of stretch marks Virginia loved paying attention to. I remembered how hard I had worked to keep my skin soft and supple to reduce the chance of getting stretch marks while I was pregnant. Thinking about Virginia locking eyes with me as she nuzzled them made my gut clench, and a low moan escaped my lips.

My right hand slid down my core, and I ran my middle finger between my lips, feeling my juices lubricating it as my breath hitched. I used my left hand to continue rolling, pulling, and pinching my left nipple as the pulses went straight to my clit. I slipped my finger into my hole, curving it to make sure I hit my g-spot once my knuckles nestled between my lips. I felt the spongy spot and tapped it, making another pulse zap my clit. I started moving my finger in and out, adding my ring finger, creating that stretching feeling of fullness I enjoyed so much.

I sped up my thrusting as I switched nipples, alternating between my left and right nipples as I started losing myself in the feelings beginning to overwhelm me. I added my index finger, increasing the stretching sensation and fullness as I sped up, the base of my thumb hitting my clit as my finger hit my g-spot. My hips started rolling on their own as my orgasm started building up to crash down over me. My thighs started spasming, and I started gasping, moaning softly, "Oh, God," over and over as I approached the point of no return.

Suddenly, my orgasm crashed over me, and I curled around it. I reached out with my left hand to catch myself on the sink as my pussy grabbed my fingers, tightening on them as spasms ran through my body. I started feeling light-headed as my vision grayed out around the edges. A small gush of fluid covered my fingers as I finally pulled them out. I brought my hand up to my face and lapped the juices off of my fingers, loving the taste of them, wishing Virginia was here to taste them with me.

After getting myself back under control, I finished my toilet. I pulled on a sleeping tee and a pair of panties before slipping into bed. As I lay there in my post-masturbatory bliss, I thought back to the preparations I had made before leaving California. These were preparations neither Mom nor Virginia knew anything about.

April 1989

I had never been particularly religious while growing up. Mom did take me to Sunday school at the local Methodist church when I was a kid, so I knew my Bible. I accepted the concept of God, but I had no firm belief one way or the other. I did take the boys to Sunday school for a while when they were young, but I never really pushed them to be regular church-goers. I do remember enjoying Dr. Gene Scott and his TV broadcasts from the Faith Center in Glendale when I had time to watch TV.

Virginia's love for me, however, has convinced me, more than all of the sermons I've listened to, there must be a God. How else could I justify how great my life has become since meeting her? That's why I've started thanking God every night for the gift of having Virginia in my life that day.

Maybe that's why I started having the dreams I interpreted as my time left on earth was limited. The first time it happened, I woke up shaken, wondering what had brought that about. I thought maybe it was due to the movie I had watched with Virginia the night before. Just then, Virginia rolled over in her sleep and spooned up against me, her arm draping over my ribs. I got my emotions back under control and snuggled into Virginia, comforting myself before I fell back asleep. Then, a week later, the same dream haunted me, and I woke up uneasy.

I remembered I had had the same dream before, a dream of me watching Virginia standing over an open grave from a birds-eye point of view. She had a handful of dirt and was working it between her fingers, dribbling it on top of a coffin. Virginia had tears in her eyes, and my heart ached, not from the fact I was dead, but from the thought I had left her alone with a big hole in her heart I had once occupied. My view pulled back, and I saw Mom and the boys standing back, all of them weeping. I looked around, and I wasn't sure where I was, but I knew it wasn't anywhere in California. Then, I slowly faded away, and everything went blank just as the first time I dreamed it.

I lay there, wondering why this was happening. I could feel the burn of unshed tears in my eyes. I knew moving away would be a new experience, but why am I haunted by this dream? As before, Virginia stirred and spooned up against me, almost as if she were comforting me. I fell back asleep, determined not to let this get me down. I was so thankful for Virginia, and I vowed no matter how short my time was with her, I would make sure she knew I loved her more than life itself.

One thing I needed to do, I didn't tell Virginia about. I got a safety deposit box at my bank, Coast Federal Savings, and Loans and put all of my prized possessions in it. I put all of the holiday and birthday cards and postcards Virginia had gotten for me in there, rereading them and treasuring each memory. I also put all of the receipts I had saved from Virginia's visits to Jack's Salad Bar and Grill when I worked there with the cards. I had saved every one of them because when I saw her that first time, something told me we would wind up together. As I sorted through them, I could see the notes I had scribbled on some of them. They brought back all of the memories I treasured of Virginia's visits, especially the ones before we got together. When I came to the receipt from the first time I saw Virginia, I teared up thinking about that first meeting. My whole life changed at that moment in time, and I would treasure that memory for the rest of my life. I made sure the receipt was tucked into a plasticine envelope to keep it safe.

Lastly, I had written four letters, one each for Virginia, Matthew, Mark, and Mom. For the letters I wrote to the boys, I thanked them for being a part of my life, telling them how blessed I was to have had them in my life and how proud I was of the men they were growing into. I told them Virginia was their mom now and asked them to help Virginia move on with her life since I was no longer around.

In my letter to Mom, I told her I had known about her relationship with Kathy and how I was glad she had Kathy there to support her. I thanked her for being the rock for me as I grew up, thanking her for the sacrifices she had made for me. I told her how sorry I was for the grief I had given her while growing up, telling her how I now realized she was only looking out for me. I asked her to support Virginia and to encourage her to find someone else to love.

When I wrote the letter meant for Virginia, I poured my heart and soul into it, thanking her for her love and faith in me. My life was so much more since I had met her. I wanted her to know how much I appreciated it. I asked her to find someone else to love. I didn't want her to be alone for the rest of her life. Oh, I knew she would be there for the boys for as long as they needed her, for which I was thankful. Knowing Virginia would be there for the boys made it easier for me to accept I would not be there for them much longer.

With that task accomplished, I gave the key to the safety deposit box to Mom. I told her I had stashed some papers in there, and she could retrieve them for me if I ever needed them. I said that so she wouldn't worry about why I was doing this. I didn't tell her the real reason for doing it was due to having a premonition I would never be coming back to California. Mom said she would hold onto it for me and hugged me tight, telling me how much she loved me. I told Mom how much I loved her and thanked her for everything she had done for the boys and me. I also thanked Mom for accepting Virginia into my life. I had tried hard not to make it sound like I was saying goodbye. Despite my effort, Mom pulled back and looked me in the eye for a moment before she pulled me back in for another hug. I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking I had managed to deflect her from thinking I was saying goodbye.

July 1991

I woke to sunshine coming through the drapes, a good sign it would be a beautiful day. I donned a robe to cover my sleeping tee and headed out to the kitchen. Mom was already cooking breakfast for the boys when I got there, a boisterous conversation going on between them. I side-hugged Mom before pouring some orange juice for myself and offered to help her with breakfast. Mom shooed me off to the table, and I sat there with the boys, planning our day. They were excited about going to watch the boats but also excited about Virginia coming back today. I just smiled, silently agreeing with them. I couldn't wait to see Virginia, either.