And What a Time It Was

"Why do the fucking idiots gravitate to me?" Kate muttered.

"I am amazed you are still here." I replied and her head snapped to look at me, the anger surging through her, face red as she stared at me. Then she blinked, as if remembering the times she had left with a stranger.

"I have my friends." she said quietly and I smiled at her. Touche, I thought.

We strolled to a park after lunch and then back to the beach and they ran into the water together, shrieking and landing with a splash after a few steps. They basked to dry and Suzy sat between me and Kate, but I still managed to get a few sneaky glances over at her body.

Pasta was cooked, Kate having now mastered that and adding a jar of pesto to it to provide a meal. Then we set off to the town, walking through the streets as they buzzed in the summer evening to get to the stairs and path that led up where the three amigos watched the sun say goodnight, the screams from high drifting down with the light from the first stars. Kate sat, leaning back against my side and I could feel her body move with each breath.

Callum arrived the next day and Suzy scrambled out as we shook hands. She introduced us and Kate mumbled a "Nice to meet you again." as Suzy ushered him away and jumped into the car, waving out the window, arm high as they went up the road.

"Let's get coffee." Kate said afterwards and we walked to the beach cafe to watch the world go by. "What do you think?", her eyes were out to sea as she spoke.

"Seems ok, but he'll never be good enough." I replied and she chuckled.

"Not by a fucking country mile." she added. There was a silence, an awkward one, "I don't trust him."

"Why? What's wrong?" Kate turned and smiled.

"I have a lot of experience with shithead loser men."

We spent the rest of the day just wandering around and cooked some rice with vegetables for us and then we went back up the hill.

"I can still hear them." She said as the smudges chased across the air high above, the night coming in around them and us. Kate rested against me again, but with no sister to babysit, she was more in front and her head rested on my shoulder as she snuggled up. We went home and sat in the garden as the bat detector crackled and buzzed and we peered into the dark to try and see them.

"I bet they're on the third round by now." Kate mumbled as she stretched out on the sofa and flicked through the TV channels.

"Can we not talk about my sister's sex life." I mumbled, trying to be mean, but Kate's smile foiled that.

"Jealous?"

"No. I have never wanted to have sex with her." and a cushion flew towards me as Kate laughed.

The days followed a routine, I would make breakfast, something light for me before work and Kate would clean up. If it rained, she would sit quietly, reading most times, curled up on the sofa. When it was sunny, she headed out, usually to the beach and I would worry.

I finished early one day and went to find her, scanning the beach for her in black, walking down the path and peering to sea.

"Hey." came her voice above me. She was on the wall, near when she had seen Sarah last year. I walked up the slope to perch next to her.

"I thought you'd be out there." and I nodded towards the waves.

"Too many pricks." she muttered and looked away. "Come in with me."

"I don't have anything to swim in." I replied and she looked down.

"Paddle then. Just be near please." I grabbed her hand and we ran to the sea, her giggling, the sound light in the ozone rich air. She put the towel down and ran in, then turned to wave to me to follow and I walked out, the sea chilly around my ankles as Kate laughed at me. She walked backwards and then her arms went out as she fell back. A few guys looked over at her, but if any started to get near she would wade back to me. We sat on the pebbles as she dried out and she reached to stroke my shin.

"You have good legs, you need to show them."

"I don't actually have a swimming costume."

"We're going shopping then." she laughed and I knew she meant it.

Another rainy day and Kate headed out for coffee as I worked and the fear ran through me again. After an hour I stormed off to try and find her and saw her inside, a man with her. I walked quickly now, he wasn't taking her away, no one was today. I went in and she turned and smiled, stopping me dead as I marched towards the table. I looked as she turned back to the man. I recognised him and I tried to place his face. I started walking again and then he turned and smiled.

"Hi Mark, I was just finishing with your sister." Graziano stood and held out his hand to greet me. "I need a barista for the summer and Kate applied." I stared. Then I looked at Kate and stared as her goofy smile beamed at me.

"Oh. Well..." engage mind, try and speak... "Just don't let her cook." I added and she laughed.

"Sit down, we'll bring you a coffee." and he did take her away. He took her behind the counter and showed her how to operate the coffee machine. Mine was the first cup she made and she sat watching me as I sipped it, her eyes shining now, shining as they did years ago. I told her it was the hot coffee that made my eyes water and she actually believed me.

"I get weekends off." She said as she skipped along to the house. "Some weekdays too, depends on the shifts." she added and did a little twirl. "I can now buy you dinner." and she stopped and smiled and I was too slow to stop my arms as they went around her and she squealed and hugged me back.

We celebrated by going to dinner, but I was paying, she hadn't got her wages yet, having only done two days at the cafe. We were meeting Suzy and Callum and we waited outside, chatting in the warm evening air when they pulled up. Kate gave my sister the good news and they hugged as Callum and I stood and looked on, shuffling awkwardly. It was odd seeing Suzy with someone, she was leaning into him and stroking his hand. All very cute, but... anyway, I could sense Kate wasn't impressed. They talked about Kate's new job. "It will give you a chance to meet a nice man." Callum said and a sudden frost settled over half the table. I nudged Kate's leg with my foot, trying to indicate to stay calm and she wiggled a bit in her chair, but stayed quiet, just smiling.

"Just as long as you don't run off with them mid-shift." The frost got icier and I was shocked by Suzy's words. She was laughing, but even my humour couldn't find it amusing, or maybe it was just because I knew more about Kate now, knew the reasons. I heard a forced chuckle from next to me and I tried to do the same. I felt fingers dig into my leg and glanced sideways as Kate held her gaze on my sister, jaw clenched. I began to understand why Kate was quiet with Suzy, she was becoming the butt of jokes as my sister wanted to impress her man with her humour. The remark would be fine if it was just the three of us, but to say that with an 'outsider' there was wrong and hurtful. My fingers slid to press on Kate's leg and I saw her eyelids flick closed in reply.

The food arrived to break the ice and Kate stole some of mine and then offered a bit of hers in return. "It's veggie." she said and spooned some onto my plate.

The men paid, Callum for Suzy and me for Kate and we waved them goodnight and headed to the beach. I counted in my head, reckoning on a minute before she exploded.

Forty seconds later Kate screamed at the waves and I stroked her back. She screamed again and again, then turned and smiled and reached out her hand and we walked across the stones to the sand, the tide out, probably trying to avoid Kate's temper.

We took our shoes off to pad across the soft, wet sand. The colours of the huts on the pier shimmering in it as we walked. Kate laughed as she jumped over a small puddle and then stumbled, her hand going out and mine finding it to pull her upright. Her fingers gripped tight and we strolled along like that, drifting towards the water, feet sploshing, the cool sea refreshing now.

"Do you think I am a slut?" Her question made me stop and she turned, still holding my hand and her eyes burned into me.

"I'm not going to answer that stupid question, Kate." I replied and she exhaled deeply.

"That answers it." she muttered and her hand pulled away.

"No. No it doesn't." I almost shouted and she flinched a little and I regretted it. "You want the real answer?" I said, quieter now, her eyes growing cold and she nodded.

"No. Never. Never in a million years would I think that of you." The coldness was stopped. "You are my friend, a fucking good one at that. Friends don't think that of each other, they only see the good, the real person."

"Suzy thinks I am a slut." her voice was quiet now as she began to withdraw into her shell.

"She doesn't. I can guarantee that. She never would." I replied and she took a deep breath.

"You don't think that I might just be a bit slutty in how I act?"

"No. No no, honestly no." I said and took a step towards her and held my hand out. Hers stayed by her side and her head went straight as she stared at me again, eyes fierce. I was taking the fire for Suzy's remark.

"How many guys do you think I have slept with?" Her gaze was intense. "How many dicks has your friend taken in her? Huh? Take a guess."

"I'm not playing this game, Kate. I don't care, you are my dear friend."

Her eyes didn't move, stayed locked on mine. "How many guys have fucked your dear friend? Guess. Pick a number." I stared back and it seemed to make her look even harder. "One hundred? Do you think I have had a hundred pricks in me?" I shook my head.

"Kate stop this." I reached out my hand again and she moved back a step.

"Not a hundred? Ok, what about fifty? Fifty guys inside your dear friend?" I shook my head again and wanted to turn away, but I knew there was no point. "Twenty five. There must have been that many. Think of all the times some idiotic prick has picked up your non-slutty slut of a friend. Twenty five times I have opened my legs for a guy, what do you say?"

I sighed and looked at her, wanting this over with. "Ok, twenty five." She stood up straight and stared.

"So, your dear friend has had more pricks in her than years on the planet? She has let twenty five guys fuck her? Twenty five guys who didn't even know her name, didn't care, just wanted what was between her legs. Twenty five guys who she didn't see again, didn't want to see again. Twenty five pricks, forgotten about, just wanting more. Is that your answer?" I nodded again, my eyes locked on hers now.

"Wrong." she mumbled and I saw her eyes shine as the tears filled them. "Wrong wrong wrong. You are twenty five out." We stared at each other as my mind fell over, got up and fell down again and stayed there, writhing in the wet sand.

"What?" She just stared back at me, not answering.

"An easier one. How many men have I shared a bed with?" She was shivering slightly as she spoke, but her eyes were fixed on me. "You know this one, Mark."

I thought about it, thought about her words and I looked her in the eyes and stepped forward to be in touching distance again.

"One." I said, knowing I was correct, knowing who it was, knowing it was my bed.

"Yes." she whispered. as the tears ran down her face. I touched her arm, but she moved away a bit as her eyes went hard again. "Just one." she whispered again and this time she moved to me a little and when my hand touched her arm she moved nearer.

"Your slut friend is actually a virgin." she whispered. She looked up as if to hold the tears in her eyes, wanting them to stop falling. "Imagine that, the girl with the worst reputation in Uni is actually a virgin and the only bed she has shared with a man is her friend's."

"And you were wearing his pyjamas." I added and she looked at me and her hand slapped my chest as she started to laugh.

"You fucking did it again." she said as her arms went around my neck. "You always make me laugh." and I felt her wet cheek on my neck and I kissed the top of her head.

Kate took my hand and led me to the sea and we watched the water bubble over our toes as it hissed to shore.

"I'm not sure I understand, Kate." and she turned to look at me.

"I never fucked them. Any of them. I did some stuff, but never that. Never wanted to with any of the bastards. They wanted me, but once they had taken me away, I didn't want them, the game was over. Most got a hand job. I got good at them. That and pretending it was my period. Most guys are easy, fool around for a bit and suddenly he has his dick out and all he cares about is getting off. Once he has, he doesn't care."

"Weren't you scared. A strange man and he wanted sex?"

"Yes. Every time I told myself it wouldn't happen again, but... I would feel alone, a guy would say hello and it started again. The sudden excitement of someone wanting me... treating me like my father described me." She stared out at the water. "You can't tell Suze any of this."

"Why not? She cares about you, she is worried."

"Just... no." she kept staring at the water as it undulated far from land. "Does this change how you feel?" Her voice small against a big ocean.

"No." I said firmly and she turned and it was my turn to be stared at, "You are the same person, but..." I wondered if I should say what I was thinking and took a deep breath. "I hope you realise that there are four people with the same surname who love you and think you are none of the things you have been told. Who want to keep you safe and loved. Who want the old Kate back."

"I think she's gone."

"No. I see her as she skips down the street. When she laughs and fills the room with its chiming ring. Who cares for the ones close to her and leaves them cards, who waves at birds high above. Who eats half of someone's sausage and puts the remains back on the plate for them to finish. Who makes them mix CDs and never tells them what the tracks are. Who helps cook a massive family dinner, despite being a total liability in the kitchen." The water hissed over our toes as the drops from our eyes joined them. Her hand reached out and fingers tangled with mine.

"I might need help finding her."

"We are all happy to help."

The sand was glowing orange as the sun went low. We walked a lot further than needed and then turned and walked back, watching our joined shadows grow longer. We sat on the wall and watched the sea and sky merge into a dark mass, the rumble of it growing as it crept closer, sneaking in under the cover of night. We walked home slowly and looked for things to do to delay sleep, but Kate was flagging, again the mental drain pulling her under. She started to doze on the sofa, but I nudged her awake and then she held onto me as we walked up the stairs.

"How do you feel knowing you are the only man to get me into bed?" She was smiling, but I knew she was serious, sounding me out now I knew the truth.

"Same as when it happened. Honoured you trusted me." Her eyes glowed and her smiled went wider.

"You are the best friend ever." she whispered to me and then went into her bedroom and the door closed softly as the door of the friend zone slammed shut loudly behind me.

Kate stayed for over a month. Most weekdays she worked and my coffee breaks would involve going to see her and getting a free cup as I sat and watched her work. Some days I would even take the laptop and she would sit with me at quiet moments. She dragged me to the shops to buy some swimming shorts, but the t-shirt remained on, me standing up to my knees as she frolicked deeper, the laughing now bouncing over the waves, spreading.

The screams above increased, newly fledged birds finding their wings, those same ones that would keep them away from the land for three years. Kate and I watched them as the evening came earlier.

One morning she ran downstairs, tears in her eyes. "Do you have any cleaning products?" I pointed to the cupboard and she rifled through it and found some stain remover and darted back out, me making it through the door before it shut behind her. "Don't come in." she said, but it was too late and I stared around the bedroom, the duvet pushed to one side of the bed and bottom sheet pulled back. She stood looking at me, breathing hard, biting her lower lip, Then we both looked to the dark red stain.

"Are you ok?" and she took several deep breaths.

"My period started in the night and I wasn't ready, I leaked. I'm so sorry. I'll clean it up." I walked out and hurried back with a box of wet wipes.

"Come on, get the sheet off." and she continued to pull it off as I lifted the corners of the mattress cover and pulled that off. There was a little bit of blood that had leaked through and I began rubbing with the wipes as Kate bundled up the bed stuff and put them in the corner, coming to help me, mumbling apologies over and over as we rubbed and the stain came out.

"Should I be worried that you know these get blood stains out?" and I looked at her and winked and she laughed loudly.

We carried the dirty linen downstairs and put them in the machine Kate sneakily adding her ruined knickers too, along with her pyjamas. I poured some stain remover in the little cup and put that in the drum, then set it to a high temperature and hoped for the best.

"I'll buy new stuff." she said, still looking ashamed. "You didn't have to help." she said quietly, "I mean, that was..."

"Accidents happen. Things get spilled. Do you have another pair of pyjamas?"

"Well, I can always borrow yours."

"Again." I added and she chuckled and rested her head on my shoulder as we watched the washing swirl in the soapy water.

Suzy had stayed for a couple of days, her boyfriend returning to work and then she headed home. She regaled us with tales of how great Callum was and Kate smiled and enthused, but I felt the hints of concern. The old Kate had taken a step back now and my sister just thought the new one was being 'her usual bitchy self'. We walked with her to the station, Kate swapping shifts so she could bid her friend farewell and there was a big sigh as the train pulled away. "She's going to get her heart broken." she said as she turned and we both went to work.

The beach was quiet, the holidays gone and the days shrinking. The house rattled with every noise now, empty and silent if I didn't move. Kate's summer job now over, the train track empty as I stared. It was odd to think I was actually looking forward to Christmas.

Chapter 6

I had got used to going to the cafe and working there for a little while, so did so even when Kate had left. Graziano was fine with it, the summer season over meant there were always tables now.

"Hiya, what ya having today?" The voice was bright and Australian, the person behind it was also that. I placed my order and went to my favourite table, just tucked away enough, but meaning I could see if anyone was pestering Kate. Except she wasn't there, so I just looked at the new girl, her light hair swooshing as she twirled around making the coffee and preparing my toasted sandwich. She smiled over at me, making me suddenly realise I was looking at her and then she was walking, getting closer, a small bounce in her step and my snack was handed over with a flourish. "Do you need anything else?" There was a little shine in her eyes, that looked to be green, but I was slightly distracted to tell.

"That's great thanks." I mumbled. Maybe Autumn wouldn't be so bad after all.

I felt I needed to get out the house the next day too, I mean, it felt empty and the coffee shop was close.

"I'm Lizzy." she chimed as the plate was placed on my table. "Are you a regular here?" We chatted for a little bit until someone else came in and she skipped back and I may have watched her bottom a bit too long and she was laughing when I looked up to see her eyes on me.

Three days in row isn't an addiction, right? I was telling myself this as I went into the cafe and I saw her look up at me. "The usual?" Ok, maybe I should lay off a bit.