All Comments on 'Angelina Ch. 01'

Would love to see the story continue, and with lots of flirting, flashing and teasing, casual "accidental" exposure, etc. Nice Job!

A bit wordy, but nice.

Both work, but being picky, you may want to change:

"aureole" (Webster: halo, nimbus)

to

"areola" (Webster - Noun pl -lae or -las a small circular area, such as the coloured ring around the human nipple [Latin]

Great beginning.

she was ur gf in h school and u met a guy as a freshman who was instantly ur best friend and u were at ur house and she put the make on him when she was ur wife, huh? well that was fast. so u got married and did u get jobs or kids or anything and how log since u got married,sheesh.

...you'd see where we were all friends together for a good ten years before this incident occured.

Follow along...

1-I met Steve when we were were all fourteen.

2-Angelina was already my girl friend by then, and she remained my girl friend throughout high school and afterwards, though we both had many other partners before we finally got married.

3-We got married. The story doesn't say when, but we got married when we were 21. Steve was our Best Man.

4-We all remained close throughout this entire period.

5-A couple years later, when we were 23, is when this story occured.

So, no, nothing just happened "all of a sudden," or "right after we got married." She didn't just up and decide to attack him out of the blue. Our relationship developed over many years.

The story begins with a lot of detail, but I liked the way you told it and the tone of your writing. The teasing was well written, starting out subtle and natural - although I'm sure it won't stay that way ;). The only thing I found distracting was the use of exclamation points in your dialogue. It always makes characters sound very young. I think it works better using some kind of physical gesture to show their excitement or anger, rather than throwing an exclamation point on the end. It helps to create a more realistic feel for the scene, too. Anyway, I really enjoyed the first chapter. It kept me interested and made me curious to see the next installment. Well done.

You Luddite :P

Angelina sounds like someone I would have enjoyed knowing in school. Free-spirits need to stick together.

This story has great charcaters, sweet sexy loving, and leads to a terrific series of series. Don't miss any of them!

Love this story, please consider one similar to this with an incest theme!

Anonymous, just keep reading. Methinks you may enjoy the follow-up series to this one, which is called..."Sisters." :-)

You write EXCELLENT stories--- do not stop !!!

I often forget to describe my characters. Reading this one of yours makes it clear how big a mistake I have been making. Your description of the heroine was so vivid, you had me excited even before she did anything. Wow! And this was your first?

She's been described a lot of ways, but I believe that's the first time anyone ever referred to her as a "heroine." Nice.

Anyway, yes, this was my very first stab at posting an erotica story. The ridiculously short length of these first few chapters bears testament to that fact, as I really didn't know how long to make them. In retrospect, I probably should have simply combined all four chapters into a single piece.

It took me many years before I could bring myself to write and post this story. A woman I know who was aware of Angelina's tale spent a good two years badgering me to do it, and after another five years I finally broke down and started typing.

And yes, that detailing you mentioned is probably my favorite aspect of writing. The narrative is everything to me.

I can't wait to read more! You sent such a wonderful time painting a marvelous image of Angelina that I was in love before the story really began. I have loved Monica Bellucci forever! She stands an example of my vision of a prefect female. Thank you! My wife will have no clue as to why I attack her tonight!

But barely a beginning...

An invitation to complications