All Comments on 'Anna, Svetlana, Mikhail, Joe Pt. 02'

right, and how were they able to track a truck they had no knowledge of?

and where did he get a fake ID or did he give them his real one?

and where did he get the alternate car that he abandoned?

Freaking LOVE this!!

Loved this but it's really a stand alone story so far. Looking forward to part 3 5 stars

Riveting, and very well written. Of course, I expected the latter given the fact that you are averaging 25 followers for every story published. If I do happen to catch the continuation I do hope there will be some sex in it.

So. He kills two guys in self-defense and protecting a third party. Justifiable. Then he moves the bodies and tries to cover up the deaths.

I really do not see how autopsies will not be ordered given the obvious gunshot wounds to the head. Crashing the car only puts him in jeopardy of being convicted of two murders.

Is there any reason he did not merely call the Sheriff's Department? I just do not get it.

I really liked part 1.

I lost interest after the bonehead move. I skimmed some and it did not look like it got any better.

Part 1 proves you can write good stories.

Part 2 is probably pretty good without the bizarre cover-up. Given that this story is not a professional work, research cannot really be expected. But you failed by writing about something you do not know, the legal use of deadly force. I am guessing you do not carry a firearm, so it can be excused.

Saving the prostitute is not original, but it is used often because it can make a good story.

I did not rate this story.

Good fiction should push reality not crush it. You're on the border of ridiculous and reality .

Great work!

Pretty entertaining tale here, but you slip from 1st to 3rd person so often my head is spinning a little. He is described a lot, and then "I" makes an appearance in the next paragraph. Aside from that, enjoying the story. Thanks for sharing!

Very entertaining.

Nice suspense, never had this feeling I think from reading LW stories.

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My question: why didn't Charles recruited the help of that sheriff. As Charles was planning the rescue I keep hoping he'd ask the sheriff/police for help as Anchorage was a U.S. territory.

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Looking forward to chapter 3.

Good job LT56linebacker.

The story is great so far! My only, only criticism is that my interest must be 'piqued', not 'peaked'. Not a huge deal, but in the intro line it's off-putting. Again, GREAT story! I don't want the minor criticism to overwhelm the well-deserved compliment!

Great story! Thoroughly enjoyed this chapter and looking for the next one. Thanks for the offering.

I hope you know, that it's been more than 30 years since people actually said "tovarisch" to each other (and in formal occasions only)

On the other hand, one should not expect any kind of knowledge from older american person

Part one was good. Part two excellent.

Much, much better.5

O.K., read the story. 1) he never changed his driver's license from his arrival there 2 years ago. It still showed the place he had rented: 2) ON-STAR, or a GPS . They had they codes; It's just a matter of inputting them, Or calling ON-STAR to track the tuck; 3) There red Ford Taurus??? Don't people READ anything?? Come on, guys (and gIrls) It wasn't that bad. MAROUN!!

THe BEAR

Very exciting! Can't wait for part three. Nice change up from Chapter One.

A few continuity issues, like sudden, unexpected and poorly placed changes to the POV from first to third person made this hard to parse in places. Also, you write:: "We'll jump off that bridge when get to it". I've always loved that line.:: If you love that line that much, maybe you would have include the 'we' it seems to be missing. :-) In response to lujon2019, I think the truck their tracking is not his, but one belonging to the other Tahoe he drove off the road, far too close to his own home, frankly, especially for this mythical 'special ops' veteran to make a mistake like that. It is interesting, despite a lot of really unnecessary verbiage, like a tennis ball in the garage, or what fan speed he selected for the heater in his truck.

Wow! One of the best reads in LW in weeks!

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Charlie really seems to have his act together. Hopefully he will take care of his “Russian problem” in the next chapter!

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5 *****

@lujon2019….they are tracking the Tahoe that the first 2 thugs drove.

@lujon2019….he used his PREVIOUS driver’s license.

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And the other car was a rental.

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You aren’t paying very close attention, are you?

This story is really drawing me in. It has the previous LW portion and now on to the exciting Russian mob action. Very well done

Damn, how many chapters are you planning to split this into? It’s good, but just as your getting into the story the chapter ends. Ruins the flow.

More interesting than the first chapter, Looking forward to part 3 soon.

more

almost a good story ,it didn't feel real .i did enjoy it though . a knight in shining armor. these women are broken ,probably useless whores after years of abuse. but you made this a cinderella fantasy story. he winds up with two women who give him more kids after killing off these bad russians pimps

it is entertaining but bordering on the ridiculous.. plus you could have posted 3 chapters at one time. if he killed those two guys why not call the police it was self defense. now he ditches the bodies and truck. so now it goes down as murder. his military training he should know better. at the time he had no idea this girl was going to be a dead prostitute and the russian gangsters ,he did not know the story. then he plays superman and goes to the sisters rescue . both girls have been fucking 1000s multiple men daily for years and it would take years of therapy to even try to get therm to be normal.

Doing good, LT! Waiting for pt3!

Was bored to tears.

Good story, good plot. I'm enjoying it. For me it's like it is a completely different story than the first chapter - just with the same main character. One jarring note to me is the switch from first person to third and back again.

Good story so far, just switching the first person to third as noted by someone else. I like that he used a 22 for the two thugs. I'm definitely not an expert, but I've heard that a 22 slug will deform in a body, especially in the head and not be identifiable for forensics. But as noted by another reader, he should have dumped it further away. Although, in a rural area, being that close won't neccesarly be a giveaway. And he was in a hurry. And he didn't know about the tracking devices.

Very good BUT....

“The elevator doors opened. I got on. I rode the elevator to the fourth floor. I got off the elevator. I turned to the right. I walked down the hall to my room. I unlocked the door and went in.”

The salient information is there but, maybe just a little bit less minutiae in the details.

We call it "razvesistaya klyukva" (tall tale) in Rissian. All names of Russian persons are OK, but surnames are impossible. The word "tovarishch" is already dead. Other native words our author put in Svetlana mouth are out of context too. By the way the story is quite good.

GREAT story!!! It's an interesting, compelling and imaginative story! If you want to make it damn near perfect, get someone to edit it. You need to vary your sentence structure; in one paragraph, you started seven of eight sentences with 'I'. There was a similar thing with 'he'. That's like running a woodchipper inside most readers' heads. The POV changes are also distracting. Man, you've got a great story, but it just needs a little polish. The problems are technical, which can be fixed. I mean, there's no class or computer program or books that can teach you to be a natural, creative story teller! Some people are like the guy who has everything to be a great heart surgeon, except he's got hands the size of Wilt Chamberlain! You have the creative talent, and the rest is just practice!!

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This story is very close to me. Having spent a fair amount of time in Russia on business, in places not named Moskva or St. Petersburg, stories of exploitation are everywhere. Many are women who married a 'successful American/European man' only to find that he was either a total loser or worse. And then there's the trafficking stories. People in the west never realize that Russians are not 'western' in the sense that we are; they just look like us. Hence, they act, think and behave differently that 'westerners' do. They also don't understand how desperately poor most of Russia is, including the former Soviet states that have broken away. People, especially women, are willing to do almost anything to get out of there.

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I can't wait for the next part, Bear!!! 5++++/5!!!

I little unbelievable on the pistol. No 22LR pistol is that loud, even if looks like a Colt 1911. It also won’t put holes in a head unless it is an execution style shooting. If it is a 1911, it better be a 45. Being in Alaska, the 22 wouldn’t do anything but piss off a bear if you think that will protect you in a bear attack.

Drivers license

Dosnet matter if you dont get a new one the DMV will still update your address automatically every time you renew your car registration - meaing they can find out where he lives very easily

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If they are tracking the truck he deliberately crashed nearly a week ago why were they not tracking it the day they tracked Svetlanas tracker. Why wait until Anna was rented for the night. If they had a tracker on Anna, and planned to track the truck why even bother following the hooker and john to the hotel, why get out of their car to follow the hooker and john to the hotel room door?

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Re read the last of page three again

Why would teh enforces make a big scene of following them out of the club?

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He has the key to his hotel room, why does he drop the tracker in the hallway OUTSIDE the door where it would be seen as opposed to inside the room giving him a few hours to flee the city without them knowing she had ditched her tracker?

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Given he ditched the tracker in the hallway why didnt the goons see it?

When you have too much detail: "I had an M1911a.45 caliber colt automatic and wanted to be able to carry it. I did not let them know I also had a Karl Walters manufactured Colt.22 L/R Caliber pistol of the same design. I also had two shotguns and a Winchester Model 670-A.30-06 bolt action rifle."

When you don't have enough detail: describing the encounter in the woods, the trip to the house, the meeting with the dog, and it isn't until after all that that you bother to mention something like her hair color.

Protagonist and/or author seems more concerned with guns than other people.

The profuse clutter of pointless details is too distracting to enjoy the thrilling plot. Imagine a chef explaining how to make some incredibly delicious meal: "Walk into the kitchen. Turn to the right and push up on the second left light switch to turn on the 2700K LED light strips that run parallel to the kitchen walls. Step casually on the Karndean Loose-lay LVT as you approach the stainless steel embossed Thermador refrigerator. Grasp the handle and open the refrigerator; the door swings to the right. Reaching toward the second stainless open grid shelf use your left hand to pickup . . ." Obnoxious is an understatement. I stopped reading at the 147 pound mixed German Shepherd. Full blooded shepherds rarely reach 100 pounds. Mixed with a smaller breed? Never mind, I'm sure that's details you're not interested in.

But thanks for the effort.

5 stars. Really enjoying the series.

I like the interjection of Russian words. Makes the story more real.

To the person whining about the use of a 22 cal pistol. Would you stand 21 ft down range ND let someone shoot a 22 at you?

It's not okay to let us down like that. How are we supposed to survive until the next chapter? Still a very good story. I look forward to see the continuation! 5/5 !!!

Highly entertaining read, that's why I'm here. Not sure what all the 'experts ' are whining about. Simple escapism adventure stuff not a factual documentary, and a good story. Thank you Bear..it's all I want really.

It's a good read, i thought it a bit "nit-picky" complaining about a few details that the author included in HIS story. I frankly like to details and the internal debate it generates for me over their pros vs. cons. Looking forward to chapter 3..

Excellent,keep going....

Excellent story!!! He has a bit of "White Knight" syndrome!!!

Where is part 3?

Now that was a 5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

I assumed when part one said part two is coming shortly that this was going to be a two-part story. My mistake. Lots of readers would rather read a whole story at once rather than wait for weeks or months for the next installments, while in the meantime forgetting the beginning and having to start all over. Please show your readers the courtesy os letting us know how many parts are coming, so that those who want to wait can do so.

And it’s “pique” someone’s interest, not “peak” (a mountain) or “peek” (sneak a look). Words are an authors tools and craftsmen lose respect when the use tools badly.

Great chapter!

5

"The second part. Hopefully it will peak your interest."

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Well, considering the word is pique, NO!

Good take on a well-favoured plot - the whore with the heart of gold, and the white knight who rescues her.

The quick changes in POV for no apparent reason is a definite no-no, as it breaks the reader out of the story, and some of them won't go back in again. A technical problem but one worth considering. And I'm not sure whether the long line of square brackets halfway through was meant to be a breakpoint that got away from you or a diagram of the railway line outside his property. :)

Stories are as long as the author intends them to be, no more and no less. But this one could be tightened up by cutting down on unnecessary details, especially on things that many readers aren't really bothered about - guns (most readers are happy just to know that the hero has one), car models, clothes branding etc. It's a trap that most authors fall into at the start of their writing career, and can easily end up simply being a Christmas Wish List with a plot built around it, and unless it's their child that wrote it, most readers get bored stiff by that.

The details should be solidly in the people involved, their actions and emotions. So cutting down on the technicals and boosting the personals should help readers a lot.

Just a few suggestions, that hopefully will help you grow your skill in the craft as you carry on, which I hope you do.

It is a charming story so far and I look forward to reading the next part/s.

Since it is your fantasy world I have only two points that caught my wandering mind, other than the POV switches. First was his conversation with the Deputy Sheriff; he didn't know his name until he read the business card? Gee, he didn't notice the official looking badge on the uniform? Second; why wait for the second idiot to start going for his gun while pulling up his pants? Just shoot the SOB! Now on to part 3 because my interest is piqued.

Great chapter! Your stories definitely draw me into the action. I like the fact that you don't hesitate to pull the trigger on a bad guy. Left me wanting more, and that's why I waited for the next chapter to post before I read this one.

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Enjoying it but….why did he check in w law enforcement about his weapons…in Alaska??? Why would he think they care?

Hot damn I do love a knight in shining armor story!

Like the story but I'm just not sure about the head shots when the shit was hitting the fan with the two guys at the first. Center mass would have been the best choice for not missing a moving head, unless you are Rambo or James Bond. Speaking of the first two guys, who in their right mind would dispose of the bodies after a justifiable shooting and not call the LEO. Well, it's just a story and nothing to get my panties in a wad about. On to the next part.

THIS IS ONE HELLUVA STORY.

GREAT PLOT, BELIEVABLE characters you can relate to. Great location background description!

Average

Air Force rescue 1

USMC rescue All

Take out hostiles

Well what a follow up! From BTB. It looks kinda like it’s going to be true love straight away.

No I do think you have written quite a good story, but it is hard to believe the way you have set this second part up could have just been 2 stories

This is extremely good. Cant wait for the next installment!

good stuff

Excellent story and worthy of 5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐'s

Nice descriptive actions and very much realistic , I like it