All Comments on 'Anna, Svetlana, Mikhail, Joe Pt. 03'

Again needless complications

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Seems to me if his friend's father has the juice to force the FBI to raid a strip club their is no need for the guy to get fake ID's when they have to power to have the Feds kill the guy

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Also why would a crime boss have ordered the execution of a hooker he didnt know was missing? Why, once receiving a text describing a hit he knew he didnt order from a number he knew wasnt part of his gangs from guys tracking a missing truck not a missing whore, did he not assume something fishy was going on?

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There is a lesson you learn early in cooking - hotter isnt faster

It has a corollary in writing - more convoluted isnt better

I was looking forward to this but it just rambled on a bit and again had no connection to the first part. I still gave it a 4 stars but hope part 4 has more to do with tidying up the loose ends than the love story this has become. (Nothing wrong with a love story if posted in the romance section) still looking forward to see how you wind this up.

great story and as always no nitpicking here

This one cannot compare to Chapters 1 and 2 which I like better has more drama than this.

The moment Charles said he has fallen for Anna I lost interest and jumped to the last page and skimmed fast enough to the end. This chapter seems like the characters were having a pajama party and the two goons were just college kids looking for trouble or chicks...

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I kept wondering why the Anchorage police hasn't got any clue that there's a human slave trafficking mob in their town. I mean, me living in a city our police (and most of the populace) knows where the secret red districts and hoodlum ghettos are in their area but not this clueless Alaskan police force. I don't know how many people living there but I assume it is less than population of Detroit. The pajama party atmosphere in Charles' home (when I think it would have been major tense suspenseful moments all the way to the time they get out of Anchorage) got me bored. And wanting to skim to the end is just on the respect I have for the author.

Just superb!

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5 *****

Excellent!!!! Great job! Yeah, lot's of very convenient LAFS, but I'm a romantic at heart, and love at first sight is totally within the realm of probability, especially considering the beauty and real femininity of a typical Russian woman! 5/5!!!!

When I grow up, I want to meet and marry a Russian hooker. Somebody you can set roots down with and maybe raise a family while learning how to drink vodka and run a string of whore houses. Her experience overcharging credit cards and sucking cocks should prove to be irreplaceable. Can't wait to take her home to meet grandma.

You need to use an editor. This had too many unnecessary words.

So far so good! Looking forward to the finale!

What start out as a good story turned into the unbelievable. Superman rescues two prostitutes Russian no less. Forced into a life of sex probably got fucked by thousands of johns . Then instantaneous love with two men. Really🥰!!!!! This one story that’s so far out of reality . Now talking about marriage and babies. Let’s get real here. This author really made this into the worse farce .anyone who buys into this BS needs to go back to the real world.

This fair tale just went down the tubes into a Qioun conspiracy theory. Totally unbelievable. No reality in fact. Not even close .

This is a great story and I can't wait for the next part.

Well done, great story! Can't wait for the final chapter. Really like the romance factor. BTW, your asides in the narrative really add greatly to the story, giving a lot of insight into your character. Thanks for those!

I always wanted to marry a hot Russian prostitute , even though she was sold into the life and probably sleeper with thousands of johns. I can’t wait for here to have my babies. That poor women must have a Vagina bigger than the Lincoln tunnel. Well you took this story into outa space a real fantasy of a lost author. Why did you go there? Reality in America is not happening today ,when so many believe the lies being sold by a crazy class of right wing fascists

Turned into CRAP! it got CRAPPY real quick. It started like real good food that than turned into CRAP !

1. Russian villains from Equalizer movie ✅.

2. Russian beauty from Transporter 3 ✅.

3. Buster dog from DTIverson ✅.

And yet I enjoyed it thoroughly.

It would help if you wrote a more concise story, thinned it out a bit, they do tend to go all over the place.

I get the feeling you could write a better story if you just reigned in what happens between the start and where you want to end up.

Great story!

5

The instant love between Angelo and Svetlana was disconcerting. Slipping POVs back and forth more so. Nonetheless, a good story. I look forward to the next part

It see s that Ch1 was mainly just to get somevery deep background into MC Ex- Hubby. Very little from that portion seem to likely to come into play by the end of Ch4.

It also seems that this was written without any guidance from an outline, nor review after finishing. Too many things appear that have no warning and then drop out. Like when the first talk with law enforcement pops up. Or the escape from the hotel with Anna. Park the rental in the front after leaving his truck in the back, and go into the room with Anna for an hour or so then go out the back door and drive away, leaving the tracker in the room. And how did the second crew switch over to searching out the dead goons … from keeping track of Anna, who had been hired for the night on a regular trick?

A writer should remember what aspects of a story are not yet set up! And, for sure,

not change Point-of-View and, if one must, to at least identify who has started narrating … at least by using punctuation rules properly!

3*

Gonna comment on all 3 chapters here -

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Ch 1 -

He was in Special Forces? A family business, which will likely be protected in a divorce. Cliche much?

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"She told me that I would probably get hammered with my finances, the house, and business." - Finances and house, yes, business, maybe not if grandfather still owns it.

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"I'm just glad you didn't will the company to me" - Willing the company wouldn't matter as long as his grandfather was alive. His grandfather can hand over control while keeping ownership.

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You're telling the story from Chuck's POV, you can't tell us what happened in Selena's office.

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"But his grandfather made him CEO, and half the company is MINE." - Even without the sale, CEO isn't an ownership position.

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I'm not a techy, but I don't think a jammer would stop a recording, only a transmission.

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Who uses travelers' checks? A debit and/or credit card are all that needs.

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I agree with lujon regarding the $10 million. Even if they had to sweeten the pot to seal the deal in two weeks, it's too much, and there didn't need to be a sale anyway.

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Ch 2 -

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Again, Chuck's telling the story, then you're telling us what went on in the house after he left.

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THEN, you stay in 3rd person (where you should have started), to return to Chuck's story.

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Then, another switch back to Chuck's POV.

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When you put a word or phrase in quotes you don't have to SAY "air quotes." You SHOULDN'T have to define "use the facilities."

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@lujon, I agree that there was no way they had a tracker on his truck. It wasn't a fake ID, but it was his driver's license with his old Washington state address. The alternate car was the one he rented.

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@Sikem, I also wondered why he didn't just call the police, obviously just a plot device to keep the story going.

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@Anonymous Re: Tracker - Ooh, good one! Yes, they were tracking their own truck, not his, that explains their confusion going past his driveway, etc.

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@lujon, I was also wondering why he didn't leave the tracker in the room.

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Ch 3 -

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11 days isn't outrageously long. Many chapter stories take FAR longer.

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If you (or the character) hate the term "bro-hug," why use it?

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"I think I could get what you need," then "Look, Chuck, I don't know if I can pull this off or not." - So, which is it?

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"All the days of nude boobies, and she suddenly gets shy??" - Because now there's a stranger around, duh!

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I could have done without all the editorial comments.

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"Good night, Violet." - Violet?

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"a shootout between federal agents and state law enforcement" - I think you may want to rethink that sentence!

To anonymous "worse farce .anyone who buys into this BS needs to go back to the real world.".

#1 this is fiction, just like the action movies everyone loves.

#2 this is not the forum fr a 400 page book to tell the story the way you would like.

#3 It is such a nice change from all of the ()#(# forced cuckoid / gay / black breeder stories we have to put up.

with.

So, let the rest of us enjoy a little fun fantasy story where the good guys win and the bad guys lose.

Great story. Look forward 4 more chapters ...i give it a 10*

Great fictional story. I am looking forward to the next chapter.

Great adventure and an intriguing fun story definitely give you five stars.

You have a great story going here. You're already in my favorite authors and this won't change that. Bring it on.

Great story...

Enjoyable story.

Thanks

where's chapter 4 - please don't leave us hanging

My blood glucose needs to be checked this is so ridiculously syrupy. The lovey dovey romance is way way over the top. These two women were ripped from their homes and turned into whores. They were likely raped repeatedly to break their spirit. But they are all just fine and ready ready marriage at sight? Please. Y'all are so easily entertained. Let me guess, you like cat videos too?

The first two chapters were fine. This is not. There was another writer here once upon a time.. greyeagle I think. He wrote like this. So much sugar that you pass out.

Fucking awesome

very good evil should die

After reading several of your stories I'm seeing a pattern to them, not that I'm complaining. I like it when everything is wrapped up in a neat little package. On the chapter 4.

Well you kept to the same story as part 2 this time, I like the plot and characters

Ibthink you got the girls mixed up when they were hooking up with the guys...Angelo and Anna were lost in each other but you put Anna with Carson and Svetlana with Angelo.....I lost interest thereafter

Childish writing; unnecessary, immature. Likeable storyline however.

Thin, weak, around 7th grade. Predictable.

a hairy assed sergeant blushing? nah. Falling in love with two paid whores as soon as they're seen? nah. The whole story although well written is too 'pat'

"The Leningrad was the scene of a shootout between federal agents and state law enforcement which left three dead and four wounded." - I think you meant "involving" rather than "between"...

(One of) the problems with the "dead" photos of Anna is that they were taken not only after the Tahoe was dumped, but after it had been found by authorities. Since they had the road sealed off, it would be pretty obvious who must have planted it. Then, they find evidence that he was the last person to see her alive and he's being investigated for murder.

Really enjoying this story! 5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐'s.

5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐'s