Another Roll in the Hay

For the first time she shifted a little uncomfortably in her seat. "You see, the thing is, I've met someone. I never expected to at my age, but well... let's just say we are getting along very well indeed." She fixed me with a hard stare. "As I think you may be well aware, young Leo. I must apologise for my little indiscretion earlier, but let's just say it has been a while, and the old girl forgot how much she missed the old rumpy-pumpy."

I knew I must be almost beetroot red by now and she went on, laughing. "Sorry, can't have been a pretty sight, eh? I bet they don't have movies like that on the websites you usually look at, eh?" She shook her head. "No, let me guess, they probably do, don't they? Well dear boy, I'm not sorry for bonking on my own sofa, but I'm sorry you had to witness it."

I tried to fight down my deepening embarrassment. "It's ok, Aunt Megan. You were having fun, that's all that matters."

She nodded. "Good lad. God, it's so good to be back in the saddle, Leo. It was fucking marvellous!" She sat upright and regained her composure. "Right, enough filth for one day. To business. The thing is, we've decided to go away for a while -- do a bit of travelling while we're still young enough to enjoy it. Probably six, maybe nine months. My daughter-in-law Debbie is going to do the accounting side for me. You're going to run the yard. If it hasn't gone to rack and ruin by the time I come back, I'll give you a fifty-percent stake in it and become a silent partner. Well, as silent as I can ever be."

As I sat in stunned silence, she reached into a drawer of her desk and pulled out a bottle of whisky and two glasses. "I know it's not your tipple, but it's all I have. Shall we drink to it?"

I knew I had no choice and it was quite frankly terrifying, but I was flattered beyond words that she trusted me enough at just shy of nineteen to run the yard. If she hadn't been sure, no way would she have even mooted the subject.

She handed me a glass and we touched them together. She tossed hers off in one go while I managed a small sip that set my eyes watering. "Excellent, that seals the deal. Give it back if you don't want the rest -- waste not, want not."

Relieved, I handed her the glass back.

"Right -- that phone call that almost interrupted my coitus... quite appropriate it was the Jones-girl really, given her rep. Bet you'd have preferred to walk in on her having nookie, eh?"

I couldn't take any more. "Look, sorry Aunt Megan -- can we... you know. It's a bit, well youare my aunt after all."

She did a facepalm. "Oh sorry, darling. Just a bit shag-happy, that's all." She tapped her nose. "Not a word to your Mum, eh?"

I shook my head. "Secret's safe. I'm happy for you, honestly."

"Good lad. Right, so the upshot is, the Jones-girl has given Moss Croft the old heave-ho. She has two horses with them and she's transferring them when her contract expires at the end of the month. Feather in our caps, etcetera, two fingers up to Dave Moss and his cronies. I've given her a nice little discount for the first six months as a sweetener. She has a lot of friends in the area and we could see a lot of business come our way." She paused. "If..."

There is always a catch. "If what?"

"If you can keep the promise I made her."

"What promise?"

"Which is the worst behaved horse you've ever worked with."

It took no thought whatsoever. Of all the animals that she called her 'evil little fuckers' one stood out head and withers above all others. "Charlestown, without a doubt."

"But you nailed him, right?"

I had a horrible feeling I knew where this was going. "I suppose so. What's this got to do with it?"

She screwed her face up. "Apparently Shadow - her Arabian mare - makes Charlestown look like Bambi on tranquilisers. Moss Croft can't get near him. He's a bloody nightmare apparently."

I closed my eyes. "Let me guess. You've told her I'll sort him out."

In answer, she clapped her hands with glee. "See, I knew you'd agree to it!"

Two days later, a sleek, black Kawasaki Z1000 roared into the car park and a diminutive, leather-clad woman kicked down the stand. She took off her helmet and shook out her tangle of red locks. I had seen it so many times at the cricket club and every time, I wanted to feel that leather against my skin as she stood over me and commanded me to do unspeakable things to her.

She strode purposefully towards the house and Aunt Megan came out to greet her. I watched on from across the yard as she introduced her to a few of the staff and was surprised to see her face light up when she saw Daisy.

"Hi Daze -- forgot you worked here. Glad to see Sasha's going to be in good hands. Now, where's this miracle worker who's going to sort out my darling Shadow?"

Aunt Megan held out an arm. "That'll be young Leo here, my nephew."

As I walked across the yard to meet her, her face dropped. "Really? Well, you talked a good game, Megan. Hope you're right." She turned to me as I approached and held out a hand, still clad in a leather riding glove. "Hello Leo. I'm Josie. Do you know what you're in for, young man?"

I felt like my voice had deserted me. "Erm, yes, Aunt Megan has filled me in. We've had difficult horses here before and they're no bother now."

Her red locks tossed as she shook her head. "Ok, we'll see." She paused for a moment. "Do I know you from somewhere?"

"Well I haven't been in your shop, but I play cricket for Amberdown. Mainly the second team, but I've seen your stall at a lot of games."

She nodded. "Must be that then."

I felt a little frisson of pride run through me that she would even remember me from the cricket club. Then she pricked my bubble with pinpoint precision.

"I suppose you'll have faced Henry Weston bowling in the nets?"

I laughed. "I try not to, but yes. Far too many times."

Henry Weston was frequently picked for the Sussex County second eleven and had played a few one-day games for the full county side. He was lightning quick, very nasty and delighted in giving us younger players a very hard time.

Josie gave me a wicked smile. "I bet he's scary even wearing pads and a helmet, eh?"

"Just a bit."

"Then imagine facing him stark-bollock-naked for an hour with a bat made of concrete. That's what you're going up against with Shadow. Good luck!" She turned to Daisy. "Come on then Daze, give me the grand tour."

As they left, she had one more barb to throw at me. She lowered her voice, but I was sure I was meant to hear it. "Doesn't look like he could piss his way out of a paper bag!"

I didn't hear Daisy's reply, but I stared after those leather-clad buttocks and flaming red hair. It was my turn to mutter under my breath. "I'll fucking show you, lady."

I turned to find Aunt Megan smiling at me, nodding her approval. "Good lad."

Three

"I told 'er you're a smashing lad and you'd see to Shadow reet good and proper."

I sipped my morning coffee. "Thanks Daisy. I hope I can. He sounds a bit of a handful."

She laughed ruefully. "Aye, like his owner."

"So how do you two know each other?"

She scratched her nose, a sure sign she was going to be evasive. "Oh, we cross paths occasionally. You know; when you're of our inclination."

I looked at her over my coffee mug. I felt I knew her well enough now to push a little. "So, have you... you know?"

Her eyes narrowed. "I'm sayin' nowt."

"Daisy..."

She let out a big sigh. "Aye, we have. A few times."

"And?"

She stared off into space for a moment. "Just unbelievable, Leo. Amazing. Her and Izzy -- Jesus wept, they turn you inside out. Kinky as all get out as well. I thought I knew it all until I met them two -- then I realised I were just a novice. It's like a full-on masterclass every time."

I took a deep breath. "Lucky you. God, her and Izzy -- there isn't a guy in the cricket club that wouldn't give their right arm to wake up between those two. I suppose none of us will ever know though, eh?"

She looked at me askance. "Oh, they do blokes as well. Just coz I don't doesn't say they don't. They might be married, but any rumours you hear -- believe them, then double it." She drained her mug. "It's not just Shadow you'll have to look out for after next week!"

I drained mine and put it on the drainer. "Yeah, right. I'm sure she's dying to get it on with a near virgin over half her age who couldn't piss his way out of a paper bag."

She reached the door of the common room and winked at me. "I'm sayin' nowt!"

The whole yard was agog when the horse-box pulled up the following week. Josie got out of the cab as Daisy let the back door down and stood with hands on her hips, supervising the unloading of Sasha. A gentle Palomino, he trotted down the ramp after Daisy as she took him to his new stall. As she passed me, she grimaced. "Good as gold this one. Not looking forward to the next one!"

She had every right to be worried. As she approached the box to remove the infamous Shadow, the sound of hooves clattering against the metal sides of the box echoed around the yard. Seasoned handlers winced at the cacophonous noise as the horse snorted and whinnied, the metal cage amplifying every sound to a terrifying degree. Some of our flightier horses took up the challenge and soon the whole yard reverberated to a discordant symphony of agitated horseflesh.

Give Daisy her due, she was clearly uncomfortable, but threw herself headlong into the box. Her voice carried above the noise. "Right you, enough."

He seemed to settle a little at the sound of her voice and we all held our collective breaths as she led him out into the sunshine. A beautiful black Arabian, his coat gleamed and his mane was well tended to. At least Moss Croft turned him out well.

They were halfway across the yard when he kicked off again. Daisy was only a little short of six feet tall, but she looked tiny against his huge frame as he rose up on his hind legs, kicking at the air and just missing her shoulder as she clung on to the rein. He bucked and kicked so violently, it seemed as if her arm would come out of the socket and pain etched her face as she struggled to cling on.

Looking back, I did it completely without thinking. If I had thought about it, I'd probably have run and hid in one of the empty stalls. Instead, I walked calmly across the yard and took the rein from Daisy. She looked shell-shocked and grateful. I pulled down hard and his front hooves clattered onto the ground, his head still bucking.

I put a hand on his snout and moved in close. I barely knew what I was doing, but I was in the moment. I looked him straight in the eye, wide with fear and anger, and spoke as calmly as I could.

"Hey, Daisy told you, didn't she? Enough, Shadow. You don't behave like that in our yard. This isn't Moss Croft. We're nice people and we love our horses." I continued to stroke his snout and never broke eye contact as he seemed to settle. "It's nice here. You'll have Sasha next door and lots of new pals. Wait till you see Bagpuss the cat. Poppy and Tessa, our little ponies. A lovely collection of dogs and a cute goat called Winnie."

I went on, spouting utter nonsense for what seemed like an eternity, oblivious to anything else going on around me. At last I palmed him a few mints and as he chewed on them, he snorted contentedly and nuzzled his snout against my chest, leaving a very wet patch on my shirt. I didn't care -- somehow I had calmed him down and the yard had returned to normal. He stood as placidly as Sasha had done and elation swept over me.

As I took a deep breath, I heard a soft Yorkshire voice from behind me. "Bloody 'ell."

A second, more strident voice followed, but still hushed. "Bloody hell indeed."

I turned to see Josie staring up at me, her green eyes blazing. She took a step forward so no-one else could hear our conversation. "That was fucking sorcery. Witchcraft. If this was mediaeval times, you'd be burning at the stake tomorrow. I don't know what you did or how you did it, but fuck me, that was amazing, young man. I have never seen anyone do that to him in seven years. The last person that tried it is still wondering where the rest of his fingers went."

She reached into her shoulder bag and tucked something into my breast pocket. "Have a drink on me. Looks like you need one and you bloody well deserve one. Would you mind saddling him up for me. I think I'll take him out for an hour, get him used to the area."

I was still almost incapable of speech when Daisy joined us. "Anything to say about paper bags and urination, Ms. Napier-Jones?"

She gave me a big grin. "Well he does look like he's about to wet himself, but I'll gladly take that one back." She put a hand on my arm as Daisy went off to fetch his tack. "You playing tomorrow?"

I finally found my voice. "Yes, but in the seconds -- away at Millvale."

"Well good luck, and next time you're at the ground when we're there, come and say hi to Izzy. She's even scared stiff of gentle old Sasha, so she won't go within a mile of Shadow. She'd love to meet anyone that can best him."

I floated through the rest of the day on a fluffy white cloud as I fantasised about how Josie and Izzy would thank me for my act of heroism.

The next day I was brought back to reality as Millvale bowled us out for just over a hundred and we were back in time to see the end of the first team game. Unfortunately, Josie and Izzy had packed up and gone home as they had sold out as ever.

I consoled myself with seeing Leanne behind the bar and the fell Ryan nowhere in sight. I ordered a drink and asked her what she wanted as I proffered the thing that Josie had tucked into my shirt pocket.

Leanne thanked me and took it with a frown. "Bloody hell, a fifty! Never seen one before. Last of the big spenders, eh?" She began to pour my beer and her cider. "Where did this come from then? I don't even know if it's genuine or not!"

I just loved her toothy grin. I also hated the thought that Ryan saw it more often and more intimately than I did. "Should be genuine. Josie gave it to me yesterday for sorting out one of her horses. Quite the hero I was."

She handed me my beer and my change. "Thanks for the drink. And judging by a hundred and five all out, you weren't exactly the hero today, were you."

My heart lurched at the smile that accompanied her words. "Thank you for reminding me, Leanne."

She turned away to serve someone else, her lovely sense of humour coming through. "You're welcome, Sir. Enjoy the rest of your evening!"

As I sat down, my friend Ian looked over at her. "What does she see in that wanker Ryan Smith?"

I couldn't bring myself to answer him. Much later that night, my imaginary bed was getting rather full as Leanne now joined Josie and Izzy in there.

Four

Over the next few weeks, my Aunt began to take more of a back seat and handed a lot of the running of the yard over to me. I rarely saw her so I assumed she was satisfied with how things were going and she seemed pleased that her new high-profile client and her horses had settled in well.

Maybe it was my innocence, but it took me almost a month to realise what went on between Daisy and Josie after her afternoon sessions. I just assumed Daisy was seeing to whichever of Josie's horses she had ridden, not the owner of said horses.

When the penny dropped as they came out of the tack room looking rather flushed one afternoon, Daisy winked at me. During our coffee break the next morning, she fixed me with a wry grin.

"So, going to sack me for gross misconduct then, Mr. Boss-man Downes?"

I gave her a pretend stern look. "Daze, I'm a red-blooded but under-sexed male of nineteen years. The only thing that is gross about your 'misconduct' is that I am not part of it."

"In yer dreams! You'd not survive five minutes, lad." She laughed. "You'd be in a shallow grave behind Shadow's stall, the latest victim of the Barnsley Bruiser and Brighton Belle!"

We went on in the same vein for a few minutes. I loved her company and she was great fun. "So, come on Daze -- tell me all about it."

"Not much to tell really. Just two mucky paws down the front of jodhpurs, a frantic fiddle and me and madame get off very nicely. She reckons five minutes in a saddle is enough to get her in heat, so after two hours she's hanging out for it. She wears these love-ball things when she rides. I tried it once and it were bloody hell on earth. I nearly came twice and saddle were soaking by't time I got back. Never again." She finished her coffee and headed for the door.

I stared after her. "Lucky you -- not jealous at all of you making out with one of my fantasy women."

She winked again. "Careful what you wish for Leo. She eats men as well as women!"

The following week, Josie added Thursdays to her visits as things in her shop were quieter during the summer months. Tuesday was with Sasha, Thursday with Shadow. After each session, she and Daisy got down to it and I usually tried to cover for them.

Then, one sunny Thursday afternoon when Daisy was away, Josie Napier-Jones came after me and my life was never quite the same again.

Thereafter, Tuesdays were reserved for Sasha, followed by the Barnsley Bruiser and the Brighton Belle.

Thursdays were still with Shadow, but afterwards, the Brighton Belle took on the Amberdown Amateur - and he usually lost.

On that fateful day, she trotted back into the yard on Shadow like she owned it. As ever, I was the last one there. She dismounted and looked around. "No Daisy today, Leo?"

I shook my head. "Week off." I mimicked her Yorkshire accent. "Gone back up ter God's own country."

Josie rolled her eyes. "If it's so bloody good, why does she live on the South Downs then? Never mind." She handed me the reins. "Would you do the honours please, there's a good lad."

I unsaddled her horse and gave him a rub down and stowed his kit back in the private client's area of the tack room. As I emerged, I expected to see Josie disappearing off into the distance on her motorbike but was surprised to see her leaning on the doorpost of Shadow's stable.

Hoping nothing was wrong, I walked over. "Everything ok?"

She nodded non-committedly. "Fine. Just missing my little cool-down with Daisy. Know of any fit young stable-lads that would be willing to deputise?"

When my mouth flew open in sheer amazement, she grinned. "I'll take that as a 'no'." She held out a hand. "It'll have to be you then, eh? Come on, let's have a roll in the hay, shall we?"

I could barely think straight as she led me to an empty stall next to Shadow's. This had to be a wind-up and Daisy was going to pop out from behind a partition, screaming 'fooled yer!' Josie stood in front of a pile of hay bales and put her hands on her hips.

"Nothing too demanding, just a nice quickie. It's just I do get a little... worked up when I ride a fine animal. Daisy does an admirable job, as did a nice girl over at Moss Croft. A fine young man will make a nice change. You up for it?"

I stood, staring at her mutely.

"Well say something then!"

A woman I had fantasised over for so long had just offered me sex in a stable and I could barely think of what to say. My first thought was that, no, I wasn't up for it. I was so scared I didn't think I would be able to rise to the occasion. Pretending it was her hands on me in the comfort of my own bed was one thing. Now she stood in front of me, making demands I wasn't sure I could fulfil.

I dredged up a vaguely coherent sentence from somewhere. "Erm, I'm not very experienced, but I'll try. God, Josie do you honestly mean it? I mean, you're married... to another lady."

She sat down on the bale. "Of course I mean it, Leo. I enjoy the company of women and men equally. It just so happens that my life partner is a woman. I have never met anyone quite like her and love her with all my heart. She sways more towards the female side, but also likes the company of men occasionally." She shrugged. "We are sexual animals and we are completely open. We see the looks we get at the cricket club and other places. We know men fantasise about us. I assume you do?"