All Comments on 'Any Chance We Could Ch. 18'

Thank god the softball season is over. Why were you wasting so much of our time with these long Vin Scully narratives? Nobody cares about their softball exploits. It'll also be good when the move is finally over, since the time you keep spending on the house arrangements is equally boring and pointless. On the plus side though the writing was much better in this chapter. Not many typos or mistakes. Also, this time there were only two or three occasions when I cringed at the dialogue. Dad asking if Katrina was offended by Ashley giving him a blowjob was downright brain dead. Katrina had just offered Ashley his cock and they'd all been talking about it all night long so that was truly stupid. It's those kinds of dialogue gaffes that need to be eliminated. All in all though this chapter was a nice improvement over the last few blatant filler chapters. Making this one a three pager was a good thing since the first page and some of the second was entirely redundant filler again. Other than the formal dinner scene and then the foursome at the end nothing else in this chapter needed to be included. Start paring this thing down. Stop repeating the same basic scenes, especially the useless breakfast scenes. You're now writing those opening breakfast scenes with so little passion and so little emotional reaction from any of the people involved that it's like dad is nothing more than a warehouse foreman checking the inventory. Either make an attempt to make those scenes sexy again or stop including them to open each chapter. The way you blandly describe what they're wearing and then the soulless nipple suck everyone receives before they all take off to begin their day? It's now to the point that it feels like you're describing a NASCAR driver pulling in to his pit to top off his tank and get his tires swapped before he heads back on out to the track...

Either move the story or drop it. This chapter moved as much as the last three combined, so by that measure the pace was better, but there is still almost zero plot movement. You're moving through time, yes, but not forward with the story. And it took you nine days to do this much? Really really disappointing considering the start ....

Great chapter, loved it!! Keep them coming, and not so much time between posting them please

to start their day by licking, sucking and kissing their bare breasted daughters and we are all envious of Scott's life. Sure it is fantasy, but better than most, if not all, of us could come up with. I look forward to the many additional encounters to come - Scott with the daughters, the daughters with Kim and Gwen (is it the same Gwen that is the caterer?), more with Carol, including likely all in the family, and I sense that Hazel will start to live out some long repressed bi desires and even draw Emerson in to some fun with all. So many avenues for this story to go down, and I hope our author takes all those paths.

I totaly agree, this story can go another 20 chapters and more.

You certainly know how to structure a story, is a pleasure to read.

Thank you

This simply gets more and more unrealistic. Almost everybody in this town is obvious lesbians or in a lesbian realtionship. It gets ridicoulous. It's way too much lesbianism in this story, tone it down. And your story still gets nowhere. Everyone seems to prepare to make love to everbody they meet. This will soon get out of proportion, and take the focus out of the story. Well, I'm not sure what the focus in the story is at the moment anyway, because it clearly has changed.

but i know there's no ending. which sucks. any plans to finish it up? please. great read - but needs chapter's 49, 50.