Apprehended Ch. 13

I grabbed Ethan's rubber band and pulled it off, setting his locks free. I buried my face in the thickness. His hair smelled even more amazing. I was beginning to think that his shampoo would be my new favorite scent. I inhaled deeply and he chuckled. "What are you doing, baby?" he whispered.

My voice was muffled as I replied, "sniffing your hair. You smell good." I felt my face flush from shyness. Being this way with him felt good but it was still new and unfamiliar.

He laughed. "Do I?" He shoved his nose into my neck and inhaled deeply as well. "You smell delicious too, my petal," he added, his warm breath tickling my neck.

I couldn't hold back the giggle that escaped. My skin broke out in goosebumps.

He laughed more. "Are you ticklish?"

I shook my head fiercely, tightening my hold on his neck and burrowing deeper into his hair. "No," I lied.

"I think you are," he said, wickedly.

I shook my head again. "No, Ethan. No! Don't you dare!"

It was too late. He took a deep breath and blew a giant raspberry on my neck. His beard intensified the feeling and I broke out into a fit of uncontrollable giggles.

I'm not sure how many times he did it, but eventually, tears were rolling down my cheeks from laughter and we had shifted positions. Ethan was laying down on his left side, snug against me as I lay on the bed. His body was large and looming; hot and strong against me. He brushed away the happy tears from my cheeks with his thumb and lost his smile as he stared at me.

Staring up at him with a twinkle in his eye was my undoing. Like a waterfall, I couldn't stop the words that fell from my lips. "Is love making different?"

He froze. "I'm sorry?"

I wasn't even sure what I was asking. I knew for certain that the banter we just shared was gone. Seeing him lose his smile was painful in a small way. Sort of like the light in him was diminishing, no longer spreading its radiance onto me. I realized then, that living without Ethan was no longer an option. Running away was no longer viewed as an opportunity, but a tragedy. "Umm..." I tried to collect myself from this realization. "Love making," I said, attempting to coalesce what I was previously inquiring. "Is that different?"

He pondered that, still looking befuddled. "I'm not really sure what your question is."

"With your kind," I specified, losing my nerve, and looking away from him. It was difficult to focus on his unwavering gaze when asking something so intimate. Something I wasn't even sure he was willing to share. "Is lovemaking different for you?"

He thought about that briefly, lowering his head to capture my eyes. "Are you referring to my wolf having sex? Or me?"

Was there a difference? "Both?"

He stood motionless for a while, no doubt trying to find an answer. He cleared his throat before he spoke. "Normally, when mated couples are bonded and both are wolves, we can have sex both in our wolf form and in our human form. Either works."

Interesting. "And...what if the couple aren't both wolves?"

His smile reappeared. "Like us?"

I shrugged, unable to answer.

He chuckled lowly. "Well, of course, I can make love to you in my human form. I can't in my wolf form."

"Can't? Or won't?" I don't know why I was inquiring about this. His wolf was beyond anything I'd ever seen. Having him near me in that form was terrifying enough. The idea of being intimate with the beast was definitely not something I wanted. But I was still curious.

"Both," he said, looking at me incredulously. "I could kill you. You're a human. There is no way that would work effectively. The least amount of possible damage could be an injury. The worst is death. I will not take that chance with you. Ever."

A large part of me was relieved. Relieved that I would never have to do something like that with his wolf. But another part of me was disappointed that we would lose a potential aspect of lovemaking. I'm not sure why I felt that way. "Is it different for the man and the wolf?"

"The bond grows exponentially, if that's what you're referring to. However, I think you're speaking of what happens when bonded couples join bodies. Correct?"

I nodded. That was exactly what I was thinking of. It was difficult to phrase correctly, as all of this was new territory.

He adjusted himself on the bed and rested his head in his hand, his glorious hair falling off his shoulder. A small smile played on his lips. "I didn't think I'd be discussing this with you until we were close to the joining."

I frowned, my brows furrowing. "The what?"

"The joining. The physical link shared between bonded mates."

"What is it, exactly?"

He sighed, his face growing serious again. I wanted to tell him that he should smile more, that he was even more ethereal when he beamed. "It's a connection deeper than the bond itself, further uniting both mated bodies."

"I thought mates were already bonded together," I pointed out.

"They are," he replied. "But the physical representation of it is through the joining. Manifestations are born."

I made a face. "Manifestations?"

"Yes. Manifestations. For example, the joining of my parents involved this strange sort of communication only they were able to share with one another."

"Like telepathy?"

"Similarly. I imagine that is why the abuse at the hands of my father was harder on her. The connection they shared was strong. To have him abuse that would have no doubt caused pain for my mother."

"Do you think we would get something like that?" I asked.

He smirked. "Does that mean you wish to join bodies with me, my petal?"

I laughed and elbowed his thick shoulder.

He rubbed it, feigning injury. "Already abusing me, love? We haven't even made love yet."

I laughed even more. I rather liked Ethan being a goofball. It was endearing.

"Glorious sound," he said, staring intently once more.

I felt heat rush to my face, and I looked away in embarrassment. He chuckled and lightly tapped my chin so I could look at him once more.

He was no longer laughing, but extremely serious when he said, "the union of mated bodies is not something to take lightly, mea vita. For an Alpha and his bonded female, it is a most sacred unity. Stronger than that of any mated couple in an entire clan. Two bodies that share souls. The joining is different for each bonded couple, but strong, nonetheless. I imagine that a joining with you will be life-altering. One that can never be broken. I do not know what our precise manifestations will be. That depends on the souls being shared."

Wow. That was quite a lot to absorb. Then again, everything with Ethan was a lot to absorb. "Is that the reason why you would die if I'm gone?"

He raised a brow. "Perceptive. It's one reason of two. The bond is severely strong. The joining even more so. Both combined is a force to be reckoned with. It's a sacred union. One that is powerful for the two souls who share it. Nothing can break the bond or the joining. However, it is even more powerful for a wolf. A human can live without the wolf. But the wolf cannot live without its bonded mate. For a wolf couple, either one could die without the other. However, between you and I, only I would die from your loss. Even if you simply leave, I will die."

I processed that. "You said that you wouldn't let me leave," I pointed out.

"I did. That is something I simply cannot control. It's an instinct. My wolf already chose you and bonded. Leaving would only cause me to hunt you. And before you ask, no. Not hunt in the traditional sense of the word. Hunt to take. Not hunt to kill."

"Does that mean that once the wolf has bonded, there is no going back? At all."

"It does. The connection has been made. It can never be lost, only strengthened to the point where a unity is formed between the two."

I went quiet after that, trying to thoroughly understand my position. Ethan took me for this very reason. I too felt the pull towards him. It was growing stronger every day. But this was something foreign. Something beyond mere human comprehension. I questioned whether or not I could handle something of this capacity-the joining of souls and being. I looked at Ethan, laying there beside me, and I realized that if he were going to be there with me throughout such a union, I could do anything. He would be my pillar, just as he has been since he found me.

Ethan had become the light in my darkness. With him, anything was possible because I knew that he would take care of me.

Always.

"What are you thinking?" he asked, quietly. Gently, he grabbed my wrist and began stroking it in soft circles with his thumb.

Without hesitation, I replied, "That I would like very much to experience such a beautiful union."

His smiled returned, bright, and radiant. "With me, my Luna?"

I nodded, staring at his mesmerizing eyes. "Yes, Ethan. With you."

He kissed me then. And I knew what he was doing. He was making a promise. A promise that I no longer wanted to run away from.