Apprehended Ch. 22

They spoke quickly and I couldn't keep up. I placed a hand on Ethan's forearm and gave a light squeeze. "I'm going to Lily, okay?"

"Okay." He kissed me on the lips before I left.

I made my way through the throng, spotting Lily by the fireplace. She was speaking to Janet and Levi, eating food and drinking. Gavin was close, but speaking in hushed tones to Jared and Richen. It struck me as a little odd. They were tense, their heads low as they conferred.

I made a mental note to ask Ethan about that later.

"Hello there, darling female."

I blushed at Leviathan's greeting. It was easy to like him. He was quite like Gavin and Ethan in many ways.

It seemed the affection was shared amongst females who were close to him. Lily and I included, It was quite flattering. Janet was absolutely taken with her mate. And I understood why. I was head over heels in love with mine.

"Hi, Levi. How are you?"

He smiled, revealing his own set of dimples.

I briefly wondered if Ethan's father shared the same trait as his brother, son and nephew.

"I am well, thank you." He looked me over, his eyes scanning my frame from bottom to top. It was a bit unnerving. It reminded me of the way Jerry assessed me. Calculatingly, carefully and with a hint of hindered aggression.

I felt uncomfortable under his watchful eye.

The males beside us continued to talk, with Lily and Janet speaking to one another.

"You're glowing, female," Levi added.

I swallowed the last bite of cheesecake with a gulp. "Ummm...thank you?"

He laughed. Apparently Ethan inherited that trait as well. Only, Ethan's didn't sound as formidable. "Does he know?" he asked.

I stopped moving; completely confused. "Ummm...what?"

"Does he know?" he repeated.

I ran a hand over my face and shifted uncomfortably. "I'm sorry? What?" I glanced at the others nervously, hoping that they were too busy conversing to pay us any attention. Thankfully, they were still preoccupied.

"You know what I speak of," he said, taking a tentative sip of his wine.

I didn't know how to respond to that. Surely he couldn't be referring to-

"My precious Janet shared such a gift with me," he continued. His eyes flicked to Gavin and I knew with absolute certainty that he was aware of my predicament. "I am familiar with the scent as well as the appearance."

I moved from foot to foot, not sure what to do or say. I couldn't deny it. He wasn't ignorant. Nor was he merely a disassociated male that I could conciliate with a lie. He was related to Ethan. I needed to tread carefully.

"Did you tell him?" he repeated, his voice taking on a hard-edge.

I shook my head.

He took another sip of his wine. "Why not?"

I glanced back, catching sight of Ethan who was still talking. "I don't know."

"You do," he said.

I licked my suddenly dry lips. I felt trapped and a little exposed. Though he was being reserved, it was only a matter of time before Janet or someone else would eavesdrop. Ethan included. His sense of hearing was damn-near perfect. The only deter in his ability was a distraction. Which meant that I didn't have long.

"I'm scared," I said, the words pouring forth thickly. They were true but painful. I didn't like admitting the sentiment.

"Of your mate?" he asked, cocking a brow.

I shook my head again. "No. Not like that."

"There is no other way," he pointed out. "Either you are or you aren't."

I sighed, feeling a little frustrated. He didn't know me. He didn't know of my past. "Look it's not that simple."

"It's quite simple," he said. He leaned into the mantel, resting a thick elbow on the mahogany. "As a bonded male, I am well-aware of the male perspective. Not telling him will yield more damage. His trust in you will be betrayed. And for a bonded male, that is unacceptable. His affection for you is infinite. As is his trust. Yet you draw boundaries I am sure he never imposes upon you. I know this because all bonded males function similarly. Their females are everything to them. Everything. How would you feel if the roles were reversed?"

My mouth opened and closed like a fish and I felt heat rise to my face.

He was right.

100 percent correct.

And I had no defense.

"I thought so," he continued. He smiled, but it held no warmth. In fact, he looked a little frightening; berating me as if I were a child. "I suggest you get your affairs in order, female. Whatever they may be. You cannot hide from the male forever. He will scent it. In fact, I am willing to assume confidently that he can sense the small alterations already."

Tears welled in my eyes and I looked away, trying to keep it together. If it were true, that meant I was riding up shits creek. Time was definitely not on my side.

Every word rang true. I merely didn't want to have such a conversation with a male I barely knew amongst a crowd.

Ethan finally arrived-at the worst possible moment- placing a hand on my lower back and standing beside me. He stared between us, his gaze lingering a little longer on me than his Uncle. "Uncle," he finally said, his tone clipped. "How are you?"

Leviathan gave me a long look before focusing on his nephew. "I am well, my boy. You?"

Ethan answered and they exchanged words. I was too emotional to pay attention. It took everything I had to keep from crying like a child. It seemed being pregnant rendered me a little too sensitive.

"Hey. You okay?" asked Lily.

I glanced up. Lily stopped talking to Janet and they both stared, looking a little worried. However, before I could placate them, Ethan heard the question and intervened.

"What's going on?" he asked, his eyes shifting from Lily to Janet and finally, to me.

It took every ounce of energy and control I had to feign normalcy. "Fine," I said, heat rising to my face once more.

Ethan clearly wasn't buying it.

He grabbed my hand, lifting his eyes to say, "excuse us," politely. He offered a genuine smile. "We'll be right back."

I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat and nervously followed Ethan as he led me to the guest bathroom and locked us in.

Shit.

I rested against the counter with my back to the sink. He approached, looming before me with an agenda.

Awe man.

"What did he tell you?" he asked.

Okay.

That was soooooooo not the question I was expecting.

"What?" I asked in confusion.

"My Uncle," he specified. "What did he say to you?"

Fuck.

"Umm...nothing," I lied.

He leaned in, placing his heavy arms on each side of me. "Don't. Lie. To. Me."

I gulped.

Loudly.

"He told me hello," I said, my voice breaking. That technically wasn't a lie. He really did greet me.

"And?" he pressed.

I stood quiet, debating what to say.

And what not to say.

"Annie," he said, his voice husky and dark. "I know my Uncle. He's a good male. But he is still my father's brother. My father shared the same traits as his father, who abused his two sons. My Uncle included. And although he isn't downright abusive, the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree."

"What does that even mean?" I asked.

"It means that he can be cold. Sometimes even a little cruel. Never to Janet. And that's only because she's his mate. But everyone else is fair game."

I didn't need to question Ethan further to know the truth of that. "But you said that they were good people," I said, remembering what he told me before I met them.

"They are. But no one is without fault."

He had a point.

He sighed heavily, looking tired. "Look, I love him. He's family. There is nothing I wouldn't do for him. For Janet. They don't live with the clan because of the past. Because of what my father did when he was Alpha. It was a long time ago. After his death, they never came back. Gavin stood as my Beta. But I've had more than enough time to truly observe Leviathan. He cannot deny that he is the product of abuse. Now, sometimes that shit doesn't stick." He pointed a firm finger to his chest. "I am an example of that. But most of the time?" He shook his head, a tendril of his hair spilling free. "Yeah, most of the time it's like a plague. All you need is one to infect the rest. He's not my father, I assure you. But he isn't me. He isn't Gavin either. Gavin took after Janet. I took after my mother. In many ways, we are unlike."

I thought of Levi's smile. The one that held no warmth when speaking with me. I never assumed he could be that way. But after experiencing a little of that cruelty, it wasn't difficult to believe. Things weren't always as they appeared. I was living proof of that. Ethan was living proof of that.

However, despite Levi offering nothing but the truth concerning my lie of omission, it still wasn't his place. He didn't know me personally. He didn't know of my abusive past. Or what led me to temporarily keep it from Ethan.

"I know he said something to you," Ethan added. "And I want to know what it was." He waited...watching me.

It unsettled me. I didn't know what to do. Tell him the truth? Surely, I couldn't do that in the bathroom during a party on New Year's Eve. I firmly believed that there was a time and place for everything. Now was definitely not the time or place.

Only...

As Ethan waited for an explanation, I knew that there was no other option. I had no choice. I was trapped between a rock and a hard place.

And it frightened me to the core.

It was not ideal. Nor was it appropriate to confess something of such significance by imposition. I wanted to do it on my own terms. My own fucking terms. Not like this; with Ethan concerned. With Ethan poking and prodding. I had always been a poor liar. Adding anymore lies would only make it worse. And I didn't plan on creating a mountain of shit that I couldn't descend from.

I also knew that this was going to lead into an argument. Ethan didn't do well with lies. Especially when it concerned me.

"What is it?" he asked, finding my eyes. He softened his voice. No doubt to relax and ease my frazzled nerves.

Too bad it didn't work.

"Whatever it is," he continued, "you can tell me, belulla. Anything."

I swallowed hard.

And decided: fuck it.

It was now or never.

So I blurted it out; the words tumbling forth like a volcanic eruption. It was incohesive and mashed. It was uncoordinated and poorly constructed. Everything that I didn't want it to be.

"I found out today," I said abruptly.

He waited, staying patiently quiet for more...

And I was trying. I truly was. But it was difficult. This was big. And not the most convenient moment for an avowal.

"You found out what?" he finally asked, urging me to continue.

I peeled my gaze away, wringing my hands together. "I didn't know until today. With Lily. I was suspicious but...I didn't know."

He nodded, still confused but trying to follow. "Okay..."

"I was going to wait," I went on, "Not long because...because I knew that you would know and I...I got a little scared because I wasn't sure how you were going to react and...it's too soon and we're new and raw...and what if you weren't okay with it? What if you didn't want me? What if you didn't want us?"

I was babbling at this point. I felt the sting of oncoming tears, the pain of his possible rejection almost too much to bear.

"B-but then Levi knew and he said I should tell you. He asked me why I didn't and I said that I was frightened and he said that you're my mate and that you would never hurt me and-"

"I won't," he interjected. He lowered his head even further, grabbing my chin and turning my head so I could stare at him dead-on. No wandering astray. No hiding. "I won't," he repeated. "There is nothing in the world that would ever cause me not to want you...but...but, you said us."

I gulped. Loudly.

"Why did you say that? What do you mean by...us?"

Ethan was an intelligent male. The fact that he focused on that small detail said a lot about his intellectual capacity.

I tried to dodge him again but he held my chin in place, not allowing me deviate from his eyes. A tear slipped free and I was aware of its weight; its size and temperature as it slid down my cheek.

Slowly.

As if it had all the time in the world. Time that I was denied.

But that one tear held the pain and the fear I carried like a second skin. And I realized that this was it. The point of no return. The fork in the road that pressured me to choose between the path of truth or the path of more lies. More lies wasn't an option. Which left me with the only other remaining path. The path where truths were not only given but acknowledged.

Just as I acknowledged that I had become reliant on a male once more. Even though Ethan wasn't Jerry, I was nonetheless dependent on him. If he couldn't handle this for whatever reason? What was I supposed to do? Where was I supposed to go?

Being bonded to him changed things. I needed him like I needed air to breathe. He was that significant to me. I felt as though our hearts were one. Beating in a synchronization that connected us through time and space. Where one being couldn't possibly live without the other.

And even though I knew he felt the same, there was still that small part of me that held onto Jerry's cruel words. The belief that no male would ever want to have children with someone like me. It was ignorant to believe his lies. However, I couldn't shake it. Jerry-in many ways-inflicted lasting damage. No matter how new I felt. Now matter what steps I took to find my own identity...Jerry's words always hovered like a looming cloud of despair and torment.

Never-ending. Unceasing.

Lying to my mate was the direct result. I hated using it as a viable excuse, but it was the truth; the only explanation that made enough sense to rationalize my fear. To rationalize my actions. Which made me realize that I needed to tell Ethan. Not only did I not have another option currently, but lying to him further hurt too much. It made me feel as if I were handing power over to Jerry. Not physically. But emotionally and mentally. Though there was no room for him in my life right now, in listening to the lies he fed me, I was inadvertently handing over the reigns.

Taking Ethan along with me for the ride.

And I was not okay with that.

So I took a deep breathe...and spilled the beans; relieving myself of the burden and the weight of my past. Which had a profound effect on me no matter how many times I denied it.

"I'm pregnant," I coughed up, my lower lip trembling and quaking. It was all I could do not to burst into sobs as I waited for a response.

However, Ethan didn't move or blink. In fact, he seemed frozen; his eyes averted and unfocused as he no doubt processed my confession. It was a little disconcerting to witness. Ethan was a strong male. Seeing him at a loss for words was abnormal for him. He was the one who was always in control. Yet now, he didn't appear to know what to do with the information, let alone his body, which was rigid.

And then...

Then he began to connect the pieces: the vomiting, the nausea, the weird cravings. The lack of sleep. Too much sleep. All of it. It seemed to last a few minutes. But it felt like forever; an endless postponement as his brain got with the program. His eyes shifted back and forth, moving from side to side as recognition dawned. As his reality shifted and rearranged to formulate an adjustment of epic proportions.

And when he finally refocused on me, it was with furrowed brows and pursed lips. "Pregnant," he said. It almost sounded foreign on his lips; as if he never heard of the term and didn't know what it meant. "Pregnant," he repeated.

I nodded mutely. My mouth was dry and my head was killing me. It felt like I was trapped in an enclosed space with little air to breathe.

He shook his head slightly. "A young. Within you."

I didn't know where this was going. There were only so many ways to explicate the same thing.

His eyes slid down the length of my body...freezing on my stomach like a deer caught in headlights. Which completely freaked me the fuck out. He stared as if I were another being. One he didn't recognize. An entity from the motherfucking black void of space.

I reached out with my hand hovering over his shoulder. Not touching him but close enough. I was afraid that my touch would jostle him from...whatever the hell it was that he was doing. "Ethan?"

Once his name fell from my lips, he released my chin. His hand drifted down, down, down...stopping at my belly. Where he splayed his palm over it, covering it completely with his long fingers. Inadvertently, I jerked at the contact. He added a little pressure, leaning into my body and crowding me.

Which caused his scent to waft into my nose and a few tendrils of his hair to tickle my cheek as he lowered his head. It compelled me to move forward, closing the small distance between us to wrap my arms around his neck and hug him. At this point, I really didn't know what else to do. It was apparent that Ethan was in the same boat.

That is...until my hug registered...and my trembling registered...and my emotions registered.

That's when all hell broke loose.

"Wait," he said, releasing my stomach and pulling away from my embrace simultaneously. "Hold the fuck on. What did you mean?"

I stared up at him in confusion. "What?"

"Don't play dumb," he said. "What the fuck did you mean that you were frightened to tell me? That you thought I wouldn't want you? "

I stared, trying to formulate a logical reply. Only...nothing came out. How could I possibly answer that without offending him?

"Or that I wouldn't want the both of you?" He ran a frustrated hand through his hair, pulling back even further. "What the fuck is wrong with you, female? Seriously. How can you even think that of me? That I would abandon you. When you're carrying my fucking young no less. Do you think so little of me?"

I shook my head fiercely. "No. No, I-"

"Jesus Christ," he spat. "You're my goddamn mate. My female. What kind of monster would do that to his own pregnant mate?"

I couldn't answer that.

He raised a firm finger as if I already did. "And don't you dare even think of Jerry."

"I didn't!" I said, defensively.

"Yeah, well when my female is frightened to tell me that she's pregnant with my young, the only conclusion I can derive is that she thinks I am capable of such cruelty."

"I didn't say that."

"You didn't have to."

Fuck. This was going south fast.

"Look," I said. "I was frightened because we're so new. We haven't even been together long. Telling you I'm pregnant is a big deal."

"All the more reason for you to tell me!" he retorted. "Time is irrelevant. You're my mate, female. Mine. There are no boundaries on that. There are no motherfucking secrets. You tell me. It's that simple."

"It isn't!" I snapped. "What if you didn't want this?!" I didn't mean to blurt that out. But there was no taking it back or apologizing.

He jerked and reared back like I slapped him.

Which pained me to my core and I felt instant regret.

"I would never do that you, Annie. Ever." He scoffed, looking completely and utterly pissed off. "The fact that you believe such bullshit has me questioning my abilities as your male."

I stood quiet.

"Jesus," he repeated. "For fucks sake. Where is your trust in me, female? After all we've been through, how can you still fear such nonsense? Because that's what it is, Annie. It's bullshit and you know it."

I stuttered. "E-E-Ethan, I was going to tell you, I swear."

"When?" he demanded. "No matter the length of time you concocted, you should've told me the minute you found out." He snorted, the sound unbecoming on a male his size and strength. "Fuck, you should've told me the motherfucking minute you became suspicious! That's my young within you!" he said, pointing a firm finger at my belly. "Mine. Just as you are mine. The fact that you are holding my young does not give you the right to control such things. I have a right to know. An equal opportunity. An equal say." He began to pace, his eyes wild and his body tense. "How long were you planning to keep this from me, Luna?"