Apprehended Ch. 22

"I was going to tell you, Ethan," I repeated. "Just not today. It wa-"

He stopped abruptly and faced me. "Not today?!" he nearly thundered. "Then when? A week from now? A month? When you were about to give birth in twelve fucking months?!"

"Of course not," I said. "I wa-"

I froze, my train of thought not just stopping, but leaving the motherfucking station.

Wait.

Wait.

Hold the goddamn phone.

"What did you just say?" I asked. Surely I heard him wrong.

He looked at me incredulously. "What?"

"Twelve months?" I repeated. "Twelve. Months?!"

He muttered a curse, placing his hands on his hips. "Yeah, well, you would've known that had you told me," he retorted crossly.

"I didn't know that detail!" I countered. "I'm not a psychic, Ethan!"

"This has nothing to do with knowing the goddamn future, female and you know it. This is about you keeping something from me. Something that was not your news to bear alone. Did you ever think of the consequences had something happened to you?!"

"What? What does that even mean?"

He pegged me with a glare. One that would have frightened even the strongest of males in his clan. But I was too heated to give a shit. Sure, his anger was justified. But I had rights too.

"Dying!" he hollered. "Which is common for human females carrying the young of another motherfucking species! A fact you would've been aware of had you told me!"

That shut me up. Even my brain fuzzed out.

He went on, nearly vibrating with fury. "I am not a human male, Annie. For fucks sake, I am a goddamn wolf!"

"I know!" I said in exasperation.

"Which is why you should have told me the minute you became suspicious about it!" he repeated. "I don't give a flying fuck how frightened you were. How justified you thought you were in the omission. You. Tell. Me. ME," he spat, his rage so great, he growled. "Just as I die without you, you can die without me. This is my world, Luna. My motherfucking world. Normal rules don't apply." He pointed at my stomach again. "That young within you requires extra care. You require extra care. You will be carrying my baby for an entire goddamn year. A long year. Where the young will require more energy. A longer incubation period. Proper exposure to the anatomy of a wolf. A human female has difficulties after the typical nine months. During which, she grows larger. The young grows larger. Her body tries to accommodate the young, which it cannot. The baby is incompatible with her womb. It has an entirely different anatomy to that of a human female. Your body will be under constant stress when trying to provide what it simply cannot for a shifter. Special vitamins are required. A clan doctor is required. I am required. You will need my fucking care. You are my mate. I am your mate-"

"I know that," I whispered, interrupting him.

He lifted a finger again, losing the last of his patience, which wasn't much. "I. Wasn't. Done."

I immediately stitched my lip.

He continued. "And as your goddamn mate, I am the sole bearer of your progression!" he snarled, his voice at a fever pitch.

I had no idea what that meant. I shook my head in confusion.

He took a step forward, invading my space once more. "In case you're wondering what that means, I'll clarify. I think you're going to find it rather unorthodox. But I can't change the way of my species. You see, without me, that young will die. You will die. You will need regular exposure to the young's biological father, depending on the young's morphological growth rate and the necessary demands to ensure that the exposure remains constant within the human female. And we're not referring to an external exposure, Luna."

I swear I trembled, my mind on overload.

"Which means that you need some of me. In you. Consistently. Times may vary. But you will always need my genetic codification within you throughout your pregnancy. Only then can the young thrive. Only then can you thrive. Mere vitamins and care can only go so far. The young truly necessitates the biotic framework of a wolf. And since you cannot provide the framework-as you are a human female-that's where I come in. My lifeforce within you."

I licked my dry lips nervously. That meant that I had to have...

"Yes," he added, noticing that I was the one who now connected the dots; piecing together what he said in rapid succession. "It means that you will need to have intercourse with me throughout the pregnancy in order for you to survive it. For both of you to survive it. And I am not going to allow you to die. Which means if-for any reason whatsoever-that young causes complications and it's your life or the child's, know this, my Luna and know it well. I will choose you. No matter what. You will always come first for me. I know that sounds selfish, but I am bonded to you. I cannot change the instinct of a bonded wolf. We can always make another young. I cannot create another you. Shit, if you want to adopt? We can do that too. Because you're not dying. Not as long as I'm breathing. No harm will ever befall you. Even during pregnancy. Therefore it is your life above all else. Above my own. Above the young's. And I would do absolutely anything to ensure it. Is that clear?"

I swiped at my nose, which was so stuffy, I was resigned to breathe through my mouth. "Yes."

"Good," he said with finality. "And just so we're clear, this isn't going to be easy, Luna. You will be going through changes even I cannot empathize with. Including the pace in which you will need me within you to ensure healthy growth of the young. I cannot simply guess when it is required. That falls upon you. Your body. Your cycle. Which you share with my baby. Therefore, you set the pace."

I was confused again. "I don't understand."

"The sex," he specified. "I don't mean to sound crude, but you will definitely know when you need me to release within you. You will grow weak. You will begin to decline without me. During which, your body will become desperate for what it needs to ensure the survival of the mother and child. Which is me. You will be highly sensitive. Sexualized."

I swallowed hard.

"In heat when in need," he finished. "And from what I have witnessed, it is a needing that renders the human female dependent on her wolf mate. A craving. That is the only way you will know that you need to have me release within your body. The time varies from human female to human female. But there is enough evidence to conclude a pattern within the pregnancy."

I cleared my throat, trying to rid it of heaviness and thickness. "Does the same thing happen to female wolves who are pregnant?"

"No," he said, flatly. "The young and the female are compatible. Same species. Pregnancy is nine months. Human females are not as fortunate."

I'm not sure what expression I made. Or what Ethan sensed. But whatever it was, I was grateful for it. I needed him now more than ever. And not only because of the pregnancy.

"I'm sorry," he said, gently running his thumb underneath my eyes. He shifted, grabbing my chin to nudge my head up, where I met his stare. "I know that this is a lot to take in. I didn't mean to dump it on you. Or scare you. I just won't lie to you. This is serious. This is your life. Which I take very seriously." He sighed...taking a moment to cool his jets before continuing.

It took a minute.

Or two.

Maybe even three.

"I didn't mean to yell at you, baby," he finally said. This time, he sounded a little more leveled. A little calmer.

I was grateful for it.

"I didn't mean to cause you pain," he continued. "It's just that...I don't do too well when you don't tell me things. Especially when it concerns something of this magnitude. I am your mate. Not an acquaintance. Not a mere boyfriend. I am yours. In all that ways that matter. Just as you are mine. And that young," he said, placing his free hand on my stomach, "is mine. Now, I will do everything that I can to protect you both. To keep you safe and well cared for. But this can only happen if you're honest with me. No more hiding. No more secrets. No more assumptions. No more fear. I can't tolerate it. You must have trust in me, my petal. Completely. That includes telling me the hard stuff. The uncomfortable stuff. Even the gross and the awkward stuff. Because I am more than capable of handling it, I assure you. Alright?"

"Yes," I whispered.

He lowered his head to press a soft kiss to my forehead.

But this conversation wasn't done. Not for me. I needed to know where he stood. I was grateful that he told me the truth. But he didn't tell me how he felt. How he truly felt. "Ethan?"

"Yes?" he asked, pulling back to look at me once more.

"How do you feel about all of this? Truly?"

He ran a hand over his face again, taking a moment before replying. "I can't say that any bonded male is excited over a pregnancy that threatens the life of his human mate. But I also cannot stop the bonded male in me when claiming you. I don't use protection when making love to you because I simply cannot. When I take you, I take all of you. And I need you to take all of me. Me releasing in you is not an act of conceiving. It's me marking you as mine. So all other males back the fuck off. It's that simple. So, no, I was not planning it. Fuck, it wasn't even on my radar. Yet here we are. We cannot change it. And I'm not mad. But I'm not happy over it either."

I nodded, sniffling.

Ethan cursed. "Come here, ma cherie." He pulled me into his warm body and encompassed me in his arms.

I burrowed into him, inhaling his scent and holding onto his strength. I didn't have any strength left at the moment, and god knew he was strong enough for the both of us.

We stood quiet in the bathroom for some time; the sounds of the party fading into obscurity. I held onto him and he held onto me. After absorbing everything, the heaviness of the truth carried its own weight; settling on my body and mind as if it were a physical entity. It was difficult not to feel changed by the revelations...not to feel a sense of disassociation from reality and the laws that defined them. The shift stirred your soul; rebooting what you knew and replacing it with a brand new perspective.

One that I needed to get used to. One that I needed to try on. Not like a new pair of gloves or a new shirt. But one that I needed to accept through personal experience. One that was most definitely not expected. One that I had no choice but to simply adjust to.

Thankfully, I had Ethan with me; guiding me and redirecting me. I felt safe with him. I always felt safe with him. Sure, I was frightened of what this pregnancy truly embodied.

But I knew with certainty that I wasn't alone. The hesitation I felt no longer existed. Because I was wrong to think anything less of my mate. I felt ashamed by it, however. Ashamed by my actions and the assumptions I conceived.

And I needed to apologize just as he apologized to me. "I'm sorry too," I said against his chest.

He threaded his fingers through my hair, tightening his hold on me and kissing the top of my head. "No more lies," he said.

"No more lies," I agreed.

We stood that way a little longer. Little by little, I began to relax in his arms; easing into a steady acceptance that would no doubt take months to fully understand. But I was willing to try because I had Ethan. And I was going to do everything in my power to reciprocate the care and affection he constantly bestowed upon me.

No more hiding. No more secrets. No more lies.

Because now that I was with child, there was no more room left for second guessing.

Our very lives depended on it.