April's Fool

Paul looked sideways to check on April and saw that she was very upset and near breaking down. He said gently, "Hey, put your hands behind your head and take a few deep breaths. Tell me, in your own time. We still have one and a half hours before we're there."

April did as was told and five minutes later she started. A bit stammering at first but soon everything started pouring out.

"I was already irritated by your long stretches of working, especially the late shifts. I was always alone with the children at dinner. That's where the problems started. You did all the shopping, cooking, cleaning before you went to work. I told that once, quite proudly, to a friend of mine, but she blabbed and it kept coming back. 'April's fool, for all your household chores,'"mimicked April, like a radio ad.

"What they didn't see was me coming home taking care of the children alone when you worked evening-shifts, the empty bed when you worked night-shifts. Then Covid reared its ugly head and suddenly it seemed that you had to work every day, hours on end, including a double shift at Thanksgiving."

Paul wanted to say something but April stopped him with a chopping gesture of her hand. She went on, "When you told me that you had to work the holidays, too, it was almost too much. I went to my parents, dropped the kids and went shopping. I had a coffee somewhere, Charles saw me and asked why I looked so dispirited. We got to talking and over the weeks that followed, he whittled down my defenses and slowly made me distrust you. He had me convinced that you were cheating on me. Can you remember that time I called you while you were on the platform handling an emergency under a cargo aircraft?"

Paul nodded yes and said, " And it took me very long to call you back."

"I should've known better. Dad told me in no uncertain terms that you couldn't get off the airport without it being registered as such and that it always showed on your pay slip."

Paul kept his silence and after a while April started again, "That's when Charles got his hooks in me. I swear that I didn't sleep with him, though it was a close call. If my mother hadn't caught me kissing...." She left the rest unsaid.

Paul's hands were white on the steering wheel. April put her hand on the sleeve of his sweater, "Paul, I swear I'll do anything to get the man back from before this disastrous episode. I did some things that can only pass the spouse-test the Clinton way and I beg you for forgiveness. I am, still, your entitled, stupid wife, but I really would like to stay yours without the entitled and stupid part. I'm already looking for a counselor to work on the stupid and entitled part."

That information was new for Paul and he asked, "Who put you up to that? Your parents?"

"No, actually May and Thomas did. They bluntly declared me nuts to treat you as I did and told me to let someone have my head checked. I decided that they were right."

"Okay, April, now the sixty-four-million-dollar question: what do you want?" Paul asked.

"Do I really need to answer that question?"

"Yes! You do. I am not going to assume anything. You treated me like shit. You practically cheated on me and if you weren't caught and stopped, you would've ended up in bed with the man. So, tell me April: what is it that you want and what do you expect from me?"

April looked at Paul. She never experienced him to be so direct. Paul always took the diplomatic approach. She took a moment to find the best way to formulate her wishes.

"I want to be your wife. Forever. I want to be part of a happy family with you in it. I desperately want the man back that I left behind when I lost myself," she finally replied.

The words had barely left her mouth when Paul almost snarled, "April, that's not going to happen."

Scared now, April choked, "I definitely don't want a divorce but I understand it when you think my behavior was too much, and if you insist on going through with it, I...I won't fight it. But please, Paul, I swear that that card was not my idea and I would never have permitted Charles to send it."

Hearing the catch in her voice, Paul's tone calmed a bit. "That's not what I meant. I did some serious soul-searching myself and I came to the conclusion that besides working too much and neglecting you, I always gave in to your demands. I had to work so much to fulfill your wishes, and in doing so, I went over my own boundaries. Too far over my boundaries. I decided that that stops now as you may have noticed.

"Another thing is that I have another job. I've been promoted. This job means that I work four days a week for nine and a half hours. And once a month, I do a weekend shift according to a duty roster. No more evening and/or night shifts. Therefore, I'm not sure that you look at the same man you left behind months ago when you distanced yourself from me, and I'm not changing back."

"You're promoted? I didn't know that," April reacted surprised.

"I wanted to tell you. But you weren't there, remember? And when I wanted to tell you that I was in the running for it, you didn't want to talk to me, remember that too? I wanted to tell you at that time to hang on just a little longer but you left and sought comfort and understanding from another man. Suddenly I was practically useless, otiose even," retorted Paul with a fair amount of venom back in his voice.

Taken aback by the harsh reply and the frustration she detected in his voice, she nodded, realizing that she was the one that caused it. Therefore, she decided to address that before asking the burning question, whether they had a chance at reconciliation.

After a deep sigh, she said, "You are absolutely right. I've truly been a bitch to you to start with and truly stupid to fall for the glib words from that asshole, allowing him to reel me in. I know that I can do better."

Paul took a deep breath, looked sideways at the mother of his children and his wife for officially 15 years but in reality, half a year less. Then he looked on the road again and said, "I made a vow. I recall something like: for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part. I will love and honor you all the days of my life."

He, again, looked at April for a second before he went on, "This is 'the worse part', we're talking about. I don't take that vow lightly, unlike the woman I used to love with my whole being."

April swallowed bile when she heard the hard, but, oh so, true words from her husband. She felt an icy vacuum forming in her stomach. Somehow her instincts expected a rejection. She faded out, her thoughts tumbling all over the place.

Where am I going to live? What do I tell the children? Can I raise them without Paul's constant attendance? Ow shit! Are they going to stay with me? He, wait, what did he say?

"Excuse me Paul, can you say that again? I was panicking and I wasn't paying enough attention. I'm sorry."

"I said, "This is the 'for worse part'. Now, if I would run away and divorce you by the first serious issue, we have in all that time we're together I wouldn't be any better than you when you started to distance yourself from me. I decided that I, we, have to try to stay together. If you want that as well."

April was so convinced that this was the end that she couldn't switch gears so fast. In her mind one moment, she was heading towards a disastrous divorce due to her stupidity and the prenup but the next moment heard that she still had a fighting chance to save her marriage. She felt a deep relief and a heavy weight lifted from her heart.

She grabbed his hand but immediately realized her mistake as the car started to swerve. Luck had it that the road was empty because they violently crossed over to the other side.

"Careful!" Paul shouted as he wrestled the car back on track.

April giggled nervously, "Just like me in our marriage, I need my man to get me back on the straight and narrow. You are not going to regret this, Paul, I swear!"

"Don't count your chickens yet. I'm not going into this without some agreement about how we are going to do it and you might not like it very much. I think it's best if we talk about that in the company of your parents."

"My parents? Why?"

"Because they're already involved. Your mother pushed me almost too hard to give you another chance. Then I already threw them out for manipulating me during that phone call when I promised to think about having you and the children back. She had me cornered there and I was furious at her for doing so."

April mulled over what Paul said, "That's why they came home so suddenly. Now I understand. I'm sorry."

The rest of the journey was traveled in silence, but from the music coming out of the radio.

====

Paul parked the RAV4 in front of his in-law's house. Before he even got out, the front door opened and May came running towards him, shouting, "Daaaad! Thomas, Lindsey, Dad's here!" And she flung herself in his arms. Thomas tore through the front door and slammed himself into the other two, only to be followed shortly by Lindsey.

When they finally finished hugging each other they went inside where Thomas fired a verbal torpedo by anxiously asking, "Does that mean that you're not going to divorce mum?"

Four adults stood flabbergasted and chorused, "What!"

May sneered, "Yeah, right. Like we are stupid. Mum and Dad, not talking to each other for months due to Mum ignoring or ridiculing Dad. Then we're suddenly living here and Mum sees another man we have to call Uncle Charles."

The room went silent until April stammered, "Yes, I've been very stupid. Your dad and I have a lot to discuss and I hope to convince him that this was the first and the last time. I learned a very important lesson and you taught me part of it."

She walked over and hugged her children and asked, "Please forgive me and help me?"

====

Early that afternoon when Lindsey was playing at the neighbors and the two eldest were upstairs, two couples sat down around the table.

"Time to talk," Paul said somewhat tiredly.

"Can I have a go first?" April asked.

"The table is yours. Go ahead."

"Dear Paul, I realize that I could say I'm sorry a million times but it would never be enough, so I'll just say it once and not waste your time. I am sorry, Paul, and the only thing I can add is that I will try anything, do anything, to get in your good graces again. I really want the man back from before I started to mess up."

Paul looked at April. "For the record, I've said it before in the car and I will say it here in front of your parents, that is not going to happen."

June and Jack gasped from shock but Paul went on relentlessly, "I am not going to bend backwards again to meet all your needs anymore. I have gone too far beyond my own limits for that and that will not happen again. In other words, you are now sitting across from another man."

June interfered, "Does that mean that you're walking away?"

Whereupon Paul immediately said, "No, I really will try to save this marriage but April has to win my heart back. There is a lot of love burned away with her shenanigans and that escapade with another man. Mind you, there is still love but I do this mostly because honor and the love for my children demands it from me."

April hung her head. This is indeed another Paul, a different man than I knew. He never was so outspoken. Will I be able to make this man love me again?

Paul continued, "The divorce will be final in about 5 months. At the end of that period, we will see if we can stand each other, to see if we want to keep on trying. If not, I won't stop the procedure, so you better see a lawyer."

April's parents looked stricken and April herself looked white-faced at her husband who just kept steamrolling ahead.

"Now some logistics: I still work on a duty roster. Four days a week from 6am till 4pm with a half hour break. Once a month, there's a weekend shift, again from 6 till 4. In principle, I don't do overtime so I'm always home at half past four.

Paul took a breath because now he came to the most difficult part. "For the time being, you will be sleeping in the spare room until we decide that we are a couple again...if we decide that. Also, from now on, I will keep doing the things I started when you went AWOL."

When she gave a questioning look, he added, "Things like Tai Chi. I intend to introduce the children to it, too, so they can learn to defend themselves." April felt a little relieved. Except for the sleeping arrangement and she nodded encouragingly for Paul to go on.

"April, I promise that I will make a serious effort to reconcile but I have to warn you, if I have only an inkling that you are distancing yourself again, I'll ask questions and we will have a good talk about it. If you try to cold-shoulder me again, we're done and you get a one-way ticket to your parents."

April looked pensive before replying. "Dear Paul, yes, you are very dear to me although I understand that you would have difficulties believing that, believing me. After my parents and May and Thomas almost tore my head off, I realized that I'd lost my sense of reality.

"Therefore, I promise from the bottom of my heart that I will work as hard for our marriage as you. Harder perhaps because I have to repair a lot of damage, damage that I caused. And, Paul, I thank you for giving me the opportunity to show that, from now on, I will be the loving wife I promised to be in our wedding vows."

Paul looked April in her eyes and could see that she really was remorseful. She returned his gaze with wet, red-rimmed eyes.

"Good," he said. "Let's start with rebuilding our future. Please go and call the children and load the car. We're going home."

April went upstairs and Paul turned to look at June. "June, don't manipulate me into a corner ever again and don't interfere. Give April advice but leave me alone. Yesterday I almost said some things that I'm certain I would have regretted if I had said it out loud."

"Yes, Paul," June said meekly. "I'll try and Jack will help me. He had some harsh words for me, in the car after you threw us out."

====

A few hours later, Paul was lugging the trunks into the house. The children were running in, through, and out of the house, very happy to be home again.

Later that evening both adults sat exhausted, each on a side of the couch, when Paul asked, "Is there something you'd like to do? Us, together with the children?"

April's head shot up and turned so fast in Paul's direction that her brains practically overshot a quarter inch inside her skull. "You don't have to work? It was your day off today, wasn't it?"

"You better get used to it. I'm on four days a week from 6am till 4pm, plus a weekend, once a month. That means I'll be home more, a lot more. Think about it. For now, I'm off to bed."

He was starting to walk upstairs when April called him back. She walked over, moving close in front of him, and said, "Yes, I think I like your new schedule. I think I'll like it very much. And I would very much like to have a picnic at the lake and hire some canoes. Oh, and, I'd like to make a deal with you."

"Okay, what?"

"Whatever happens, we never leave, or for instance go to bed, without saying goodbye and when one comes back, saying hello? Can we do that?"

"I wholeheartedly agree. Somewhere we lost that and that's not good."

April pulled his head down and gave him a soft kiss on his lips and whispered, "Thank you for giving me another chance. I love you, Good night and sleep well."

She climbed the stairs, leaving a flabbergasted Paul behind to watch her seductively sway her hips as she went.

=====

A few months later.

April was with her parents while Paul was off with May, Thomas and Lindsey on a Tai Chi training weekend. He'd insisted that they must learn to defend themselves, and they loved it, especially Lindsey, who took to it like a duck to water.

The last months hadn't been easy for either Paul and April. Counseling laid bare a lot of frustration festering in both. Working shifts had been a way of life for Paul, but they took a heavy toll on April, making her feel akin to a sailor's woman. She'd been alone with the kids and lonely, but now Paul was home more and on a regular schedule so she had trouble getting used to it.

April was sitting with her mother in front of the ice cream parlor, catching up on the latest events. She told June about Charles Marsh's trial, where he'd been found guilty and sentenced to six years in prison and a fine of $10,000. He'd also been given a restraining order forbidding him any contact with the Fowler family ever again.

"That's good, dear. So, how are things between you and Paul?" June asked her daughter.

"I don't know," April replied. "Mostly, things are pretty relaxed. Paul acts almost as I was used to before..."

"Almost?" June asked, eyebrows raised.

April looked at her balled fists. Why is it so difficult to talk about this? Even with my mother?

It didn't go unnoticed by June and she gently encouraged, "I'm your mother, dear. You have to talk to someone so it might just as well be with me. Tell me what's missing."

April sighed, hating to admit it, but needing to do so at the same time. "Intimacy, Mom, that's what's missing. No hugs, no kisses, nothing. We have a completely platonic marriage. I don't know what to do."

"What do you mean? Isn't he taking initiative, or isn't he allowing you to touch him at all?" June asked.

"No initiative. I can hug him but it feels like I'm hugging a rubber doll. He just doesn't reciprocate."

"You don't get any reaction?"

April thought back and said, "Yeah, an involuntary reaction, like last week. I hugged him hard because he helped me write a CV for a job and thanks to that, I got the job. I was so happy that I jumped into his arms and I felt him get hard when I ground my pelvis against him. But then, he patted me on the shoulder and congratulated me and walked away. Understandably with the children at home, but a little smooching was well within the possibilities."

"You have a job? How wonderful! What kind of job and when do you start?"

"Monday, next week. At school, in the media library as the librarian assistant. Twenty-five hours a week, school holidays paid, social security, and my own health insurance. It's nowhere near what Paul is bringing in, but everything helps."

"Paul didn't object?"

"No, he encouraged it. He said that, maybe, part of the problem was my feeling of self-worth because I was at home all the time and he was only working. It's not that he is ignoring me all the way. Except for the physical part, I have my caring, witty and supportive husband back. I'm only afraid that if we miss out on the physical side of our marriage, he will let the divorce go through. I won't deny him anything and I crave his touch but Paul shows no initiative at all."

June thought for a while. "April, I think that you are thinking the wrong way about this. You want Paul to claim you sexually as his wife again, correct?"

April looked at her hands again and whispered, "Yes, that's what I hoped for."

"What if Paul thinks that you were the one pushing him away and now you must be the one to take the initiative to get him to do his husbandly duties again?"

"You think so?"

"Oh, yes. I would blatantly seduce the pants off him, if I were you."

"How am I going to do that?"

June smirked, "First we're going to do some shopping. Second, the children will be staying here for the weekend. It's been a long time since they stayed over. We'll come and pick them up next Friday after school."

April's face showed doubt, but June wasn't finished yet. "When you're alone with him you pounce. You...you serve him dinner. Let's say, sushi, Paul loves good sushi, and you're to serve it to him with chopsticks into his mouth. When he accepts the third one you give him the next one between your lips."