Ashlee

"Marcus, have you...have you talked to Ashlee recently?"

"Yesterday," I responded since I caught a hint of seriousness in Harley's otherwise timid tone. "She came out to visit me at work for a bit. Why do you ask?"

The phone was quiet for what felt like an eternity until Harley told me, "Marcus, I really don't want to be the one to tell you this, so I hope it was mentioned at some point when you spoke to Ashlee, but..."

I patiently waited for the young woman to finish her sentence. She was certainly struggling with doing so, and I wondered why whatever it was that she needed to tell me was so difficult to mention. "Go ahead, Harley. You can tell me whatever it is you need to say."

I could actually hear Harley's apprehension. When she was finally able to speak again, she told me, "This isn't something you should hear from me, but I have a bad feeling you're going to have to. Marcus, I'm not quite sure how to tell you this, but some of the kids from school have been talking and sending messages online. Word has started circulating amongst certain groups of students about the night of the formal...you know, the night of the party at Nikki's house."

Ah. So that's whose house we had been at. I remained cool and collected as I asked, "What about that night, Harley?"

The young woman was silent again as she tried to find the right words to tell me the news she had for me. When she finally spoke, I had no doubt in my mind that it was one of the hardest things she had ever had to tell anybody. "Well, word circulated pretty fast about you and Ashlee...having sex."

I didn't think that Ashlee would kiss and tell, but it wasn't like it was something I was ashamed of. Of course, I didn't want my parents hearing about it even though it wasn't like I was of age, but I knew the lectures would be never-ending about how careful I needed to be and how I could be "throwing my life away" if I wasn't ready to deal with the consequences. Since I was no longer in school, though, I couldn't think of any way that they'd find out.

It took me a minute to realize that I was still on the phone with Harley. Since she wasn't talking, I'm sure she was waiting for me to say something, and I finally did when I mumbled, "Um, yeah. We...did."

Harley's end of the line was silent for the longest time until she said in a voice just above a whisper, "Marcus, did she tell you about what she did?"

I was confused. Did Harley mean to ask if Ashlee had told me that she told people? If that was the case, she hadn't, but again, it wasn't something I was embarrassed of. Making love to a beautiful woman like Ashlee could've been viewed by most as a badge of honor. Unsure of how to answer my friend on the phone, I simply said, "I don't think so..."

"Marcus, did you want her showing other people the videotape?"

I was rendered silent. I had absolutely no idea what Harley was talking about. "Huh?"

The reserved female on the other end of the line did her best to explain everything she knew to me. "Well, some of the kids from school were congratulating Ashlee and the others for their musical performance, and when they started asking what the band was called, it was Nikki who told everyone that they had decided on the name, 'the SPs.'"

"SPs?" I asked, unsure of what the heck she meant.

"I wondered the same thing, and when others asked about it also, Nikki told everyone it stood for..." Harley clammed up and I could tell that she didn't want to say it aloud. When she finally did so, her voice was once again a whisper as she mumbled, "It stands for the 'Squirting...Pussies.'"

"Um...what?" I was at a loss for words.

"Marcus, Nikki and the others convinced Ashlee that they wanted to name the band that after seeing the video."

"What video?" I queried.

"The one that was filmed of the two of you while you were...being intimate."

My heart sank. I had no idea what Harley was talking about. "Wha...?"

"I don't quite know the details, but apparently you and Ashlee decided to be...intimate in Nikki's parents' room. I don't know who did it, but someone had set up a camcorder in there and got everything on tape. I guess it's hard to see since it was pretty dark, but it was obvious that at one point, you made Ashlee...well, you know."

I was in complete shock. My mind was trying to wrap itself around the information Harley had given me. I couldn't believe that my first time having sex with Ashlee had been caught on videotape...and I wondered just who had set it up. Was Ashlee as upset as I was? Why hadn't she told me about it so I could be prepared if anyone asked? How had I not noticed anything was amiss in the bedroom? I had a million different questions buzzing through my skull.

"I'm so sorry to be the one to tell you this, Marcus," Harley sincerely told me. "Ashlee seemed pretty excited about it, and I'm not sure how many people she and her friends have shown the video to. But, yeah...I guess after what was caught on tape, they finally decided to name their band after that little...moment."

"Wait," I was finally able to speak up. "Did you say that Ashlee has been showing people the video?"

"Yeah. She's really proud of it. I mean, it's none of my business if the two of you truly love each other and are okay with people seeing it, but I guess I just had this feeling in my gut that you probably didn't know anything about the video."

"I...I didn't," I responded in a hoarse voice as I continued to digest everything Harley was telling me. Deep down, I did love Ashlee...in the same way I had loved Sara, Tessa and the other women who had been huge parts of my life and helped to shape the man I would eventually become. I would always have some part of all the women in my life nestled away in a space in my heart, but to know that Ashlee would allow others to see our most intimate moment without asking me...it hurt.

"I'm sorry, Marcus. This was none of my business, but I...I care about you. I had a feeling you didn't know about any of this, and I didn't want something to happen further down the road and you'd find out about it at an inopportune moment. I'm...I'm sorry."

"No, this isn't your fault, Harley. I...I really appreciate you calling. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Marcus. I...I better let you go. I...I hope work gets better for you, Marcus." Harley quickly tried to reiterate her last statement as she said, "I really meant that, Marcus! It wasn't meant to sound sarcastic or anything!"

I nodded even though she couldn't see me do so. I understood what she was telling me. "Thank you, Harley. And you enjoy the rest of your vacation before school starts up again. Thank you for calling." I then hung up the phone and tried to figure out what I was going to do next.

* * *

On the afternoon of the final day of the year, I sat next to Ashlee in her basement on the black leather couch we had had so much fun on in the past. She was going on and on about all the fun things she wanted to do during the rest of her winter break from school, and she told me all about a new game she planned on playing for the next few days. She was super excited by everything going on.

I wasn't sure how the hell to bring up that I knew about the video, and I certainly wasn't going to mention Harley's name since I didn't want Ashlee linking anything to the sheepish girl. When I was finally ready, I cut the gothic babe short when I said, "Ashlee, we need to talk."

Hearing the seriousness in my voice, Ashlee focused her attention on me and asked, "What's up?"

I nearly froze since I wasn't sure how she'd react. I remained stern as I finally found my courage and asked, "When you and I made love, did anyone else know about it?"

"What do you mean?" The sly female asked with a devious grin on her face.

"Did you...tell anyone?"

"Well hell yeah I did!" She exclaimed as her words practically jumbled into one and she climbed off her couch to begin dancing about the room. "When a girl gets her pussy pounded by a stud like you, Marcus, she's going to let the world know about it! Why the hell wouldn't I?"

I couldn't say that I wasn't proud to hear her confession, but I was still bothered. "Is that...all you did?"

"What do you mean?" She asked as she stopped prancing about.

"Did you just tell people about us?" I asked. "I'm fine with people knowing because 'being' with you was a great honor, but did you just tell people about us...or show people as well?"

Ashlee froze. I could tell that she didn't know how to respond.

"I heard a rumor about your new band name," I told the dark-haired female. I then fibbed a bit in order to protect Harley as I said, "I heard that you ladies are going by the moniker, 'the SPs.' I wasn't sure what it stood for at first, but a few guys who came into the video game store yesterday that were at the party kept giving me goofy looks, and when I finally asked them what was going on, they came clean...and I heard what it stood for."

"Who was it?" Ashlee inquired in a perturbed tone.

"I have no idea what their names are," I lied since there hadn't actually been any guys to begin with. "But they told me a videotape was making the rounds amongst certain groups of students from the school...and it was of a 'graphic' nature."

Knowing that I had caught her red-handed, Ashlee took a seat next to me and confessed, "Okay, Marcus. Don't be angry with me, but on the night when you and I did it, Rachel hid a camcorder in the room and told me it was up and running. I wanted to catch our first time on tape so we'd always have the moment preserved. You can't blame me for that!"

I couldn't blame her because deep down, knowing that I had been caught on video was not only kind of hot, but was also quite a boost to my self-esteem. What upset me, though, was the fact that she was showing it to other people without asking me first. It felt like something intimate that should've been kept between her and myself. "So, why are you showing it to other people?"

"Why the fuck not?" Ashlee asked as she threw her hands up. "Shit, Marcus, do you realize how amazingly gratifying that fuck was? You ravaged me in every fucking way possible, and you saw how my pussy exploded! Do you realize how jealous the other girls were?"

I was finally able to look Ashlee in the eye as I honestly told her, "I don't care about the other girls, Ashlee! I care about you!"

My raven-tressed compeer was quiet for a moment until standing up again and asking, "I don't know why you're pissed about this, Marcus! You pounded the shit out of me - in a good way - and you seem to be upset by the fact that I want to show that off!"

"I think you should've asked me first, Ashlee!" I told the raving female. "Something that should be cherished between the two of us like that shouldn't be shown to other people!"

"Oh, grow up, Marcus! This isn't the 1500's! We're not living in the golden days, anymore! People fuck...and they show it off!"

I couldn't believe what Ashlee was saying. I had always known her to be a free spirit, but I never thought it would come to this. I was quite upset, but I could never be truly angry with her. However, that didn't stop me from asking, "Where's the tape?"

Once again, Ashlee froze. She didn't respond right away.

"Ashlee?"

She sat down next to me and admitted, "I...don't have it."

"What? Where is it?"

"Nikki has it. She was...she was making a copy for me."

I was furious as I sprang to my feet. "You don't even have the tape? You let your friend keep something of you and me?"

"She's making a copy for me!" Ashlee tried to make things sound better. "She wanted to make sure if I lost one, I would have a spare!"

"I can't believe this," I muttered under my breath as I walked over to her TV and stood next to it. "There's a videotape of you and me making love...and we don't even have it in our possession!"

"What's the big deal?" Ashlee asked me. "I'm going to get it back! I couldn't live without that thing for long!"

"How many people have seen this tape, Ashlee?"

The young woman refused to meet my eyes.

I knew I wasn't going to receive a straight answer. I was angry, but not at Ashlee. That probably doesn't make any sense, but I couldn't truly be upset with her. She had been honest about everything else with me, and she sincerely believed that what she had done hadn't been bad. Still, I couldn't get over the fact that something I held as sacred as our moment of love-making was being shown off to perfect strangers and being used to create obscene band names. Maybe I was being overdramatic, but I needed space.

"I...I think I should leave," I told Ashlee. "I told my family I would watch a few movies with them tonight. They'll be waiting for me."

"Marcus..."

"It's...it's okay, Ashlee. We can talk about this more later."

Ashlee darted over to me and threw her arms around me. "I'm sorry, Marcus! I didn't mean to do anything to hurt you!"

"I know," I told her as I returned the embrace. "I know. It's just that...that moment was something I wanted to share with you...and you only. I just...I just need a little time to think."

"Okay," Ashlee responded with a sniffle. "I'll talk to you soon?"

"Of course," I told the wonderful woman as I finally broke away and grasped her shoulders. "You have a fun time celebrating the new year, Ashlee."

"You too, Marcus."

I turned to leave without looking back. If I looked back, I knew it would hurt too much.

* * *

As much as I didn't want it to happen, I was well aware that the moment I walked out of Ashlee's house, things would inevitably start to crumble. We were mature about things and remained friends, but we hardly talked on the phone and we rarely hung out. I still adored the girl and I knew she was crazy about me, but that little videotape fiasco caused a rift that drove us apart. When I look back on it, I know it sounds silly and I probably come off as the bad guy, but I truly felt betrayed at the time and didn't know how else to handle it.

I would always care about Ashlee and would be there for her in a second if she needed me, but taking a break was what was best for both of us. If things were meant to be, fate would bring us back together. Fate...what a funny word.

It seemed to have many different things in store for me...

END OF ASHLEE'S TALE