All Comments on 'Ask the Right Questions Ch. 01'

I love your writing, your previous series kept me clamoring for the next installment. I think maybe, though, the subliminal hints from the psychiatrist's interview, to a boss addressing him, (now her) as Cassidy, left a big unexplained hole. I'm confident that you'll fill that in later, but it made this first chapter a bit weird, not as cohesive, yet.

I think you're right Erica... I should have smoothed that transition out better from past to present day, adding even a little crumb or two hooking back to Cazz's past quicker and not leave that confusing void. I'm going to ruminate on it and see what I can do to tweak it (IDK if I can update it, but will ping someone). It does become clear as this moves on that Army Ranger Cazz and Cass (Cassidy) are one in the same person. I got some work to do. Thank you for the comment! Very much appreciated!

XOXO

Rachel M. Moore

You do a fantastic job. I agree that there's a giant hole here.

Rachel, I love the build up. Story is great. Would like to see how he gets from private psychologist to Arizona. Big jump. And then from sleeping with a ??? To possibly transgender. Lot of missing details. I'm hoping the next chapters fill in the jumps. Keep writing you've captured my interest.

Hey sweetie I read your first story and absolutely loved it this one started a little slow for me and I can't wait to see what you're ramping up to I love your riding I look forward to further chapters

I'd like to first apologize for the gapping hole. My intent was to sprinkle in Cass' past from 6 years ago getting booted from the Army to getting a real story to sink her teeth in. I should have taken greater care in spreading those details. Is dropped a couple single grains of sand - when I should have been spreading a better layer of topsoil. THIS is why comments from readers are so important! I'm writing this, reading it, knowing what I want to say / where I'm going - but the reader isn't and I really boof'd this one up. I dropped the second chapter and almost feel like I should take it all down and retool everything. I will only say I didn't want to get into the minutia of every aspect of Cass' transition - but I shouldn't have hidden so many detail. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for cluing me it! These comments are GOLD!

XOXO

Rachel M. Moore

I found the story started very good with the army and I thought that was the direction of the story. I understood his being released from the army understandable and the office visit with the shrink made sense which became incredibly clear as we were keyed into his inner monologue which I could easily relate to as PTSD since reading his problem of spiraling which made me very uncomfortable since it came off as very genuine so a definite thumbs up for nailing the nuances of that. Unfortunately I was fairly lost after that as it kinda jumped to different scenes without any reason or backstory of these things having any relation to his current situation. I think if you or an editor take the time to read through the story remembering that the reader isn’t clued in on knowing where the story is going or even the reasons for Cass being in the situation they are in which you as the author have all that info which allows you to understand things we wouldn’t.

This has the making of being a great read once we all know where it is going. You are a good writer which you proved in previous work, I think maybe this was possibly rushed but that is just a guess. I look forward to seeing where you take this story next. Thanks for putting all the time and effort into creating your stories and posting them, it is appreciated.

Alexandra

Messy list of events, no real story to enjoy...I stopped when Lena came on the page...Sorry but this for me was not enjoyable reading at all.

Not to be contrarian, but I actually disagree with the comments about the jump. So much time and effort is spent in so many other stories regarding transition and all the little minutiae and details. For most of us reading about the topic, that's nothing new, and while self-discovery is a compelling story, it's not THIS story (or at least it isn't the PRIMARY focus of this story). There's something to be said for jumping forward to a point where all of that is said and done and we, the readers, are now getting clued in on it bit by bit. In media res, but in this case with a cold open, basically. Was it jarring? Absolutely, but some stories benefit from that effect, and I think this is one of those stories. If that was unintentional, it still worked to tremendous effect in my mind. If it was intentional, then well done!

I've already read Chapter 2, and I like where it has gone and where it's going.

Great points being made with these comments. I'm the author and it's at my feet to 1.) not waste your time / frustrate you while reading my story and 2.) make it enjoyable. I hear you and I'm going to rewrite this first chapter - detailing more how Cazz became Cass. Those that are registered - I've sent you messages. Those not - I'm Thanking you in bulk for taking the time to comment. IT WILL MAKE ME A BETTER WRITER KNOWING THIS STUFF. Not everything I write is going to resonate with everyone - I get it - but I, and I do read a lot to TG fiction, don't want my time wasted or my mind not engage / confused as the WTH I'm reading. Great, great comments.

My approach was to set a little back story - the Army, the shrink, the Hispanic pressures, and the joining the Army to be "a man". Done, I needed to get Cazz' life rolling to the suppressed side of his psyche - but didn't take enough care in doing that and plopped you right into a transitioned Cazz. I could have done better, but in some of those crumbs from Cass' past get sprinkled along the way. I was trying to be too cute - it obviously didn't resonate with some. I will say though, I didn't want to write the typical transition story and bore you with 'I bought my first bra / panty set..' kind of dribble. Cass certainly had transition issues that could make for interesting writing - I chose to jump over that and reference her past as the story moves.

ALL VALID COMMENTS! And, what you may not get from the effort is that they help me understand what I'm doing better - so I don't step in IT again and stink up the room or worse - waste your time. That part annoys me to death when I'm reading TG fiction - wasted time... The last thing I'll say is there is a story here - if you can accept Cazz to Cass, imagine what that took, and what kind of conflict her present day mixed with a drive to appear as a "man" for his family back then.

I appreciate all these comments and they truly are GOLD!

XOXO

Rachel M. Moore

As with some of the other comments, the jump to "Cass" was a surprise, but I'm still invested. I do like the "time line" aspect that you have incorporated into the story. Looking forward to the rest of the story.