All Comments on 'At The Pool (for a Shy Guy)'

Not to be nasty as it has a good concept. But get an editor or at least proof read it first. There are lots of perspective switches in the first few paragraphs that made this difficult to read

This story could go so much furter and in so many directions... Keep the perspective (1st or 3rd person etc) in the right spot and you have a great story here. Keep it up, I'd like to see more!

You are right, that was sloppy, and I am annoyed with myself. In fact I have been a bad girl and need to be punished ... ahem ... actually the explanation is that this started ages ago as a draft of a story addressing the main character in the second person, and in the present tense. I eventually decided this did not work and thought I had fully converted it to third-person. But I was not attentive enough. I wonder if Literotica would let me withdraw and re-submit, cos otherwise I don't think it's too bad.

for concept and intrigue. Keep it up!

Yes, needs a bit of polish, but has plenty of unf.....

I think we need the further adventures of Kevin. He still has his virginity and I can image a series of adventures as he doesn't quite manage to get rid of it. Poor Kevin... .

I thought the story was really hot, especially since you used your own name. (It doesn't matter if Leanne isn't your real name.)

Wow..that was perfect. Creative, short, hot, and realistic. Please...I want...need...more.

Leanne, this certainly wasn't your best effort, but it was oh so hot for me, I was caught one time in a similar situation on a beach in Bremerhaven Germany. For a guy known to become uncontrollably hot with the slightest provocation, this story reminded me of my Bremerhaven adventure. I got so hot and bothered looking at that intoxicating beauty in a daring white bathing suit that I wasn't sure I was going to be able to live through it. I will save that story for another time.

Assuming the character in this story not only shared your name but also your gorgeous good-looks, I can only imagine what would happen to me if I ran across you somewhere in my travels clad in a revealing outfit. In the future, every time I run across a gorgeous elfin blonde with a body to kill for, I will inquire, "Hey there! Are you the Leanne?!"