All Comments on 'Athena Corp Chronicles Ch. 03'

The good points are the interactions between Jacob / Anastasia and Jacob / Mistress Snow. ('Madam Snow' makes her sound like an elderly French teacher.). I liked how Mistress Snow talked to Jacob in this chapter but would have liked to have heard her torture him mentally about what is to become of him. Of how - this time - he no longer has the option to go back to being the world's richest man. That option is gone for good. Maybe that has not fully dawned on him yet? The author can do Domme / sub conversations well so it would have been nice for Snow and Jacob to have had a more deeper conversation not just about their past relationship but about the truth of his situation.

I liked Mistress Snow bringing a small cock cage for him - would have liked her to have had some demeaning dialogue to him around that - and I loved the bit about telling him that he could talk freely as he would never know when he would have the chance to do so again. I liked the detail of her standing up fully and flexing her crop before telling him that.

Loved the description of Mistress Snow's new outfit and the fact that she had lost some weight. An earlier description of her in the last chapter made her sound... fat. Plump is never a good word to describe any female character, Domme or otherwise, who is supposed to entice the reader sexually. Middle-aged matron is worse. (There's the elderly French teacher again.). So glad that the truly awful sounding white suit-jacket and loose, silky black pants have gone.

Jacob's reaction to Mistress Snow seems very unnatural though considering what has happened to him so far. He talked to her as if he was chairing a management meeting and still very much in charge of his destiny and of others. (I was expecting him at one point to call out to his personal assistant to bring him a coffee - one sugar, extra black and a croissant.) Considering that he has, in previous chapters, been beaten black & blue and fucked repeatedly by numerous Dommes (Including, in one sequence, burnt horrifically that it made for unpleasant reading. Surely he would have needed ER treatment and many weeks recovering?), he would, by now, no longer be so cocky. Where are his nerves creeping in, his self-doubt about the choice he first made to seek out his own downfall, fears, unable to go back, etc, that even the most narcissistic person would be having after such abuse? He has, after all, given up everything, asked to be turned into a slave and that request, albeit very slowly, is now happening. He would be feeling some element of being submissive by now wouldn't he? Isn't that how we last saw him at the end of Chapter 2?

It is disappointing that he is being farmed out to the endless no-face, no-name, no-interest to this reader Dommes of Mistress Snow. Who cares about these nameless Dommes who clearly lack the presence of either Anastasia or Mistress Snow? ("Have fun, Headmistress!" - is that how the powerful Dominatrix Mistress Snow is addressed by her employees? I thought that she managed the best Dommes in the business? Not what sounded like gum chewing high schoolers.). The interaction between Jacob / Anastasia and Jacob / Mistress Snow is the exciting bit. (Perhaps it would be good to also some of his former Athena staff brought in as new Dommes?) I loved the early interaction between Anastasia and Jacob but she appears to have gone off elsewhere on some nonsense side story about empire building, sleeping with government agents, etc, which have distracted from the enjoyment of the core story. Who gives an F about all of that? Frankly, they are not interesting. Not to this reader anyway.

This story sadly is all over the place. Which is a real shame. Everything is happening so slowly as well. The slow place would not be such a problem if the chapters were coming frequently but they are intermittent with many months between each one. You have to have a strong core or theme to keep the reader interested. This story doesn't have it. Or rather, it does have it - Jacob being transformed into an enternal slave by a powerful Domina and an equally powerful former 'friend'- perhaps ex-lover - and Mistress. It goes off on too many tangents though.

There is tremendous potential in this story but I am out. The best bit of it is not going anywhere. The best bit is actualy very good. I doubt that the author will see the compliment here. But there is not enough of the good to keep me waiting for the next chapter sometime in 2022. A real, real shame.

Hi Anonymous. I do read all my feedback, so your fears were unfounded in that regard. I'm flattered that you would leave such a long comment and care so deeply about this story, but I'll make a few points in response to your remarks.

1) It should go without saying that different readers like different things. Plump doesn't necessarily mean fat, but whether its meant that way or not, a Domme with some extra meat on her bones can be very appealing to a lot of people. I'm writing Madam Snow as a mature Domina, although she's still conventionally attractive for the most part. Still, a story (especially a longer series) with only conventionally attractive Dommes would betray a lack of range and imagination.

2) I use a third person omnipotent writing style and I don't stick to specific characters being the point-of-view characters. I find that much too restrictive. In this chapter, Jacob's point of view was barely used at all. He is a main character, but that doesn't mean I'll always be in his head space. This is intentional, as I prefer to oscillate the point of view and provide different perspectives depending on the scene and what I think works best. I appreciate that you want to get in Jacob's head and experience what he's thinking and feeling, but readers can infer things based on actions and dialogue as well.

3) Madam Snow explicitly stated, before the conversation in question, that they could talk informally and not as Mistress and slave before their play began. They have history together (which will be explored more in the future) and that's the reason for the tone shift. Also, Jacob is somewhat disappointed that he's being given to Madam Snow and her other Dommes to play with even though he knows obeying this edict is following Anastasia's will. This is a form of suffering and degradation that is new to him (one that he can't control by explicitly paying for a service) and he's not sure what to think of it. You're free to disagree, but I think these conditions explain the flow and tone of the conversation well. As for how her fellow Dommes address her, Madam Snow is stern while her girls are still in training, but the longer she knows them, the more they're treated like family. To me, it wouldn't make sense for them to show too much deference. They're all Dommes after all and you don't treat a fellow Domme like a slave or submissive, even if they're working for you.

4) Athena Corp Chronicles, as the name would suggest, is not just about Ana, Jake and Madam Snow. It's going to be a long series with many characters and wider themes. Who gives an F about that? I suspect a lot of people will. Writing content that's half plot, half stroke story is kind of what I do and I think there's a hunger out there for titillation beyond just pure sexual description. I think an interesting story can enhance good sex scenes.

5) I wouldn't say the story is all over the place so much as it's still just getting started. As for the pace of my writing, more chapters of ACC are already written, however my supporters get them a lot sooner. (See my profile for more information about that.) My readers who enjoy the content I publish for free have to wait longer for the next chapter. I don't love doing it that way, but I'm trying to make a career out of my writing.

I totally understand if this isn't turning out the way you hoped and therefore it's not your cup of tea, but I have to tell the tales I'm motivated to, or I wouldn't be doing it at all. Jake Telos will definitely be getting more harsh treatment in the future, from Ana, Madam Snow and others, but he's going to go through several phases on his journey. If you don't have the patience or interest to see it through, it's all good.

ChainedToAKeyboard - just to add, if I had not thought the story worthy I would not have bothered writing such a review. I like the bits of it I like. Yes, I hoped it would go in a different direction but it is your story at the end of the day.

I will simply imagine some different interactions between Madam Snow, Anastasia and their new slave :-) I will think of his struggles as they remind him of what he was and will now forever be. Thanks for planting the seeds.