All Comments on 'Ava and Ole: The Real Vows 01'

She takes a lover, or two and makes him her cuckold.

5 stars. A very promising start indeed. So exciting !

Excellent beginning.

Poorly written, poorly thought through 2☆s of course

Well done! The story captures the essence of a new husband’s devotion to his Queen in an almost palpable sense. She takes his adoration and service to her in their female led relationship (FLR) to a new level. The author does an excellent job of conveying how passion can overcome Ole’s anxiety about surrendering to his bride. It is plain to the reader that Ava is consolidating her power over Ole and intends to wield control over him in all aspects of their life together. A woman who is as determined as Ava will likely seek to guarantee her husband’s service to her in a written contract.

Good story, but I would have preferred if Ava had at least waited until the honeymoon was over before she sprung this concept on Ole. Too much, too soon.

I think all the comments below are basically correct -- both the good ones and the bad ones.

To be erotic, a story has to have characters. The characters have to act for rational reasons. Much of what is erotic is about the seduction, the buildup. I think this could be a really good story, but it has to start by placing the characters in a time and place, and explain their motivations and preceding events, so that the first sex scene has some foundation. Maybe Ava was hinting at something before the wedding, and Ole had some kind of inkling of what was coming, and was curious -- and maybe had a not-quite-conscious understanding that he's submissive. On the wedding night, Ava asks a few questions and draws out Ole's understanding that even he hadn't recognized consciously. Something like that.

But the only kind of thing that happens the way you describe in the first few paragraphs is a street mugging.

This is promising enough that I would read another of your stories -- hopefully this helps craft something.

I also agree with several of those before me. My problem, and yes, I know this is fiction and fantasy writing, is this marriage is doomed. There will come a day when Ole says enough is enough but Ava, already having shown her true colors (I get whatever I want), will go off the deep end and when she does the end will only be right around the corner.