All Comments on 'Awakening - KIm'

Sweet

Nicely told story (and first offering to boot, congratulations), liked the way you ratcheted up the tension, spun out the excitement (although could have done without some of the over-the-top descriptions, 'perky tits' indeed.) And no scientist ever does as much experimentation as early onset arousal, nicely captured.

'but my little inner whore spoke up'

May the speaking never stop, well done.

Yowser - thanks so much for comments. I now see what you mean about going a little too far when it wasn’t necessary. It does get a little too “dear penthouse, I never thought it would happen to me, but….” in places. I’m totally new to this. I am a songwriter (hence songwriter Kim) but have never tried prose, so I’ll take all the feedback I can get!

Good for the first time. Down to earth and easy to follow with clear cut characters.

I do agree with the previous comment about a nicely told story, and, I feel, an unusual conception and perspective as well.

However, I don't agree about the descriptive passages, since I believe that this is where you missed your mark; there was not nearly the quantity or quality of description that there could have and should have been, especially in her early explorations and awakenings.

There was where you had a chance to bring your readers along with her on her journey of awakening and ecstasy. If there was a surplus of description it was in the generalities, at the expense of specifics.

Great sex is built on a foundation of sensuality - and of course the root word there is 'sensual,' or of the senses. There was a rich vein there that went unexplored and unexploited. She and we could have discovered Dean's cock and reactions bit by bit with her, through exquisitely detailed descriptions of all the initial, and then changing sights, feelings, tastes, sounds and smells, from first contact to that last spectacular finish. Just like real sex.

I also feel you could have taken the tension up exponentially through describing in far greater detail what she was feeling physically, sexually and sensually with each new technique and experience of this journey of discovery and delight. It would have been a much fuller and more sensual experience for all of us.

But again, brilliantly conceived, and I thank you for the read that it was. I would also suggest finding an editor to work with. Every gem requires a great deal of polish.

I loved it, don't change anything. I have written one erotic story and yours blows mine away. Not sure I want to post mine now.

Thank you, anonymous. I’ve taken your comments and applied them to my second story which I’ve uploaded and am awaiting publishing. This one will feature Robyn, Stevie’s…um, I mean….Steve’s uptight girlfriend. Hopefully, I’ve gotten a little closer to the “sensual” style you describe.

Aww thanks Whacky76. Don’t get spooked. I do a lot of songwriting and am used to stuff like metaphor, dialogue, scene painting etc. I really hope this site is about community and mutual support, not comparison. Post it out there loud and proud!

Fantastic story!

Erotic perfection, pure and 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟 simple.