Awakenings: Joanna

I patted the bed next to me and looked at her with my head tilted. I could see the desire and doubt in her eyes, but she shook her head.

"You're drunk and you've just been dumped," she said calmly. "I'm not one to take advantage of anyone. If you want me to come to your bed, invite me when you're sober and feeling fine. I'll consider it then," she said and smiled at me.

"For now, good night, Jo," she said and kissed the top of my head, turned around and walked out of my bedroom, not closing the door behind her.

I looked at the doorway for a minute, before falling on my bed. The world spun around for a while and I kept staring at the ceiling. The day's events kept running through my head, from early morning's happiness to afternoon's terrible ones, to evening's rather pleasant ones.

There was a buzz in my head that I tried to ignore, but I couldn't. I thought about getting up and getting washed and taking a shower, but, after trying to sit up resulted in a queasy feeling and me falling back to bed, I decided to skip it for today and I'd take a shower in the morning. I closed my eyes and tried to ignore the world spinning. It did not work. I was too worked up, and what happened before kept returning to my head.

I tried to reason with myself and tried to figure out why I felt like I did. I concluded that I had no fucking idea, and it was probably the alcohol. But it didn't explain everything. It didn't explain why my breathing was still so quick, why my heart beat so fast and why... why did my 'downstairs' almost burn?

The image of Kat falling on top of me popped into my mind again. Her eyes staring into mine, her body pressed against me. Without realizing it, I noticed my hand had slipped into my panties and I was soaking. It wasn't from the storm outside, but the storm inside. I didn't have answers to any questions. Why did this happen? I'd never before gotten so excited by someone just lying on me.

On the contrary, I thought I had a problem on 'that front' and had to take measures when dealing with men before. They didn't like when I used products to make things easier and blamed me for it, and I had believed all of it. But clearly they - and I - had been wrong. I had the evidence here, literally at my fingertips!

I moaned softly as my fingers slid around my lips. What am I doing? Am I really doing this? Thinking about Kat, about another woman, and touching myself? But thinking about her made me so excited, so aroused, and I couldn't explain it away. Her lips, right there, almost touching mine. She was so close I could've easily kissed her...

Thinking about kissing her almost made my mind blank out and at the same time my fingers found their way into me. I moaned loudly and panted. A quiet (at least I hoped it was quiet) "Kat...!" escaped my lips, and I really hoped I didn't scream aloud, and I hoped she didn't hear me. I'd die of embarrassment if she found out.

My mind kept throwing images of her on top of me, and my fingers kept caressing my places outside and in. Finally, I let out what I hoped was a long moan and not a scream, and slumped down onto my bed, completely spent.

I tried to fall asleep, but the light from the hallway kept shining straight into my eyes. After a little while, when I had gotten some of my strength back, I rose and wobblingly walked to the door, closed it, and went back to bed.

I heard the shower running, and figured Kat had gone to wash up. I fell asleep quickly after that and slept until the next morning.

Great Morning

I woke up the next morning with a massive headache. I didn't think one little drink could do all this, but apparently, I was really intolerant to alcohol or something. I groaned as I got up. The world didn't spin anymore, but it had left behind a very enthusiastic drum group who really wanted to keep the volume up. I held my head in my hands, groaned again, and looked at the bedside clock. 7 am. Huh. I could have sworn that I would sleep longer.

I contemplated getting back to bed, but then I remembered I had a guest. Last night was a kind of hazy memory, but I was pretty sure I insisted Kat spend a night here. I rose and looked at myself in the mirror. Ah, fuck. Now I remember.

I still had that dress (or what was left of it) on me, along with the traces of my makeup. My hair was a mess, my face was a mess, so it was kinda appropriate that I was dressed in a mess. I undressed and threw the dress on my bed - I'd check later if it could be saved.

I looked in the mirror. Even in this condition, I didn't look half bad, I had to admit to myself. My body proportions were nowhere near as prominent as Kat's, but they weren't bad. With a push-up bra and a dress that accentuated my hips, it was good. (Well, good enough to have worked to capture the eye of a couple of men in the past, at least.) Without thinking that much more, I stepped outside of my room and made my way to the bathroom.

I glanced into the living room while going past the walkway and noted Kat was still sleeping, her back towards me. She slept in her underwear, and her blanket had fallen onto the floor. She looked stunning. Her curves were something else!

I felt a twinge of jealousy but buried it immediately.

She turned around in her sleep. This let me see the whole glory of her front side. I felt my breath get caught in my throat and my heart sped up. The way her bra cupped her breasts, the way her panties hid just enough but revealed a lot...

My finger went to my lips without me noticing. I had to force myself to turn and walk away. Something about last night kept pinging in my mind and whatever it was, I wanted to forget about it.

I entered the bathroom and closed the door behind me and leaned on it, trying to catch my breath. Why am I acting like this? Why does my body get so excited from seeing a naked woman? Alright, she's beautiful, so what? She's a woman like me! This shouldn't happen! I've never felt like this when looking at naked guys. I mean I don't hate the sight, it's just that it doesn't do anything! I thought that was how it was supposed to be, but clearly, my body disagreed with me. I kept imagining her breasts and hips, and felt a drip moving down my inner thigh.

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" I said aloud, and threw my underwear into the dirty laundry basket.

I stepped into the shower and turned it to 'cold'. I really, really needed a cold shower right now. Maybe it'd fix my brain? I could not come out of here while I was feeling like this. Not when she was sleeping on my couch.

I almost screamed when the cold water hit me, but I thought I'd take it like a woman. I took my time in the shower and washed myself thoroughly. I took a towel and wrapped it around myself, and a smaller one, and wrapped it around my head. I stepped out of the bathroom and the smell of coffee and something fried filled my nose. Oh, my goddess, I didn't even realize how hungry I was! My stomach growled like a really angry bear that someone had kept hungry for months.

I walked to the doorway to the living room and glanced towards the kitchen. Kat was frying something, probably chicken. And she had made a couple of sandwiches and there was coffee in the machine. I briefly thought how wonderful it would be to wake up to something like this normally. I shook my head to dismiss the thought and then Kat spotted me.

She was wearing one of my t-shirts and a pair of my baggy pants. Kat was bigger in every proportion, so the effect was quite noticeable. My t-shirt on her looked more like a slightly too-tight midriff and my pants looked like capris on her. I swallowed hard.

"Good morning, sleepy face," she said, and smiled at me. She looked me up and down and then grinned. "You look better like that," she said. She spread her hands wide and looked down at herself. "I hope you don't mind...I borrowed some clothes from you. Mine were so drenched I didn't want to wear them."

I shook my head. "No," I said weakly. "I'm sorry I didn't suggest it in the first place. Of course, you're welcome to use them," I said, then added - again, without thinking much, "They just seem to be a tad too small for you..."

She grinned at me and looked at her chest. "Yeah," she said and laughed. "This does highlight my boobs quite a bit." She looked at me and grinned. "Not that you seemed to mind earlier..." she said and laughed warmly.

Her laugh sent tingles through my body, and I didn't understand why. But it was a nice feeling, they were not bad tingles. I felt... happy(?) when she laughed.

Oh, my goddess, what?! She was awake? She saw me staring at her! In her underwear! And me in mine! Oh please, can the ground just swallow me up, like, right now?

I felt my cheeks getting flushed and my ears felt hot. I lowered my gaze and fiddled nervously with my towel. She just laughed that vivid and wonderful laugh of hers, and I already felt better. I raised my gaze and saw she was laughing warmly, her eyes and her lips. It wasn't a demeaning, humiliating laugh. It was a kind and friendly laugh that makes the world slightly better.

"Don't worry about it, darling," she said. "There's nothing to worry about; it's perfectly natural. You can't help it," she said, looked at me for a few seconds, then added, "And anyway, that just makes us even— ," she said, stopped midway in the sentence and blushed wildly. "You know what, never mind. Please forget what I said," she said quietly and turned back to her cooking.

Even? For what? What did she mean by that? I had absolutely no clue.

I almost asked for a clarification, but then I looked at her. Her cheeks were completely flushed, and she looked so nervous. The effect of that and her clothing made her look absolutely stunningly cute to me. I almost squealed aloud. I didn't know why, but she looked so marvelously cute my heart ached.

"Go get dressed and come eat breakfast," she said. "It was the least I could do for you since you let me sleep here. I hope you enjoy slightly fried, thin slices of chicken on your bread. And coffee."

I looked at her with my mouth open. I thought I was the only one who wanted to fry the cold cuts of chicken. I blinked a couple of times, nodded at her, and made my way to the bedroom.

I threw the towel on the bed, sat down, and let myself fall onto the bed completely. I sighed deeply and closed my eyes. I should get up, get dressed, and go eat breakfast. But she saw me staring at her boobs! I'm going to die from embarrassment. And from not knowing why I feel like this. Why does she look so cute to me? Why does my body react to her in the way it does? I don't understand anything. I feel like I need to talk to someone about this, but not her. Definitely not her! Maybe a doctor? Am I broken? Is there something wrong with me?

"Coffee's getting cold!" Kat yelled from the hallway.

I opened my eyes, sighed again, and stood up. I threw on something that was fast to put on: underwear, a pretty pink t-shirt, and a black knee-length skirt. I combed my hair quickly — I'll do that later more properly, but for now, it's good enough. I swallowed, opened the door, and went to have breakfast. With Kat.

Wonderful Day

After the (slightly awkward) breakfast, we sat down on the couch. It was still raining brimstone and hellfire outside. I briefly entertained the idea of asking for her to stay another night, but that would probably be too much. I thought that she'd want to go home to her partner.

I just realized I hadn't even thought about that at all. Had she called her partner at home? Why didn't he... no. She said she was a lesbian... oh my goddess, I must make her feel awkward as fuck. What if her partner thinks she's cheating? With me?! I'll have to explain it to them as soon as possible. But why didn't they call her more? Or better yet, why didn't they come and get her? Maybe they didn't have a car...

It didn't occur to me that she might be single. Like, surely a woman with her looks was not single! She could just pick and choose anybody with that body. I didn't know anything about lesbian dating, but I thought she'd just ask someone out and they'd say yes. I mean, I would. Oh, my goddess... I would! I just realized it then. I totally would date her if she asked! Why?! I had no idea, but I was one hundred percent sure I'd say 'yes', if she asked.

I blinked and stopped spacing out, and noticed she was looking at me with a wide grin and barely suppressed laughter. I raised my eyebrow at her. "What?" I asked.

"Your face is something else," she said and giggled. "Your face displays your feelings like a high-def TV screen. You would be the world's worst poker player," she said and smiled warmly.

"What were you thinking? You were thinking about something that made you almost panic, and then embarrassed, and then confused, right? What went through that pretty head of yours?"

She said it so casually, but my mind grabbed onto it like it was a bottle of water given to a thirsty man. Pretty. I've been called that before. But somehow, from her mouth, it sounded different. I felt my ears heating up again and a blush creep onto my cheeks. I tried to look at her and smile, but everything came out as an awkward grin. I opened my mouth to speak, but she shook her head.

"Maybe it's time I go," she said. My heart sank so fast I almost gasped. She raised an eyebrow at me. "I'm clearly making you nervous and anxious. I thank you for letting me stay the night, but—" she started to say.

"No!" I blurted out, louder than I had planned. I felt my whole face flush redder than it had ever been. "I mean...," I muttered out, "You're not. You're not making me feel... bad. Nervous, yes," I said and chuckled nervously, "but not in a bad way. I'm not sure! I'm sorry I'm not used to this. I don't... I don't know, okay? I have no idea what I'm thinking, what or why I'm feeling. I have no idea why my body acts the way it doe-"

Alright, now I knew it was possible to become even redder. I did NOT want to say that aloud. I should not have said it. I should not have said that aloud. I dropped my gaze downwards and felt my whole face burn and my ears practically steamed. "Sorry...," I muttered, barely audibly.

I saw her raise her hand to her face and heard her suppress a giggle. She turned toward me and put her hand on my shoulder. It felt soft and warm, I relaxed slightly even from just that. I heard her take a deep breath.

"Darling...you're doing nothing wrong," she said assuringly. She grabbed my chin gently and lifted it up so my gaze met hers.

I felt my heart beat so loudly, I thought she could easily hear it.

Being here, her hand on my chin, her looking directly at my eyes. I did not know I wanted anything like that, I didn't even know it was a thing that one could want. But now I knew I wanted more of it. My whole body wanted her to keep holding onto my chin and looking at me. My lips parted involuntarily.

She smiled at me. "It's all natural. You'll figure it out in time. I only wish—no, nothing. It's not my place to say anything like that. Just take your time and figure yourself out," she said.

I was intrigued by her sentence left unfinished, but I couldn't figure out what she meant by that. But I knew what she meant about the rest. I needed to figure out what was wrong with me. Why did I feel what I felt, why did my body act like it did? I'll call a doctor, and —

"What would you say if we just stayed inside today? I'll be here with you the whole day, and I'll go home in the evening?" she offered.

Somehow, that made me feel very happy. "It sounds great!" I exclaimed. Maybe a little too enthusiastically, because she grinned at me again. "I mean, if you don't mind..." I said. "I have some food in the fridge, we can eat that for lunch and if the weather calms at all, we can order a pizza for dinner..." I suggested. "I have playing cards, Netflix, books - or we can just talk. I'm really okay with everything as long as it's with you," I said, and then realized what I said and blushed again.

She laughed gently at me and touched my cheek. "Don't get ahead of yourself, darling," she said and smiled. "That sounds like a very good plan, I'm game for anything," she said and stood up. She offered her hand to me.

I grabbed it and she pulled me up. She didn't let go and pulled me close, though. I was only inches from her face. My heart started beating fast. Her lips were so close to mine. I don't know why I thought about that, but it was almost all I could think of.

"See, there is nothing wrong with you," she whispered gently. "It's only natural. You are just being you," she said and let go of my hand. She put her hand on my shoulder, turned me gently, and looked me in my eyes. "Remember my offer, Jo," she said. "Once you are ready, remember my offer. I'll wait," she said. Letting go of my shoulder, she turned around.

I just stood there, trying to catch my breath. What offer? What was she talking about? Wait for what? I was so confused. I was almost ready to drop back on the couch again when she turned around. Her cheeks were faintly red, and she was smiling widely.

"Netflix first?" she asked.

We watched some kind of drama that Kat recommended. It was actually quite good; I was engaged, and I enjoyed watching it. But I have to admit that while we watched it, I snuck a couple of glances at her. At least on one occasion. She was looking at me when I glanced at her, so we were both doing it. We smiled awkwardly and continued to watch it.

Afterward, we took a bathroom break, had a small bowl of salad for a snack, and decided to play a couple of card games. Outside, it looked like it was calming down. Kat might have a good shot at getting home today. The thought of that conflicted within me in ways I never thought I'd experience. On one hand, it was great that she could go home and change into her own clothes and sleep in her own bed. Be content at home. But on the other hand, a part of me really didn't want her to go. I couldn't explain that part even to myself, so I tried to ignore it.

I wasn't that successful with it, and the thought of her leaving and me getting down because of that kept bothering me the whole day. But being with her, even in silence, was so relaxing and... right, for lack of a better word, that the thoughts didn't bother me that much.

After the salad, we settled down at the kitchen table and decided to play a game of cards. Kat suggested upping the game a bit, and voted for the loser having to answer one question from the winner. I was rather confident in my abilities in our chosen game, so I agreed. Kat shuffled the deck and dealt the cards. We started making small talk whilst playing.

"So, how long have you lived here?" she asked.

I wondered if she meant the apartment or the town itself. I decided to just answer both. This wasn't a prize question, anyway. "Five years in this apartment, all my life in this town. I was actually born lakeside, but moved here when I went to college," I said.

Most people move cities and perhaps thousands of miles for college, I moved slightly less than ten miles. I didn't have a bike or a car back then, and I still don't have a car or even a license. It was just easier for me to live here, and the rent was not bad. After I graduated, I just kept living here as it was really close to work too.

"Oh, I thought you weren't local," she said, surprised. "Well, if that was your first time in a bar yesterday, it's not like we would've bumped into each other, anyway. I was born here too, in the third district actually. I moved lakeside when I was a teen. I went to the Lakeside High, actually," she said and smiled.

"Hey, I went there too. I wonder if we saw each other there and didn't just know it," I said. I wondered what kind of person the Young Kat had been. Cheerleader, probably a nuisance to teachers or an actual delinquent. Really popular, the kind of 'out-of-your-reach class' for everyone, save the school Wonderboy or someone like that.