Awakenings: Joanna

"I doubt it. I didn't really shine out, or talk to anyone during school. Besides, I'm enough older than you that I probably graduated before you even entered the first grade," she said, and smiled a sad smile.

I had forgotten the fact that she was a bit older. Damn. Well, in my defense, she really didn't look that old when you got to look at her more closely.

"If you'd see my school pictures, you wouldn't recognize me in the least. I used to have really short hair, no boobs to even mention, and I looked more like a thin pole with a brush on the end than an actual female human being," she said and grinned.

I tried to imagine Kat as a teen without her shape, hair, and beauty. It was so far from what she was now that I couldn't, so I just said, "I'd like to see them at some point."

She looked at me and blinked twice. "Them what?" she asked.

"Your school photos," I said. I didn't know why, but I really wanted to know more about her. She intrigued me so much my head was almost spinning. I wanted to know all about her, and seeing her school photos sounded like a great time.

She looked at me and her eyes softened, and she smiled at me so widely I didn't know what I had done.

"Of course," she said with such happiness, I thought she'd accidentally squeal. I still had no idea what was going on, and I was the other person here. It kind of bothered me, but then I noticed I could win the match and made my move.

She looked surprised, but not disappointed. She collected the cards and handed them to me.

"You deal now. You're my lucky star so I'll be sure to win next round," she said. "For now, ask away." She leaned her head on her hands and fluttered her eyelashes at me.

My heart jumped, and I had to swallow hard. I almost dropped the cards. I took a deep breath and begun shuffling the deck. I was thinking about what would I ask her when I realized I was already asking her something. "When, and how, did you realize you were a lesbian?" I asked.

I almost slapped my hand on my mouth, but the deck of cards stopped me. I mean, it's not that I didn't want to know that, or that it wasn't something I really wanted to know about her, but I thought it would not be my place to ask. But apparently my mouth ran away from my brain and asked by its lonesome. Well, what's done is done. I looked at her and she almost purred. She looked at me with her eyes half-closed, her lips in a wide smile.

"So that's where we're going...," she said, and grinned. "Very well. Deal, and I'll talk," she said.

I shuffled the deck.

Kat leaned back and closed her eyes. "Back in high school...," she started. "I think it was in the first year when everybody and their mothers talked about guys. Only about guys. Never really anything else. Guys and the occasional makeup and fitness chat. Mostly guys and sex. I was really interested in the sex part, but I could never summon any interest in guys. I wondered what it was that I did wrong," she said and sighed.

"Spoilers: there was nothing wrong with me, I was just gay." She smiled. "It took me almost all of that year and hours of doubting myself. I even thought that my idea of sex was wrong somehow because I had just done it myself. But even my own fingers sounded better than a... meat sausage. Eww."

She stuck her tongue out of her mouth and grimaced. "But then we had a swimming class and.. well, there was a girl two graders higher from me. Let's call her Stacy. Stacy had an adult body compared to the rest of us. She had matured way earlier than us and looked like she was twenty, but we were all like fifteen.

The swimming trip was common for all the classes, so the third years were there with us, including Stacy. We went to put our swimsuits on, but I had forgotten mine in my bag, so I went to fetch it. As I returned, they had all already dressed up and were up to their necks in the lake, playing. All except Stacy. She was just undressing as I entered.

I was entranced, I just kept staring at her. She undressed slowly and picked up her swimsuit from the floor. As she bent down I almost fainted, my heart beat so fast and my breathing was so quick I thought I was having a heart attack! She turned around and saw me," Kat said.

She grinned at me, pointed at the deck, and said, "Deal, Jo. It was me watching Stacy, not you." She laughed, and I blushed like crazy once again and started dealing the cards.

"Anyway, yeah. She turned around and smiled at me. She put her hand to her lips, licked her fingertip, and touched her nipple with it. She winked at me and walked right to me, her boobs in front of my eyes, without anything on her. She bent down so her face was right in front of me and whispered, 'Hello there baby gay. I'm sorry, but I'm already taken. But it's great to see your sexuality awaken. I hope you'll find a great girlfriend in the future.' She grinned at me, stepped back, and sat down on the bench. 'Here. Have a gift, only for you', she said and spread her legs, then slid her finger between her lips and slipped it in. She moaned hard as she pushed it into her. She closed her eyes and moved her finger in and out in silence for a few seconds.

"I could do nothing but stare. She opened her eyes, licked her finger clean, and winked at me. She put on her swimming suit and walked out. I stood in the empty dressing room for about half an hour, not able to move or do anything. Then I went home and masturbated until I couldn't stand anymore. And, well, that's that. Breathe, Jo," she said, and laughed that bright laugh of hers.

I drew a deep breath and tried to steady my breathing. My heart was beating hard and my breathing was quick. I knew what was happening with my body, but I wasn't going to check it now. Either Kat was a master in storytelling, or my imagination was running on overdrive. Either way, what an image!

I found myself wishing I'd have seen it too, and it caught me by surprise. Why would I want to see that too? Why...

I dealt the cards and we played the match in silence, her glancing at me occasionally and grinning, me trying to keep my heart and breathing in shape. What was happening to me? I didn't understand it, but a small bell somewhere deep inside me went "oh". As my concentration was shot, Kat won the round with ease. I gathered the cards and offered the deck to her. "Ask away," I said.

She put the deck of cards on the table and stood up. She walked to my side and held her hand out to me. I grabbed it and she pulled me up. "If you'll let me, I'll ask my question later. I'd first like to watch another flick with you if that's okay," she said, then grinned. "It'll give you time to get your breathing in order, anyway," she said, laughed, and led me by my hand to the couch again.

The movie ended, and I have to say I should have expected that from her, but I didn't. I didn't know what I would have expected from the movie if I had known beforehand, but not this for sure. It was a really, really good flick. It was called "Imagine Me & You" and it was about a bride that finds a new love just as she's about to get married. The catch is that this new love is another woman... and none of it was nasty or wrong. It was cute and happy and awesome. And at seemed so... right. Like a puzzle piece was put into the right place, I felt something click inside me. I cried when they got each other in the end.

I had a strange feeling that Kat watched me through the whole movie, but I couldn't be sure. I was too invested in it to actually notice anything. I leaned backward on the couch and closed my eyes. I heard Kat turn towards me.

"So what did you think about the movie?" she asked with a strange tenseness in her voice.

I flashed my eyes open and looked at her. She was looking at me like a small child expecting her parent to comment on her first drawing. It was a strange image, and I chuckled at the mental picture of that.

"I liked it," I said truthfully. "To be fair, I didn't expect it to be a movie like this, and when I realized what it was, I expected something else. Not... not for it to be this cute and wholesome," I said.

She smiled at me and touched my arm. "See, it's just being human. There's nothing wrong with love, regardless of sex or gender," she said.

I was sure I was supposed to understand the deeper meaning in her sentence, but it flew right over me.

The weather had calmed considerably, and it was almost nice outside. A bit windy, but no rain or hail anymore. Kat rose up and stretched. She looked at me with a weird expression.

"Say...," she said. "I know we planned out this whole day, but I think we can change the plan as we go. The weather seems nice enough so that I could go home earlier today... now wait, lemme finish," she said. "I'll go home and change, and then, depending on your answer, I'll come back and we can eat the pizza for dinner and maybe something else, or I can stay home and years from now we'll think of this as the day we met that one person when it stormed, but that was it," she said, and walked to the front door.

I followed her to the door. I understood nothing, but it made me very sad when she said she wouldn't come back. I really wanted to see her school photos and learn where she lived and what she liked and—

"Jo," she said as she put on her shoes. She grabbed my chin again gently and turned my face toward her and looked straight into my eyes. "When did you realize, Jo?" she asked gently.

I stared into her eyes, and things clicked inside my head; feelings connected, reactions followed reason. Her eyes kept gently looking into mine as my eyes welled up, then a tear ran down my cheek. She wiped it gently away with her finger.

"Now..." I said quietly, and pressed myself against her. She wrapped her hands around my back and patted it gently. "I realized now," I said.

She put her hands on my shoulders and pushed me gently away. She looked straight into my eyes again. "Go rest on the couch, Jo," she said quietly. "Take a shower and calm down. I'll go home and change, and I'll grab us a pizza or two when I come back. Ok?" she said.

I bit my lip and nodded at her. I didn't trust my voice enough to answer.

She smiled gently at me again. "That's a good girl," she said. "I promise I'll be back, darling. You have no idea how happy your answer made me. I—," she said and let it drop. She took a deep breath. "I'll be back, Jo. I promise I'll stay as long as you want me," she said and pressed a gentle kiss on my lips. Then she waved at me and walked out of my door.

Best Evening

I closed the door behind Kat and leaned my back against it. Tears fell streaming down my cheeks, but I wasn't sad. The puzzle pieces kept going into the correct places, and everything began to make sense.

I touched my lips with my finger. She kissed me. With her lips. The feeling of her lips still lingering on mine, I closed my eyes. I had never before felt anything like it. How a simple kiss can feel so good. It felt like my body was on fire. My heart beat like crazy, my breathing was quick and shallow. My ears felt hot, my cheeks flushed. I didn't need to touch anything to know my panties were wet. Just from a simple kiss. I dared not think what else could happen.

I touched my lips again. It felt like they were still warm from her touch. Her lips were so soft, so warm... I'd kissed before, of course. I'd had a couple of serious boyfriends before this. But kissing them... it never felt like anything even close to this. I didn't hate it, but it never had this effect on me. I thought that it was how things were.

So I guess that's it then. I guess I'm a lesbian too. I mean, there's no other explanation for any of this. This is literally the moment where you can say that there is no heterosexual explanation for this at all. I shook my head and walked back to the living room.

I figured Kat's suggestion of taking the shower wasn't that bad. At least I needed to change my underwear, and I was probably sweating enough that it'd be a good idea regardless of anything else.

I threw my clothes on the sofa like the lazy person living alone that I am. I walked to the bathroom and stopped to look in the mirror. As I said, I didn't look half bad but compared to Kat... if, when she comes back, things end up happening and... I glanced towards my bedroom. Oh no. I figured out I'm a lesbian less than an hour ago and I'm already thinking about doing... things. I'm a pervert!

But anyway. I'm not sure I could show my naked body to her, she's so much prettier and curvy. I'm just a thin stick with boobs. Alright, I'm not that bad, but Kat has Curves. No, she isn't the thinnest woman, but her mass is in the right places. So very right places.

I cupped my breasts and looked at the mirror. I'm a large B, maybe a small C, depending on how you count. She must be a D at least, if not slightly bigger. They don't look disproportional on her, just big. And yes, here I am, fresh out of the closet, gay and already thinking about another woman's breasts. I'm the worst. I'm a horny pervert. I hide my face in my hands and sigh.

I turn the water on, I'll take a bath, that'll hopefully keep me relaxed until she gets back here. Stay as long as I'd like, wasn't that what she said? What did she mean about that? I'd like her to stay for good, but I'm sure she doesn't feel the same. Feel. Oh yeah, feelings; now that I figured out why my body acts like this, I think it's time to turn towards figuring out my mind.

I step into the hot bath and try to relax. So what was it? I've been feeling this weird feeling at the back of my head since yesterday. Right after I got drunk, I'd guess... so does it have anything to do with getting drunk? I highly doubted that. So that left only Kat. What was it? Desire? I mean, yeah, I can admit that now, I do desire her. But it's not that. Desire would not explain everything. Envy? Yeah, that too, but again, not enough.

I pressed my hands onto my chest and felt my heart beating loudly. I sat up and opened my eyes, suddenly. Heart... did I... did I actually... Nah, can't be that, it's too early for that. But they do mention the 'at first sight' thing, there has to be something to it. Did I actually... like her? LIKE, like? In that sense?

I tried to imagine saying "I like you" to her and blushed like crazy. Oh yeah, we're definitely onto something here. So, I do like her? Enough to call it L...? No, not after such a short while, surely. This is not how things work. Definitely not that word. But...

After the bath - I don't really know how long I spent there, an hour at least - I got up and went to dress. Although my body was clean, my mind was probably dragging itself through a gutter or something, as I kept selecting revealing and sexy underwear all the time. And I couldn't tell if I wanted her to see them or not.

I settled on a compromise with my mind and dressed in a cute pair of black thongs with a tiny lace ruffle on top, and a matching bra where the lacy ruffle was pastel pink. Over them, I put on a black evening gown that was almost skin-tight at the top and spread out to form a wide brim from knees down.

I tied my hair in a topknot and added the pink stripe back in. I put on light makeup, just a tiny cat-eye eyeliner and a dash of eyeshadow in hot pink. And bright red lipstick. I looked at myself from the mirror and was sufficiently satisfied with the final result. I wished I had some wine or something, but I guessed having wine with pizza would be sort of clashing.

Also, I really didn't want to drink alcohol at this point. I had a couple of sodas in my fridge, so that would have to do. I thought having a salad on the side would be great, so I set out to make a small portion of that to go with the pizza.

I had the salad in the fridge and I was just washing the last of the tools when the doorbell rang. I practically dropped everything and just ran to the door. When I opened it, I was met with a smell of pizza, garlic, and something fruity. And the best smile in the world.

I moved to the side and let her in. Kat was dressed in black tights, a black miniskirt, and a long jacket. She walked in and I grabbed the pizzas. I put them onto the living room table and went to find forks and knives for us.

She walked in and I saw she was wearing a midriff with floral lace at the top, just barely hiding her nipples. She had a white, thin shawl over her shoulders. She sat down on the couch. I walked to her, handed her the fork and knife, and sat down next to her.

The pizza was great; the company better. We watched funny cat videos and read out stupid comments and laughed at them while we ate. I felt so at ease with her, like all my worries were just... gone. I'd never felt like this with anyone else. Was it L—?

As we were sitting side to side on the couch, I leaned in on her without even noticing it. I realized I had leaned on her shoulder once she wrapped her hand around my shoulders and pulled me closer. I turned to look at her and she smiled at me with so gentle a smile I melted inside. Lo...? She took my hands in hers and pulled my gaze into her eyes.

"Jo," she said. "Whatever happens, wherever this evening is going, if anything, anything feels wrong or too fast or just that you don't feel like it, tell me," she said with genuine care in her eyes. "Promise me that, Joanna. Promise me you'll tell me if you don't like something. I don't want to hurt or scare you. Or make you feel uncomfortable," she said and clasped our hands together.

My heart jumped, and I felt a lump in my throat. No one, no one, had ever said that to me. No one had ever been so considerate. Not even in my longest relationship. It was always about them, not me. I was there to provide, not to receive. I nodded because I didn't trust my voice. She smiled and pulled me closer. I leaned on her chest. Her heart was beating fast too, almost as fast as mine. Why was she nervous?

I was about to say something when her phone rang. She looked at it annoyed, almost threw it back into her bag, but decided against it. "I'm gonna take this, Jo. It's my friend. If I don't answer, she's going to bother us the whole evening," she said and stood up.

I nodded at her and pointed towards my bedroom. "You can talk there," I said.

She nodded and hurried towards my bedroom. "Kat here, how's it hanging, Helen?" she answered the phone. She went into my bedroom and closed the door.

I knew I should just sit here and wait, but to my shame, I had to admit my curiosity won me three times over. I stood up and tiptoed towards my bedroom. I stood close to my bathroom door, so I could pretend I was going there if she opened the door. She hadn't closed the door completely, so I was able to hear her part of the conversation pretty easily.

"For reals, Helen," she was saying, "One more time, I'm not going to join you on your blind date!"

So, she was going to go on a date with a random person? My heart sank as I thought about that.

"No!" she almost yelled. "Ok, here's the deal," she said and paused for a few secs. "I found a treasure."

What treasure? Was she a treasure hunter? Geocaching? A metal detector on a beach?

" What? No, you stupid..." she said to the phone. "Not that kind of treasure. A person. Yeah. Now, listen. This one is... this one is special. I'm really, really hoping I don't have to accept your invites to blind dates anymore," she said.

A person? My heart jumped so hard I had to swallow it down. Was she talking about...

"Yes! I'm trying to tell you, I found the real deal. My heart flutters when she looks at me. She's so pure I can't... Helen. Listen. I'm really, really, REALLY hoping I'm not single anymore after this. I haven't had the courage to ask her anything. But she's so cute. Her voice makes my toes curl! Yeah, yeah, I'm here, at her place. We watched IM&Y, and she liked it, unlike you uncivilized dorks."