Awkward, a Love Story Ch. 02

Head tilt. I also noticed a furtive glance at the wall clock. We were way over our session time. It always gave me a rush when I knew she'd loosened her rules.

"I'm sorry, I'm going to need to back up and add some lyrics to the music. While tweaking her nipple, I repeated myself, out loud: that Caroline and I were very friendly, and as her older cousin, I was proud of her..."

"I thought you were the same age?"

"I'm 6 weeks older."

Nod.

"but that I wouldn't sleep with a cousin. How gross would that be?"

"And?"

"Well, Grace pointed out that most men wouldn't think of sleeping with Caroline as gross, that Caroline was the most beautiful woman she'd ever met, and she could see how it might develop."

Head tilt.

"And I said, first off, I'd grown up with her so I just didn't have those feelings beyond the slightest bit of a crush. And second, she could sleep with anybody she wanted, and she had a boyfriend who was the All American military man, and she didn't have sex with him as far as I knew. And she held up her hand and said that I shouldn't even try."

"And what did you do?"

"Well, I switched nipples. They were similar, but the 2nd one wasn't erect, and it was slightly cooler since I hadn't been gripping it. And again she didn't flinch, so I pulled at it. This time, it was definitely more of a pull than a pincer action. Both felt good to me, and she didn't complain."

"We're going to need to stop soon. What happened?"

"Well, I added something specific to the denial. I said that Caroline and I weren't involved, but that if we were, I'd lie about it until my dying day. That I could keep a secret. That they could catch me on videotape, and I'd say it wasn't me. Caroline could admit it in front of the congregation, and I'd just vaguely deny. While giving my little speech, I squeezed a nipple more sharply, and she gasped. And at some point, I said that I would keep that type of secret for anyone I became involved with. I'm sure I didn't jam all of that in the same paragraph but definitely before I got naked."

Clearing of throat.

"Okay, I'll move forward a few minutes, though my time sense may be off. It could have been an hour. So I was lying face-down on her back, and I was still inside her. I've always had this ability to delay my ejaculation indefinitely, which I summarize as an ability rather than inability."

"David?"

"What?"

"Maybe shift off the sex."

"Okay. Take my penis out of the equation. I'm lying on Grace, and we're both naked, and I outweigh her by probably 60 or 70 pounds, so I keep a lot of weight on my elbows and knees, and we're both sweaty, and depending on one's perspective that could just be gross or really intimate, and she just keeps making these ragged whimpering noises, and she's married, and I'm 19, and I'm still going strong, and my sweaty head is next to hers, and I hear her whisper to herself, very quietly, and I can remember it like it was yesterday."

Nod.

"She whispered, 'mumble, mumble.'"

"You whispered too softly. I couldn't hear. What did she say?"

I bent toward my therapist and whispered a bit louder, "you are such a a slut."

Pause.

"Just to be clear, I got the sense that she was talking to herself rather than calling me a name, though it certainly brought up the obvious double standard since I was kinda slutty and she was not, but society would call us different names, but nevertheless, the sentence triggered a maelstrom of thoughts, especially after feeling her interest in pain. Did I mention she was the first woman I ever spanked during sex?"

"Does it matter?"

"To me it does. It was a few minutes before her slut comment. So, I thought to myself, this means she'll never tell on us. I can do what I want, can experiment as need be, and as was true with Caroline, hardly anyone would ever remotely suspect anything. Plus, and this was the kicker, I also really liked her. To be fair, I loved Caroline, still love Caroline, but as I felt Grace open herself up to me and my immaturity, I felt intensely proud that I'd lucked into someone who would allow me to do stuff that Caroline would likely decline. And that thought impelled me to turn her over, grab her butt, and kiss her. I think that was our first real kiss, and as I, uhm..."

"What?"

"Just trying to organize the right metaphor. Uhm, so I grabbed her butt, which was really tiny, which I think I mentioned, and started the old back and forth, and we were kissing, and I whispered back, and pardon the language, but I'm quoting, or at least trying to quote, maybe just paraphrasing. Anyway, I said, approximately, that she was a slut, that she shouldn't be fucking a teenager, that she deserved some punishment, but that she was my slut, and I was her teenager, and I promised to protect her but also to punish her in a way that would make her cum until she cried."

That implacable face, again.

"Well, I spread that little little statement out over several minutes. It was more meaningful in real life."

"Uh huh."

"And you know what she did?"

"No"

"Well, as she got rolling, as she got closer to another orgasm, as we continued the back and forth, she started with this abdominal breathing, almost like she was having a panic attack, and she started breathing loudly or deeply or something, and she started this high-pitched squeak that I'd just never heard before."

"Squeak?"

"Yep, a squeak."

"Didn't you mention a squeak earlier."

"As I keep saying, doctor, you're on the ball. Yes, this week, I've been with a young woman who made that exact same damn sound. It was freaky. Chills down the spine. Though, to be entirely honest. I'd been working on Gemma just to see what the similarities and differences would be."

"We're going to need to stop. We're way over."

"So sorry. Do bill for the extra time."

"But let me summarize. You may or may not have had sex with Sarah, your daughter, but you did leave her in tears with her mother, who's your cousin, who has made it clear she'll castrate you if you have sex with her daughter."

"Sorry to interrupt, but one question. At your medical school, did you have to pass some sort of exam? I mean, no offense. I didn't say 'castrate.' I said she'd bite my dick in half. Big difference. You know that, right?"

"And you were having sex earlier today with Gemma, who squeaked, or however you put it."

"Right. We never clarified the sound. It's a unique sound, hard to describe."

"Or almost unique."

"Ha. I understand there are limits to how much humor you get to use in sessions, but I really do hope you get an opportunity to let loose. You're a very witty woman. But yes, shared only by the two of them as far as I have personally experienced."

"And Gemma's mother is Grace, also known as Kristen's big sister. And she's married to someone nameless."

"Jeez, he's not nameless. Unnamed, as yet. I didn't want to add too many details. His name is relatively unimportant."

"How many sisters does Kristen have?"

"Excellent question. As far as I know, one, but if this sister weren't Gemma's mom, I'd have to be an asshole to lay out this whole story as a misdirection."

Head tilt.

"Fair enough. But I'm not that particular kind of asshole."

"So, you were having affairs with both Caroline and Grace at the same time that they were getting pregnant with Sarah and Gemma?"

"I'm not sure I was the one having the affair. I wasn't married. Otherwise, that's about right. I guess I could have shortened my story a bit."

Clearing of throat.

"And Sarah's definitely your daughter, and Gemma might be?"

"I haven't been entirely forthcoming about either girl, or the DNA contribution from me, though I like to think I had a hand in both their births." I looked at my watch. "I think we're out of time for today."

"Duly noted. And one of your recent activities is tying down one of these 18 year old girls, who might be your daughter, in order to make her cry."

"I said, 'I made her cum so hard that she cried.' I didn't know it would happen. It wasn't my big plan. Not that I was disappointed. Okay, there was some curiosity about whether the two of them would cum in the same way, but it's not like I've physically induced the sort of pain that would make her cry. This was a good cry, a cathartic cry. A win all around."

Head tilt.

"Doc, phrasing is important. Just saying. I'd also point out that it's not accurate to say that Gemma 'might be' my daughter. She either is or she isn't. I haven't said. I can do the math, but don't need to, since I was there at the time. I know how it worked out, but it's not like I'm still wondering about it."

"And what's your plan going forward?"

"It's a surprise, so don't tell her."

Pause.

"But we're going through all the things that I know about her mom and seeing whether they apply to her. Tonight, for example, she's asked that I continue the bondage thing. I agreed, adding that we might progress to other forms of sensation, and she said to bring it on."

"And what did you say?"

"I said that she was just like her mom."

"No, you didn't."

"I actually said that we'd only do what seemed fun and exciting, and that we needed to hurry since we only had another week."

"Why only another week? And I don't think I know how you moved from being tentative about flirting with a teenager to tying her down? Or at least one of them down, since I don't know why Caroline fled your house in tears."

"If she'd fled my house, solo, in tears, she'd have to have kept up the waterworks for the 100 mile run to San Diego. I drove her down, and she wasn't asking to be dropped off at the police station."

"Aren't you worried that she'll tell her mother?"

"Who?"

"I was thinking Gemma, but either of them."

"Doctor, I'm getting confused."

"And since when did you have a girlfriend, or are you counting Gemma or possibly Sarah as a girlfriend?"

"I think I said her name is Tamara. You bring up so many things at the end of the session, but we are just way out of time. I have to go do my mentorship, and then practice my Boy Scout knots."

"How about Tuesday at 11?"

"That's fine, but if you want answers to all of those questions, we really do need to get to the diary."