All Comments on 'Back to You Ch. 04'

excellent writing, and i loved your comparison to Atlas

This is such an emotional story for me. These two boys are sharing something very special together. I had a similar experience at a much earlier time in my life. Unfortunately, for my friend it was just buddies experimenting! For me it was much more, and could have been similar to this story. We had some fun Hot times, but it always ended in feeling guilt and shame afterwards. This beautiful story allows me to fantasize and dream about what could have been! Keep writing please.

So I love the story thus far. But please don't say that Matt "got wet," as that is not biologically possible. Instead, have Ollie open him up slowly using lube to coat his asshole.

Love it. I haven't read the parts that came before it, but this was excellent.

Whilst I do love this story I'd like to point out for Ollie simply rimming him was not enough preparation for Matt's mammoth sized penis. The anus needs some prep with fingers and lube. Also Matt couldn't have been wet, that's was a bit of a turn off.

Wow! That was hot!! Great chapter! Love this story !

Really enjoying this series. Hot and romantic.

I like the premise of the story! Just a few constructive comments... From a vocab point of view, you’re using the word ‘boy’ too many times (the boy, his boy, the other boy...). The words pops up nearly every other sentence. Secondly, the descriptive prose is a little too much. Less is more sometimes, and too many adjectives & adverbs didtract from the power of the scene. Thirdly, it seems that in pursuit of descriptive language, quite a few of your sentences are constructed awkwardly, or in the least, they make the characters do things that aren’t naturally flowing. For example, in one sentence I think you had Oliver licking something and then making himself pull a mischievous look on his face. People don’t control spontaneous facial expressions. If an expression is natural and genuine, the person won’t even realise they’re doing it. My advice here is to first go through your story and picture the characters doing precisely what the words are directing. You’ll notice in a few places that it’s weird. Never sacrifice the integrity of your sentence structure for florid vocab. Less is more. And finally, I’m having trouble believing that two 18 year old virgins (one of whom was not even gay a few days previous) are suddenly now professional gay boys in the bedroom. There’s no natural progression from naive and awkward and insecure to more confident. I think most people would be hesitant to allow someone to come in their mouth on the first blowjob. Most 18 year old boys wouldn’t have a clue about foreplay, yet these boys are pros. These are just some things to think about that could improve the story. Cheers!

Favorite line?

"Oliver's fingers took the compliment," Hot. Hot hot. Hot hot hot. Crazy thealphamale, crazy hot. Hope your still reading comments...

Just wow