All Comments on 'Bard's Tale 05 - Bk 02 - Westward Ho'

What a great surprise, was checking my favorite pages and found another great chapter. I just happened to reread the story a week ago so no memory gaps to try and fill in. Keep up the good work another 5 star entry

I'm glad the story is finally up. And somehow I posted an older copy with myriad errors. It's Jaima, not Joamne; Fisher, not Fister. Still trying to figure that one out. I was positive some of the name errors had been corrected and I am positive my beta reader would have caught them, yet I have a plethora of WTFs. I will see what I can do.

In the meantime, I want another sandwich from Motorcycle Mama's Grilled Cheese and Coffee House.

The master awakens from his cryogenic sleep ! This was so so welcome . We have been teased with a grand story arc and there is a short that hints at the resolution of Reison's sister's troubles. Glad to see that everything seems to been very well plotted out. You sir are a master storyteller ! This and your Starlight gleaming are both so engaging and yet are such distinct genres and worlds. When your contribution's drop it feels like Christmas !

Excellent story telling!

I like the setting and the overall story, but I have two reservations, which I was able to overlook in earlier parts but could no longer ignore.

One, far too much D&D technobabble, most jarring in Lady Natasha's "story". I get it that magic and miracles exist in this world, but that is not really an excuse for characters getting into conversations that could be right out of a rulebook. Also, oh my god the power level is out of control. Between just magicking a bridge for everyone, teleporting all around the world, and resurrecting people from a pile of ash and bones, it becomes really difficult to feel any kind of suspense.

The other is a somewhat lackluster character engagement. Mindal behaves pretty badly regarding their poly marriage, and all that happens is that Tia repeatedly gives her some gentle knuckle-rapping. Reison keeps thinking with his genitals, and Tahna seems strangely uninvolved, no big deal, is it? (I am on page 21/26 right now, so there might be more to come, but by this point I consider it unlikely.) Arya's daughter makes one remark, so Tia and Anya are casually discussing bringing Anya into the family, and then the subject gets dropped. A woman just resurrected from the dead and clearly in emotional distress is pushed off by the priestess (!) to someone else. And so on.

So... a good story idea overall, and pleasant enough to read, but unfortunately a bit stilted around the edges. As if you didn't really know how to develop the plot beyond "guy married to three sisters has adventures".

A bit less spell technicality, and more genuine character interaction (outside of bed) and -development would have turned this story from average into awesome. Please take this as constructive criticism -- I certainly enjoyed the story well enough to keep reading.

MartinBee,

I welcome the comments. First, there's a lot of D&D elements because this is me writing up what some D&D players did, or in this case, Reison's player did. And, yes, he's over 20 as a half-elf, but as a half-elf, he's early teens and the hormones are running wild and he's happy just to be getting some; as he matures emotionally and mentally, other priorities will arise. Second, being in a poly relationship is new for him; Tia offered to run the household, which is happy to not get bogged down in the daily details. At this point, he has women who love him, and his main focus is loving them back and adventuring to level up so he can enter the bard college. Reison is old school, 1st edition bard, meaning a fighter until you reach a max of level 7 (mid Journeyman tier), then study for and level up as a thief (max level 8, and THEN go to the bard college for either a 1 year or 2 year program. One can sing or play instruments without the college training and be a singer or a musician; going to the college teaches you how to interweave the magic with the song and the music. The second year program is a must, because if there is enough intelligence and/or wisdom, the bard learns lesser magic and druid spells. Len Lekofka wrote a fascinating article decades ago on what skills a zero-level player would have to study to reach first level and a method of rolling dice to determine how long it took a player to learn each skill. I built on that and wrote out the same method for graduating bard school to becoming a first level bard. At this point, Reison is half-way through gaining his necessary fighter skills.

Tia has admittedly been lenient to Mindal. In the next chapter, Mindal let's out some of her deeper animosity to her big sister. She's a skilled bard who has been allowed to run amok and be a party girl; it's a struggle right now for her to both settle down and learn the skills of sharing that Tia keeps reminding her about. Behavior change can be difficult to make happen. First and foremost, the person really has to personally want it happen, and you CANNOT force someone else to change without magic, and that ethically a minefield. Second thing is that you have to replace the old behavior with something new -- which takes practice, with potential backsliding commensurate with how long and how deeply ingrained the old behavior is. Mindal is very selfish and worse, feels entitled; learning to be more giving will take her real hard work. Compounding that is she's borderline alcoholic; Tia cured her of that during their stay of Goodfellow Castle, but it won't take much for that addiction to come roaring back to life. Tia is actually more angry with Mindal than she's let on, but she's also more restrained. Being a trained diplomat, she's skilled at hiding her true feelings. Tia wants to get Mindal to behave better, but is worried that attempting to punish Mindal will end up will Mindal running away rather than deal with her emotional maturity. Yes, it's as much tawdry drama as in a soap opera, but that's part of why we read fiction and watch dramas isn't it, to be entertained by people who have it worse than we are, or who are living the lives we imagine we would enjoy experiencing for ourselves.

As for the power? Yeah, but in the old days, there weren't limits on levels by race; that didn't come around until Advanced D&D (2nd edition). So, when you have people living longer than normal human lifespans, even if you account for a slower leveling rate, what kind of mage do you become after four hundred years? Eight hundred? Tia has been a priestess for decades, and like her sisters, used money to retain her physical youth. It wasn't until later that Gygax ruled that longevity just extended one's life, so the witch class spell "Youth" fills in the gap. Likewise, Mindal hardly uses her spell powers, and because she hasn't been needed to, hasn't really even applied herself to getting stronger or more dangerous. The Landers family -- Mikel and his wives -- are truly tough hombres. The elf Galamindöl is a fighter mage and grand-master with bows. Frínulas is a paladin and grand-master with long swords. Charmain is the Queen of Neutral Good witches. Morgan is THE Morgan LeFay, half fay, half other worldly spirit and a powerful arch-mage, and when I rolled her special ability, she got extra spell capacity but her quirk is she's unable to teleport. Mikel's fifth wife was the avatar of Renenet, the Egyptian goddess of good fortune, and Renenet the woman was a grand master of flowers warrior monk (one of the inspirations for Tahna and Elisabeth). The homestead used to have the Well of the Worlds, which they had sealed to keep Cthulhu gods and their servants from invading Skyra (the name of the world). Evil gods tried to open the Well because -- evil god reasons. Renenet was killed in the god fight, as was Prince Caernach Moramorian (Queen Dorothy's father). When Renenet's avatar was killed, it took her a few years to recover; her current avatar is Mayet and she is simply a dancer; her name is ancient Egyptian for "kitten." She's just recently joined the family, so most of the grown children barely know her at all.

Whew! I'll get off the soapbox now. Take care, be safe, and have a great day! Slainté