Battered Bonds of Love

"You look like a slut," he spat. "Is that for her? That bitch bulldagger driver? You think I haven't seen how she looks at you? Go change," his voice was frighteningly low.

Liz took a deep breath, steeling herself. It wasn't the first time he'd mentioned Terri. But this morning she didn't want to change, even at the risk of pissing him off.

"Peter, I have a meeting and I don't have time to—"

She almost never saw the hand before it struck. Even after all these years it was always a shock. She was on the ground before another word left her mouth. Her hand covered her cheek. Goddamnit. She saw the shuttle bus stop and quickly got to her feet, grabbing her purse and briefcase before disappearing into the house. She wouldn't expose Terri to this. She would change her clothes and then Peter would let her go to work. Terri would probably wait a few minutes and then leave. Yes, that was the best way to handle things.

She was sitting at the bay window when the shuttle returned. It was 6:45am, the time the shuttle was normally scheduled to pick her up. She'd sat in her darkened living room with her heart in her throat for over an hour waiting for the shuttle to return...and worrying. She had no idea what she would say about missing their breakfast date. And she had no idea what Terri had seen. She was glad Peter had gone back to bed after selecting an oversized tan jacket and matching skirt for her. She grabbed her briefcase and purse, walking quickly up the walk to the shuttle. Terri stood to help her onto the shuttle as usual, making sure she was settled before pulling away from the curb. Liz closed her eyes. Neither of them said a word, and Claire, the next passenger, was only a few minutes away. She swallowed. She had to say something.

"I'm sorry, I forgot some papers and then I must have missed you," she finally gushed. She immediately felt horrible. Would she have to lie to Terri now, too? She felt a rush of resentment. But she didn't have a choice. What could she say? Terri, my husband is bored, jealous, possessive and he beats me?

Terri did not respond. Liz sighed. She knew Terri couldn't possibly see the dark bruise on her cheek. She was an expert at covering up the bruises now. And the ice had kept the swelling down for the most part.

"I saw what happened, Liz."

Terri's voice was soft, steady...and Liz thought she felt her heart actually stop beating this time. She wanted the seat to open up and swallow her into it. She closed her eyes again, clutching her briefcase to her chest. Oh God, please no. She was relieved when Terri opened the door for Claire and they were no longer able to talk about the incident. The ride was painfully long. When the shuttle finally arrived at the school, Liz averted her eyes and hurried off the bus. She felt humiliated. She would drive to school from now on. She couldn't possibly face Terri again. She could feel the tears well up and wondered how she would get through the rest of the day. Damn Peter. She could not even imagine what Terri thought. She should have changed without protest. She should never have agreed to the breakfast dates. God, what was shedoing with her life?

She stood, took a deep breath, and walked to her waiting class. She was greeted by the cheerful hello of 14 first graders. She smiled wanly, realizing she probably looked as stressed as she felt. The teacher's aide raised a brow, but she simply waved her hand at the aide, indicating that she was fine. The young aide was always watching her. She probably thought she was having a stroke or something. Liz forced a cheerier smile and began her lesson for the day.

*

She was terrified on the ride home. She had no idea what she would say to Terri when they were alone for those final 15 minutes. Perhaps she would not say anything and just stick her head in a book, pretending to read. But something told her that wouldn't work. When the shuttle stopped to drop Claire off, Liz could hear her own heart thumping loudly. She was a wreck as Terri pulled away from the curb and began the drive toward Liz's house.

The silence was almost deafening. Liz swallowed. It wouldn't be much longer now. Then, before she knew it, Terri was stopping the bus before her suburban home. She stood to hurry from the bus, once again relieved that the Honda was not parked in the driveway. She knew things had gone much too easily when she suddenly found herself face to face with Terri, blocking her escape.

"I won't let him keep hurting you."

Liz stared up into those blue-gray eyes, her own eyes filling with tears as she lowered her head.

"I-I don't need any help."

Terri reached out to place a finger under Liz's chin. She tilted her head upward, taking a moment to wipe the tears from Liz's soft cheeks. Then she leaned down to touch her lips tenderly to Liz's partially opened mouth. The kiss lasted for only an instant and both women froze, staring at one another. When Terri lowered her head to kiss her again, Liz did not stop her. This time Terri's lips were more insistent, tasting deeply of her sweetness. Liz closed her eyes, her heart hammering in her chest. Terri's lips were strong, sure, gently demanding. Liz gave in to her, enjoying the heat of Terri's tongue as it danced with hers. Abruptly Terri pulled away and Liz staggered back a step back, opening her eyes. Terri watched her silently for a moment before speaking.

"If he puts his hands on you again, I'm not going to simply drive away."

Liz shook her head, "please don't," she pleaded softly.

Terri simply smiled, taking a step forward and leaning down to kiss Liz's forehead. "I'll see you in the morning, okay?"

Liz nodded, quickly exiting the shuttle. She stood and watched as Terri drove off. She couldn't help the smile that spread across her lips. She had just experienced her first kiss with a woman. And it was so much better than she had ever imagined...

*****

Liz was able to forget that conversation on the shuttle over the course of the next month. They met for breakfast as usual without any mishap. And each evening, when Terri dropped her off, Liz looked for the Honda. If it was not parked in front of the house, Terri would kiss her goodnight. Liz found herself praying the car would not be parked there when they arrived. With each kiss, Liz could feel her resolve diminishing. She found herself longing for the feel of Terri's lips, the feel of Terri's body pressed against hers...

It was chilly this November afternoon as Liz boarded the shuttle for the ride home. She pulled the collar of her trench coat up, settling into her seat, watching as Terri turned up the heat. When she looked over at Terri appreciatively, Terri winked at her. Liz could feel her cheeks warm as Claire sat down beside her.

"Damn it's cold. Thanks for cranking up the heat Ter!"

"No problem." Terri's throaty response provided all the heat Liz needed. Liz smiled to herself at the thought.

She chatted with her colleagues as the sun set rapidly and the shuttle made its way to the Bronx. Liz could feel her body tingle as they approached Claire's stop. She struggled to listen to Claire as she began the silent mantra in her head – please don't let him be home, please don't let him be home. Finally, Claire waved to them before closing the door to her two-story brick home. The two remaining on the shuttle were silent as Terri drove on. Liz was a little startled when Terri's raspy voice interrupted her thoughts.

"Liz."

Liz blinked, looking at the entrance to her home. The time had passed so quickly. It always passed quickly when she was with Terri. The Honda was not parked out front. She felt both relieved and flushed in the same instant. She gathered her belongings and stood, watching as Terri shut off the engine and the interior lights, unfolding her lithe, muscular form from behind the steering wheel. Terri took hold of Liz's briefcase and set it down. One hand snaked out to curl behind the back of Liz's head as Terri pulled Liz close to her and looked down into her dark brown eyes. Liz could feel her body begin to tremble as Terri brought her closer. Their lips met, tongues meshing, liquid heat to liquid heat. Liz's purse fell from her shoulder as Terri's hands slipped inside the trench coat and around her waist, pulling her even closer to her muscular frame. Liz could feel her remaining defenses dissolve as the sheer pleasure of Terri filled her senses. She wanted more. She knew it was wrong, but she wanted so much more from this woman. She moaned softly as she felt one of Terri's hands shift and a thumb brushed lightly across her hardened nipple.

It was over all too soon. She realized Terri always made a monumental effort to stop herself before she went too far. She was giving Liz all the space and time she needed and Liz truly appreciated it. Terri kept Liz pressed against her tightly as their breathing slowly returned to normal. She buried her face in Liz's soft hair for a moment and Liz barely heard her soft growl.

"God I want you."

The throaty whisper poured over Liz, inflaming her. It was the first time Terri had voiced such desire. Terri set Liz back from her, staring down at her, waiting for a reaction. Liz could only smile. She wasn't ready to voice her feelings yet, but she prayed Terri knew she was not in this alone. Terri also smiled, pulling Liz to her again for another hug before separating from her completely.

"Go." Terri insisted huskily.

Liz nodded. She grabbed her things and hurried from the shuttle, listening to the sounds of the engine coming alive again. She turned to watch the shuttle pull off, waving before she continued up the walk to the house.

She raised a brow as she reached the front door. The lights in the living room were on. Had Peter left them on by accident? It was not like him to be forgetful. She glanced toward the one-car garage, but nothing was amiss there. Their second car, a Toyota Camry, sat in the dark, silent and quiet as always. She shook her head. Peter probably left the lights on. No big deal. She chuckled to herself, realizing she must be feeling guilty for kissing Terri in her own front yard. The mind could play some wicked tricks on a person, especially when that person felt guilty.

She unlocked the front door, dropping her things on a table to her immediate left. She would have to move them before Peter arrived. He hated "clutter" in the front room. She hung her trench in the coat closet, turning to make her way to her bedroom when she stopped dead in her tracks. Peter was leaning against a wall, a tumbler filled with amber liquid in his hand. He watched her silently, drinking from the glass periodically. They stood facing one another for what seemed like an eternity. Liz could hear her heart hammering loudly as fear crept up her spine. She could tell he had been drinking for some time.

"P-Peter, I didn't realize you were h-here. I didn't see the car." The words sounded stilted to her own ears.

"The Honda's in the shop. Jerry dropped me off."

He drank from the glass again. She finished unbuttoning her black jacket and pulled the cream silk blouse from her waistband.

"Oh, is it time for a tune-up already?" She inquired absently. Jerry, their mechanic, lived close by. That would explain why the Honda was not in the driveway. She stepped out of her black pumps, picking them up and attempting to walk past him on her way to her bedroom. He blocked her. She swallowed past the dryness in her throat.

"Peter, I need to shower and change so I can get dinner ready."

"What were you two doing out there?"

She knew the question was coming, but the sound of it as it left his lips absolutely terrified her. How could she explain being on the parked, dark shuttle with Terri for about ten minutes? Her brain scrambled desperately for a believable lie.

"Sh-she...the engine. It shut off. I-I was holding the flashlight—"

"I didn't see a flashlight."

"Oh? That's funny. I was holding it. It wasn't very bright."

He watched her, finishing his cognac in one gulp.

"What was wrong with it?" He demanded, his breath warm and pungent against her face.

She couldn't tell if he believed her or not, "I, uh...I don't know. You know I don't know anything about that stuff. She jiggled something and it started up again."

She silently prayed that he believed her, once again attempting to pass. He moved out of her way and she closed her eyes, mouthing a silent thank you as she headed toward her bedroom once again.

She was completely shocked when suddenly he grabbed a handful of her hair and yanked her backwards. She dropped her jacket and shoes as she found her back flush against his massive chest. She could smell the expensive liquor on his breath. He was breathing harshly and she could feel her pulse quicken. He seized her chin between his thumb and forefinger painfully, jerking her head around to meet his terrifyingly cold gaze.

"Really? Trouble with the bus? Then tell me Liz," she remained still, filled with a sense of dread, as his thumb wiped across her lips brutally, "why is your lipstick smeared all over your fucking face?"

She couldn't think of an answer, but she didn't need to. Her brain processed one thought only – he was going to kill her. She tried to prepare herself for the assault, but to no avail. She couldn't even stop the first scream.

*

The alarm clock's music filled the room at 4am. Liz tried to reach over to shut it off, but she couldn't. She was able to open her left eye, but she could feel that the right was swollen shut. She licked her ashen lips, wincing as her tongue grazed a wound covered with dried blood. He had not allowed her to go to the hospital, although she was pretty certain he had broken at least one of her ribs. She glanced over at her left hand. One of the fingers lay in an odd position. She wondered if it, too, was broken. She had pleaded with him to take her to the hospital, but he'd refused. She decided she would call for an ambulance when he passed out, but he had tied her to the bed. The alarm clock continued to play music.

He had forced her to take a number of sleeping pills. He didn't want her to free herself while he slept. She'd been pretty groggy, and unable to loosen her ties, but she hadn't slept. She was in too much pain to sleep. The alarm clock continued to play music.

Peter entered her room thirty minutes later and shut off the alarm. He untied her, grabbing a handful of her hair and pulling her face close to his. She almost gagged on his breath which stank of sleep and alcohol. He had been drinking again this morning.

"Make yourself beautiful Liz so you can tell that bulldagger to fuck off. Then you'll call that school and quit. Then, andonly then, we'll go to the hospital. Do you understand me?"

She nodded. She would do anything he said when he was in this state. He yanked her out of the bed and she gasped, squelching the scream that so desperately wanted to erupt from her as she fell to the floor. She buried her face in the carpet for just a moment, keeping a pair of blue-gray eyes in her mind as she attempted to focus.

"Hurry up, Liz. We don't want to keep your dyke waiting."

She nodded again as he left the room. She wondered if she should be grateful that he had allowed her to live. She'd passed out last night after he had struck her over and over. When she regained consciousness, he knocked her to the plush carpeted floor and began kicking her again and again. Then he started on her face. She used her left hand to block one of the blows. She wasn't sure when she'd passed out again.

She crawled to her private bath, clutching at the sink for leverage as she pulled herself up to her feet. She took a deep breath, reached over slowly to switch on the light, and then peered in the mirror. She almost didn't recognize the woman staring back at her. Indeed, her right eye was swollen shut. The entire right side of her face was a bluish purple. Her lip was split. Her hair was a mess. She tried to smile at the image in the mirror. How was she supposed to face Terri in this condition? How could she convince Terri to leave and never return? And what would happen if she didn't?

She swallowed some pain killers and made her way into the shower, wincing as the hot water struck her bruised flesh. She could not sell a story like "I fell" to Terri. Perhaps if she simply did not go out to meet her, Terri would leave? Like before? But Terri would return, wouldn't she? And wouldn't she suspect that something had happened, like before? God, what was she going to do? She would not allow Peter to hurt Terri. And she knew Peter would take care of the situationhis way if she failed to do so. She showered quickly, dressing in jeans and a sweatshirt. She applied as much make-up as possible to hide the swelling and bruising. Could she stand so that Terri only saw the left side of her face? That would prevent Terri from seeing the worst of it. She glanced at the clock on her nightstand, 5:14am.

Peter was sitting in the living room watching TV. He had showered and changed as well. She had to admit he looked handsome sitting there, casually watching the weather. She shook her head, who would have known? She heard the powerful engine of the shuttle as it stopped out front. She held her breath, hoping Terri would simply pull off. When she heard the engine die, she swallowed. No such luck. Peter was pretending to ignore her. She opened the door just a crack before Terri reached it, making sure Terri could only see part of her face in the dim light of dawn.

"Hey, running late?"
Liz had to force her body not to respond to the sound of Terri's voice. "No, I-I'm calling in sick today. I don't feel well."

She watched Terri's face as it changed from a warm smile to a look of concern, "what's wrong? You okay?"

"I'm okay. You know, I think I'm going to drive in from now on. It would be better for me. I could leave school a little earlier and run some errands on the way home..." Her voice trailed off. Those blue-gray eyes had narrowed and Terri's face was quickly shifting from concern for Liz's health to what appeared to be a slow, budding anger.

"Open the door Liz."

It was a simple command, but Liz could not compel herself to adhere to it. She knew nothing good would come of it.

"Terri, just leave,please."

"I'm not leaving until you open the door."

Liz could feel her heart sinking, "please Terri," it was a desperate plea but she knew it was already too late. Peter snatched the door from her and pushed her aside.

"Look you fucking dyke, I know what you've been doing with my wife. She's quitting that job and your services are no longer needed. Now fuck off!"

He attempted to slam the door in her face, but Terri stuck her foot out to prevent him from doing so. The door flew open and Peter turned to face Terri with surprise. And as Terri's gaze settled on Liz, her face no longer reflected anger. Instead, Liz was certain, she was in a state of absolute rage. Liz quickly stepped between the two of them.

"Terri, please just go."

"Hitting her make you feel like a man?"

The words were spoken with a deadly calm and Liz could feel her heart pounding in her ears.

"Fuck you, you fucking wife-snatching bulldagger bitch!"

Liz turned to face Terri squarely, "please, let me handle this,please."

"How many times did you fuck my wife? Is that why she won't fuck me anymore? Get out of my house, you stupid bitch!"

Liz watched as Terri stepped into the house completely and advanced toward Peter. Her pleas of desperation quickened, "Terri, for God's sake—"

But the words fell on deaf ears. Peter pushed her out of the way and she cried out as she hit the floor. Pain knifed through her but she forced herself to ignore it. She watched as the two of them faced off, standing only inches apart. Peter stood a few inches taller and was probably 50 pounds heavier, but Terri didn't back down an inch. She stared at him without blinking an eye.