Battered Bonds of Love

Liz looked up into those hauntingly beautiful eyes as their lips met. The kiss began tenderly but slowly transformed into a reflection of Terri's desire. When their lips parted, Terri stared down at her, her eyes pleading for understanding. Liz could feel the drugs in her system, combined with the heat from Terri's kiss, thundering through her veins. And she was suddenly afraid. Afraid of Terri, afraid of her feelings for this woman...afraid of her own arousal.

She backed away from Terri slowly, smiled half-heartedly and made her way to the bedroom, closing the door behind her. She let the tears fall, not sure why they fell. Was she distraught because of the past 48 hours? Was she distraught because she felt helpless? Or was she distraught because she wanted Terri to sleep beside her tonight...to make love to her? Guilt swept through her again. But she could also feel the heat of arousal in the pit of her stomach...and a dampness between her thighs. Her breathing was labored, her senses heightened. God, was she really that aroused by a woman? Byone woman in particular? One who had the most amazing amount of restraint anyone could imagine? Unfortunately. She smiled to herself at that thought. She knew Terri was right. Now was not the time for Terri to sweep her off her feet. She was emotionally bloody. Raw from the beating, tired of her life, frustrated, heartbroken, humiliated...and angry. That realization surprised her. She was angry for the first time in years. Angry enough to defy her husband's demand to return home. Typically she would have run back, apologetic, making his dinner while he insisted she had brought about the beating. He'd buy her some ridiculous gift the next day, flowers, chocolate, jewelry and things would go back to normal until the next time. But not this time. And Terri was kind enough, patient enough...loving enough to not take advantage of her when she was so utterly vulnerable.

As she slid between the damp sheets, she realized that for now she had to be content with wondering how it would feel to lie beside Terri, to relax into those arms, to sleep without the nightmares. She'd love to act on her feelings, but that wasn't fair to Terri. It wasn't fair to either of them.

*****

She gathered the few items Terri had bought for her at the drug store and shoved them into a plastic bag the next morning. She had showered, made the bed, straightened up the room and taken another dose of pain killers. It was 7am...time to face the music. She wore the same casual slacks she'd worn to the hospital and a tee shirt borrowed from Terri.

The smell of bacon greeted her as she stepped from the bedroom. As enticing as it was, she didn't think she would be able to keep anything down this morning. It wasn't like her to disobey a direct order from Peter. She wondered what it would cost her. How much damage would he do this time? She shook her head. Why was she so willing to accept that he would beat her again? And why did she feel like she didn't have a choice in the matter?

She sat down at the small table in the kitchen, watching as Terri moved about silently. Minutes later, Terri set a plate of bacon, eggs and grits before her. She set an equal helping before herself. Liz realized it was the first time she had seen Terri eat anything hearty in the morning. But, she realized, Terri hadn't eaten much the night before. In fact, she wondered if Terri had eaten much of anything yesterday.

They sat across from one another in silence. Liz nibbled on the food for a few minutes but then simply sipped at the steaming cup of coffee. Her hands were trembling and she realized she was scared. He said he would kill Terri. Would he kill her if he couldn't get to Terri? She wondered if this was the last morning of her life...and if so, why had she made the mistake of sleeping alone last night? She shut her eyes and shook her head. Damnit, why couldn't she get this woman out of her head for a few goddamn minutes?

"When I was in grad school," Terri began softly, "a very dear friend of mine lived with a man who beat her." Terri paused for a moment before continuing. "It went on for years. She wouldn't leave him, claimed she loved him. I did some research on battered women. I wanted to know why she stayed. They didn't have any children. I found out that some woman stay because they don't think they have anywhere else to go." She knew Terri was watching her, but Liz avoided her eyes, continuing to sip at her cup of coffee. "I talked to my friend about it one night. A heart to heart. I didn't lecture, I didn't demand she make any decisions. I simply told her she had a place to stay if and when she was ready. She left him a year later. She's an attorney now. She works with battered women."

Liz digested the information silently. She couldn't begin thinking about lawyers. She had to figure out how to stay alive today.

"I'm going to tell you the same thing I told her. You have a place to stay. And I know a lawyer who will get you everything you deserve if...when you're ready to leave him. You will not be destitute, you will not be alone."

Terri pushed her plate away and waited until Liz met her gaze, "but if you ask me to sit by and watch him assault you—... someone is going to get hurt. I don't know if it will be him or me, but I will not let him put his hands on you again. I can't do it."

She stood abruptly, snatching away their dishes and tossing them into the sink. Liz thought she heard a plate break.

"So, I'm going to walk you downstairs and put you in a cab, although I want you to stay here. To stay where it's safe. But I also know you have to handle this your way..." She was struggling and Liz could see her hands balled into fists. "And I want you to promise to call me when you need me. But when you call me, realize that you're leaving him. Not leaving him to be with me, just leaving him. I won't go back and forth with this...I won't let another woman I love suffer like that. So, if you call...when you call, knowwhy you're calling."

They stared at one another across the space of the tiny kitchen. Liz took in Terri's dark skin, the strain on her face, the worry in those beautiful eyes. Terri was telling her she had a way out. She no longer had two young children, no longer had a reason to stay. Terri had opened the door...would she be able to walk through it?

Liz forced a smile and Terri shut her eyes for a moment. Then she closed the distance between them. She lifted Liz from her seat, crushing Liz to her as her lips covered Liz's brutally. Liz could taste her concern, her worry, her frustration...her hunger. When Terri pulled away, she looked down into Liz's enticing dark brown eyes and took a deep breath.

"I'm in love with you Elizabeth Wright. Don't keep me waiting long."

Liz could feel her breath catch for the hundredth time since meeting this woman. She knew, in that instant, that she was in love with Terri. But before she could say a word, Terri had retrieved the plastic bag with her few belongings in it and was holding the front door open for her.

*

Gia strongly resembled her father. She was taller than Liz, with a golden brown complexion and her father's long, thick lashes and sultry eyes. But she had her mother's dimples and full hips. Her body was curvaceous in a way Liz's had never been. Gia was an attractive woman, something that had always pleased Liz.

The woman sitting on the front steps beside her was nothing like her. She was dark skinned, tall...huge. Liz guessed she probably weighed 300 pounds and most of it seemed to be muscle. She was very "manly" in Liz's opinion, wearing jeans and a man's flannel shirt with leather motorcycle boots. Her head was shaved bald, she wore a silver hoop through her left eyebrow...and Liz knew she loved her daughter fiercely. So, for that reason alone, Bobbi was okay in her book any day.

"Hi baby, hey Bobbi. What are you two doing here?" She called as she stood from the cab. Her voice was strained, she knew it. She turned to pay the driver but he informed her that the fare had already been taken care of. She couldn't hide the stiffness of her body or the bruises on her face as she moved to meet her daughter's glare.

"Dad called."

Liz's steps faltered and she clutched the plastic bag in her hand tightly. She swallowed as she forced herself to continue walking and open the front door.

"Did you eat? Do you want me to make you something?"

"No Mrs. Wright, we already ate."

Liz turned to Bobbi, smiling, "Bobbi, please call me Liz. How many times do I have to—?"

"Mom, what's going on?" Gia interrupted the light banter. "Dad said you're having an affair with some bus driver?"

Liz shook her head, "that's not true."

"So what's going on?! He said the bus driver attacked him!"

"Gia, look at your mother's face and the cast on her hand. If someone did that to youI would attack them." Bobbi interrupted.

Liz held up her good hand to silence them, "she didn't attack him. She was defending herself...and me."

"She?"

Liz swore to herself. Of course Peter would not have mentioned the fact that the bus driver was a woman.

"Where's your father?"

"I don't know. He wasn't here when we arrived."

Liz nodded and led the way to her bedroom. She closed and locked the door, waiting until Gia and Bobbi were settled on her paisley loveseat. She pulled the tee shirt over her head and swore to herself again when she heard Gia's swift intake of breath at the sight of the bandages wrapped around her middle. She donned a robe quickly, glad she had taken painkillers that morning.

She took a deep breath. Things were changing so rapidly. She had lied to her children for so many years...but not today. She would tell her daughter what was going on. Gia was 27 years old and didn't need her protection anymore. She sat down on the bed, across from the waiting pair.

"Your father has been beating me since the second year of our marriage."

The words simply fell from her. Gia stared at her in shocked silence. It was the first time they had ever spoken of it.

"I know Mom...Paul and I both knew. We could hear him...no one ever talked about it."

"I know baby. When you're a parent, you want to protect your children..." She hesitated, "I know you and Paul think I should have left your father. But I had nothing, do you understand? No place to go, no one to turn to...I was trapped. And he didn't hit the two of you. You had a good education, a good start."

"Listening to him beat you senseless was a good start?"

Liz ignored the hostility in her tone, "that wasmy choice. I did what I felt I had to do."

"What happened here yesterday Mom?" Gia pressed.

"There's a woman...her name is Terri. She drives the faculty shuttle bus at my school. We've been..." She couldn't get the words out. She licked her lips, "we've been spending time together. Your father found out. He beat me. Terri came to pick me up the next morning. She knew I was lying and wouldn't leave. When she saw the bruises," she shook her head, "they fought. Then Terri took me to the hospital...I spent the night at her apartment in Manhattan."

"Spending time together? What does that mean? Are you in love with this woman Mom?"
Liz looked into her daughter's eyes, closing her own for a moment. She smiled to herself before opening her eyes again, "yes."

She could see her answer was a shock to Gia. The three of them sat silently, watching one another. Liz felt more drained than ever. Gia was the first to recover.

"Are you leaving Dad?"

It was a question Liz had not been able to answer herself until that moment. "I don't know. Probably...yes. Yes, I am."

Gia nodded, shifting gears, "listen Mom, you can't stay here. He's furious. He was ranting and raving...I've never seen him so upset. And he calledme. Henever calls me."

Liz stood, forcing herself to remain calm, "I have to face him Gia. I won't sneak away in the night."

"Well, where the hell is your bus driver? Why didn't she come with you? Why would she send you here alone?"

"She didn'tsend me here, I live here. She's waiting for me to call her...when I'm ready."

"Call her, mom. Or come to Virginia with us. You can't stay here."

Liz knelt before her daughter, taking her hands in her own. "Listen to me. I have to do this my way. It's the first time I've wanted to...do anything about it. Let me do this. You and Bobbi should leave now."

"No. I'm not leaving you here alone."

Bobbi stood, "Gia, let's go."

"I'mnot leaving my mother here."

"Gia, I will call you in the morning. I promise everything will be okay."

Gia paused for a moment longer before leaning forward to hug her mother tightly. "I love you mom. Please, please call me in the morning, okay?"

There were tears in her eyes. They brought tears to Liz's eyes and the two women held each other tightly.

"It'll be okay, baby. Bobbi, you take care of my little girl, okay? I'll call in the morning."

Bobbi took hold of Gia's arm and pulled her gently from her mother. Liz watched them leave, her heart racing. A weight had been lifted. She had confessed to another human being...her daughter. It felt...well, odd. But it was a start. She hesitated a moment longer before making her way to the garage. She unearthed two large suitcases and dragged them back to her bedroom. She began with the left side of her closet.

It was past midnight when he finally stumbled into the house. She'd loaded her bags into the Toyota and was sipping a glass of wine at the kitchen table. He was already drunk and she was prepared for a fight. She had called Terri when she heard his car pull into the driveway. Terri would be there in 30 minutes.

He'd noticed the suitcases in the Toyota. He tossed his keys on the table, watching her closely. She sat, dressed in a winter white, tailored dress, heels and sheer black stockings. Her hand trembled a little as she sipped the wine. Her nervousness did not escape him.

"You're going to her." He bit out.

"I'm leaving." She corrected.

She watched him open the cabinet where they kept the liquor. She had emptied the bottles.

"Where the fuck is my cognac?" He demanded, approaching her. She resisted the urge to shrink back.

"I poured it out. I wanted to talk while you were sober. I didn't know you were out drinking."

"You poured out a $200 bottle of cognac? You're a stupid fucking bitch."

She braced herself for the slap...it didn't come. He turned away from her and she released the breath she'd been holding. Silence hung between them for a few minutes. Then he turned to her.

"I'll get help. I'll never lay another hand on you. I swear it."

She was moved by the passion in his voice. She wanted to believe him. But she knew it was too little, too late. She no longer loved him. She realized that now.

"Peter..." Her voice caught in her throat. "Peter," she began again, "I care about you. I really do. But I can't do this anymore."

He approached her again, this time she recognized defeat and a bit of fear in the slouch of his shoulders. She watched in shock as he dropped to his knees before her.

"Baby, I don't mean to hurt you. I love you so much I can't think sometimes. When you do things...I just lose control. It's not your fault, it's mine. I know that. I'll go see a counselor. I'll get better, I promise." He laid his head in her lap. "Just don't leave me, Liz."

She was speechless. She wondered how she would have felt if he'd said this years ago. Now...there was nothing but pity. She combed her fingers through his hair gently, breathing in deeply. Terri would be here soon. She wanted to avoid another confrontation.

"Peter, if what you say is true, then you need some space, some time to work things out. We'll talk in a month or two, okay?"
She knew it was a lie. Once she left, she never planned to return to this house. Perhaps he heard the lie in her voice, she wasn't sure. He stood swiftly and began to pace. Her heart rate increased slightly.

"How long Liz? How long did you know you were a fucking dyke? All those years, I thought you were frigid. Instead you just like fucking women."

He was ranting, pacing back and forth liked a caged animal. She said nothing, glancing at her watch. Terri would be there soon.

"You're a liar. You, your lesbo daughter. That son you gave birth to that's probably a faggot. All of you, fucking liars."

She stood from the table, backing away slowly. He was becoming increasingly incensed.

"I've wasted my life! Wasted my youth on this fucking family! Fucking dyke daughter, dyke wife, faggot son. Why? Because I married a lying fucking cock tease!"

She felt the kitchen sink at her back as he stormed toward her, realizing there was no where else to go.

"After all I've done for you, for those fucking kids! After all I've done! If I can't have you—" his fingers closed around her throat.

Images flashed before her eyes. Her children, her job...Terri. She was used to the pain, but the shortness of breath frightened her. Shocked into immobility at first, she felt her fingers suddenly clawing at the hands around her throat, drawing his blood. She was becoming lightheaded, the lack of oxygen causing an explosion of panic and pain in her head, a burning in her lungs. Her arms were flailing suddenly and when her hand closed over the handle of a butcher knife lying in the sink she knew it was a survival instinct. She buried the blade into him and he released her immediately, clutching at his neck as she drew in air desperately. Hot liquid squirted onto her face, her clothes. She took a step and slid on the wet tile floor, hitting her head on the counter as she fell. Then there was black.

When she woke, Terri was kneeling beside her. She felt a puddle of cold, sticky liquid beneath her. She looked up into Terri's worried blue-gray eyes.

"Are you hurt?"

Liz shook her head, but winced after doing so. She smiled feebly, reaching up to touch the knot at the back of her head.

"I slipped and hit my head."

Terri nodded, helping her to her feet. Liz looked up at her gratefully. "Thanks."

It took her a moment, as she looked around at the chaos of the kitchen, to see the broken back door. Terri had broken a glass pane to get in. Her eyes continued to roam and the horror settled back over her. Peter was lying a few feet from them, the knife protruding from his neck in an obscene manner. She reached up to touch her neck.

"Don't touch anything. The police and Vicki are on the way."

"Vicki?"

Terri nodded, "my friend, the lawyer. You're going to need a lawyer."

Liz remained silent. She was going to need a lawyer because she'd killed her husband. She felt both horror and relief. Her nightmare was over...and a new one was beginning.

Terri settled her on the sofa. For a moment she blanched at the thought of her blood soaked clothes on the white sofa. But then she realized the person who cared most was lying on the kitchen floor. She almost smiled at the thought and then wondered what kind of monster that made her.

"Is he dead?" She asked softly.

Terri nodded, holding her hand. The screaming sirens caused her to tense. Terri gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and then went to let the police in. Liz was glad she was there. She sat on the sofa, trembling. Later, when Terri was sitting beside her again, she wondered why none of the officers spoke to her.

"Why aren't they arresting me? Or asking me any questions?"

"I told them you didn't want to give a statement without your lawyer present."

Liz nodded again, silently thanking her.

Once Victoria Page arrived, the "interview" was quite brief. After the EMT examined her wounds the officers concluded, at least for now, that the bruises around her neck were made by someone else, most likely a man. In other words, they believed she had been fighting for her life. They warned her not to leave the state, but she was not going to be arrested at this time. She watched in somewhat of a daze as they removed Peter's body and began to file out of her house. Someone mentioned the media, but Terri refused the interview on her behalf. Liz worried if Gia would hear about this on the news...it was only a fleeting thought. Her hands were trembling again.