Battered Bonds of Love

"Why don't you hit me like you hit her?" Terri asked quietly.

Liz wanted to grab her, to pull her away from him before he assaulted her. Why was she antagonizing him? Why was she goading him? She could feel panic rising in her.

"Terri! Just go,please!"

Suddenly Peter swung at her, but Terri stepped aside, avoiding his fist, and Liz watched in shock as Terri jabbed at his Adam's apple. He gagged, clutching his throat. Terri landed a fist in his abdomen, knocking the wind from him, and then kneed him in the groin. He yelped and fell to his knees. She kicked him in his middle and then in the face. He fell flat onto the carpet, moaning. Liz continued to watch in a state of shock. She didn't know if she wanted to stop Terri from beating her husband or leap to her feet and join in. She watched as Terri prepared to kick him again.

"Terri!"

Her shrill voice seemed to shake Terri from her state. Terri's blue-gray eyes settled on her and the anger evaporated, quickly replaced by concern. She knelt beside Liz.

"Are you okay?"

Liz shook her head, "my side hurts...and I think my finger is broken."

Terri nodded, helping her to her feet. Liz glanced over at Peter who was still lying on the carpet, groaning as he held his crotch. She closed her eyes for just a moment and swallowed, "he's going to kill me when I get home tonight."

"He won't be here when you get home tonight."

She winced in pain as Terri grabbed her purse for her and lead her from the house, "what?"

"When you tell the hospital staff what happened, they'll call the police. New York has a mandatory arrest law."

Liz stopped dead in her tracks, "No. I won't send him to prison."

Liz was angry with herself as the words left her lips. She watched as Terri stared down at her. Terri shook her head, seeming to resolve the dilemma in her mind before speaking.

"Let me get you to the hospital and then we'll talk about it. Okay?"

Liz nodded, following her out to the shuttle. Terri helped her settle into her regular seat. As the shuttle pulled away from the curb, Liz closed her eyes. She listened to the electronic beeps as Terri dialed a number on her cell phone. Terri was explaining that she needed someone to drive the shuttle this morning because she was escorting one of the faculty members to the hospital. Her back-up driver agreed to meet them there. Liz didn't remember much else.

Their wait was short when they reached the emergency room. Within an hour she was led to a make-shift examination room where a doctor examined her. She then went downstairs for a series of x-rays. Two of her ribs were bruised and he had broken a finger on her left hand. They wrapped her middle, put her finger in a cast, and tended to the bruises on her face. When she told the attending physician she fell down the stairs, the doctor simply shook her head in disbelief. They were not keeping her overnight and she was both relieved and terrified to leave the hospital. Once she was discharged, she stepped into the waiting room to find Terri reading a magazine. She was annoyed with herself at the pleasure she felt when she spotted the dark-skinned beauty. She had been at the hospital for almost four hours and not only had Terri waited but, as agreed, she had not called the police. When Terri finally looked her way, she stood and quickly made her way over.

"You okay?" She asked softly.

Liz nodded, "I've been through worse. I need to get this prescription filled and..." She trailed off. She didn't want to go home, but she didn't feel comfortable saying so. "And I need to call the school."

Terri nodded, "I already called, but the principal wanted you to call when you could. You can call on the way to the pharmacy, okay?"

Terri hailed a cab for them and Liz settled into the back seat. The pain killer they had given her would not wear off for hours. She wasn't really listening as Terri gave the cab driver an address. Terri dialed the school's main switchboard and handed her cell phone to Liz.

She explained to her principal that she'd been in a car accident and that the doctor recommended she take two weeks off to recuperate. Liz noticed that Terri turned to look out of the window as she told the lie. Moments later, she disconnected the call.

"He's going to find a sub for me."

Terri nodded, turning back to her, "are you okay, do you need anything?"

Liz shook her head, settling back against the stiff leather seat. She closed her eyes. "Terri..." She didn't know what to say.

"Just relax, baby. Let me take care of you."

The words comforted Liz in a way she didn't think possible. She could feel the tears coming and tried to ward them off but couldn't. Terri held her close as she sobbed.

*

It wasn't until Terri left her side to fill the prescription that she realized they were in Manhattan. She wondered if Terri was taking her to a hotel for the night. The thought was comforting. She wasn't ready to face Peter yet. She didn't know when she would be. She conjured up the image of him lying on the floor, gasping in pain, and realized deep down it felt good to have him switch places with her. Now she had to decide what to do about what had transpired. This was not something Peter would forget easily. And she was certain he would want to punish her for it.

When Terri returned, Liz once again had to force her body not to respond at the mere sight of her. She wanted to reach out and draw Terri's energy into her. Instead, she simply smiled as Terri held up the small white bag.

"Sorry it took so long. They always have to fill out the forms in triplicate and call the hospital for confirmation when it's narcotics."

Liz simply nodded. She was familiar with the process. She'd had narcotics prescribed for her many times over the course of her thirty-four years with Peter.

"Terri, thanks for all this. I need a hotel with room service, I don't think I'll be up to dining out for a little while."

Terri stared at her for a moment, and Liz felt her breath catch as those blue-gray eyes took her in. They shared the look for another moment before Terri turned to give the driver another address. Liz had to force herself, yet again, to ignore the feelings she had for this woman. This wasnot a good time to focus on Terri. In fact, it had been hours and hours and she had not thought to even call and check on her husband. She swallowed.

"Could I borrow your phone again?"

Terri handed it to her without hesitation, quickly showing her how to use it. She turned to glance out of the window as Liz dialed a familiar number.

She was almost relieved to get the machine, but as she was leaving a message he picked up the phone. She was silent for a moment.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"No. Where are you? When are you coming home?"

"I'm staying at a hotel. I'll be home in a few days." The lie slipped from between her lips easily. She rationalized that she would be at a hotel soon, so it really didn't matter.

"Come home."

"No. I think it's better if we take a couple of days off." She'd had this conversation with him before. After the children had moved out, she would sometimes stay a night or two at a hotel after they had a 'disagreement.'

Peter was silent for a moment, "look, you know I didn't mean it. I'm sorry, okay? Just come home."

"No Peter, not right now."

"Are you fucking her?"

The question startled her, "of course not," she insisted. "She's my friend, that's all."

"Then what were you doing on that damn bus with her?"

Liz sighed, "I told you what happened on the shuttle."

"You're a fucking liar. You always have been. You lie to everyone, your children, to me, yourself. You're a stupid, fucking, lying bitch. And tell that bulldagger she's dead."

"Peter—" she wasn't too surprised to hear the click as he hung up. She handed the cell phone back to Terri, her hand trembling. Terri didn't say a word.

The cab stopped in front of a brownstone on the upper west side of Manhattan. Liz watched as Terri exited the cab and went to the driver's window to pay. Liz stepped from the car, shutting the door and waiting as Terri settled the bill. Terri was at her side a moment later.

"Still okay?"

She smiled up into Terri's concerned blue-gray eyes, "the shot they gave me is working. I'm okay. Where are we?"

"My place. Come on."

Liz's breath caught in her chest at those words. Terri's place?Terri's place? With the drugs she had in her system, and her hormones running amuck for this woman, this was probably a really bad idea. She turned to watch Terri walk to the lobby door and open it, waiting for her.

"Terri, I don't want to be a burden any more than I have been already. A hotel is fine, really."

Terri raised a brow, simply waiting. Liz took a deep breath and entered the building.

The first-floor apartment was a relatively small one-bedroom. The living room was decorated simply with a green sofa and love seat. A wall held a wall-unit with a huge television and an elaborate stereo system. Although sparse, the walls were painted a soft cranberry, making the room warm and inviting. Liz placed her purse on the sofa, looking around.

"It's nice."

"It's a dump but its home." Terri laughed.

Liz smiled, "no, I mean it. It's nice. Cozy."

Terri waved at the small table and chairs, stove, refrigerator and other appliances in a far corner, "that's the kitchen and the bedroom is over there," she pointed toward a door in another corner. "The bathroom is through the bedroom."

Liz nodded, dropping down into the chair. Terri was at her side instantly. "Time for a pill?" she asked with concern.

Liz shook her head, "no, not yet. I'm just tired. I, uh, didn't get much sleep last night."

Terri nodded, "why don't you lie down in the bedroom for a while?"

Liz paused. She didn't want to take Terri's bed, but she had to admit the idea of lying down sounded great. She made her way hesitantly to the bedroom, smiling as she peered inside. Terracotta walls, a massive cherry wood four poster bed with matching dresser and chest, and a comfy looking emerald green quilt on the bed. There was a flat, expensive looking stereo system on one wall and a flat-screen television on another. She entered, feeling herself relax. The stereo system lit up suddenly and soothing jazz filled the room. Terri was standing at the door, remote control in hand.

"Tee shirts are in the top chest drawer."

Liz nodded. The door closed between them. Liz sighed, it would be good to get some rest considering she hadn't slept last night. She found a WNBA tee shirt, slipped into it and crawled beneath the thick emerald green quilt. She was asleep within minutes.

The sun had set by the time Liz woke, but soft light illuminated the terracotta walls of the bedroom, helping Liz to remember where she was. She turned to bury her head into the pillows, inhaling deeply. Terri's scent was on the linen. She smiled. She never imagined she would be sleeping in this woman's bed. She glanced at a clock on the nightstand, God, was it really 7pm already? She must have been exhausted. She attempted to sit up but winced, taking in a sharp breath. The pain medication had worn off. Her ribs and finger were throbbing painfully. She slowly swung her feet off the bed and sat up. Two large capsules and a glass of water waited for her on a nightstand beside the bed. She smiled again, taking the pills. She sat still for a few more minutes. She knew they would work quickly.

She was able to move about pretty freely twenty minutes later. She stood, entering the bathroom. It was painted gold, the area rugs and shower curtain a deep pine green with a threaded gold design. Liz found an unopened toothbrush in the medicine cabinet and quickly brushed her teeth. She splashed water on her face, using a soft towel to dry it. Her hair was lying flat against her head, the short cut framing her face. She smiled at herself wanly in the mirror before leaving the bedroom. The bruises would take much longer to fade this time.

The smells from the kitchen had not been strong in the bedroom, but the living room smelled heavenly. She watched Terri dish out two helpings, setting the plates on the small, round table. She placed beverages near both plates and turned to Liz.

"I heard you in the bathroom. Did you find the pills?"

"Yea, thanks."

"Hungry?"

"Starving. Thanks again"

Liz sat down across from Terri. She took a moment to rearrange her place setting to her liking, smiling as Terri watched her. They ate silently after Liz complemented Terri on the dish. The music of Four Play piped through the room from the oversized speakers in the living room. Terri was done before her, having eaten only a third of what was on her plate. Liz, realizing she hadn't eaten since lunch the previous day, was starving. She glanced at Terri's plate a few times until Terri piled her leftovers onto Liz's plate with a smile. After another soda, Liz sat back in her chair and patted her stomach, "I'll regret it later when I'm too full to sleep comfortably."

Terri didn't say a word, cleaning off the table. Liz watched her as she worked. In fact, she realized Terri had not said much to her all day. When Terri put away the last dish and wiped off the table, Liz followed her into the living room. She settled onto the sofa, her feet curled beneath her. Terri sat on the adjacent loveseat. The two women sat silently, listening to a new CD by Floetry. After a few minutes, Liz turned to face Terri.

"You think I'm pathetic, don't you? Sticking up for him, refusing to call the police, refusing to leave?"

Terri looked at her with those blue-gray eyes and smiled sadly, "no, I don't think you're pathetic."

"Whatdo you think?" Liz pushed. "You haven't said much all day."

Terri shrugged, "what does it matter what I think?"

"It matters to me. I want to know. Please."

Terri leaned forward, positioning her body so that she was close to Liz as she spoke. "Do you really want to know what I think," she asked softly.

Liz nodded. Her heart had begun to thump painfully in her chest. She could feel the sexual tension between them suddenly. It was deliciously familiar by now. She wanted to think she wasn't prepared for the feel of Terri's lips against her own, but her body was craving it. And so she simply moaned when their lips finally met. She let herself melt into the feel of this woman, the heat of her mouth, the stroke of her tongue. When they parted, Terri smiled at her.

"I think it's going to be next to impossible for me to get any sleep knowing you're sleeping in my bed," she confessed huskily.

Liz felt her cheeks warm, her heart now pounding furiously.

"Oh." She breathed.

Terri continued to stare at her for a minute, then winked before she stood.

"Dessert?"

"God no." Liz refused quickly, relieved Terri had moved away. The scent of the woman was intoxicating...or perhaps she was feeling the effects of the pain killers? Part of her, the rational part, wanted it to be the pain killers. The other part wondered how it would feel to lie in Terri's arms.

She watched Terri settle onto the sofa beside her. They watched television in a comfortable silence until Liz could feel her eyes grow heavy. She couldn't believe she was ready for sleep again so soon. Terri, who had left her to shower and change into something more comfortable, was way ahead of her. She handed her two more pills and another glass of water before escorting her to the bedroom. Once the door was closed behind her, Liz wasn't sure what she should do. Part of her, a reluctant part, wished Terri would join her in the queen-sized bed. Another part of her was relieved she didn't have to deal with her feelings for Terri right now. She had serious problems to think over and her judgment didn't need to be clouded by falling in love with a woman.

As she crawled between the clean cool sheets (Terri had changed them for her), the words sunk in.In love with a woman? Was she really falling in love with Terri? She wasn't sure she could make that determination right now. Imagine that, a 52-year-old woman who could not tell if she was in love or not. Had she ever been in love? Maybe. Once. A very long time ago...

Right now, she had these feelings for Terri. They were intense. Sexual, but not entirely sexual. Terri had become very important to her. And it was more than friendship, she knew that. Perhaps she was already in love. Was that so horrible? Other than the fact that she was marriedand heterosexual? No, it was not a problem at all. She smiled to herself as she dropped off into sleep.

*

Her heart was racing and a cold sweat clung to her skin when she woke a few hours later. She had been dreaming...of Peter. He was infuriated, beating her. She couldn't defend herself...

She sat up, inhaling sharply from the pain in her middle and wiping away the chilling sweat. She glanced at the clock on the nightstand, 2:00am. She noticed the two pills and a glass of water waiting for her. Smiling, and thankful for the woman who was sleeping on the other side of the bedroom door, she swallowed the pills and sipped at the water, lying down until she could catch her breath. It was pointless to try to sleep again. She was too terrified after that dream. She swung her legs off the bed thirty minutes later, relieved to find the pain had all but disappeared. She stood, walking tentatively to avoid any creaking floorboards. Then she realized she was in an apartment building and not her own home. Peter was not waiting for her around some corner. She shook her head as she padded across the room and peeked out of the bedroom door. Terri was sitting up in the pull out bed watching TV.

"Couldn't sleep?" she asked softly.

Liz smiled, settling herself onto the overstuffed loveseat, "bad dream."

Terri nodded, "sorry."

Liz was silent. She, too, was sorry. Sorry about many of the choices she had made in her life. She laughed softly to herself...that was the first time she had ever admitted that.

"Anything I can do?" Terri offered.

"You've already done so much..."

Terri raised a brow, "what?"

Liz could feel her breath catch. She wouldn't have the nerve to ask, would she? Did she have theright to ask? Was there an underlying reason why shewanted to ask?

"I won't be able to get back to sleep in a strange place with—"

"You want me to drive you home?"

Liz shook her head emphatically, "no. No."
She swallowed again, "what I meant to say was I have trouble sleepingalone in a strange place..."

She lowered her eyes, afraid to see the look in Terri's eyes. Terri had done so much for her already...and what was she asking of her now? She held her breath.

"Liz, look at me."

Liz swallowed and forced herself to meet those intense blue-gray eyes. Terri was watching her closely.

"I don't think that's a good idea."

Liz nodded quickly, the sting of rejection forcing her to lower her gaze, "yes, of course. I'm sorry for asking."

"Hey," Terri reached out and cupped Liz's chin, raising her head until their eyes met again. "I'm not rejecting you. I cannot sleep beside you and..." she hesitated.

Liz stood abruptly, "it's not a problem. I mean, I'm sorry. You've done so much for me already and I—"

"Shut up Liz."

Liz watched as Terri stood from the pullout bed. She was dressed in a tee shirt and boxer shorts and Liz could not help but appreciate the muscles rippling in her thighs as she moved to stand before her. But Liz could not bring herself to look up into those eyes again. Terri moved in closer, once again placing a finger beneath her chin to lift Liz's head until their eyes met.

"Listen to me," Terri began softly. "I didn't bring you here because you're some helpless woman who needed to be rescued," she leaned down to brush her lips against Liz's forehead tenderly. Liz could feel her heart skip a beat. "I brought you here because I care about you," she kissed a cheek gently. "I brought you here because I want tobe with you," she said softly, soothingly, kissing Liz's other cheek. Liz felt her legs go weak. "But I can't have you right now because you're emotionally drained and you need some time." She paused a moment before whispering in Liz's ear softly, "so please, I'm begging you,please do not ask me to lie beside you, smell you, feel you...that close to me...I'm telling you, I won't be able to resist. Understand?"