BDSM Contract: Ideas And Advice

Would you like to have details on the D/s contract? Are you in a bdsm relationship and want to write your first membership contract?

You are in the right place! I have been in a D/s relationship for almost 19 years and I will give you my experience as well as advice and ideas so that you can write your own contract.

In this article we will see:

What is the bdsm contract?The content of the contract (example of rules)What to do in case of breach of contract

After reading this article, you will have new ideas and know everything there is to know about the membership contract. You will then be able to write your own.

Before starting a new Dominant / Submissive relationship, it is good to have a contract in order to clarify the relationship.

The BDSM contract specifies in detail what is expected of each person. It also helps ensure security and consent. It is considered a valuable symbol of the bond between partners, just like the submissive collar.

Even if you are married to your partner and are beginning to explore the possibilities of the bdsm relationship, a contract can make communication easier. It's one of the few things Fifty Shades of Gray did well.

THE CONTENT OF THE MEMBERSHIP CONTRACT

Everyone has probably seen the Fifty Shades of Gray contract scene.

In the film, Anastasia and Christian change their contract, discussing its hard and soft limits.

They cross out and add different items to the list. It's done at his job, at an office table.

While your negotiations don't have to be as elaborate as Fifty Shades of Grey, they should be more than just a conversation.

If you only talk about your likes and dislikes in bed, you're actually having a regular vanilla chat.

Plus, it's incredibly sexy to openly and out loud discuss sexual rewards and punishments with your partner.

HERE ARE SOME EXAMPLES OF TOPICS TO DISCOVER:

The submissive's way of standing and addressing her master

The choice of bdsm (or vanilla) outfits that the submissive will have to wear in the presence of the dominant.

Specify the objective of the sessions (purely carnal or both educational)

Set hard limits as well as soft limits

Precisely define the possible sanctions according to the seriousness of the breach

HERE ARE SOME WAYS TO PRESENT YOUR RULES:

A hand-written promise signed by your submissive;

A simple list of rules and protocols;

A detailed contract with terms and conditions outlining every aspect of the sm relationship.

Having a contract can add a touch of formality and structure to your dynamic.

HERE IS AN EXAMPLE OF FORMAL FORMULATION:

"The fundamental purpose of this contract is to allow the submissive to explore her sensuality and her limits in complete safety, while respecting and considering her needs, her limits and her well-being."

"The submissive must assume the role of submissive and make herself available to the Dominant during the following periods:

(a) When wearing a designated submissive collar"

"Orders issued by the Dominant while the submissive is wearing a designated submissive collar that naturally extend into periods when the submissive is not wearing a designated submissive collar will continue to apply and be treated by the submitter with the expected attention/behaviour as detailed in this contract allowing for further discussion without judgment or threat of punishment."

OTHER ELEMENTS TO INCLUDE IN YOUR BDSM CONTRACT

A contract contains what both parties will and will not do. It clearly defines the expected roles of each and what they entail. It also explains the level of availability: is it a part-time, remote or 24/7 contract?

It is also good to indicate the start date and the duration of the relationship. It can be primarily sexual, or have emotional and physical aspects.

Remember, this is your contract, so make sure it contains everything you care about. I've seen contracts that were only a short page, and others that were a dozen.

There's no right or wrong way to write one, but make sure you feel comfortable with everything (or not) in it.

IS A BDSM CONTRACT LEGALLY BINDING?

A BDSM contract is an extremely useful and sexy way to communicate one's sexual desires and limits, and to get into the Dom/sub mind. However, it is not legally binding or rigid.

Although every country and its laws are different, a BDSM contract usually does not hold up in court. Legally, it also does not imply 100% express consent.

That being said, contracts are always a good idea for physical and emotional safety and communication. It can be a red flag if someone says contracts aren't necessary at all, or refuses to create one with your partner.

Remember that verbal agreements can sometimes be forgotten or misunderstood. This is why even vanilla counselors recommend entering into written contracts in relationships. They are simply practical and have proven themselves.

Also, if you can't trust someone to accept and respect a simple piece of paper, how can you trust them to care for you or serve you? A contract is a physical form that shows the trust that both partners have for each other.

EXECUTION OF THE CONTRACT

What happens after a Dominant and a Sub sign a contract?

It must always be accessible to both parties so that they can refer to it when needed.

My Dom and I keep ours in our bedroom nightstand. I love having him around because as a submissive he reminds me that I am bonded to him.

Every few months or so we take it out and have a trading session. We reread it together, reminding both of our limits and our expectations.

In general, nothing changes, but it helps us not to forget our roles. And discussing it together always excites us.

THE END OF THE MEMBERSHIP CONTRACT, WHAT TO DO?

If the boundaries are breached and the contract is broken, what to do really depends on the situation and the people involved. Sometimes, for a seemingly minor offence, the offending partner may be warned never to commit it again.

In contrast, for larger breaches of trust, the innocent partner still has the power to end the relationship. And it's always good to discuss the consequences of breaking a contract in advance, and even include those possible scenarios and consequences in the document.

"If at any time the Dominant fails to comply with the conditions, limitations and safety procedures agreed to in this Agreement, the Submissive has the right to terminate this Agreement immediately and leave the Dominant's service."

MAKE YOUR OWN BDSM CONTRACT

Membership contracts are not reserved for the cinema as with Fifty Shades of Grey.

Anyone into BDSM should feel free to have one.

Even if you're not in a relationship yet, it's good to have one in writing. This way, you will already have a clear idea of ​​your limits and your expectations.

I like that it's handwritten because it gives it a certain aspect of authenticity.

You can decide not to have a written agreement and just go with the flow. It's completely normal too.

However, we recommend that you have at least an in-depth initial conversation, as well as regular discussions and check-ins.

This will allow you to agree and know everyone's expectations. Reviewing a contract can help you do that, even if you never sign it.