All Comments on 'Beach Party'

Good tale that was led off by a laugh about the word goal and the end result. That sounds very familiar! However, it could use a good edit, feeling as if it was written in a rush (examples: missing commas and using “could of” instead of “could have” or “could’ve”). Writing quickly is great to get the words recorded but slow down and take care when you’re editing and you’ll end up with a better result.

Hi, shady sweet, this was good but it could be better with some better editing. You asked for CC in your profile so here are a few things I noted in a quick read: you tried to keep it short, but write to the story rather than a word limit (unless it's a contest or challenge that requires it; that's a different situation!). The situation between Claire, Tommy, and Sam wasn't exactly clear, and what would Sam, who was obsessed with Tommy, think after this happened? There was a switch of Laura's boyfriend's name between Tommy and Sam (to Sam at start of paragraph); there were at least a couple of grammar issues; and some commas that should probably be added ("We let her boyfriend, Tommy[,] know..."; "I said to Tommy. W[, w]ho sat beside..." among others). Get one of Lit's volunteer editors if you need help and you'll see your writing improve. Good luck!

It is difficult to find editors that aren't busy editing others' work, but I agree it was rushed and therefore I made some minor mistakes. My apologies. I will implement better editing tools in the future.

Minor grammatical errors that could have easily been fixed, but aside from that it was good and juicy. I wanted to see how it played out with Tommy and Claire, as well as Sam and Laura. Would you consider writing a part two?

Like the premise for the story, and the array of characters are identifiable though not particularly well developed. Hard to get into the flow and appreciate the erotic scene between Tommy and Claire at the end because of largely minor issues/distractions. For example: Some initial confusion around Sam, Tommy and Claire. Sam and Laura genuinely hate Laura, but love her in their hearts — does not compute. Tommy wonders where Laura is, then says she is getting dressed/will soon arrive (?). Laura arrives at a beach party in heels, then walks down the beach (?). Know this is intended to be short piece, but Laura is really an enigma given her importance to the story. Agree with one comment about passing piece by an editor — would catch most issues and tighten narrative. Keep sharing; you bring a vivid imagination and enthusiasm.

Sexy. I loved it!

Hot

Beach Party is a wonderful romantic story in many ways. The problem is that it is too short. More extensive character development would have been better, and the love scene is much too short. That said, this story is well-written, and a joy to read. This author is excellent, and more stories from her pen would be most welcome.

What a divine time. Very erotic, such fine detail. I love the care and time he took with her. I love how she loved it, i love how she was unafraid to let her emotion flow as well. You are a great author. I'm glad Laura left! She was a nightmare... Cheers.

A pathetic drunk Claire fucked Tommy in the trunk in public at the party and then.....

Very confusing use of pronouns, couldn't get past the first few paragraphs and identify main characters and relationships. Use of names like Sam leave room for confusion and referring to him and her without name compounds the issue. I have up.