Beanbag 05

Beanbag 05

I mean, it was the next weekend after my Suzie sponsored wildly wicked goth mixer at my place, which I think was the mixer of all mixers when it comes to a mixer of eight people plus that one guy who has so many issues, but I had a great time. Until I passed out anyways.

But then, what I found out is that sometimes, the fun just continues.

Oh, I also found out that the goth crew are fun loving people and they drink long neck beers, which maybe a lot of people do, I mean, I don't know.

Anyways, sometimes the fun continues means exactly the same as a life endangering situation, I think.

[The gathering crowd gasps in horror, "he's going to jump", we have a jumper", gasp, "somebody do something", gasp, he's teetering, OMG, he's going to jump, gasp!]

"[Photo snap] it's over, Beanbag (waah, waah, sniffle), it's all over. I've tried everything to ruin your rep [photo snap] and you just keep getting more popular (waah, waah) as the blood sucking blood slut hissy fanged wicked vampy vampire vixen with the ruined rep, which is now actually a better rep than ever before [photo snap] because all of my solid as gold ways to ruin your rep have backfired on me [photo snap] and your rep has gone through the roof, so I'm ending it all right now [photo snap]."

[The gathering crowd gasps in horror, "he's jumping", "he's on his tippy toes", "this is it", gasp, oh, oh, wait, not everybody is gasping in horror]

"OMFG, Sammy, wrecker of reps, breaker of wrist cuffs, the only of his kind, you step down from that cinder block this instant before you sprain an ankle because I promise and I swear it, if you sprain your ankle from stepping off the cinder block that holds my rain gutter slanted piece thingamabob square tube thingy up off of the ground, I swear it and I promise, I'll wreck your rep for once! And then put the cinder block back where you found it, sheesh."

[The gathering crowd goes back to shooting hoops next door, "they both have issues", "nothing to see here", "who controlled the ball", "do you ever talk to that vampy little vampire vixen neighbor of yours, Josh?"]

Oh, for the record, I have said in every chapter that I'm the only person on the planet who doesn't have even a single issue! Also, for the record, the correct terminology is "my rep has blown up through the roof, circled the moon and came back for a little more" as opposed to whatever Sammy said above.

[The blood sucking blood slut hissy fanged wicked vampy vampire vixen with the ruined rep, which is now actually a better rep than ever before, "grunts" and pulls the wrecker of reps, breaker of wrist cuffs, the only of his kind, down from the ankle sprain threatening cinder block]

"[Grunts and pulls] come on, Sammy, get your rep ruining head back in the game! And after you put the cinder block back where it belongs, can you explain to me why you're even here at my place at this hour of the afternoon, especially a week after my wildly wicked goth mixer, hmm?"

"[Photo snap] you should have just let me jump, Beanbag (waah, waah, sniffle, waah) because if I'm not wrecking and ruining reps, what's my point in life [photo snap] anyways [sniffle], huh?"

Oh, and some people say that I'm impossible!

Also, excuse me for a moment since I overheard the basketball playing guys from next door, you know, gasping and all, so, hold please.

[Wanders over the fence line to chit chat with some of the basketball players]

"Hi, Josh, hey there, other guys, I'm..."

"Oh, I know who you are, alright! You're the blood sucking blood slut hissy fanged wicked vampy vampire vixen with the ruined rep, which is now actually a better rep than ever before, who, by the way, won't even bat a batty bat vampire eye at us, so?"

"Oh, so, am I supposed to get a rep for chatting it up with a crew of guys who haven't celebrated their 18th yet, hmm? What don't you understand about the importance of reps anyways, hmm?"

[Batty bat eyes, batty bat eyes, batty bat eyes]

Ugh.

[Photo snap, photo snap, photo snap from the background because that guy survived the leap from the cinder block, which he still hasn't put back where it belongs!]

"Oh, this is just perfect then because we all turned 19 within the last four months, so, what say you now, hmm? And just how in the hell is "the blood sucking blood slut hissy fanged wicked vampy vampire vixen with the ruined rep, which is now actually a better rep than ever before" even considered short for Beanbag, huh?"

"OMFG, you must have issues if you don't know that or if you can't see that! Also, is your name Brody, hmm?"

"I mean, no! My name is..."

"Oh, because I would be willing to risk my rep if a sweaty guy named Brody would help me tighten my new party leather wrist cuffs that were gifted to me special last weekend during my wildly wicked goth party that I sub hosted, so?"

"[Photo snap, photo snap] (tee he, I'm so back on top of the rep ruining game) [photo snap], grab that beanbag Boi booty from over the fence, fool [photo snap] because I'm grabbing your D&D nerd stud rep anyways! [Photo snap]"

"Oh, I forgot that I was bitten with vampire bat venom and I just remembered that my friends call me Brody on Saturday's between 4pm and 7pm, so, um, hi there, um, I mean, a Brody would toss out a hey there, hey, so?"

[Offers up two wrists with loose wrist cuffs above the fence the same as if being D&D nerd handcuffed]

"[Photo snap] OMG, I so have this guy's rep in the palm of my hands [photo snap], especially if he isn't a fool and reaches around to grip the Queen of the Bean Booty in his palms [photo snap] while I creep photograph my way back to the top of rep ruining game [photo snap]."

Well, never mind about Brody for now because my neighbor, Josh, for first of all, I really didn't know that he was over 18, but we don't talk a lot and that's probably because I don't show up on his security camera system since, you know, since I'm a vampy little vampire vixen and all, but I did know that, for second of all, he does, um, he does that medieval roleplaying game stuff in the riverside park once a month. You know, where they wear metal buckets for helmets and wrap their chests in aluminum foil and swing wooden swords at each other, which OMFG, it just now occurred to me that it's no wonder why I don't talk to him so much since a wooden stake sword is my mortal enemy!

[The D&D nerd stud other guy named Brody has experience with tightening wrist cuffs it seems, which made it seem like the actual neighbor guy, Josh, was being ignored]

"I mean, Josh, listen..."

[Huh, that medieval roleplaying guy, Josh, slides in and drops to one knee, bows his head and pretends to balance himself with a vampire killing wooden sword]

"I'm here, my Countess of the Castle! Speak and I shall slay all of thy enemies!"

Well, both our houses are on Castle Street, so.

"Josh, rise my servant, tee he, and ahem, Josh, listen, the only reason why I didn't invite you and your D&D crew to my wildly wicked goth mixer last Saturday was because Suzie from the Pizza Shop said that I didn't have the rep yet to make proper selections for guests, but I'm glad that you and your crew had a little interaction over the fence after I passed out, so, still friends then, hmm?"

[Oops, the blood sucking blood slut hissy fanged wicked vampy vampire vixen with the ruined rep, which is now actually a better rep than ever before, neighbor Boi reaches up with a tightened wrist cuff and brushes hand across Brody's two days of facial hair scrub to say thank you]

Well, facial scrub, right? It has a nice "two days since" appeal to it, right?

"[Photo snap] OMG, I'm so back baby because this is just perfect evidence for wrecking the reps of the entire D&D crew [photo snap], especially if this guy, Brody [photo snap], responses back with a lip smack, lip smack Beanbag, fool!"

I mean, in every chapter, right? Sammy, the wrecker of reps, breaker of wrist cuffs, the only of his kind, has issues, many, many issues! There was no first-time meeting lip smacking happening between Brody and myself, sheesh.

"Oh, I'd ask for a cold ice tea in a little while then, but I think your boyfriend there might have an issue with that. Also, your boyfriend seems to have double up on the jumping cinder blocks, so, I'm coming after you within a week after his funeral, so?"

[Huh, so, vampires can actually show signs of embarrassment then, hmm? But the red shaded cheeks were perfect.]

"OMFG, um, bye, guys, um [a quick leap thank you cheek smack], um, this is NOT my life, um, OMFG, watch for me later, Brody because I have to move two full boxes of long neck beer from the garage to the basement because I just found out that beer shouldn't be stored in warm places like a garage, but watch for me with your eyes and not Josh's security camera system or you'll miss me."

"[Photo snap] OMG, this is gold rep wrecking material because that nerd's boner [photo snap] is moving the metal fence! Wait, maybe I should leave that part out since I shouldn't be focusing on that [photo snap] or my rep will take another hit, again!"

"OMFG, Sir Sammy Samuels, the wrecker of reps, the breaker of wrist cuffs, the only of his kind, I asked you to replace your ankle twisting cinder block back where it belongs, not grab a second cinder block to improve your rep ruining creepy camera angle."

[Oh, two stacked cinder blocks are not as stable as you might think since they have a habit of causing teetering and teetering is a pretty cool word]

"But I like the view angle that Brody has of me right now, so, um, cry some more, Sammy, but don't you dare fall off of those two cinder blocks or I'll have another rep in the jailhouse! Again!"

"[Photo snap] it's still over, Beanbag (waah, waah, sniffle) because last weekend when I tried to ruin the rep of that hot girl with the purple streak in her hair [photo snap] because (waah, waah) I was going..."

Andrea. Andrea wears the purple streak in her midnight hair. Andrea, the wearer of the purple streak, scented beyond belief, lover of open circle rivet belts.

"[Photo snap] because (waah, waah) I was going to ruin her rep so bad that I could use her purple streak as purple boot strings (waah, waah, sniffle), but then she handed me a long neck beer and smiled at me, so then, then I had to turn my rep ruining master skills towards that hot goth girl [photo snap] who had all of those oversized safety pins all over her leather jacket (waah, sniffle), but then..."

Gigi. Gigi is famous for how her leather jacket is accented with oversized safety pins. Gigi, the Mistress of the pins, actual old schoolmate of Sir Sammy Samuels, which he had issues remembering, scented in contrast to Andrea, but still delightful.

"[Photo snap] but then she stuck me with an oversized safety pin and (waah, waah) I had to retreat, but then, with a stroke of luck, that aimed my rep wrecking camera phone directly [photo snap] at that other hot goth girl with the black diamond eye stud jewelry and [photo snap] that's when I said, ah-hah, now that's a rep ruining victim if I ever saw one [photo snap], but then..."

Darla. Darla with the eyes. Darla, owner of the stretched pullover shirt, master of the heart melting gaze and trickster of convincing me to have a shiny black and purple bustier available for her to change into as her party outfit, which I had no issue with.

"[Photo snap] but then, ah-hah, again, that's when I noticed [photo snap] that you yourself seemed to disappear and ah-hah, ooh, oh, I was going to be so back on top of the rep trashing game because then I noticed that Max disappeared too and then, OMG, I knew that if I could wreck two reps at once [photo snap] if I could catch a video of you and Max doing the..."

Stop! Pause!

[Oh, no, no, no, according to the last couple of chapters, you're not exactly a virgin, virgin, virgin, so, the wrecker of reps, the breaker of wrist cuffs, the GOAT of his kind, is allowed to finish his rep ruining crying! Just don't let him fall off of those two unstable and wobbly cinder blocks, un-pause!]

Fuck wad narrator!

"[Photo snap] if I could catch a video of you and Max performing your dream of being with that Max guy so he could take you like the Texas slow roll sideways spooning style of sex with you [photo snap], Beanbag, at the end of your wildly wicked goth party and OMG, I knew I could completely bury two reps at one time [photo snap] because it would wreck your rep and that guy, Max's rep and nothing says "I'm back and I'm the rep wrecking GOAT of all time" for trashing two reps at once! [Photo snap]"

Is there really a rep wrecking GOAT? Anywhere in history, hmm, folks?

For one, I mean, I'm pretty sure that the Texas slow roll sideways spooning sex position was developed in Wyoming and for two (gulp), that's what Max wants, um, wanted! But in my defense, I did ask for him to be my wildly wicked goth mixer date and he did gift with me a new pair of leather wrist cuffs and all, and um, I had slow roll sex, so, what?

But tee he, I wish that Sammy would have capture that on video because since I don't show up on video or in photos because of my vampire status, I mean, how funny would that video look, right? I mean, Max was just, tee he, slow roll banging the air above my mattress, right?

"[Grunt, pulls safely down from the knee damaging twin cinder blocks] that's enough, GOAT, you're still on top of the rep ruining game, so, get out of here now! And stop stopping by my place without advance notice. But tell me true about what happened in the spare bedroom when Gigi dragged you in there to help her with her extra 20 oversized safety pins, so?"

"[Photo snap] trade me (sniffle, sniffle) with the video that your phone captured [photo snap] of this infamous Wyoming-Texas slow roll sideways spooning sex that I know you captured on [photo snap] your phone because you have been studying my rep wrecking ways and methods for months [photo snap], so?"

Oh, I just covered how I wouldn't show up anyways, right?

[Ping, video sent]

[Ding, click, open, the rep wrecking GOAT views video for authenticity]

Well, he passed out, but probably from over laughter for watching Max air bang the air. They always pass out. But they always come around again.

"[Photo snap] this is your naked vampy vampire vixen body [photo snap]?"

Sometimes they pass out twice. But they still always come back around.

"[Photo snap] um, um [posts leaked vampire sex tape], um, OMFG, I made a kissing move on Gigi in the spare bedroom and she tried to ruin my downstairs rep by piercing my mushroom with an oversized safety pin [photo snap], so, were even now until I figure out another way to ruin your glowing rep, my queen of the blood sucking blood slut hissy fanged wicked vampy vampire vixen with the ruined rep, which is now actually a better rep than ever before and also now glows [photo snap]."

Um, ouch! And by ouch, I mean, talk about ruining a rep! And for those of you who think that I'm falling for the wrecker of reps, the breaker of wrist cuffs, the GOAT of his kind, I mean, my evidence against that is that I didn't ask to inspect the extent of the injury or call out Gigi for trying to ruin my future mushroom, I mean, my friend, so.

Also, ouch.

Also, also, now I know why he stood so wobbly on the death-defying cinder blocks.

But he left. And by the way, folks, I have no idea of his sexual status. I mean, he might be the last of the "over 21 virgins" in town for all I know or he may have, um, well, um, it doesn't matter since I have no interest in the wrecker of reps, the breaker of wrist cuffs, the GOAT of his kind and it doesn't matter that I fluttered my vampire bat wings and clicked my bat claws when Gigi confirmed that she pierced stabbed his purple mushroom through his cargo pants. The end.

Besides, I had another victim to lure to his death for his life sustaining blood to me and his name was Brody! Well, his victims name is Brody since I never learned his real name, which, snap! That's bad, right?

[Waits patiently near the garage for the next victim to appear on the basketball concrete because the victim couldn't see the vampy little vampire vixen on the home security camera system and then, all of a sudden, ah-hah, mwahahaha, let the rep boosting games begin!]

"[Grunt, ugh, grunt, tries to lift a box of long neck bottles, grunt, ugh, ugh, grunt, oh, ooh, grunt!]"

"LOL, I think that case of long necks are the empties from a few days ago, so?"

Snap! Busted lying through my fangs!

"Well, stop being such a Brody about things and lift the two full boxes inside of my place!"

[Arm wrap one, clink, clink, arm wrap two, clink, clink, what's the issue?]

"Well, I've been told that spare boxes of long necks need to be stored in a cool place, so, can you carry them downstairs, Brody, hmm?"

"Or, or, or, my queen of the blood sucking blood slut hissy fanged wicked vampy vampire vixen with the ruined rep, which is now actually a better rep than ever before and also now glows, you could accept my challenge and put the long necks in your refrigerator, you know, while in my favor, so?"

"(Gulp) Brody, did you just challenge me to kneel down with two boxes of long necks and transfer them from the boxes and into the refrigerator while putting your D&D in my mouth and see what project finishes first, hmm?"

I don't know, it was just a quick vision that popped into head, that's all. Besides, the Wyoming-Texas style sex was a bit of a pain in the ass, literally and just like I had to swear off wearing white ever again since vampires don't wear white, I've sworn off of that type of sex. For a while anyways.

"Oh, my original challenge had more to do with you bending naked over while emptying the two cases of long neck beers into the refrigerator, but my D&D will take a blow job for today, Beanbag, so?"

Um, that image did not flash through my head! For now, anyways.

End Beanbag 05