Beautiful Pt. 01

Her voice was playfully teasing, but I still felt the need to apologize. "I'm sorry. I didn't..." Jeanine laughed out and put a hand on my arm.

"I'm not upset, really. It was wonderful hearing her voice like that."

"Like what?"

"Like a schoolgirl with a crush." She leaned forward, her voice low and conspiratorial. "You're a very lucky woman, Melanie."

My mouth was hanging open as I tried to find my voice, my mind whirling through what Jeanine had just said. "I don't, um, you might have the wrong idea, I think."

"I do?"

"I mean, ah, she's just a friend. We're just friends."

Her eyes said she didn't believe me, but she didn't push anything, instead just sitting back and looking at me.

I forced my eyes away, sitting back in my chair and trying to wrap my head around what I'd just heard. Okay, so Sandra Dalton is gay. Breathe, just breathe. Shit. If that were true, it changed everything I'd been telling myself about tonight. I didn't have a ton of time for reflection, as Sandy came back to the table.

Jeanine smiled up at her. "How is he?"

Sandra laughed. "He's fine. Nervous, per usual." She looked around. "Great turn out. Actually, I'm going to run up to the bar." Her hand rested on my shoulder, making me almost jump out of my chair. She pulled away. "Melanie, you want a glass of wine?"

I could see the pained look in her smile, so I tried to put some sunshine in my voice. "I'd love one. Thank you. Maybe a white Zinfandel?"

"Sure."

I took a deep breath as she walked away. Should I go home? I could fake a headache, call an Uber. I mean, god, if this were a date, if Coach Dalton were really interested in me like that, that would be a disaster. I started to retreat into myself, feeling incredibly self-conscious as people milled around me. I felt ridiculous, like people were staring at me. Tears started to sting my eyes, and I could feel my lip start to quiver.

"Melanie, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I um," I bit my lip and looked around as Sandra set my wineglass on the table in front of me. I needed to get out of here. "I need to use the ladies room."

"Okay. It's over there."

I made a beeline to the side of the room to which Sandy was pointing, feeling every inch of my size as I tried to move through the crowd without disturbing anyone. Finally I made it, and by some miracle there was a free stall. I closed and latched the door, sitting on the toilet and drawing several great shaky breaths, clutching my purse to my chest. Okay, damn it, Melanie, breathe. I need to behave like an adult. Go out there, and tell her I need to go home. Right. Okay, here I go.

I stood up and unlatched the stall door and went to the sink. I washed my hands, staring at my reflection in the mirror for a moment before the door opened and Sandy walked in.

"Hey, are you okay?"

I tried to fight back the tears that were suddenly forming in my eyes. My resolve to leave immediately started to waver now that I was in her presence. No, I had to, I, um.

"Melanie?"

"I think I need to go." My voice was weak and hesitant, and I couldn't look in her eyes or whatever willpower I had left would evaporate.

I could literally feel the disappointment roll off her as she responded. "Oh, alright. I'll, um, I'll take you home."

I finally let myself look at her. "No, stay for your friend. I'll get an Uber or something."

"Are you sure?"

"I think so."

"Can, um, would you mind if I at least walked you out?"

I forced myself to smile. "Sure." We made our way to the front door through the rapidly filling establishment and out onto the street. I started walking toward the corner, and Sandy fell into step beside me.

"So, um," Sandy nervously pushed a strand of her curly hair back behind her ear, "Jeannie told me what you guys talked about. Is that why you're upset?"

"Are you gay?"

"Yes, I am."

"And when, you know, um, when you asked me to dinner?"

"Melanie, I have plenty of straight friends, like Jeanine, and if that's all we can be okay, but, yes, I was hoping for more. The way you looked at me at my welcome dinner." She touched my arm, making my cheeks heat up. "The way you blush when I touch you. I guess I'm still hoping for more."

"But why?" My eyes were stinging again as I stared at the pavement. I just couldn't understand. I was ugly, fat, worthless. And being teased with something I wanted so badly but couldn't have was torture. I felt two fingers touch me, lifting my chin so I was suddenly staring into her gorgeously green eyes.

She grinned shyly. "Why? Because you're funny, and brave, and a wonderful mother," she brushed away a strand of my hair, her hand resting on the back of my neck. "Not to mention incredibly beautiful."

"No, I'm not." It came out as a half sob, and I looked away, unable to bear the pity in her eyes.

"Melanie, when's the last time someone told you that you're beautiful?" Her hand slid down my arm until her palm was firm in mine.

I just shook my head. It had been a very long time, at least since before I was noticeably pregnant with Charlie. She didn't need me to say it.

"See, that's not right. Someone should tell you how beautiful you are every single day." She was standing close, so close, too close. My brain was screaming at me to push away, create some distance, but being close to her felt so wonderful I couldn't move.

My heart was pounding in my chest and it was getting harder to breathe as I stared up into her green eyes and I knew, deep down, that if she tried to kiss me right now I'd let her, but she didn't. Instead she stepped back, and I tried to get my breathing under control, and somehow, I sensed that she was doing the same thing.

Her hand slipped into mine. "Don't go. Come listen to the concert with me. I'll keep my hands to myself, I promise." She was smiling sweetly, almost pleadingly. And the truth was, even though hiding in the bathroom stall all I'd wanted to do was escape. Here, standing next to Sandy, I wanted to stay.

I nodded and let out a small, shy smile, heat flushing my cheeks as Sandy's face transformed from pleading to joyful. She nodded back towards the entrance and I turned that direction, and we started to head that way. Sandy glanced down at our hands, which were still linked together. "Do you want to let go?" I just tightened my grip on her hand as we headed back inside.

Unfortunately we did have to let go as we made our way back to our table. Jeanine turned to look at us as we came closer, concern evident on her face. "Everything okay?"

"It's fine." Sandy smiled at her as she pulled out a chair for me. As I sat the lights came down, and a man with long dark hair streaked with silver and a handsome, weathered face came out of the side door and sat on the stool onstage. He was greeted with an enthusiastic round of applause.

As he adjusted the microphone and strummed his guitar I realized that I had no idea what kind of music he was going to play. That was quickly answered, as a familiar progression of chords rang true from his weathered instrument. I was still trying to place it when he started to sing.

How many roads must a man walk down

Before they call him a man?

I let the familiar song roll over me, letting it ask questions that were still valid a half-century after Peter, Paul, and Mary had recorded it. (All due respect to Bob Dylan, but it'll always be a PP&M song to me.)I wondered what the questions would be if the song had been released today? How many times must a lover's heart break before they learn to love free?

In all, he covered songs I recognized from them, Joni Mitchell, and the Kingston Trio among others, plus some originals that were quite good. I remember my grandmother listening to some of these songs when I'd been a teen, and I'd thought them dreadfully slow and boring. But listening to them today, I found the melodies and lyrics timeless in a way that eludes other genres, feeling both uplifted and convicted.

But throughout the concert I could sense Sandra's presence next to me like a warm fire, and so often I found myself subconsciously drawing closer to her. And when I closed my eyes I imagined leaning back against her, her arms around me.

When he finished the first half of his set Bryan came over and sat with us for ten minutes. Sandra blushed when she introduced me as her friend. Bryan shook my hand, the calluses from years of playing guitar evident on his fingers.

"So, how did you two meet?"

I glanced at Sandy, who smiled at me and wordlessly indicated that I could say if I wanted to. "My daughter, Paige, is a senior on the Lost Valley High Field Hockey Team. Sandy's drawn the unenviable task of coaching them this year."

"And then we ran into each other on Friday at the Ramen place. And I determined that Melanie does not get out enough."

I made a face at her, and she returned it with an evil grin. "I have three teenagers. I don't have a social life."

"So I invited her here."

"This is my first night out in a decade. It's all her fault."

Bryan gave his wife a quick but significant glance, which made me blush, and I decided to change the subject, getting Bryan going on how he got started playing folk music.

"One of my first memories is my mother taking me to a Peter, Paul, and Mary concert. I still remember listening to them playing Puff the Magic Dragon and it was literal magic. When I was in high school I pretended to like Queen, and The Rolling Stones, and Pink Floyd, but Folk was still my true love, even when I wouldn't admit it."

Jeanine jumped in. "When I was in college I heard him playing one day in the quad. I'd never heard most of the music, but he played and sang with such depth and passion. I sat there and listened for, like, an hour. I wanted him so bad after that."

"And you've had me ever since."

They shared a kiss, eyes shining, and almost by reflex I reached out and took Sandy's hand. Her thumb ran over my skin as she held it.

Bryan headed up to finish his set, starting with Puff, the Magic Dragon, which I hadn't heard since I was a girl. I sat there, smiling, holding Sandy's hand like it was the most natural thing in the world. Which it felt like it was.

Eventually the set ended, and After Bryan received all his due congratulations and well wishes from the assembly, we were left just the four of us at the table, sharing some wine and conversation.

Jeanine was talking, her hands waving in the air for dramatic effect. "So Sandy is just belting out 'Dream Weaver', and the girl she's with is just trying to melt into the seats."

Sandy pointed at Jeanine. "You fixed me up with her!"

"Yeah, and that's the night I learned my lesson. Never again."

Bryan sipped his scotch, looking at me. "She did it on purpose, acting the fool so that girl would never, ever call her again."

"Really?" I looked at Sandy, who blushed and shrugged her shoulders.

"I didn't like her. She wasn't a nice person, and a little too butch-y for me, anyway. And I need to be able to be a goof around my partner. It's an important part of my personality."

I laughed, shaking my head. "I can't imagine that. You're always so serious."

Sandy smirked at me, running a finger over my hand. "Can't be serious all the time. I'd explode."

"I think I'd like to see that."

"Oh, you will, promise."

I was lost in her eyes again. I don't think I'd ever seen that shade of pale green, and it was mesmerizing, so much so that I almost jumped when Jeanine laughed and rejoined the conversation, pointing at Sandy. "Just be aware, if you do karaoke that girl cannot sing at all."

I giggled and turned back to Sandy. "Karaoke it is then."

"It's a date."

Sandy's hand had closed over mine, and there was no one else on Earth again. After a moment I noticed Jeanine and Bryan give each other a look. Bryan cleared his throat. "Well, I have to finish getting my gear packed up. It's getting late, and I'm not as young as I used to be."

I glanced at my watch, which was showing half past eleven. "I should be getting home too. I told the kids I wouldn't be very late."

Sandy nodded, and we said our goodbyes to the others before heading out into the warm, late summer evening. Sandy held the door open for me, falling into step at my side once we were in the parking lot. Our hands brushed against each other, and moments later my palm was pressed firmly against hers.

"Jeanine told me what happened before you ran off to hide in the ladies' room. She just assumed you knew."

"That we were on a date? Yeah, I figured it out."

"I was terrified, Melanie."

"I won't tell the other parents, promise."

"No, not that. That I wouldn't be able to convince you to stay. You leaving would have broken my heart." We reached her SUV and she turned towards me, now taking both my hands in hers. "I had such a wonderful time tonight, with you." Her eyes were already asking the question, without her usual confident air. I remembered the last time I'd seen it, the fear in Scott Peterson's face when he'd asked me to Homecoming junior year. Bill had never wondered if I'd say 'no' to him.

I wish I'd said 'yes' to Scott, instead of the more popular varsity jackass I ended up going with. I wasn't going to make the same mistake twice. "So did I. I'm glad I stayed." I let my hands tighten in hers. My heart was thumping in my chest as I looked up at her eyes, watching her confidence return while my knees went weak. She moved closer to me, letting go of one hand so she could brush a strand of my dark hair behind my ear. My cheeks flushed and my eyes closed at her touch.

I felt her move, and when my eyes opened again she was closing the distance between us. I'd been mentally ready to accept another dinner invitation, or just to see her again, but I wasn't ready for this. My eyes went wide as her lips touched mine, and I gave a surprised "Mmpf!" and pulled away.

Sandy's face immediately twisted into a grimace. "God, Melanie, I'm sorry. I just, I'm sorry. Please don't be angry." I could see the fear in eyes, and that she was mentally berating herself. That's an expression I knew very well.

"No, it's okay. I, um, I just wasn't expecting that."

"Obviously." A small, unsure smile returned to her face. "Melanie?" She gently touched my cheek with two fingers, and it took everything I had not to sigh and lean into the contact. "Do I have any chance here? Are you attracted to me at all?"

I guess this was my chance. All I had to do was say "no" and she'd back off, and I could go back to my lonely, boring life. But it would be safe. If anyone ever found out it'd be a scandal at my parent's country club, and my mother may never forgive me for that. I could hear them now.

"Did you hear? Helen Sullivan's daughter is gay!"

"You mean Melanie? So that's why Bill divorced her! Ha, I wonder what Helen did to screw Melanie up as a child?"

"I heard they're born that way, which means there's something wrong with the mother. Something wrong with the bitch, something wrong with the pup."

Peeling laughter sounded in my head as the gossip tore through my imagination at breakneck speed, everything my mother had ever done to improve and cement her social standing unraveling as my unnaturalness destroyed her life.

"Melanie?" Sandy's voice cut through my reverie, and I looked up at her. Her eyes were kind, but serious.

"I can't." I almost choked over the words.

"What are you afraid of?"

I thought about denying I was afraid, but it seemed pointless. "Lots of things."

"Tell me one."

I figured I'd start with the most obvious. "Paige. Can you imagine how mortified she'd be? What the other parents would say?"

A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. "I don't care what the other parents would say. And I'm pretty sure Paige would get over it. Especially if her mother were happy."

"But you're her coach!"

"And if I wanted to date her, that would be an issue. But, as much as I like her, I'm not interested in dating your daughter." The lilt of her voice let me know she was kidding, but the serious undertone was still there. "But you still haven't actually answered my first question. Set aside everything else. Can you do that? No embarrassed daughter or disapproving mother. No cares in the world. Just you and me, here together. Are you attracted to me?"

Tears were stinging my eyes, my head hanging as she spoke. She'd moved almost imperceptibly closer, but I could tell. Her presence was so real that I was almost able to forget who I was, what I was. I almost was able to believe this stunning woman in front of me actually wanted me. But that wasn't possible. It just wasn't.

"Melanie." She lifted my chin until my teary eyes met hers. There was such tenderness and longing there that my face just kept rising, and I lifted it to hers as she pressed her lips to mine for a second time. This time, though, I couldn't help but respond in kind.

My heart melted inside my chest as heat flooded through me. Sandra's hand slid around to my back, pulling me towards her until our bodies were flush together. My palm came to rest on her hip, feeling the curve of her waist. My lips moved against hers, pleasure thrumming through me, and I felt wonderful. Eventually she pulled away, and I felt the silly smile suddenly stretching my cheeks. I tried, quite unsuccessfully, to keep from giggling.

"I like that sound." She brushed my cheek with the back of her fingers, which made my whole face flush even more.

I tittered again, hunching my shoulders. "You make me nervous."

She grinned wickedly. "Just nervous?"

I blushed harder, if that were possible. "Among other things."

"Really? Excited?" I nodded as her hand caressed the back of my head. "Passionate?" I couldn't even move; I was so lost in her eyes. She pressed her lips to my cheek, her breath warm in my ear. "Because that's how you make me feel, Melanie."

I gave a little whimper, my desire overcoming everything else as my face turned towards the lips of the woman holding me, and my body seemed to go boneless as we kissed again. My mouth opened, and her gentle tongue caressed mine with almost reverent delicacy. We just stood there kissing, me leaning against her in the moonlight. Okay, it was probably more streetlamps, but I like to think it was moonlight.

Eventually Sandra pulled away, my head resting in the palm of her hand. "Oh, I have to take you home, don't I?"

I nodded. "Yeah, it's getting late. My kids..."

"Yeah, I know. Can I see you again?"

I answered before I could talk myself out of it. "Yes."

"That's good." The smile that lit up her face was breathtaking.

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Thanks for reading! Again, please rate and leave comments. A huge thank you to Ash_legend and rileyworks, my intrepid editors. Everything is so much better because of their input. Part two is coming soon!