All Comments on 'Beauty and the Bruiser Ch. 01'

very nice, it's a nice start. the characters are interesting. i don't mind the poetic meanderings. i do mind the rapid and frequent pov shifts. the reduce your readability and the flow to the chapter. that being said i enjoy hearing both povs. however its still irritating.

It is a nice start, agree w/previous on pov changes. But I do mind the many poetic meanderings. There were several repeat paragraphs, something in editing or your pov shifts? Also lying prone, knees to chest watching tv on a weight bench,??doesn't work. I'll keep reading tho, interested in these characters

It's interesting, but accidental repeats ruin the immersion.

For instance:

"Yes...Deacon. I'm sorry, I don't recall your name?"

"Yeah, sometimes I think I should be a lit major. My name's Rachel."

"Hotshot athlete?" He laughed. "Hardly. Just a guy who seems to enjoy giving and receiving abuse in equal measure."

Each of these lines show up twice. It happens a few more times, unfortunately.