Being Jim Ch. 08: Lightning Strikes

As I deflated and visibly shrank into mental submission Jules gave me a half smile and swatted my left shoulder and turned to get into her car. Once in she rolled down the window and leaned out to speak again.

"I'll be around another two weeks before I have to go to Illinois for my training classes Jimbo. Let's get together again before I leave. You've got my phone number if I don't see you around at any of the Dom's locations. Take care bud." She said with a smile and drove off.

That night I didn't make it all the way home before I had to pull off on the side of the interstate and sit in my truck... and cry. I wept like a baby. I cried and cried and cried. I screamed and Yelled and railed at God and everything else. It just wasn't fair! Why did Michelle have to die? God, I missed her so much. It was in the depths of this pity party that the question Jules had asked of me finally sank home. What if it HAD been me? I would have gladly given my own life so that Michelle could have lived, there's no question of that whatsoever. But if I had died... Michelle would have grieved for me just as I grieve for her... and with that realization it sank home... Michelle would not have been happy. Once more I wept with a new pain in my heart.

I WOULD want her to be happy. I WOULD want her to love again, even if it was someone else... as long as she was happy. I realized that I knew in my heart of hearts that she would have always loved me no matter what, even if she learned to love another. Would it be wrong for me to do the same for her? With the tears finally spent and a new realization in my mind, calmness came over me... a new peace that I hadn't felt in over two years. Jules you bitch! You awful conniving manipulative... wonderful, beautiful, big hearted bitch! I thought with a smile as I calmly restarted my truck and pulled back onto the roadway to finish my drive home that night.

Three days later I was having lunch in the grill at the student center and deep in thought as I worked on a writing assignment for my English Comp class when someone slid into the booth opposite of me. When I looked up, I saw a shy smile framed by some long curly hair and two dancing smoky grey-brown eyes. Those eyes! They seemed to almost glow from within somehow. I was captivated. It wasn't until Kathie's smile dimmed into a bit of a concerned frown that I realized that I had gone mute and hadn't even greeted her.

"Well, hello there." I stammered sheepishly knowing that my face was going to be blazing red any moment now. Yep, there it was... I could feel the heat in my face, but I could tell by the growing smile on Kathie's face.

"So... have you been avoiding me? I've not even seen you on "Phone" in days. Where've you been?" She asked somewhat teasingly but with a spark of interest in her eyes. Those eyes... those oh so familiar but so very different eyes.

I smiled, still sheepishly, and shook my head as I closed my textbook and set my notebook and pen aside.

"Just been a little busy with classes and work really... I'm not avoiding you." I offered lamely trying to break my gaze away from her beguiling eyes. Kathie tilted her head slightly to one side and down so that she was kind of looking up through her lashes and a spray of that curly long hair that slipped in front of her right eye... her left eyebrow elevating slightly as if questioning the veracity of my statement.

"Well, you haven't even called me I figured after the second day you were just avoiding me or something. Maybe you already had a girlfriend or something." She said suddenly turning somewhat meek and even blushing a little too.

"You know I asked your friends on "Phone" if you were seeing anyone and no one would really talk about it... so I have to wonder." Kathie added as she held her hands together on the tabletop nervously rubbing her thumbs together.

"No... I've not been seeing anyone, but now that you mentioned it, I did think that surely you had a boyfriend ... I wouldn't want to intrude on anything..." I began but even as the words came out, I realized how lame that sounded so I just kind of stopped talking and studied my own hands on the tabletop as well.

We must have made an interesting pair, the both of us sitting in a booth in the middle of the busy Student Center grill, the juke box blasting out Jungle Love by Morris Day and the Time, people walking back and forth. And here we sat staring at our hands and biting our tongues. I realized that I had been in the wrong to assume anything about her in the first place. I had also been rude by not at least reaching out to be friendlier than I had been. I looked up with a furtive glance to see that Kathie too was giving me the same sort of furtive glances and she had drawn in her bottom lip and was biting it.

"I'm sorry I..." We both began at the same time... shocking each other and both stopping our words to allow the other to speak. We both blushed and grinned a little.

"Go ahead... Ladies first." I said softly with my sheepish grin starting to etch permanently into my face. Kathie's own sheepish grin morphed into something of a more surprised but sweet smile as she glanced away again before looking back at me and locking her eyes onto my own.

"This is silly. I feel like I'm back in high school or something." She began before drawing that bottom lip back into her teeth again. She opened her hands up and pressed them palms down on the tabletop splaying her fingers out. She tilted her head slightly to her left shoulder and puffed a jet of air out of her mouth blowing the persistent offending strands of long curly hair out of her eyes.

"Can I tell you a secret?" She asked in a hesitant quiet voice her eyes locked on mine and not even blinking.

"Well, I have big ears not a big mouth. For some reason, maybe that one, lots of people confide in me. If you tell me anything it won't be repeated." I replied in an equally quiet voice and gave a little shrug. Kathie just looked at me a moment or two longer, her smile growing again.

"I haven't dated anyone in almost three years now." She stated, her eyes still locked on my own but hers were a little hesitant as if she was a little worried about what I might think or say about this revelation. I did frown a bit and break eye contact briefly but that was because I was having a moment myself.

"I can identify with that... I've not really dated in two years myself." I said and again looked away at my hands and fidgeted a bit as I contemplated explaining further.

"No girlfriends? Was that by choice?" Kathie asked. I grimaced and fidgeted some more.

"It's... complicated." I offered lamely and swallowed the growing lump in my throat.

"Yeah... I know a thing or two about complicated myself. Sometimes life just sucks huh?" Kathie commiserated and gave me a lopsided smirk and a shrug that caused that persistent strand of hair to fall across her right eye again. She absentmindedly took her right hand and scooped the hair off the side of her face and pulled it behind her right ear and over her shoulder.

"Sucks is an understatement... But I don't want to bother you with my woes." I said sitting up straighter in my seat.

"Jim... do you have any more classes today?" Kathie asked softly.

"No, I'm done for the day other than working on this writing assignment, but I've got till next week to finish it why?" I asked suddenly curious why she would ask. Kathie tilted her head down a bit again and bit her bottom lip softly.

"Would you walk with me to my car?" She asked while looking up through her lashes again. I got the impression that this was a little outside her comfort zone, being the bold one, taking chances. Always the gentleman, if and when I could be anyway, l glanced at my watch and then nodded.

"Sure, I'm parked out at the stadium, but the shuttle stops all over campus. Where do you catch the bus to ride to the stadium?" I asked as I started putting my notebook and stuff in my book bag.

"Oh, I don't ride the shuttle bus, I park on campus." Kathie said in a chipper voice and smiling as she slid out of the booth to stand at the end of the table. I slid out as well and slung my bag over one shoulder as I picked up my trash from lunch and carried it to the nearest trash can to toss it in.

"Wow! I thought only faculty and graduate students could get parking tags for on campus parking." I said. "How did you get one of those tags?" I asked a little envious.

"Well, it kind of came with the car actually. My mom used to work for the university." Kathie said by way of explanation. As we walked, I realized that Kathie was leading us out of the Student Center and onto the sidewalk along Administration Drive. It wasn't long before I saw her big old Crown Victoria parked on the curb outside the Business and Economics building. I had to smile as I remembered the first time I saw both the car and Kathie not too long ago. As we neared the car rain began to patter the sidewalk, and us. In moments it had gone from just a few drops to a downpour. With a squeal that sounded almost more like a shriek Kathie bolted for the car.

"Come on! Get in!" She shouted as she fumbled her key in the driver side door to unlock it. She hopped in and leaned across the big bench seat to open the passenger side door for me. I gladly slid in and closed the door.

"Thanks!" I said honestly happy to avoid getting drenched yet again. Of course, I didn't have an umbrella with me, again.

"You know, I could just drive you out to the stadium, that way you don't have to wait on a shuttle bus." Kathie said matter-of-factly as she moved some wet hair out of her face to back over her ear while looking at me in askance.

"Thanks, that'd be great." I said gratefully but suddenly my mouth had gone dry and I was at a loss for words. I would find out however that this girl had a way about her that brought out the best in me.

"So, do you work tonight?" She asked as she started up the car and turned on the windshield wipers and turned on the ventilation to eliminate the fog that clouding the windshield.

"No, actually I'm off tonight... good thing too, with all this rain." I said. It dawned on me that I knew very little about this girl and surprisingly I wanted to know more about her... no... I needed to know more about her. I realized that I was staring at the side of her face and so I turned my head to look out the windshield as Kathie pulled away from the curb and started around Admin Drive towards toward South Limestone and the stop light. We stopped behind a shuttle bus that was also turning right onto Euclid Avenue.

"Do you work anywhere?" I asked, almost surprised at how hesitant my voice sounded in my own ears. I saw a momentary grimace flash on Kathie's face before that smile returned, but somehow it now looked slightly sad even if it was still a smile.

"Well, not at a paying job I guess, no." She said haltingly and glanced quickly over to me before resuming her driving now turned right onto Euclid and going around the shuttle bus that halted at the shuttle stop just past the corner.

"So, it's some kind of internship or volunteer work?" I asked maybe fishing for a little more information. Again, I caught myself staring at the side of her face, but I couldn't help but notice Kathie's grip on her steering wheel had tightened and her knuckles were almost white. That's odd I thought, it's almost as if she's angry about working... or maybe my question.

"I help... take care of my mother..." Kathie said cryptically, again that fleeting grimace crossed her beautiful face. Yes, I thought, it is a beautiful face, and that grimace showed a momentary pain rather than some sort of anger. Perhaps I shouldn't push her for more.

"I'm... I'm sorry... I didn't mean to pry." I said sheepishly and stared out the windshield and bit my tongue. It wasn't until I felt Kathie's right hand rest lightly on my left forearm for a moment before returning to the steering wheel that she went on in a stronger voice.

"You did nothing wrong, relax. I'm okay. It just gets to be a bit of a load sometimes and I didn't mean to bother you with it." Kathie said in an even tone but when I glanced at her out of the corner of my eye, I saw that she was wearing that half smirk half grimace smile that still puzzled me. Then suddenly I was slung sideways against the passenger side door as the big Ford swerved to the left violently with a hissing of tires on wet pavement and a blaring horn.

"Damn it! Stupid asses!" Kathie swore as she corrected the swerve and let off the brakes. I saw that she had swerved to miss a couple of guys on bicycles just in the street at the corner of Rose and Euclid Avenue.

"I missed my turn!" She lamented as we continued on down Euclid.

"Well at least you missed them too... lucky asses." I chuckled after pointing out the near miss. Kathie turned to me and smiled wryly before returning her eyes to the road.

"Just stay on Euclid all the way to where it ends and bear right onto East High Street." I offered. Kathie glanced at me in askance for a moment and I shrugged before continuing. "It's actually faster this time of day to come in the back side of the stadium on Cooper Drive." Again, Kathie looked at me questioningly.

"So, you know these streets pretty well I take it." She questioned by way of a statement. I smiled a little more confidently and turned to her.

"Well, I DO work for Dom's Pizza, I deliver pizzas all over this town, even here on or around campus... So yeah, I guess you could say I know my way around here pretty well." I stated matter-of-factly but to my ear, it sounded a little like bragging. Kathie laughed. What a wonderful melodious sound... My chest actually swelled briefly at the mere sound of her laughter. How odd.

"I do well just to get from home to school and back most days. I'm still kind of new to town, at least as far as finding my way around anyway." She said by way of explanation as she maneuvered the big car into the right turning lane and onto East High Street. The rain seemed to pick up a bit and Kathie had to speed up the windshield wipers to their maximum speed. They were slapping back and forth as fast as they would go but could hardly keep up with the deluge coming down.

"I am SO glad I'm not working tonight!" I proclaimed commenting on the rain.

"Maybe I should pull over and wait till it slows down a bit." Kathie began as she turned on her turning signal and began edging to the side of the road.

"That's not a good idea..." I began. "Just turn on your emergency flashers and slow down a bit but keep moving." I said with a little authority in my voice. This got me another questioning look.

"But I might hit someone." Kathie stated her fear.

"Probably not, but if you pull over and stop you are more likely to get hit by someone else. Your flashers will alert anyone coming up behind you too fast, and in a moment or two you'll be under some really big trees and the rain will be blocked mostly so you will be able to see more clearly." I stated with the voice of experience. Sure enough, in a moment or two we approached the intersection with Cooper Drive and the light. Kathie signaled her turn and as we had the green light she went ahead and turned. Just past the intersection we entered under the canopy of some very tall oak trees and it was almost as if it had stopped raining.

"Oh, that's so much better!" Kathie said with a sigh.

In the minute or so it took to get from the intersection to outer edge of the neighborhood and onto the stadium surroundings the rain had in fact lightened up and was just more of a persistent drizzle now. Kathie looked over at me again for a moment before returning her gaze to the road.

"Jim, I know you just ate a short time ago, but I've not had lunch today, would you like to go somewhere with me and... I don't know... have a soda or something with me?" She asked hesitantly, her bottom lip getting sucked into her teeth again... Even if I weren't still a bit peckish, I was a sucker for that look. Kathie was not the first girl to sway me with that look, nor would I find would she be the last in my lifetime.

"I could go for something else... The food at the grill is okay but it's not very filling, I guess. It was more out of convenience to have a bite there while doing class work than to go off campus for better food." I declared. I was awarded with a flash of a bright beautiful smile before it was quickly replaced by another bit of a frown.

"Um... where to?" Kathie said, or rather asked. I was in familiar territory now, knowing my way around town and where to eat. I grinned at Kathie and said to continue on past the stadium and turn left at the light at Nicholasville Road. I had her stay on Nicholasville Road heading south all the way to Southland Drive... or almost anyway. I pointed out the Jerry's on the right and she navigated the big Crown Vic into the parking lot, and we came to a stop. By now the rain had all but stopped. We left our books in the car and went inside. We were seated almost immediately as the restaurant wasn't terribly busy at the time. In moments we found ourselves once more across from one another in a booth. At least here at Jerry's there wasn't a Jukebox blaring out Jungle Love for the fortieth time today.

Our waitress came by and took drink orders and left us to look at the menus. I decided to just get an order of fries, Kathie ordered a fish sandwich and fries for herself. After the waitress walked off to get our food started, we both sat looking at one another suddenly feeling just a bit awkward again. We both looked at one another with furtive glances and shy smiles neither knowing what to say or where to begin. I think we both sensed the thoughts of the other however, or at least our curiosity and desire to learn more about each other. I found it really odd that I had only met this girl a few days ago but I had such a feeling of... of what...familiarity? Or maybe something else... there was some sort of pull, a desire to learn more. And I think it was going both ways, between us.

"Who are you, Jim?" Kathie asked softly. "I mean... well... it's weird really. I mean I've only just met you a few days ago, but still... I feel like I've known you forever somehow." She kind of gushed out in a hurry as if she were afraid, she wouldn't be able to say it otherwise. I felt a chill run down my spine and the hair on the back of my neck stood up. She felt it too... this... familiarity.

"I... I've had the same feeling about you. I can't explain it either and it's been bothering me since the first time I set eyes on you." I all but whispered my reply.

We both fell silent for a bit as we looked into each other's eyes and tried to get a handle on what the other had said. It was Kathie who broke the spell with her next question.

"Have you ever felt this way about someone before?" she asked softly and then swallowed, almost as if she were afraid of what my answer might be. Again, the chill ran down my spine and my heart began beating faster.

"Yes... I have... a long time ago in high school." I again all but whispered and then swallowed the lump in my throat.

"What did you do?" She asked hesitantly and tilted her head slightly to her right shoulder. Her hands clasping each other on the tabletop.

"Nothing... my family moved away, and it was years before I saw her again." I replied quietly. About that time our server returned with our food that we had ordered. I sat there on my side of the table and idly pushed fries around my plate without being terribly interested in eating them as memories flooded through my mind yet again.

"But you saw her again... What happened then?" Kathie pressed as she too idly pushed fries around on her plate... her eyes on my face.

"I fell in love." I said hoarsely and swallowed that persistent lump in my throat not daring to make eye contact at that moment. "Madly, hopelessly, deliriously and happily in love... I thought the world revolved around her... hell... the entire universe really..." I said as the plate of fries in front of me began to swim in and out of focus as my eyesight got blurry.