Being Jim Ch. 09: The Guilty Heart

Sarah must have felt my body stiffen as I didn't even have to warn her of my pending aftershock this time. She merely squeezed my left arm in reassurance as my body tensed and went into the now familiar paroxysms and seizure-like convulsions. She was still holding me tightly, when my brain reengaged and I became aware once more of my surroundings. We both lay there and contemplated what we had just done. It felt different this time somehow. It felt desperate... Desperate on Sarah's part, the need and desire and longing were overpowering... Desperate on my part to give, to comfort, to reassure... and to hold on. Even the thinking part of my brain had to admit that I did desire this woman even though I knew it was wrong to do so, or at least wrong to act on that desire. It was Sarah who broke the silence first.

"Jim... I'm sorry. I told myself I was coming here to talk, honestly... but I think I know deep down I just wanted... wanted to be with you again." She confessed in a soft almost whispering voice as her right hand drew her fingers lightly across my chest and through my chest hair to idly circle my left nipple.

"You know what? I had convinced myself last night that I had to find you and talk to you today too... But just like you, I think it was just an excuse to see you again... and... well... here we are. God Sarah, as much as I love you and as much as I... as I want you... we have to stop doing this. It's just not right." I told her confessing my own thoughts and ending with a sigh.

"I know... I know, I know, I know... This... We can't keep doing this. As much as I want to, I know it must end. But... Damn it, Jim... It just feels soooo good. Until you kissed me last week... and we... I... I just felt like I had been holding my breath... like I had been dying of thirst and you gave me a cool drink of water. I wanted more... I NEEDED more. I know we have to stop. We... just... have to." Sarah lamented in a half whiny half choked voice. I heard her sniffle again and felt what must have been tears running from her cheek to my neck and shoulder.

"You understand that it's not because I don't want you... or that I don't desire you... right? I mean don't you see that any man in his right mind would see you the same way that I do... the same way that Dave does..." I asked knowing that it was going to feel like a knife to Sarah's heart. I know it, because it sure felt like one to my heart simply for the fact that I was hurting her and that I had hurt my friend Dave even if he didn't know it... yet.

"See?" Sarah asked and slapped my chest half-heartedly and let out a sound somewhere between a chuckle and a sob. "Who else in this world could flatter me and guilt me in the same breath? And... make it feel like love at the same time. Jim, you kill me.

"It's going to be hard... To be around you again when Dave comes home. I will always remember what we've shared. I will long for it, long for you. But I won't be able to have you, it wouldn't be right." I declared in a steady but soft voice as I stroked Sarah's hair with my right hand.

"Yes, it will be hard. But you will come around, won't you? Oh, please tell me you will still visit me... us I mean. Come to dinner, movies, play cards... please Jim!" Sarah pleaded softly almost holding her breath waiting on my reply.

"I... I don't know, Sarah. I... You know I want to... but... I..." I gave a heavy sigh and took a deep breath. "We'll see. I can't promise I'll be around as much as... as before... But I'll still come around. I just don't want to make you feel uncomfortable or make anything weird between the three of us. You know we have to think about Dave too, right?" I stated more than asked.

"You couldn't imagine how much I think about Dave and... all of this. Oh, Jim, I do love him, and... I know I'll have to tell him... sometime. I know it will hurt him when I do. And it should be me that tells him." Sarah spoke in a steady voice, her soft tone told me that she was not going to argue this point.

"Sarah..." I began, but she cut me off by grabbing me by the side of my face and turning me to her so that her lips could still mine and stop me from speaking or arguing.

In less than two heartbeats she had my face in both hands and she was kneeling beside me, her breast pressing into my chest as if she were trying to push me through my bed to the floor. I felt her right leg lift and cross my waist. Now straddling me once again, Sarah started grinding her body into mine. Yes, my body responded in kind. My heart began to beat faster again, my hands found themselves on Sarah's flanks and were sliding up her sides, her skin hot to my touch.

As much as I would have loved to have... made love... to her again, right that moment... it was way too soon from what we had just finished. My tank was out of gas and I was running on fumes. I think Sarah realized that too though, as she finally released her ravenous lip hold on me and sat up still astride me. Her arms and hands sliding from my face and across my chest. With wanton lust still vivid in her ebony eyes, she gave me a sad smile and then tilted her head back to look at the ceiling and gave an almost angry exasperated sounding groan. Then she let herself fall to her back between my legs. Her ass and therefore the rest of her sex was still sitting on top of my waist as her legs unfolded from under her and straightened out on either side of my torso. Oh God! What a display! Her lips were partly open and she was weeping our combined fluids. I may have been spent, but even so, my manhood stirred slightly at this sight. I had to take a deep breath to steady myself.

Sarah giggled. It was a little odd really, I mean as heavy as our thoughts and conversation had been just a minute or so ago, and as fast as our lusts had fanned into flame only to go out again... but to giggle? There it was... she giggled again, this time it stretched out for a bit even as Sarah brought her arms over her face. I rose up on my elbows to look down my body to see her. I was about to ask her what she was laughing about when, again, she spoke before I could.

"Jim, do you have anything we can cook for lunch?" Sarah asked. Huh? I thought to myself.

"Yeaaaah..." I responded in a little confused voice. "Why?" I asked.

"Because... I'm hungry. I know you are probably hungry as well. I had thought about taking you out for lunch but I don't want to do that now. I want to have something here... and Keep you HERE." Sarah said raising up on her own elbows and scooting down a bit so that her ass was now between my legs and my half erect manhood was brushing her still very aroused and weeping temptation.

"Jim, this is wrong, we shouldn't be doing this... It's got to stop... it... it will stop. But for now, for today... if you will have me... I'm going to have as much of it... as much of you as I can possibly get. I'm making memories, because that's all we will have after today." Sarah proclaimed with a fierce determination even if her voice was practically breaking and almost pleading. The look in those watery ebony eyes was almost steely. I knew she meant every word she just said... so I was not prepared for her next ones.

"Can you do that... can WE do that, Jim?" Sarah asked and her voice cracked with my name.

"I don't have much to offer... as far as food goes, I mean..." I said with a grin, thinking to lighten the mood just a bit before continuing in a more serious tone. "As far as spending the day with you... What's the saying? "In for a penny... in for a pound?" Considering what we've already done, anything else we do today is not going to make it any less wrong... I'd be honored to be in your company and show you how much I love and admire you." I said in an even voice while looking her eyes with an unwavering gaze.

Sarah's watery eyes overflowed and her smile broke out just like the sun coming out from behind a cloud. She sat up, as did I and we embraced, and of course we kissed again. Then we were on the move. Sarah fell backwards and rolled over separating from me to climb off my bed and head to the bathroom. I brought my hands to my face and scrubbed them as I struggled to make some sort of rational sense of what I was doing. It was true what I had told Sarah. Nothing we did today could change what we had already done. And, if we were going to end this... this affair... that is what it was really. If we were ending this affair then today would be our last fling together. It made an odd sort of twisted sense that we should enjoy it as much as we could. Enjoy one another as much as we could. With that thought, I smiled and twisted to scoot off my bed and head to the bathroom as well.

I was just going through the bathroom door as Sarah turned to flush the toilet after emptying her bladder. I thought of Barb of all things and how she liked to freshen up after we played. I mentioned to Sarah that there were some bottles of Massengill under the sink if she would like to, "rinse" out. She smiled and turned her head slightly to give me that sidelong glance that women do when they are trying to figure you out. I shrugged and stepped to the toilet to empty my own bladder while she got a bottle out and readied it for use. We traded places again, her sitting on the seat while I washed my hands and tried not to watch the machinations of her cleansing. The sound of the bottle squeezed then the jet stream of the liquid being expelled were hardly masked by the running water of the tap. Again, wiping and then flushing the toilet.

Sarah stood and looked slightly up into my eyes, studying me calmly, but she didn't say anything more about the rinse or ask why I would have this kind of thing under my sink. Instead, she stood on her toes and kissed me softly on my lips and then took my shoulder and turned me to head me down the hall and to the kitchen. And so, we went... to the kitchen... both of us still completely naked.

We inventoried my food in the cupboards and my fridge and came up with a small salad each and a couple of cold sandwiches. We poured a couple of glasses of iced tea and took our lunch to the dining room table just outside the kitchen. Each took seats across from the other and we began eating. Slowly at first, awkwardly as we were both still naked... but soon we were eating with gusto. I guess we were both hungrier than we had realized. At one point I reached out and pulled a wrinkle out of my white table cloth, smoothing it out. Sarah watched me, then began to giggle almost silently. She was thinking back to earlier in the morning when She was sitting atop this very table and had caused that wrinkle to form. I grinned thinking the same thing myself.

When we had finished eating, we put our dirty dishes in the sink and again we were wrapped arm in arm and standing face to face inches from engaging in another marathon of kissing. Sara tilted her head down slightly and drew her bottom lip into her teeth. That look in her eyes told me she was considering something, her next idea perhaps. I didn't have to wait long to find out.

"Jim, let's take a shower..." She suggested and started backing towards the doorway to the hall behind her. Her hands still grasping my elbows, drawing me along with her.

"That sounds wonderful." I said in agreement and she finally turned and walked... no... prissed the three strides to the bathroom. Her beautiful bare ass swaying seductively slightly from side to side as her feet crossed with each step like a model prancing down the runway of a fashion show.

I'm not sure what was hotter... the temperature of the water coming from the shower head or Sarah. It was certainly not my first time in a shower with a beautiful woman, but not a single previous time came to mind while Sarah was in my arms and she held me in hers. We did bathe, slowly, sensually soaping and rinsing one another's bodies, exploring every watery inch of skin. We kissed slowly and sensually as well. Our tongues dancing and darting about with abandon. We made love... yes... slowly and sensually. The touches of our hands lingering and savoring all that we held and caressed.

Our watery, lusty dance culminated with Sarah's right foot raised the edge of the shower/tub and her right arm grasping and holding onto the towel rack on the back wall of the shower. Her left arm over my right shoulder and around my neck, her hand and fingers grasping and digging into my neck and left shoulder. My hands were grasping her water slicked waist as my legs straddled Sarah's left leg. With slow and steady repetition my steely erection plumbed Sarah's swollen and tender feminine cradle.

When we both stopped kissing in favor of simply breathing, I knew we were in dangerous territory. Sarah was nearing the point of no return for her building climax. I knew that I could put off my own finish a little easier this time as I had already climaxed earlier. I would love to finish at the same time with Sarah but as we were in the shower and I would surely black out, it could be dangerous to let myself go. Instead, I egged her along hoping to give her all I could and then finish myself elsewhere, but not in the shower. To this affect I gripped Sarah's sides even more urgently with my hands. I nipped at and bit her neck while speeding up my repeated thrusting into her. My hips propelled me into her with shuddering force causing Sarah to grunt with each thrust.

"Oh God! Oh Jim! Oh... Oh... Oh... Godddddddddd! OH! G... OH! Jimmmmmmmm!" Sarah grunted as she finally relaunched into orgasmic bliss. Her right arm wrapped around my head and neck and her right leg wrapped around my left leg. Her whole body clung to me and she shivered and twitched and convulsed around my throbbing manhood still buried in her very core. Her very active molten hot core that was making it extremely difficult for me to so much as breath, let alone think straight.

After a few moments of undisturbed bliss, Sarah pulled her head back and looked up dreamily into my eyes. Her dark ebony eyes glowing with contentment and warmth, squinted slightly as she registered in her mind that I was still hard and inside of her, and that I had not cum this time. She leaned in to softly kiss me and then drew back again to look me in the eyes.

"Why did you stop if you haven't finished yet Jim?" She asked curiously.

"Shower..." I said by way of answer, but knew I would have to elaborate a bit yet. The slight tilt of Sarah's head and questioning look in her eyes confirmed that thought.

"It's not safe for me to climax in the shower... I might lose it and pass out... then there's my aftershock to consider... just not safe." I explained and I knew she understood when both eyebrows shot up and her mouth formed that "Oh" just before she smiled an endearingly sheepish grin and then bit her bottom lip.

Sara let her right leg back down to the floor of the tub and unwrapped her arms from around my neck and I reluctantly withdrew my patient little partner from Sarah's velvety sheath. With one eyebrow riding up slightly she glanced fist to my face and then back down to my bobbing erection and took it in both of her hands gently to pet it and stroke it lovingly. She had me back up under the water to rinse him off before bending at the waist to kiss the head softly as one would a baby.

Letting go of my cock, Sarah stood back up straight and stepped into me, running her hands up across my abdomen and onto my chest as she tilted her head and pressed in for another round of watery kisses. By this time the water was turning colder as the supply of hot water dwindled. With an unspoken consent we turned off the shower and stepped out to dry one another off. Again, it was an act of discovery and...love. And all the while, my erection bobbed patiently between us. Smiling, and dropping her towel, Sarah took me in her small hand and pulled me along back to my bedroom.

Stopping beside my bed, Sarah turned to face me. Her ebony eyes glowing in the soft light of my bedside lamp, looked into mine and I could see the gears turning. She actually winked at me then slid down in front of me to her knees. Taking me in both hands she brought her lips to my crown and first kissed it again softly then her tongue came out and circled the head like it was a lollipop.

Sarah glanced up at me and bit her lip for a moment then looked back at the toy in front of her. Her lips encircled the head and slowly slid down my modest length. Lower and lower...deeper and deeper she took me into her mouth. Now I'm not very big as far as length goes, but I do have a nice girth to my God given male endowment. My modest cock has never been complained about, to my knowledge anyway. That said, I've only been with a very few women who could take my full length orally... In this Sarah was not one of those who could either. Still though, she managed to engulf well over half my length before she started to gag and had to back off. She was persistent however. In and out, slowly and wetly with a suction that had my toes curling and my breath becoming ragged.

At this point in my life, I still had not overcome my mental block that prevented me from fully enjoying...to completion...the gift of a woman's oral attention. Sarah did not know this however, so she was a bit perplexed when I gently reached down and took her by her shoulders to ease her back up to stand before me. She still had one hand on my cock and was gently stroking it even as we leaned in to kiss.

"You're going to finish, Jim... what do you want me to do? How do you want me?" Sarah informed me in a breathy low voice that brooked no argument at all.

"This is your dance beautiful, I'm letting you lead. How would you like to have me?" I breathed into her ear as I kissed the right side of her neck just under her ear. I felt her whole-body shudder in my hands on her shoulders.

Sarah's left hand came up between us and pushed gently at my chest to separate us a bit. She looked first at my bed, but then turned and looked at my desk with my computer on it. She smiled in devilish delight, and her eyes taking on a mischievous glint as she pulled me by my cock towards the desk. She looked up through her lashes as her slightly dipped head tilted ever so slightly to one shoulder with a hint of questioning suggestion.

Releasing my cock from her right hand, Sarah slowly turned around to face my desk. She lowered her bare chest down to where her hanging breasts were just touching the surface and placed her forearms along either side of my keyboard and monitor. Spreading her legs just a bit, Sarah arched her back downwards a little bringing her gorgeous shapely ass up as she stood on her tip toes. Looking back over her shoulder at me with that lusty smile she swiveled her hips seductively as if to say "Come and get me." And so... I did.

My hands rose of their own accord and alit on the creamy white flesh of her shapely bottom... a cheek for each hand. My thumbs were resting in that dusky crevasse right where they diverge to frame her puckered little rosebud and her velvety aroused sex. Sarah's labia were still swollen and flushed, pushed out and literally dripping with her excitement. I couldn't resist the temptation... that wanton invitation. I released her cheek from my right hand and reach down with my palm up to run my fingers slowly from her pubic mound, across her engorged clit, causing her to gasp, then moan audibly. My fingers pulled through those meaty, hot and damp lips, my middle finger delving deeper into her ready and waiting opening as my hand neared that end of that sweeping motion.

Sarah again swiveled her hips and wiggled ever so slightly from side to side by relaxing first one leg then straightening it as the other leg relax slightly. Oh God that was sexy! With my right hand still wet from my sweep of her weeping offering, I rubbed the head of my cock briefly then slid my hand down to the base. I stepped up to Sarah and guided my ready volunteer into her from behind. At this point, both of us were beyond the hesitancy of foreplay and restraint. I did not ease into her heaven's gate slowly as I had previously. I didn't just ram it in harshly or course, but with one steady push I bottomed out... at least as far as I could reach with what I had to offer anyway. Sarah let out a sound somewhere between a moan and a grunt.