All Comments on 'Ben & Anita, lovebirds and a cuckoo'

Undercooked and rushed, we know barely anything about Ben and Ani except that they're in their 20s, college educated and engaged. There's also extreme narrative dissonance since the story tells us that Ani is a sweet and naive girl but then half a page and 2 drinks later she's participating in an extremely depraved sex ritual with a guy she barely knows in front of dozens of strangers? I got whiplash from how quickly she went from being wife material to a totally depraved slut. Ben meanwhile is an irrelevant, non-actor in the story with 0 agency whose only function is to give the text the cuckold/swinger tag, otherwise why even give Ani a fiance if he's just gonna sit around feeling sorry for himself with his dick in his hands? The other couple are also just complete duds, Kyle has all the personality of a perverted 2x4 while Heather is never given any of the necessary characterization to explain why exactly she's grooming young women into sleeping with her creep husband.

TL;DR: This story feels like the script to a low-grade porno due to stupid characters, no buildup and an uninspired plot. Good cuck/ntr stuff is like a sauce/stew in that it takes a long time to prepare and then deliver the payoff, if you want to write 2-3 page one-shot stories that's fine but I would recommend looking at a different genre.

Not bad for a first outing, keep up the good work... Writing is NOT easy and I applaude anyone who gives it a go... Oh and never mind what the critics say, especially the long-winded Anonymous ones... 😉