Bending the Rules Pt. 08: Wingman

10390 words.

Reading previous entries is recommended to understand the current context. Not based on any particular gaming franchise or storyline.

I'm still shocked anybody else likes this backwards take on an RPG world. Cheers!

*****

"Alright, time to go give some good news," Nuru said.

/Hello, Nuru./

"Wha- hey Adana. Since when you are up earlier than me?"

/You say that like I got to sleep last night. Sit your ass down, mister./

"Come on, let's talk on the way, I've got stuff to do."

/Or not. Your call./

"Urgh! Ow, dammit!"

Nuru fell to his knees, holding his head as his MP bottomed out. His eyeballs felt like they were pulling back into his skull.

/This is necessary, before you ask. I have critical preparations to make today, and I need your help./

"You have... my attention..."

/Good. Bluntly, I need mana. Fortunately, the quantities I need are within our combined capacity, but only just barely. I've rarely been able to do this before, so I don't have the proficiency bonuses. However, I need it a bunch of times. I need you to go buy some mana potions./

"Is it gonna be... like this all day?"

/And possibly tomorrow. Nuru, this is make or break. If this works I *might* have a lot more freedom to help you, but I've only got one shot at this. I need to know you're not going to pull from me, and that you're going to do your best to keep your MP as high as possible. Do I need to remind you the price of failure?/

"Torment in my head... the rest of my days... is what you said."

/So, we understand each other. Go buy some mana potions./

"That requires... walking," Nuru complained.

/You know what it doesn't require? Excuses. You've got until your MP recharges for the next one./

"Oh, shit. Hope the shop isn't... backed up with customers. I'm barely gonna... make it as it is."

He stumbled to his feet, clumsily stuffing his face with some food as he went.

/I'll warn you again before each pull./

"Suppose I aught to be thankful for that much."

/Damn right. Aren't you just sitting around waiting for people to talk to you all day?/

"Sure. And you just jump from one bed to another all night, stealing souls."

/It's not that sim- ah, yes. Point taken./

*****

Nuru made it to the shop. His head was starting to clear from the mana burn.

"Can has mana potions?" he said.

"There's a two liter quota per month. You wanna ration it out, or do you want all of it now?"

"Mm. Give it to me now."

"That'll be a hundred."

"What!? That's extortion! You get people dumping that stuff in here because they don't use all of theirs!"

"It's a limited resource, buddy. Supply and demand."

"Hell with this, I'll go buy some from people coming back."

"They catch you bypassing the official supply chain, you'll get fined something fierce. Can't get around those taxes."

"I'm not reselling, I'm using myself. Forget it, I don't need you. I'm making a complaint at the courthouse for price gouging."

"Alright, alright. Forty-five. A hundred and I'll throw in next month's ration too. It's tomorrow anyway."

Nuru leaned across the counter and glared at the man, who grinned sheepishly.

"In writing," Nuru finally said.

The man gave him a formal trade offer. Nuru accepted.

"Thank you, come again!"

Nuru headed to the armor shop next.

"Oh hey, you're that new business partner aren't ya?" the dward behind the counter said, fussing with something.

"Yeah. Is Makena in?"

"Oh, he's occupied at present. He'll be available when he's done."

"I... see."

Nuru's MP hit max, and he wandered the aisles, pretending to check out the merchandise.

/It's time./

Nuru took a swig of mana potion and held it in his mouth, and then set the bottle down on the shelf to keep from dropping it. He double-tapped his shoulder. He grunted as his MP fell away, and he choked down the mana potion he had ready to swallow, held on to the shelf as his MP refilled. He put the cork back in the partial bottle, and waited to see exactly how much he'd need to drink to completely refill.

"That wasn't so bad," he muttered.

He still hurt a little from the first mana burn, but the second one wasn't so bad with the potion to offset the effects.

"Ye alright there?" The dwarf was looking up from his task at him funny.

"Fine, fine. How long do you think he'll be?"

"Oh, not long, if he quits screwing around like I told him to."

"Right... suppose I've got a little time. What about you? What are you doing back there?"

"Mind yer feckin' business, is what I'm doin'. Cuntfecker."

"Alright, geez, just trying to make conversation."

/I still don't have a read on your MP since you changed your name. Got another full bar?/

"No, gimme a sec," Nuru muttered.

He took another swig from the mana potion.

"They're rationing this stuff by the way. Only have four liters."

/Damnation. We'll have to juggle this carefully, then./

"Ready."

Nuru winced as his MP emptied in an instant, only a slow dribble from the potion keeping him from remaining right at zero. He took a deep breath.

"When's the next one?"

/I'll give you an indicator./

Nuru swatted at the air instinctively for a moment, then noticed that the vaguely candle-like apparition in his vision moved right along with his head as he turned it.

/Relax. When the top meets the bottom, it's time./

The dwarf behind the counter groaned, stretched, then walked out the back of the shop. Makena stood up from behind the counter coughing, flushed, and red-eyed.

"Oh hey, didn't see you come in," Nuru said.

"Ahem, yes. Sorry for the wait, Nuru."

/Ooh, I do get some breakfast after all./

(!?)

/I'll explain later./

(Oh... he was down there the whole time.)

/Fucking finally you found your inside voice!/

"So, uh, yes. I have news."

Nuru put the armor he'd acquired on the counter.

"My, you have been busy. Wait... Nuru, is this what I think it is?"

"How could I possibly know what you're thinking?"

"This all matches. It's part of a rare set. I mean, even rarer than this style is to begin with."

"Is that... a problem?"

"I don't know, is it? The chest piece is the rarest part. If you can get it you'll be greatly exceeding my hopes for this, but there is the question of 'can you do it?' I notice you haven't gotten parts from any other set here."

"My guy thinks he can. I did tell him to bring me everything, and I've got a few others out looking. We've got time, right?"

"I suppose that's up to you. I have some instructions from the Mayor - he wants something ceremonial in a couple days, something new. Rumor is, he wants to make a show of this trial for Gram. Think you'll have it by then?"

"Yes."

"OK, I'll try to stall him a little bit before I let him into something cheap and chintzy; but he's got a lot of pressure to make an example and keep this town family-friendly, and... yeah, I heard what happened, I know you've got a lot to deal with right now. But, meaning no offense, I hope that armor doesn't need cleaning when you bring it in; there won't be time for more than a bit of polishing with everything else I have going on."

"Trust me, I need this more than you do. It's gonna work."

"I hope you've got a Plan B. My rules lawyer... Nuru, I've never seen him so agitated. I can't divulge the conversation, nor can I ask what you know, but I will just give you this warning. Someone told him some things he didn't like. This venture you've proposed may not be allowed to proceed."

"I'll have to make it unofficial then. Run it myself."

"Hopefully it doesn't come to that. I have my doubts about whether you'll be able to keep up the traffic without being cut out as the middleman, without an established business behind you."

"Then it's a good thing I've got an ace in the hole. So to speak."

"OK, too close to dangerous subjects. This discussion is over. I'm giving you standard sale value for this until you get me the last part."

"Thank you. Until next time."

Makena washed his face in a bucket as Nuru walked out.

*****

/Almost ready for the next one./

(I'm full.)

Nuru grunted as his MP took another hit. He took just enough of a sip of mana potion to stave off the headache, although he couldn't completely cancel it out.

"You, uh, OK?" the Level Twelve thief said.

"Urf. Yeah. Got something for me?"

"I do. Here you go. Hey, did you just cast something?"

"No, I got poisoned. Healer left me a regen, but it eats my MP every now and then until I'm healed. Gods above, that's a mess of stuff."

"Yeah, right at my encumbrance limit."

"Right at your... and you have greater strength than I do. Crap."

"What, did I do something wrong?"

"No, no - I just should have told you to bring in fewer at a time. Hauling all this stuff away is going to take me forever."

"Don't leave it lying around, somebody'll just take it."

"I know, I'm gonna have to pile it all on or drag it. Which is why it's going to take me forever."

"Ah. Not my problem. Anyway, gonna go farm a bunch more of these."

"I have enough of the easy parts, I don't need any more. I don't have anything left to swap them out for."

"Hey, you made the quest. Should have been more specific; you just said you'd take any matching parts. You're on the hook, man."

Nuru sighed. "Here's your currency."

"Bye!"

He held everything together as best he could, stacked leg armor together and made a pile of them in his arms and managed to get a chest piece over his head with an open gap facing forward so he could halfway see where he was going. He heard a few snickers as he trudged slowly to the weapon shop.

"Noob! Watch your encumbrance limit! Lolz!"

"Yeah, yeah, I know!"

*****

"Good heavens, Nuru. You know I don't need all that."

"Yeah, but neither do I, so here we are. I'll tell you what. You wanna take the enchantments off of these leg pieces for scrolls, you go ahead - I'll take them back, and you can keep the scrolls, no charge."

"Can't say as I really need them."

"I mean if you're just gonna throw them out, I'll take those too."

"I'll have to charge you for the scrolls."

"Fine, fine. Sell me the enough scrolls that the cost of however much extra armor will cover it. I can't carry every single one of these anyway."

"You've got a deal. We'll call it a quest and I'll let you have them at cost."

Nuru left with a bunch of the leg armor pieces, stripped of all enchantments, and a pocket full of minor buff scrolls. He went back by his house to drop the scrolls, and then went to the bank.

"Yes, how can I help you?" the banker said.

"Here with a payment."

"On which loan?"

"My secured loan."

"Ah, the IOU. How much?"

"Full amount."

"Pity. I wanted to get a finder's fee from those hunters going around."

"You what?"

"I can tell where this lyena is from the IOU. Some people would be very interested in that information, I've just learned. Ah well, do you have the money?"

Nuru plonked it down on the desk. The banker made a show of looking it over carefully.

"Brisk business with the armory, eh?"

"You can tell that?"

"I can. Doesn't tell me if you traded ill-gotten goods for it, but... looks legitimate. Here you are."

Nuru snatched up the IOU and walked out without another word, walking back to his spot to wait, significantly lighter of coin than before.

*****

"Jaheem! Am I ever glad to see you, my friend," Nuru said, calling him to the place.

Snort. Snuffle.

"Crap. Can't do translate right now, she needs all of her... actually, no, I can borrow her spell and pull it from my MP."

Nuru considered for a moment.

"Hmm, nope, better not risk it. Anyway, you can understand me at least, right?"

Low grumble.

"Sounds like yes to me. So, smell this?"

Nuru held out one of the leg armors.

Yawn.

"I don't want that guy coming within... ten feet of me with one of these. But don't hurt him. Think you can do that?"

Jaheem settled down, looking bored. Nuru put all the disenchanted leg armors off to the side.

"OK, good. I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow to catch up with you on everything happening."

*****

"Hey man I got your- AIIII WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?"

"Oh hey Deron. Sorry, didn't quite make that out, were you saying you have some armor for me?"

"Uh... yes. Quite."

"Don't mind the animal, he's just hanging out. Won't hurt you even a little bit."

"...right, OK. So it turns out these leg pieces-"

"Yeah, yeah, way easier to get, I get it."

"Right. So I'm gonna be getting a lot more of them."

"Lucky you, I have a bunch of them for you to swap out. Make sure the target is still alive and, preferably, unaware of the trade. Otherwise, I'm not paying."

"Aw. You were out of those last time."

"I know. Wasn't intending to collect a bunch of the same thing, I want a complete set - as I told you."

"Yeah but the quest is-"

"-worded so I'll take anything, yeah. I know. No style point for you, intentionally going against my stated purpose."

"Hmph."

"Also, the lyena here doesn't seem to be too happy about them for some reason. Isn't that right?"

Jaheem looked over at Nuru quizzically.

"You just stopped that other guy from coming anywhere near, and he was carrying a bunch of them. Won't you do the same with this one?"

Jaheem flopped over unenthusiastically, but got to his feet as the Level Thirteen thief approached.

"Hey, uh... you said he wouldn't hurt me."

"Well, he hasn't, has he?"

"No, but... man, he's standing right in the way. I keep trying to go around and he keeps moving. I can't get to you. And those jaws are really big."

"I'm telling you, it's those leg pieces. He just doesn't like them."

"Are you controlling him somehow?"

"Man, he's a Level Thirty-Something at least. You think I can force him to do anything? You try it, you're over three times my level."

"I know, but- hey!"

The thief tried to push past, but Jaheem just knocked him back with his head.

"Here, let me leave the six lame armors I've got and your payment right here, you leave the same number there, and we'll go around both sides. He can't stop both of us," Nuru offered.

"Uh... alright."

Jaheem made no move to stop either one of them.

"This guy is so weird."

"I know, but what can you do?"

Nuru kept walking back around.

"Alright, you got my armor, I got yours. Hey, you didn't pay me for all of them."

"No, for six legs, like I said. And the other kinds I want."

"But the quest is for any of them!"

"Alright, alright, bring me the rest and I'll pay you."

/It's time./

(Do it.)

"Why are you walking away!?"

"Hey, I'm a little restle- oh, owwww," Nuru said, falling over, holding his head.

"Woah, man. You alright?"

"Gad dang mana burn..."

"Uh... yeah I can tell, that sucks man. What the heck were you casting?"

"Cleansing regen... healing my poisoning... eats my mana..."

"Ouch. You mind if I just, uh, slip you the armor and take my payment?"

"Yeah... sure... go ahead..." Nuru groaned.

Deron circled again, picked up the armor and made to approach Nuru. Jaheem bumped him, knocking him backwards and over.

"Hey! Not cool man!"

He picked himself up and charged full speed. Jaheem flicked him with his tail, knocking him off balance to fall sprawling in a great clatter.

"Gods above... you are so annoying!" the man roared, crawling forward, trying to hold the ground so he could push himself to Nuru's side.

Jaheem grabbed him, flopped over and held the thief close, starting to purr. He started licking the thief, mussing his hair.

"Ack! Oh gods! What are you doiiiiiing!?"

"Oh hey... you made a friend..." Nuru said, trying not to laugh. The headache made it easier.

"Here- here catch!"

The man made to throw one of the leg armors over to Nuru. Jaheem swatted it out of the air, and it went flying away into the trees.

"Nooo, damn you foul creature!"

He pulled another leg armor free and made to throw it again. Jaheem grabbed it in his mouth, shook it loose, and spat it in a great glob of sticky saliva.

"Oh gods... is it even worth touching now... Gah! Stoppit!"

Jaheem was licking him again.

"That's it! I'm outta here!"

Jaheem let the man squirm loose and retrieve the dropped items. He left the sticky one.

"Pleasure... doing business..." Nuru called after him. "Urrgh..."

Once the man was out of sight, Nuru pulled one of the mana potions free and took a swig. "Oh... gods. That's better."

Jaheem looked at him quizzically.

"Long story. Short version, I need to be more specific in my quests. And I just need one matched set of armor. Mana burn was a convenient excuse to back out."

Chuff.

"Yeah, I know you don't care, that's why I gave you the short version. Thanks for that, though, that was beautiful. I'll give you a few minutes peace before I start drumming again, as a token of my appreciation."

Jaheem snorted a quick laugh. Nuru was just getting ready to practice his rhythms when a band of Level Eighteens, a city guard, and the thief came back.

"See! There's that damn thing! He's a menace, just like Gram said!"

"Naw, they disproved that yesterday. Look, he's just sitting there, that poor Level Four would be worm food right now if he was dangerous."

"No, I'm telling you, he's harassing me! Can't get business done!"

"Show me, I'm not seeing it," the guard said.

Deron approached again. Jaheem stretched and started batting playfully at the man.

"Hey! Let me go- gah, stoppit!"

"Oh look, he's just playing," one of the Level Eighteens said.

"Yeah but I have a quest to turn in! Money to make! Come on, you can see that!"

"All right, all right, that's enough. Let him up," they dragged him away from the feliform.

He backed up a bit, pulled out the leg armor, and hurled it overhand. It fell with a clatter a few feet away from Nuru.

"There! I got your armor to you, toss me the money!"

"Looks to me like you dropped it," Nuru said. "It's not mine until you hand it to me."

"Technically true," the guard said.

Deron dusted off and stomped towards Nuru. Jaheem clamped down on the man's torso with his jaws and gently shook him upside down, making him drop all the rest of his inventory in a pile.

"Eeeeyaaaaah! He's attacking me!"

"Is he? You haven't lost a single HP as far as I can tell," Nuru put in. "Nothing a thief hasn't already done to me in this very spot. Was it you? I can't remember."

"LIIIIaaaAAAAaaaaAAAaaarrRRRRR! DaaaAAAaaaAAAmmmmmNNNNNnnn yOOOOuuuuUU!"

Jaheem then tossed the man in Nuru's direction, and Nuru caught and steadied him. Jaheem gathered all the leg armors together and laid down on them like a bed.

"Hey, easy now. See? Everything's fine."

"*He's* got the armor now! I can't turn it in!"

"Well, that is a shame. Animals, they're just crazy, amirite?"

"All this time I thought Jaheem wanted to eat somebody. Turns out he just wants to lie on your legs. He's a lap-lyena!" one of the Level Eighteens said. They all laughed.

"A lapyena?"

"Ha!"

"It's not funny!" Deron steamed.

"Whatever man. Good luck with that. He's not hurting anybody."

"I'm sure he'll get bored and walk away soon," Nuru said, grinning.

"Fine! No more leg armors! Fuck! You can have them, cat-thing. Apparently a bed is all they're good for."

The thief collected his other loot and dashed away, not looking back. The guard left more sedately, shaking his head.

"You sure you're alright here?"

Nuru walked over to the party. "Yep, it's fine. I have to be here to give my quest out, but I'm sure he'll move along."

Jaheem stayed put.

"Alright, we'll check back later and make sure you didn't get eaten or something."

"Thanks guys."

"No problem! This is the most fun I've had all day."

"You're that bored? Dude, you should come out to- uh, that place with the yeti I was telling you about. Can't name names in front of a Level Four. But I'm telling you, there's a sick drop rate on ice crystals! Big money!"