Best Kept Secret Ch. 01

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Slow burn in 1900's Chicago.
961 words
3.86
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The merchants share drinks among friends after a long day of buying and selling, and proving that their shop is the best of the best in Chicago.

Now, they can finally relax.

Stanislaw sipped his drink. "I keep worrying about my daughter. She closes up the shop every night. Each day there is a man who wants to court her. Buying pastry after pastry that they don't need, professing that it's for their mother who is so poorly that she can't leave this world without one last taste from our shop. Then, the mothers come in two days later demanding the best cut of everything, in perfect health!"

Unabashed laughter rings out, but Slanislaw cuts it off:

"No, no, I can't judge, it was the same with my wife, God rest her soul. I put everything I had into winning her heart, and I was foolish in her eyes so many times until I wasn't, and we laughed together." He took a halfhearted sigh.

"Now, I need someone to protect Clara. Clara and the shop are all I have. Besides all of you, and how easy it is to take your money."

With a playfully wounded look, Pawel said "And why should we help you after a comment like that?"

Stanislaw said: "Do you want to go tell your wife she is back of the line at my shop after Mrs. Kowalska?"

Piotr cut in; "Alright, alright, let's not have a bloodbath on our hands. I think I know someone. He helps me with deliveries. Came to America about a year ago from Poland. He's dependable, always shows up on time, huge and scary looking, but shy."

"Huge and scary looking? I don't want that around Clara." Stanislaw spluttered, making his hand into a fist.

"Calm!", said Piotr. "Huge and scary looking, yes, and that's what you want. You say there are men lining up to court your daughter? One look at Jacek behind the counter and the only thing they will be asking for is a leg of lamb."

Leaning back in his chair reluctantly, Stanislaw considered. "He's shy, you say?"

Holding back a laugh, Piotr said: "A woman and her daughter came in to purchase some flour and other goods. The girl dropped a can on purpose so Jacek would help her. He picked it up, and handed it back to her, then she smiled at him and went back to help her mother."

"I have never in my life seen a man that big blush so red."

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Clara was helping a customer with a pastry order when her father walked in with a tall young man.

Clara: "Hello, one moment sir."

Stanislaw and Jacek waited while she finished wrapping up the parcel.

Stanislaw "This is Jacek."

Clara: "Hello Jacek?"

Jacek: "Hello."

There was a prolonged silence.

Stanislaw turned away hastily, "Here is where you will be working, mostly with people from the neighborhood. "

Clara: "Father? What is happening?"

Stanislaw: "We're hiring someone else who speaks Polish for the business. And to keep you safe."

Rolling her eyes, Clara said "I'm always telling you, I can keep myself safe."

Stanislaw gently took Clara's arm, "I know how well you take care of the shop, but I see how the boys and men look at you. For my sake, let him help you."

Gesturing to the pastry section, Clara asked: "Does he know anything about pastry? And how long it takes to make? Or for that matter, do you?"

Stanislaw looked perplexed, then recovered.

"No, I don't know pastry, but you have been asking for an assistant for months and here one is."

Clara: "But ..."

Rather sternly, her father said "He can learn."

Clara tiredly surrendered. "Fine, Jacek, you're hired. Could you get this box down for me?"

Jacek looked to Stanislaw for reassurance, then went around the counter and lifted the box off the top shelf.

Clara: "I'll show you where it goes in storage." She took him to a cupboard, then caught his arm after he put it in its rightful place. "Just don't let my father know I actually wanted help."

He couldn't think straight until he got to his room in the back of the store.

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He looked around his surroundings: sparse, but miles better than the boarding house. A bed, some cupboards, and he could wash in the basin adjoining the kitchen. Splashing water on his face did wonders. He put away his clothing, and still had space to spare.

Afterwards, he laid down and still wasn't tired. It was probably just the unfamiliarity, right? He tried a book and reread the same sentence three times. He got up to unpack some of his novels. Still not at home, not comfortable.

He couldn't stop thinking about release.

Making sure the door was locked in place, Jacek unbuttoned his pants as fast as possible. He was already getting hard and all he knew was that he wanted to feel something.

Yes, his first time, yes, then saying goodbye.

Yes, him with the pretty dark haired girl who taught him things in America.

Yes, with Clara with her strawberry blonde curls and her smile with a slight quirk and how it would feel to ...No. But it was too late. He thrust into his hand thinking about how she had touched his arm and how she smelled and she was upstairs right now. And he would see her tomorrow and she would touch his arm again and and and and and and then he couldn't hold back anymore.

He lay there, breathing heavily, feeling guilty.

This is a good job, this is a good family, this is a place to stay. He had to find someone else, and fast.

You can't want Clara.

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AnonymousAnonymousabout 1 year ago

Too short. Nothing happens. It can be "slow burn", but something has to happen in each chapter, especially the first, otherwise there is little incentive to come back.

If you do not want to reveal the plot too early, at least you could have provided some character back-story. I liked the writing style and sentence construction, but there was not enough to intrigue the reader.

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