All Comments on 'Betrayal'

Damn it's too bad some of these writers don't finish the story

I really liked this. You're right: plot-wise, you're not laying a lot of new ground here. But in terms of storytelling, I really feel like you're onto something. Starting with 1980's music, with all its vulnerability and raw emotion, was a really smart move, and it laid the groundwork for the MC's development/personality that carried through to the end of the story. I also really liked the recap of their life together--it was specific, without getting bogged down. Overall, it reminded me of the very graceful starting of the movie UP.

Most of all, though, I loved that you DIDN'T feel the need to tie everything up into a neat little bundle. While I'm sure that cost you some points in terms of rating, it felt honest and real, and raised this miles above the standard simple story. More to the point, it enabled you to tell exactly the story you wanted, keeping the focus on what you clearly saw as the most powerful/dramatic part of the narrative.

PLEASE WRITE MORE!

Bruce

Decent first story, but unfinished. There's a whole lot of questions to answer, possibly tell her side. Needless to say, how their children will handle it. Lots more to tell.

Not a story

Good practice, I hope. I don't mind reading it, as little as there is of it. Kind of mechanical, with almost no input from the wife. And a bit emasculating, don't you think? I guess its a British thing, the stiff upper lip, no violence, no emotion? Not sure why the husband really cares at this point in the marriage. The wife was apparently an adequate mother and fuck buddy, the kids are off to better lives on their own, and they obviously have a marriage that is so shallow, tepid, and distant, that he doesn't even know how long his wife has been fucking around, or if the children are his offspring. If the marriage is that tenuous why bother to preserve it, or even foster it? Who cares? Anyway, thanks for the effort.

A very good short story; and the ending is sufficient.

And then nothing?

To be fair, the story was out of balance. There was too much background for what turned out to be a very brief confrontation. I did like it. It's just that I feel like I know more about their college years than her betrayal.

Too short a story, too much left out, hardly any dialogue. I notice there's a part 2; if the story was written complete, with some history, you wouldn't need it. The confrontation between cheating wife & her husband, almost non existent. 2 stars Bob

Shame you haven't written anymore.

I hate to be candid but, a seventh grader could have written the story better with more depth and detail... you might consider another hobby or take a creative writing class.

It's good that you stopped with 2 stories.

Good start.

OK, now what?

Unfinished o much of a story

Pretty lame main character. Is this written by a woman? Just another chance to make a man look like a weakling? Kind of a pathetic story. Not really worth the time to read.

Background is NOT plot. Don’t copy other amateur writers.

No much

Not much of a story why bother

Just a dull, boring, and uninteresting story. Flat. 2/5

Not even a real story

After a few weeks of uneasy truce, we started to talk about divorce..?? WTF? After a few weeks? It was a forgone conclusion, BTB!!!!

It is a sad story. Not badly written. But there is no character growth, no conflict resolution, and no explanation. so it left me unsatisfied.