Big Bang Theory - Penny Meets Shaq

(fictional story about fictional characters)

It was "anything goes Thursday" and the nerds, and their wives, were all seated around the coffee table in 4A chowing down on Thai cuisine. Sheldon had developed a phone app that resembled the roulette wheel on Wheel Of Fortune so that all he had to do was press the # key and the app would whirl around to randomly select where they would order food from. The current selections were Thai, Chinese food, Giacommo's pizza, and Cheesecake Factory burgers. There was room for additional selections, but those were the current choices. Penny sat in her seat remembering when she had worked at the Cheesecake Factory and had prayed it didn't land there...two days a week of Sheldon was almost torture.

But that was ancient history and she smiled at how over time she had grown to accept, and even like, the obnoxious scientist sitting on the end of the sofa resembling a giant praying mantis. When she stood up to retrieve some napkins from the kitchen, he asked her: "since you're up, would you be a lamb and get me a bottle of water."

"In a jiffy, Shelbot," she replied, slightly sarcastically.

"While I enjoy being compared to a robot," he answered, "I highly doubt it will be in a jiffy. As I'm sure you're unaware, due to your Community College education, a jiffy is an actual measure of time equal to one-one hundredth of a second. Therefore a jiffy has already passed and I'm still without my beverage."

Not allowing herself to be annoyed by the Ichabod Crane look-a-like, Penny retorted: "that's an interesting fact...and did you know that Albert Einstein was once offered the Presidency of Italy even though he was born in Germany." She had learned that tidbit while playing with a trivia game on her phone that morning at work.

"I did know that," Sheldon replied, "but I must admit to being amazed that you did.

"Oh I'm full of surprises; aren't I Leonard," she added while handing Sheldon his water.

"Oh yeah," her husband spoke up, "did you know she can pee in a bottle without dribbling a single drop."

"That's true," Penny responded, grinning, "as long as the opening is larger than a nickel."

"You would come in real handy on a camping trip," Howard spoke up, while visions of Penny squatting naked by a campfire flashed through his mind.

Glaring sideways at her husband, Bernadette chimed in: "Penny has some big news to share...don't you Penny."

Penny thought she detected a mean, sarcastic tone in Bernadette's voice and she was pretty sure she knew why: if the news came to fruition, she would no longer be Penny's immediate supervisor. She would no longer have Penny under her thumb. Penny was grateful to Bernadette for helping her secure her position at Zangen, but Bernadette tended to remind her of it way too often...how many times did she want Penny to Thank her. Bernadette seemed to go out of her way to make Penny feel subservient.

"Well it's not big news yet," Penny spoke up, "but Henry Kimball, the VP of Product Development, has recommended me for a promotion. I would be the new Assistant Director of Marketing."

"You mean you wouldn't be working in Sales for Bernadette any more," Howard asked in a disappointed tone; knowing how much his wife liked the feeling of power she now held over Penny. Leonard just smiled and looked over the top of his glasses as his eyes met Penny's. She had already informed him of the possible promotion and her desire to shed Bernadette as her boss.

"Unfortunately that's true," Penny elaborated, "but this is a bit premature because it all depends on my securing the endorsement of a celebrity for Zangen's new anti-inflammatory cream."

"Oh is that the one you were working on when you were still in the lab," Raj asked Bernadette.

"No, that was an antacid for heartburn relief," Bernadette answered.

"Whatever happened to that," Howard wanted to know.

"Actually they sold that formula to Auto Zone and they tweaked the formula a little bit, and then marketed it as a rust solvent to clean corroded tools and auto parts," she informed them.

"Ouch," Raj exclaimed.

Somewhat defensive, Bernadette continued: "Zangen made money on the deal."

"So who is the celebrity," Sheldon inquired.

"Shaq...Shaquille O'Neal," Penny said.

Sheldon wrinkled his brow in a puzzled expression, and Raj shouted out: "the big dude in the Papa John's commercials."

"No...Icy Hot," Howard added.

"The General car insurance guy," Amy told Sheldon.

"It sounds like this huckster will add his name to any product presented to him," Sheldon observed, "you would think Zangen would want an endorsement from someone who was a bit more selective."

"Hey it's not up to me to tell Zangen who to get to endorse their stuff," Penny shrugged, "it's just my job to get his signature on the contract. He's very recognizable and anyone who follows sports knows he has bad knees; so getting his endorsement on their anti-inflammatory drug would be a huge coup."

"So when are you going to meet him...are you nervous," Amy asked.

"A little nervous I guess," Penny answered, "but I've been around jocks all my life. His agent said he could give me fifteen minutes tomorrow morning if I could meet him in his hotel room. He has a plane to catch, so that's all the time he can spare. I guess he owns a bunch of Papa John's franchises and he likes to visit them all, so he's pretty busy."

"Don't you think you should be studying up on the drug and it's side effects," Bernadette suggested sarcastically as she patted her lips with a napkin.

"Not to worry, I've memorized everything there is to know about it," Penny confidently assured her, "right down to the chemical formula and the exact weight to dosage ratio. I'm fully prepared."

"Well, I'm proud of her," Leonard interjected and patted Penny's hand.

The next morning she dressed for her interview in one of her collection of short little black dresses. If she only had fifteen minutes to make an impression, she wanted her initial appearance to dazzle. Under the dress, which showed a vast expanse of her incredible legs, she wore her skimpiest black lace and panties and no bra. Only she would know what she was wearing, but they made her feel sexy and that in turn made her feel more confident. Grabbing her briefcase, she left the apartment; next stop...Pasadena Hilton.

On the way up in the hotel elevator, Penny grew increasingly nervous. Even though she had convinced herself that Shaq was just another jock, it suddenly hit her that she had watched him playing basketball on television countless times and seen scores of his various commercials. He was a true celebrity and she was going to be face to face with him...even if only for a few minutes. She knew she had only fifteen minutes to convince him to endorse their product and her future employment may depend on it. She had almost worked herself into a panic when she knocked on the door to his suite.

On the other side of the door, she heard his distinctive deep voice: "who is it?"

"It's Penny Hofstadter from Zangen Pharmaceuticals," she called out.

"Come in...I'll be right out...make yourself comfortable," he answered. Letting herself in, she was faced with the most expansive, luxurious hotel suite living area that her imagination could dream up. There was deep white carpeting and white leather sofas and lounge chairs everywhere. Heaven's Waiting Room immediately popped into her head. She wandered around the room and settled in front of the expansive windows which had a perfect view of the Rose Parade route down Colorado Boulevard. Hearing a commotion behind her, she turned to see a giant of a man emerge from the bedroom area wearing a plush Hilton bathrobe. He had to bend way over to avoid hitting the top of the doorframe.

He was rubbing his bald head with a towel and explained: "sorry I'm running a little late; the shower felt so good I stayed in a bit too long. Amazing shower-head; I've got to get one." She had read his bio and knew that Shaq was a full seven foot one and weighed around three hundred fifty pounds, but the utter shock of standing in front of this massive man was overwhelming...he was huge. Reaching out, he shook her hand, which felt like a small child's when cradled in his oversized mitt.

Speechless for several awkward seconds, Penny finally spoke and began to babble: "it's such an honor to meet you, Mr. O'Neal..., I was your biggest fan when you were with the Lakers...I know you're in a hurry so let's get right to it."

"No hurry at all," he calmed her and led her over to the sofa, "and call me Shaq; everyone does." Even in her four inch black heels, her head came just chest-high to the dark giant and she had to look almost straight up at the ceiling to converse with him when standing so close.

"But your assistant said you only had fifteen minutes to spare because you had to catch a plane," Penny finally began to speak normally as she sat on the chair opposite his couch. She was finally coherent enough to sexily cross her shapely legs and give him a glimpse of her firm thighs. Penny saw him stare at her legs; a look she was certainly used to.

"Yeah, that's just a story he tells everyone I make an appointment with so that if I lose interest in the first five minutes, I have a built-in excuse for cutting it short," Shaq admitted. "Trust me, you have my full attention," he told her while basically leering at her exposed thigh, "and I'm not leaving Pasadena until tomorrow. We have all day...and night." She had set her briefcase on the floor and when she bent forward in the chair to retrieve it, she noticed his eyes had shifted to her vast expanse of cleavage. She had worn a similarly styled little black dress like she had worn to a funeral when Leonard was trying to attain tenure, only this one was strapless.

"I know you have read up on my bio," Shaq stated, "but just to put us on even ground; tell me a little about yourself Penny. Not to stereotype, but you seem WAY too attractive to be hawking pharmaceuticals. I definitely would have pegged you for a model or actress."

Smiling at the compliment, Penny answered: "well, I'm not quite thin enough to be a model; and I love my pizza...Papa John's of course...too much to give it up." She noticed he smiled at that remark and continued: "and as far as being an actress; well that was the dream when I came out here from Nebraska, but apparently I'm just not good enough because I never got any call-backs. Now, selling drugs is quite profitable and a steady income...with a health plan."

Taking a folder out of the case, she shuffled the papers inside and began to read off some statistics about the soothing cream, when Shaq interrupted her. "Sorry to interrupt," he began, "but despite being an ex-jock, I really am a good businessman...I do my homework. I've perused all of the material your firm sent over and it seems to be a worthy product. The thing is, Johnson and Johnson has also contacted me about endorsing their anti-inflammatory product. They already have the name recognition, and their projected sales figures are quite impressive. Honestly, it would take something extraordinary for me to go with Zangen instead; so show me what you've got."

It sounded like he had already made up his mind to endorse her competitor, and Penny was quickly submersing into panic-mode as she again opened her briefcase and rummaged for the advanced customer satisfaction reports. She knew her promotion out of Bernadette's department depended on securing this account; and couldn't bear to face the smug look on Bernadette's face if she failed. Ruffling through the papers, she began: "well, I have some pretty positive...."

"I think you misunderstand," she heard Shaq's voice; looked over at where he was sitting and saw that he had leaned back against the sofa. As he leaned back, his robe had parted and there appeared to be a third leg dangling down the couch between his thighs. He had been naked under the robe and the largest cock she had ever seen was now draped over the edge of the cushion. Seriously, it looked like a giant black anaconda had crawled up the sofa between his legs.

She was taken by surprise and exclaimed: "holy crap on a cracker," without even thinking.

Penny scattered the papers on the floor and just stared; her lower jaw falling open. She heard his voice: "I meant show me what YOU'VE got."

Shaking her head as if to clear a fog, Penny tried to maintain her composure: "Mr. O'Neal, I don't know...I mean...we should talk about the drug...this is highly irregular." All the while she tried to talk, her eyes were fixed on the huge appendage between his tree-trunk legs as his robe opened even farther.

"Have you ever been with a black man before," Shaq inquired as he grasped his log and lifted it off the couch.

Speaking almost as if she were semi-conscious, Penny slowly responded: "well...actually no. It's not like I'm prejudice or anything...I just never had to opportunity."

"Haven't you ever wondered what something this size would feel like inside you," he asked.

"I...I do now," she stuttered, while still staring at the kielbasa in his hand. The fact that he was a celebrity and a potential business associate did not even enter into Penny's head now...to her he was now just a body attached to the most massive penis she had ever seen. She knew she loved Leonard with all her heart and nothing would ever change that, but she was now a victim of her libido and curiosity.

"Why don't you come on over here...I know you want to touch it," he cajoled her while hefting his log in his hand. She was drawn to his pole like a moth to a candle flame. Reflexively dropping to her knees, Penny crawled over to the sofa and sat back on her heels between his thick legs; marveling at the hunk of meat in his hand. Reaching out tentatively as if she expected it to singe her hands, she gently grasped his warm prick with both hands. As if in a trance, hypnotized by his vestigial third leg; Penny watched as it began to grow even larger in her hands. Running her, seemingly dainty, hands up and down his mighty rod, she could feel and see the veins pulsing in reaction to her touch.

The giant black pole was easily fourteen inches in length; longer than her forearms, and so fat that her fingers barely touched when she encircled it with both hands. She closed her fist for comparison and his crown proved to be bigger. When a drop of pre-cum appeared at the end, she instinctively extended the tip of her tongue and captured it. Knowing there was so way she could practice her specialty of administering a mind-shattering blow job, because of his size, she began to lap her tongue from his scrotum all the way up to the head. Reaching the tip, she swirled her talented tongue all around the crown as if licking the melting ice cream off a cone on a hot summer day.

Penny could feel her crotch becoming, not moist, but totally wet as Shaq's huge hands pushed the top of her low-cut dress down and her magnificent breasts popped out. They were true wonders of nature: totally firm and yet soft and pliant; a full 35 C with large elliptical areola surrounding hard gumdrop sized pink nipples. She had always thought they were more that large enough, but when Shaq cupped them in his giant hands, they suddenly seemed small. His hands were rough and scraped her sensitive nipples, increasing her arousal and the secretions between her legs. "Mmmmm," she moaned at his touch, as he rolled her engorged nubs between his hot-dog sized fingers.

"Your breasts are amazing," Shaq told her while kneading them roughly, "the perfect hands-full." Leaning back and pulling her head reluctantly off his pole, she stood in front of him. She still couldn't take her eyes off the log sticking up from his groin...it was inhumanly large. Not one to miss an assist, Shaq reached out, tucked his fingers under the sides of her dress and skillfully pulled it down and off her incredible body leaving her clothed in only her skimpiest black lace thong. She didn't know when, but he had somehow magically unzipped the entire back of her sheath. "Magnificent," he remarked as he sat back and admired her body.

He had been with many beautiful women with great bodies in his life, but Penny's was right there near the top. Not waiting for him to finish the job, Penny slid the thong down her amazing long legs and flicked it aside with her toes. "There's just something about a beautiful shaved blond," he murmured while running his giant hands up and down her sides, enjoying her silky smooth skin. He scooted to the edge of the cushion and Penny reached out to grasp his prodigious pole. Even sitting down his prick was so long that she was able to wedge it between her wonderful tits and squeeze them around it. Ever the resourceful farm girl, she reached down with one hand, scooped some of the juices running down her thighs and smeared it on his tool.

Getting the hint, Shaq began to thrust his hips up and down, fucking her soft mounds. He replaced her hands with his and squeezed her warm flesh around his dick. On the upstroke, Penny was eagerly licking the pre-cum from his pee-hole. After a few strokes, Shaq wrapped his huge arms around her nude body and lifted her off the floor as if she weighed no more than a pillow. Holding her aloft with one arm, he reached over to the sofa and tossed a throw-pillow onto the floor. Very gently, he lay her on the unbelievably soft carpet so that the pillow was wedged under her delectable ass. After shrugging his robe off his shoulders, he kneeled between her legs as she invitingly spread them obscenely wide.

Lowering his cow-size head between her thighs, he used his large thumbs to spread her labia wide apart. Leaning in and inhaling her arousal, Shaq extended his tongue and made one long lap from the bottom of her slit to the top. "Yesss, she groaned and shivered, thinking his wide tongue compared to the cows on the farm. Her juices were soaking the pillow under her cheeks and he knew she was as ready as he was. Pausing to admire how magnificent her nude body really was, Shaq slapped her taut stomach with his huge kielbasa twice and then backed up to present the giant crown to her wet slit. Looking down between her twin peaks of flesh she tried to spread her legs even wider to accommodate his huge body.

Shaq pressed his bulbous crown against her plump labia and gently pushed forward. Penny could feel the pressure against her slit as he strained to penetrate her opening. Obviously it was the largest prick that she had ever seen and he was having difficulty fitting his tennis-ball sized head into her relatively tiny hole. Reaching down with her fingers, she tried to help him by grasping her lips and pulling them as far apart as she could. Struggling to gain entrance, Shaq encircled her small waist with his massive hands and shoved forward. Smiling, he watched as her pussy lips grasped the tip of his rod and spread apart just wide enough to let him penetrate her juicy hole.

"Holy fucking shit," Penny squealed as her slit spread wider than it had ever been. Her eyes were locked on her crotch and it looked like someone's fist was stretching her lips. Shaq loved the way her wet labia were gripping his hard shaft as he began to ease into her tiny hole. She was spread so wide that her swollen clit was scraping against his pole as it slid slowly up into her. Penny could feel the walls of her vagina being stretched to a new extreme as he inched his way into her pussy. "Oh my fucking God," she screeched as he spread her tunnel. Farther and farther up her hole his gigantic rod penetrated her. He was contacting every single nerve ending in her cunt and the sensation was indescribably wonderful.

Penny's blond head thrashed back and forth against the carpet and her toes pointed at the ceiling as his massive dick nudged and penetrated her cervix. Finally all fifteen inches of fat dick were inside her and his scrotum rested against her firm ass. Having been in this situation many times, Shaq courteously paused to let her tunnel get used to his size. "Your pussy is so tight," he complimented her, "it feels great."