All Comments on 'Bill & Mousey Ch. 01'

This story is great and you have written it well. Have a feeling when Mousey goes for the attack Bill will be knocked-out cold..Of course there are worse things that could happen..And to all anti-fur folks..I say Phooey!!! Make them read Bill & Mousey and give them their own cardiac arrests!!

Firstly, the content of this story is absolutely amazing. It's wonderful to find someone else who fetishizes fur without wanting to dress up like an animal and all that stuff. And Bill and Mousey make a very cute couple.

That said, your grammar is... well... horrible. Well, perhaps "awkward" would be a better way to put it. It's better than most of the stuff here on Lit, but to a grammar Nazi like me it's a bit jarring. I have to decode it a bit before I can fully understand what's going on.

The tense shifts are a good literary device, but again the implementation is awkward.

I recommend working with an editor to smooth the piece out. If you can beat that problem, then this story could be something truly special. I'm happy to provide editing assistance at no cost.

In short, this story is very good, but it could be even better with a bit of work. :)