Biological Gender Clock

"Kristina why don't you go in and do your homework, your mommy will be right in." She smiled at me, she skipped across the street. I braced to let Mary yell. I noticed Sandra watching all this drama from her bedroom window.

"What the fuck!" Mary didn't seem too sad about hitting Mrs. Garland and breaking her ankle. "Why are you with MY daughter, stay away from her."

"I'm sorry we..."

"Sorry bullshit, and stay away from Ben, he doesn't need your faggot ass, he doesn't need anyone. Just leave us alone." She yelled at me in the center of the street, Tex came over and tried to bring me into the house but I wanted her to get it all out of her system. I knew she was a yeller, she liked to make a scene. The rest of the block was out watching her call me all sorts of names, I started to lightly cry but I let her continue to harangue me.

"You shouldn't be talking to my kid anyway it's fucking weird, it's bullshit, all of you are fucking bullshit!"

I heard Sandra, she was behind us. "Tex take Sabrina inside." I looked at her, but she was focused on Mary, the two of them had to move to let cars drive passed, the two of them soon had their faces inches from each other.

"Let's stay in here, let Sandra take care of things." Tex and I watched from the big window in the living room, I didn't really know what was happening, I didn't want to hide behind another curtain. I started to realize Sandra was defending me, her husband in a short white and blue dress, the one with red lips. I was such a disappointment to her but she was still watching out for me, just like she did with Mr. Robinson. I don't even think she knew what really happened. I felt that Mrs. Garland getting hurt was my fault.

I heard my name so many times while they yelled, I was nervous, I hated being the center of attention. I was hoping Kristina didn't hear anything.

Mary threatened to call the police back, threatened to get a restraining order against me, she wanted me away from her ex-husband and daughter, I still didn't really understand why.

Sandra got close, I thought she was going to hit her. "Just because YOU decided to screw someone else, YOU were the one that fucked up your marriage! Don't give me any of your bullshit. Now he met someone else, get on with your own pathetic life and leave them alone!"

"So it's okay for your sissy, fucking, husband to screw around on you!"

I saw Sandra take a breath, it made me nervous, I wanted this to end but Tex wouldn't let me out of his grip.

"First of all, we are separated. We have been separated for so long, not that it is any of your business. SHE, that is SHE is perfect for Ben, who knows what the fuck YOU did to him? I am sure you were the lousiest fucking wife! You are definitely the lousiest fucking driver!"

Sandra turned, she was done. Mary stood watching, her mouth hanging open. I hid in my bedroom, Tex got ready to intercept Sandra at the door. Hopefully, she would calm down before she got within breathing space.

She knocked before she entered my room. "God, that fucking bitch. She does nothing but scream, smoke, and drive like a maniac, I'm just glad she didn't kill Grace. She is a fucking nurse, she should know better, and some mother, she had that kid in the car." Sandra was looking at her phone, she seemed annoyed but not at me. I knew she liked a good argument. She loved having a sparring partner, it fired her up. She could never have one with me I just 'Yes Maa'med' her the whole time. I was used to getting yelled at, now Mary could say the same.

"I'm sorry."

She looked at me, she always took the superior role but this time I detected a tiny bit of sympathy so I was surprised. "Sorry? For what. Meeting a man, meeting that man? It was bound to happen, I watch the two of you. All you do is flirt." She was on her phone, she was now done with me. "Did you make me something?"

And then it was over. Once Tex left, I got her chips, I made her favorite soup, I poured a huge glass of Iced tea for Sandra and a huge glass of Merlot for me. I went into my room, I closed the door and I cried, I didn't even know why. It wasn't late but I fell asleep and I was sore in all the right places.

***

My mind was wandering, I was remembering, I was sailing across the cosmos. A month and a half before, sometime after my lunch with Robinson, something happened inside my brain. Every morning after that I got up so early. My inner clock was changing, I felt my body was changing too. Something was happening I didn't understand.

I started getting dressed earlier in the morning, even before Sandra left the house. I had my full face on and my hair done right away. I wanted her to see me, I wanted her to approve of my outfit. Her outfit. Once she was done with breakfast and gone for the day I changed into one of my own, taking off her asexual black jackets, her dowdy skirts, and long-sleeve tops. I was ready to become me. I went shopping, I went to the dry cleaners, I changed into jeans and puttered in the garden. The block would assume I was a woman full-time. I would have lunch with Mrs. Garland, I would walk her dog when she was out. I would drop off cookies to the retired couple next door, everyone knew my femme name now, there were no secrets. They never saw me as my old male self. Only Sandra saw that, and only when she yelled and I 'yes maamed' her. Soon I was back presenting female once again in bed, ready to relax, fall asleep or turn on some men in my dreams.

My favorite thing to do was watch Ben as he sat on the stoop with Kristina. I imagined I was next to him drinking coffee and making plans. Making sure his daughter was safe and having fun.

I started to realize I wanted to show off more, I wanted some male attention. I couldn't find the old sex line I used to work for, instead, I joined a 'Chat' site. Soon I had too much male attention, I had too many compliments, I saw too many cocks orgasm while watching my lips and legs. I assumed the opposite sex found me attractive and exciting. My confidence was so high, it was slightly out of control. I wore my lip balms, never my cream lipsticks, I had to relax, I had to stop being obsessed with my look, and the attraction men held for my feminine self. I had to say goodbye to those chatlines and websites, I was obsessed, I had to get on with real life, I had to pay attention to work, to Sandra.

Then a couple of days before Halloween I wore a short pink dress, black pantyhose, and high pink pumps. My makeup was heavier than usual, my lashes bigger, my hair and wig longer, my lips plumper, and now pinker. I found a new lipstick hidden in my vanity, just waiting to be used and admired. I would say goodbye to the men that made the last couple of weeks a pleasure, an exciting endeavor.

I would be playing with my hair, checking my nails, pulling up my short dress, and showing off my thighs. I wanted to flirt, I wanted them to get one more look at my legs, breasts, and outfit. I wanted them to love my lips and help me get over my crisis. I was posing on my bed, "Hi gentlemen, do you like my outfit?"

"We do, can we see more?" They would ask and I decided to show them more.

"Baby, can you cross your legs?" They would ask and I would sit with my silky legs crossed, recrossed, I would take off my heels and show them my painted toes and the bottom of my feet. They wanted me to play with my hair, show them my tongue, I was very accommodating, I could be the best whore if I wanted to.

"Baby, can we see your boobs?" And the men would beg, I would pull down the front of the stretchy dress, take out my D-cup breasts, show off the breastplate. No one minded, actually, I could tell they loved it. They wanted me to turn, they wanted me to jiggle. It would make me giggle, it would make me more excited. I would be paying too much attention to their smiles, then their hands moving down to their crotches, I would watch as their dicks came out. They were always hard, they were always so focused on me, they would moan so loud and converse the whole time. Sometimes I would bring down my pantyhose and show them my ass but never the front, letting them cum onto their computer screen.

My bedroom door opened. "Who are you talking to?"

I spun around, my breasts hanging out of my dress, my dress pushed up showing off my bare ass, my expression showing shock. "Um, I uh..."

She watched, she looked at the video of men with their manhood in their hands, they looked at her, they were surprised. Some of them still came, some of their cum dribbled on their hands.

"What the hell? This is what you do at night?" She looked at me while I put away my boobs, fixed my dress and nylons, I wanted to crawl back into the closet. She started to laugh, "You have gone over to the other side awfully quick. Be quieter next time your horny boyfriends' visit." She laughed louder and she closed the door. She didn't even perform her signature move. I was stunned.

"Who was that?" They asked, they wanted to see more, they wanted me to perform with the dark-haired woman in men's pajamas.

"Goodnight everyone, and thank you for everything. This is goodbye." I lightly kissed toward the screen, I shut them off, I never saw any of them again.

I was embarrassed and shaking as I changed into my long nightgown and hid under my covers. Sandra never brought it up, never mentioned it. Maybe to her it never happened, maybe her husband wasn't wearing dresses and nylons and flirting with men, maybe 'he' was next to her in bed checking the itinerary for the next day, maybe 'he' was a better assistant than 'me.'

I realized that I still needed something that didn't involve men or my lips. Something that would make me feel better, more feminine. I would put on my yellow "Good Sandy" dress I would dance and sing around, I needed this new outlet. Then Halloween came and the world got to meet the new me, and soon my perception of myself and my ideals changed.

***

The Day after Halloween I felt terrible, I hardly slept. For years I panicked at the thought of being caught in my dresses and heels, at my childhood home, with the roommates, and now with my wife. Having her see me in the presence of men, having her laugh and be amused, it made me feel small and something I couldn't understand or comprehend.

I assumed she would still be disappointed, let down. I knew one disapproving look from her and I would cry, I would apologize, I would burn all of my bras.

I went into the garden, I pulled the weeds, I concentrated on something else. Still, I felt different, being with Ben yesterday, I could still feel his touch on my skin. Thinking about him made me feel better, made me forget about Sandra and his angry wife for a while.

This morning I put on my best dress. I took a picture of myself in the garden, the trees turning orange, I matched perfectly. I sent the best one to Ben. I had on my white dress with a brown, maroon, and green flowered pattern. It was short and flouncy, it came to mid-thigh and showed off my nude pantyhose and four-inch sandals. It had a deep V in the front showing off the decolletage of my breast forms. I had on a wig, long and blonde, hiding my big hoop earrings. I had on subtle makeup and my lips were painted peach again. I plumped them up slightly and with the gloss, I felt like you could see them for miles.

I jumped when my phone dinged. Part of me didn't want to look at it.

'Wow, you look great! How are you? You never called me back I heard yesterday was a little crazy.'

I checked the phone he had sent me four texts, he had called me twice. I also had two calls from Tex, I slept through them all. Now I wasn't afraid to answer them, to speak to my lover and later my friend. I called, we talked, I told them I missed them. I went in to see Sandra, still carrying their strength on my shoulders.

She was in the kitchen, I made her breakfast, I put iced tea in her thermos. She turned around when she heard me. "That's what you're wearing today? Flowers?" I was so apprehensive about seeing her but I could tell nothing had changed, she seemed so okay with everything.

"Yes, is it okay? I'm sorry I don't want to wear black."

She shrugged, she made a face. "I don't care anymore. Just don't let the clients see, I want you to look more corporate when someone comes around." We heard Tex's car pull up, she headed out of the kitchen.

"Thank you for yesterday."

"Mmm."

"Are we really separated?"

*

It was an involved morning. I was answering phones, I was sending contracts. I was even working on other freelance jobs that had been piling up. The day slipped away from me and I was glad. It took my mind off my suddenly crazy life, my suddenly amenable wife.

Briiiiing...

"Hey, did you check the schedule maker?"

"No, not yet, I'm sorry I have been so busy today."

"Well check! I will be home early, make me pizza today. I am starving already."

So I went to the computer again. "Three o'clock pick up Kristina?" I shook my head, I checked again. "Mary yelled at me for twenty minutes, now I am picking up her daughter?"

I called back Sandra. "What?"

"I don't understand..."

"What three o'clock, you know where the school is. Don't forget pizza."

*

Part of me didn't know what was happening. My wife was going to be hanging out with Ben's ex-wife at the hospital, they were visiting Mrs. Garland together. It was weird, I thought they hated each other. Turns out they did nothing but complain about Ben and me last night. I didn't realize they were on the phone until eight, Sandra's bedtime. I never would have guessed they would bond. I'm guessing their disinterest in us was stronger than their disinterest in each other.

*

I was too nervous to even think about dancing today.

I had my hair up in a ponytail, my perfume was all but faded, I felt a little exposed.

I was outside the fence when I saw her. My heart started beating. I was afraid I was doing this wrong. I changed into jeans and a sweater I looked just like the others picking up the kids. I had one hand covering my lips, the other held above my head. I was wiggling my fingers, I was hoping she would see the red of my nails.

She ran to me, she grabbed my legs. "Mom says I couldn't talk to you anymore and this morning she told me you were picking me up."

"She did?"

"Uh-huh."

We walked back to the house, Tex and Sandra were already there. I had pizza for everyone. When the others left, Kristina and I played in the backyard. I went shopping this morning for coloring books with iguanas, and we listened to Grease while we made our colorings for her father. After that we made cookies, and I even had a couple of Barbies waiting to be introduced to each other.

Then she let me give her a little makeover. "Thank you for letting me brush your hair, and for picking you up. You are so much fun."

"I know."

I giggled. "Are you always this much fun?"

"Yes, I think so."

We sat on the cold stoop to wait for her dad, our coloring books in our hands.

"I'm going to show him my pictures first."

"Oh yeah, I'm faster." And I giggled, I loved acting so girlie even though I was nervous. We were drinking juice boxes, I was chewing the heck out of the straw. Yesterday was such a crazy day. When his car pulled up Kristina ran to the front gate waving her book, I stood up, a huge smile creeping on my face, I didn't even know how I should feel or what I should say. I didn't really know the proper response after you had an orgasm with a neighbor.

"So did Sabrina find you? Did she run anybody over and get you home in one piece?" I could see he was smiling, he was watching me, he was teasing.

"She did, we walked and she made me pizza. I liked it."

"Of course you did."

When he walked over to me I was shaking, I dropped the coloring book as he held my waist, I put my arms around his neck. We kissed hello. "Hi."

"Hi, to you. You look so different in pants."

"So do you."

***

'So this is Christmas

And what have you done

Another year over

And a new one just begun'

Over the last two months, Ben and I have gone out to dinner, gone to movies, shows, babysat. We constantly talked on the phone and texted, it was incredible having a boyfriend. We made love sometimes twice a day when we were together. I sometimes took him into my mouth in his car, in my garden. I swallowed every time, I wanted a little bit of him inside of me... always.

When I wasn't with him, I would slowly put my new lipstick on and I would wait. I would close my eyes. I would pray I didn't make that call. I didn't want him to think I was needy, think I was obsessed with sex, or worse HIM. I wanted to be considered the girl next door, or the coed from across the street, or that lady from over the bridge. I didn't want him to think I was a slut.

"Hi, you busy?"

He always was and he always came to visit, he always left before Sandra woke up. We were never quiet.

Sandra ignored me, I didn't see her too often. She told me to sign more papers, we were now officially divorced. She told me she was disappointed in my performance as a husband. I just shrugged, that was my go-to move. She told me she was disappointed in my work performance too. Afterward, I probably fixed my lips and called Ben again, we must have celebrated. I'm sure he came over. I'm, sure he came all over me. I'm sure he said congratulations and we had a wonderful time.

'And so this is Christmas

I hope you have fun

The near and the dear ones

The old and the young'

Now I was going to a party. I never went to parties, never got invited, never was able to ever see someone enjoy one of my cakes. I wanted to hand out forks and spoons, clean Kristina's face with a napkin, it was a dream. A small one but still a dream.

This afternoon, Sandra told me she was going to go to a different party. "Did you make me something?" She was going to Seaview hospital, taking the recovered Mrs. Garland with her. Surprisingly they were going to be with Mary and her boyfriend the Doctor.

"I made you a whole tin of cookies. You can tell everyone you made them." I smiled I was holding the tin, my nails were so long, so red, and had too much glitter.

She shook her head and grabbed the cookies. "Why would I say that? That's your job." And she slammed the door. She didn't even glance at my Christmas dress.

Now, I was in Ben's house, I had just come back from the salon. My hair was now completely removed from my face, legs, and chest. It had been a busy couple of months. The hair on my head was a reddish blonde and full of extensions, I decided I wouldn't wear a wig for the holidays. I spent part of my week right here in Ben's bedroom, in Ben and Susanna's neighborhood. I was constantly cleaning and painting and cooking. I was becoming a little too happy, I wasn't used to it.

Today I was wearing something short, silky and red. Had little white frills brushing my thighs. My red and white striped legs looked longer than usual and landed in six-inch red patent leather pumps, matching my long nails. I posed in the mirror I flipped my hair, I put on my Santa hat. The dress had cap sleeves and showed just the slightest bit of cleavage, the D-cup breastplate looked so wonderful underneath. I had a white cotton collar that said 'Angel,' it was one of my Christmas gifts from Ben. I had a little bit of Chanel in between my breasts and on my wrists, a gift from Tex and his family.

My lashes were long, I had on dark shadow, and my red liquid lips. My makeup was perfect, it took me all afternoon and I looked so festive. The 'pièce de résistance' was my white snowflake earrings. I looked exactly like someone who was invited to parties. Someone who took care of a seven-year-old and would bring cake... oh, and cookies.

*

"Maybe I can get an iguana next year."

"Mmm, maybe."