Biological Gender Clock

"Suck it. God, this feels so good. You are a great bitch." Robinson started pushing me down, rubbing my back, he was playing with my bra strap. "Do you have real tits? I gotta feel 'em." I felt his hand slide under me.

I didn't want to answer him, he wasn't being respectful. If this was going to happen at all he had to learn how to talk to me. I slid my lips off his hard cock, his hands tried to stay on my breasts. I moved back, I opened my bag and pulled out my mirror, saw the wad of cash as he watched me.

"Here." I threw the money at him. I dug through my clutch, I moved, I shifted, I was looking for something I kept hidden. I pulled out my tube of lipstick, Burnt cherry, shinier and so much redder than the lip balm I was wearing and was used to. I shook as I fixed my lips in my little compact. I knew Robinson was watching, I knew he had his hand gripping his hard member, slowly pumping. I put on the creamy dark lipstick, the top lip, the bottom. I ignored him as he begged, as he watched my lips become perfect. As I smacked them together with a pop, getting full coverage. I was ready to become the type of woman I perceived myself to be. I was ready to become a woman that wore this type of color, this type of shine.

When I was done, I closed my clutch, I looked him in the eyes, "Take me home please."

"Baby ya gotta finish, please, you are so hot, I especially love that you aren't even a real freaking girl."

I shook my head, "I am a girl." I ignored him I looked out the darkened window.

"Please, you have to let me cum, Sabrina, please. God your lips are amazing."

I turned, I pursed my lips, I was thinking. I grabbed his cock, my long red nails looked so sexy clutching his hard wet member. "Tell me you are sorry for calling me a bitch."

"I'm, I'm sorry, I didn't even realize it."

"Tell me you are sorry for pushing me onto you and touching my breasts without asking."

"Um, I'm sorry, sorry for everything. Please..."

He moaned as I started pumping him harder, my other hand reached down and cupped his balls. I looked him in the eye, I moved a little bit closer. I was becoming empowered, I was feeling more like my actual self.

"When you talk to a woman you don't talk about her breasts, and you never accuse her of not being a real girl."

"I'm sorry, I will be nicer, I promise." I had no faith in him at all, but I was in the mood to suck cock. I was in the mood to let my sluttier side mingle with one of Sandra's clients. I put him back through my lips, the head hit the back of my throat. I slightly gagged but I started to suck harder, I slid him in and out of my new darkened perfect red lips.

"You are a beautiful woman, with beautiful, um, great, um, hair." And he ran his fingers lightly through the reddish blonde as I continued to suck him. He was non-stop with compliments, I liked this better, I liked a running commentary as I licked his shaft and balls, as I took his hardness once again to the back of my throat, as I tried not to gag again. I was leaving a red mark on my index finger, a nice red ring around his shaft, I was marking him for life, he would never forget the girl that sucked him off in the middle of Staten Island.

He started moving his cock more into me, he was bucking, I tried to keep him in my mouth. He grabbed himself when he popped out, he jerked off, the tip of his dick hitting my chin and tongue. I pushed on my tuck, I felt my tiny self through the material of the skirt, I rubbed. I started to lightly squeeze when he came, he shot all over my cheeks, my lips, my eyes.

"Ahh..." He yelled as he came.

I then felt myself cum into my silk panties, I kept on rubbing as I put him back into my mouth. He was salty, I loved the taste and the consistency. I would have to find more men to suck, I would have to find myself a boyfriend, I didn't want to be sucking off strange men in limos. I wanted a man of my own that I could take care of and love.

*

We were quiet as I cleaned the cum from my face and blouse with a tissue. I closed my clutch. "Can you open the glass I want to ask Tex something?"

Knock, knock. "Tex?"

"Mmm. Yes?" I heard his muffled voice.

I took off my seat belt, I moved closer to the front seat as the partition dropped. "Tex, you keep on driving the wrong way, can you take me home now?"

He smiled, he slightly turned. "Sure."

"Thank you."

Robinson, watched me as I sat back and adjusted the belt around my breasts. I pulled out my lipstick, I fixed my cherry lips again, feeling the gorgeous cream make its way around my larger lips, plumper from the saltiness of a man. I would have to take off this color when I get home, otherwise, I would never leave my room, I would be too horny to do anything the rest of the day. I smiled at myself in the little mirror, I let the two men watch me as I brushed my unruly hair.

"You are so hot, I am going to convince Sandra to let you come back with me to San Fran." I still didn't like the way he was talking to me, wasn't I an adult? Wasn't I sitting right next to him? Why was he thinking Sandra had control over me?

Robinson moved closer but I wouldn't let him put his arm around me, this was a business transaction, it wasn't sex. We were quiet the rest of the ride. I was going to thank my wife tonight, I felt like she was giving me some support, it was something I wasn't used to from her. She had a female assistant for two days and already she was watching out for me.

I was glad she wouldn't be home or in the office now, I was glad I was going to have some time to wrap my head around my first blow job to a cock that didn't come from a box.

When we got back to the quiet block, Robinson actually walked me to the door. He took hold of my arm, he was trying to be nice, he wanted to make sure I would let him put his cock into my mouth again. I didn't want to break it to him that would never happen.

"Okay, thank you for lunch." I smiled, I showed no teeth.

"Can I kiss the beautiful girl in front of me?" I looked at him, I really looked at him for the last time today. He was shorter and so much older, I was guessing he was probably even married. And most importantly he wasn't my type.

"Okay." I let him kiss my cheek, I let him hug me. I let my breasts push against his body.

"Here, you left this in the car." He handed me the money, I just looked, it left a bad taste in my mouth, but it did look like an impressive amount of cash.

I smiled, I shook my head. "No thank you, give it to Tex." I walked in and closed the door.

I was thinking that was a very successful lunch.

***

"Why are you wearing that, I told you we had to load up the car. I have all those boxes and you are wearing high heels."

Sandra's mood over the month was still basically grouchy. She barely paid attention when I thanked her for having such faith in me, even though it was quite unexpected and spontaneous. Robinson was finally gone. He had stayed an extra ten days. He visited me way too often, he rubbed up against me way too much and gave away too much cash, all of it went straight to Tex. All tens and twenties and fifties. Robinson monopolized the two of us all month, thank god things would get back to normal, well normal-er.

I still find It crazy that Sandra never brought up the incident in the back of the limo, ever. She also never sent me to get bigger breasts either, so take that the way you want. Ha. But I did get longer nails, they were press-on and full of glitter, but they were still stunning.

We were about to load up the limo. I asked Sandra to hire Tex as her regular driver, she never used the office that I had re-painted, fixed up, got stronger WiFi connections for. Instead I put in an elliptical, a treadmill, even a couple of weights. She left me quite alone most days. She worked at the hotel conference room in Times Square, she even stayed overnight when she was busy. Today she was taking everything there, even the big screen TV, she would be leaving her assistant here alone in one of the Boroughs. I was quite happy about that.

"Sabrina, I'll take that."

Tex grabbed the box I was holding, I knew he would. I knew he wouldn't let me break a nail or put a run in my stockings. I knew he didn't expect me to get my tan outfit dirty. Mmm, tan, maybe beige. I saved black for nights, a nightgown, or a little dress. It took Sandra a while to come to terms with that. I never wore her clothes anymore and I rarely became male, except when she asked nicely or yelled, which unfortunately was way too often.

"This one's heavy too," Tex winked, he smiled at me.

We had a great relationship, we were the only two low-level employees of SSS Investments. We sometimes went out to lunch together, we sometimes ate here at the table in the office. I made him listen to my music, I made him watch me dance badly. Mostly we went to his house with his wife and three kids. They loved me, they also loved my music and bad dances. I was going to go over today and visit. I was going to help hand out Halloween Candy.

"I can't wait to see the kid's costumes."

"Ha, and they can't wait for some of your cookies, you were the only topic of discussion this morning."

Sandra was annoyed, she still didn't want me going anywhere in a dress, she wanted me home to check the website and emails, take care of her computers and house. She wanted me only to take care of her.

"Come on. You two are ridiculous, don't you know Halloween sucks."

Tex and I gave knowing glances, I was happy we were friends, I was happy Sandra didn't know I was dressing more. She sometimes made me become her husband at night, after work, bring her dinner to her bedroom. She never knew I was always female in my own bed. I rarely saw her anymore, she focused on her business and her binge-watching, it was great for both of us. She would be very surprised to learn I gave most of my male clothes away. I even gave most of hers away too. I found someone who desperately needed them, cotton panties and all.

"Sabrina, hi!"

I smiled as Benjamin ran over. He kissed my cheek as Sandra watched. She didn't care for the Fortunatas, she didn't care for ANY of the neighbors anymore. The only one she talked to was Mrs. G.

"Well, hello, I love your costume, and what is it you are?"

"I'm a counselor, a problem solver, sometimes I play one in real life." He laughed.

"Do you?" I gave him my sexiest look, he made me happy, he treated me with respect and his seven-year-old daughter was probably my best friend on the block. I say probably but I mean definitely. Both of them never got my pronouns wrong. His ex, well, she didn't really like me, I stayed out of her way, especially when she was driving. "Are all the clothes gone?"

"They are, thank you again."

I smiled, I was glad he could use them. he worked at a rehabilitation center, closer to the Jersey bridges, not too far from my five-inch nude pumps standing near my garden.

"I'll see you later. Kristina wants to show off her costume. I can't wait to see yours." He hugged and kissed me, I was hoping Sandra wasn't watching again. He waved twice, he was gone, and soon so were Sandra and Tex, I would be quite alone to get on with my baking. I also had the perfect costume.

*

The oven was heating up, my outfit was on a hanger, and my lower half was wiggling. Oh, and the music was loud.

'I better shape up

If I'm gonna prove

You better prove

That my faith is justified

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure down deep inside'

"You're the one that I want, Ooh, ooh, ooh, honey" Oh, I was singing too. I was excited I couldn't wait to hand out my cookies to the trick-or-treaters, I couldn't wait to become 'The Good Sandy' again. I couldn't wait to see Kristina and Tex's kids.

After a little work, a dozen phone calls, and a late document or two, I was done. I changed into my outfit. I decided to change it up a little, make it more of a costume, make it just a touch sexier.

"You are gorgeous." Muah. I posed and winked into my mirror, I shook my long slightly curly hair all tied up into long fake pigtails. I still had my fake bangs. I had on a pale poofy yellow skirt, one of Sandra's white tops, and the little pale yellow sweater with too-short sleeves. I had a little white petticoat underneath, making the skirt poofier, cuter. Now besides my nude pantyhose I had on white frilly socks and my four-inch white pumps with a tiny ankle strap. I was more 'Sexy' than 'Good.' My nails were long and white, Good Sandy would never wear glitter. They matched my lingerie. I might show the older boys and the Grandpa's but only if they asked nicely. "Ha."

Ding, dong... The first trick-or-treaters were here, I was excited. I took my tray of cookies, all bagged up, all labeled, all ready to make someone happy.

"Trick or treat!"

"Oh my, you all look so perfect." I squealed, I handed out my cookies, I asked if anyone had a nut allergy.

"Sabrina!" I looked over the kid's heads, Kristina was waving, she was heading over, her father right behind. "Trick or treat, um, who are you?" She gave me a look.

"Good Sandy of course." And I posed, I played with my pigtails. "Love yours." She looked so nice, "Oooh, Spiderman."

"No, I am Spider Gwen."

"Even better." I shrugged, Ben shrugged with me.

"You are gorgeous." He touched my bare arm, he leaned in, and kissed my cheek for the third time today. "I am going to take Kristina around the neighborhood." There were suddenly more children, more parents and he moved back. "I was going to ask you to come, but you seem to be in the middle of a crowd, maybe later we can hang?"

"We can, I'm pretty good at hanging." And I watched them head off into the busy block on this beautiful afternoon.

*

We ended up staying on the ex-wife's stoop, directly across the street, just the three of us, giving out candy and cookies.

"So where is Mary?" I was thinking she would be angry if she knew I was sitting here, getting comfortable with her ex.

"Well, she hates Halloween probably as much as Sandra. She is working a double at the hospital, she won't be home 'til late."

That was good, that meant I could sit right against Ben, I could wiggle and play with my hair. "Would you two like to go to Tex's house with me? He has three dogs, three kids and he is giving out homemade chocolate lollypops."

"Mmm, that sounds like something we should do, then afterward you can come to Stirling with me. There is a small parade in the neighborhood. Then we are gonna watch a scary movie."

"No, I'm not." Kristina chimed in.

"I'll watch but I am wearing headphones and my sunglasses."

"Ha, okay, I can cover your eyes if you'd like." He smiled, I was thinking I would like that a lot. Then surprisingly he pressed his lips against mine, I detected a little tongue. I was surprised at how friendly he had become in the last couple of weeks.

*

The block quieted down and we went to visit Tex and his family. We gave out more of my cookies and the chocolate lollies. Kristina was quite happy playing with a new bunch of kids close to her age. We then went to Stirling, New Jersey, a forty-minute trip across the bridge to Ben's new house. The one he bought with the ex, and then they separated. She never went back.

The neighborhood was beautiful, all pretty colored houses and big front yards. It was also full of children. We were following the crowd, we finally caught up with the parade. We lingered in the back, we each had one of 'Spider-Gwen's hands.

"Ahh, so cute." One of the grandmothers smiled at us.

"I could be Danny if you'd like." Another older man told me, making reference to my Grease outfit.

"I would like that," I flirted, I winked.

We were invited to lunch on Saturday. I imagined I went, mingling with the moms, petting dogs, and showing off my baking skills. I felt a slight tear drip down my cheek as I watched the parents with their kids. This was something I would never have, this was as close to having a family as I would ever get. I suddenly felt phony, overdressed, silly. All the parents were taking care of their kids, watching for cars, making plans, about to help with homework and I was worried about my cookies, about scuffing my heels.

I felt a hand on my back. I spun around.

"Hello."

"Um, hi." I looked at Ben then back at the cheerleader, as Kristina walked away with her new friends.

She seemed quite happy to be talking to me. "I'm Susanna from next door, so nice to finally meet Kristina's mom." Her eyes went wide.

And then I felt it, I say IT, like it was nothing, but to me, at this stage in my life, IT was everything.

*

I had been dressing as a female for so long, it was something I had always done and needed, I thought it was something to hide. In my heart, I wanted to have the 2.5 children, the house in the suburbs, the in-laws happy with me. I just wanted to get on with things, live a great life. Soon I started to realize I would never have any of that. I would just dress in the shadows, for myself, I would take care of Sandra instead of a family.

When I was younger it was all about looking beautiful, feeling sexy, sometimes just passing, but now something was different. I kidded myself that my biological clock was ticking. Sandra was constantly catching me at the window watching Kristina playing with her father, talking to Mrs. Garland, or petting the neighbor's dogs. I wished they were all just late for dinner, I wished they were coming home.

I wished I felt at home in Sandra's house.

Sometimes when I was male, seeing beautiful women, trans women, in real life, online, on TV, something happened inside of me. I felt like I was messing up their moment, I wasn't giving to the fund, the party, to the movement. I felt like I was letting everybody down, it was such a strange feeling. It started in my chest, then spread. I became tired, I became restless, I forgot how to breathe. I had to take a shower or a walk, I had to pull myself out of it, or I had to find time to become my female self. I had to slip on something, anything, I had to dissipate the molasses running through and shutting down my system. Once I was dressed the feeling slowly faded away. It could take hours, most of the night, but eventually, it disappeared. Lately, the feeling would come back with a vengeance even while I was dressed up, looking lovely in my mirror, while painting my nails, or contouring my cheeks, I wasn't ready for it.

This wasn't the way it was supposed to go, I knew the rules, but now the rules were changing.

*

"Ah, this isn't Kristina's mom, this is Kristina's best friend." Benjamin filled in the silence, he held me, he squeezed me out of my trance.

"Oh my god, I'm so sorry." Her face seemed genuinely apologetic.

"Hi, I'm Sabrina, nice to meet you."

She grinned, she grabbed my hand, "Susanna. Welcome to the neighborhood, I need a friend on the block, everyone is so freakin' old." And she laughed, Ben laughed with her. "All the kids on the block are visiting grandchildren, can you imagine?" I then met their two daughters, I met her husband, I pet her cat lounging in a carriage. Once I shook off the disappointing feeling, once I pushed it down deeper inside of me, things became clear, I was turning into my favorite Halloween character again. Who cares if I could breathe or not?

They invited us to dinner. They invited us to parties. I could tell they wanted to be friends.

"That sounds great, just call." And I gave her my number, she gave me hers, I now had another friend in my contacts and the molasses slipped away even faster.

I beamed, maybe I had to cross a bridge to mingle, have barbeques, drinks. Maybe life with Sandra was what clouded my body, my mind. Maybe I had to make chicken nuggets for a seven-year-old not a thirty-six-year-old grouchy woman in a tracksuit.

*

We went back to Ben's house, it was on a beautiful block surrounded by tall trees with a large front yard, an even bigger backyard. He even had parking for a triune of cars.