All Comments on 'Birdcage Ch. 11'

This was one of the best stories I have read on here and was well worth the wait for the conclusion. Thank you for such a great story from a great writer. Awesome Job!!!!!

Thank you, thank you for this wonderful story, it completely exceeded my expectations! The open e dins was realistic, but this last part finally gave the readers what they have been waiting for! 5 stars!

Amazing. I normally don't care for long form stories on this site, but this was just fantastic. I've never been more impressed with the quality of writing in a story like this. Thank you!

I meant open ending in my earlier comment, hope it makes more sense!

Since I stopped reading this ridiculous nonsense after the fourth chapter, I did not have any great expectations for this eleventh and last chapter, but I can honestly say that I was still negatively surprised by the sheer sloppiness of it all. Let’s just tackle all these silly little details right away, shall we?

Take, for example, this sentence: “Joni could feel the cool trickle of blood that rolled down towards her wrist.” Why does her blood feel “cool?” Since it’s a fresh wound, shouldn’t it feel, if not warm, at least not cool, i.e, as warm as herself (since it’s literally just as warm as herself)?

Several times it wasn’t clear at all who was speaking to whom in the dialog, e.g., the exchange between Doctor J, Joni, and Henri (“4”) in the car, because the author—for whatever reason—mostly abstains from using proper tags.

Also what kind of “limo” is Henri driving that’s able to—apparently—go off-road into a thick Russian (!) forest in hot pursuit?

Then there are sheer errors of grammar and breaches of basic writing rules, e.g.: “When they had reached one of the cabins that Henri has described. The sun had only recently disappeared over the horizon, leaving a soft amber hue to the world.” First there is the wrong tense used (present perfect), and then the sentence isn’t even completed! Now, that’s scrupulous writing, isn’t it?

And again welcome back to the illogical proceedings of this story where our love couple chased by numberless henchmen of the—presumably—evil “head” of the ridiculous super-secret high-class bordello fortress thinks it is wise to light up an easily detectable fire, plus, of course, some tea lights (it’s CR, remember!): “She found it easier to distract, and busied herself lighting the fire and also an array of tea lights she had found in one of the cabinets.” What on earth could be a more sensible action to a v o i d attracting their pursuers, right?

But the real What the flying fuck moment comes next after Michael, the guard from chapter one who later fell into disgrace, makes an utterly unexpected comeback and Joni, our still (!) virgin heroine, just so let’s him rape her because: “But now she felt drained. She allowed herself to empty completely, the anger and fear evaporating.” Well, who wouldn’t start meditating and emptying oneself of “anger and fear” when one is just about to be brutally raped, right? It’s a perfectly sensible reaction, especially for a virgin girl who somehow managed to stay a virgin in a bordello fortress for ten ridiculous chapters, right? Well, no. Just no. And it becomes even worse by the fact that Joni stabs Michael to death anyway—a f t e r she let him rape her (while meditating or whatever)! Now could anyone think of any reason that could even start to explain why on earth she would first let him rape her when she was going to stab him to death anyway?! Seriously, what the flying fuck!

And as if this wasn’t already ridiculous enough, there is the completely tacked-on (implied) HEA ending. Joni just so happens to finally cohabit with her beloved Henri (“4”), without any explanation given for this lucky turn of events whatsoever (why did—apparently—nobody come after them besides Michael? how did they survive in the Russian wilderness? how did they leave Russia and come to live with former clients [!] of The Fort without being tracked down by the organization’s—presumably—numberless agents?), which may suit CR enthusiasts just fine but is completely unacceptable for anyone who is still hanging on to some standards of sensible story telling.

The final sex scene is completely unexciting, predictable, and unoriginal—a mere rehash of what came before in this series and thousands of similar CR offerings masquerading as NonConsent/Reluctance stories on LIT. Thus, to ultimately answer the question the author originally asked on the forums, there is neither enough ‘lit’ nor ‘erotica’ in this story!

—AJ

P.S. My critique of this series may seem harsh or “caustic” to some, but I think there’s nothing wrong with that as long as the opinion in question is an honest and genuine one, and—if I may say so—that’s just what is: my utterly honest and genuine opinion.

Those that can, do. Those that cannot, critique. And you certainly DID. Was it perfect? Of course not. But it was interesting. Have fun with your writing. Hone your craft. Give us more. 😊