All Comments on 'Bitch'

A bit confusing in parts (why was he targeted, for example?) but an interesting read.

And don't let dyslexia define you. just think of it as being a spell of bad whether. (Yeah, that was a dyslexic joke from a fellow dyslexic.)

Dyslexia is not the problem. The story starts with the total improbability that a wife of 25 years is having sex on a pick-up in a parking lot with her husband there. Then the story becomes confusing because we have to struggle to figure out where one is and who is talking. I stopped reading. Maybe story got better but I want to enjoy a read and not struggle to figure out what is going on.

I quite liked it and like Matt said, don't worry about dyselexia, I don't, the site has it's grammar, punctuation and spelling Nazis but often you will find they have never contributed a story, so they remind me of the old saying, those who can do, those who can't teach.

Anyway, keep writing, if you enjoy it, the comments are purely incidental, I usually enjoy them good or bad and would never allow the nast ones to influence me in any way. Thanks for the story.

Unanswered questions abound in this story. Was the man he beat up the one targeting him for revenge? Why would his wife wait until her husband arrived before going outside for her tryst? She had hours before he got there. Why did her daughters have no clue to their mother’s strange emotional state on the night she cheated? Does Eve have any backstory? A 3 for honest effort, although it was a bit hard to follow in one or two places.

@someoneother " The story starts with the total improbability that a wife of 25 years is having sex on a pick-up in a parking lot with her husband there. "

constantly cheating the entire relationship would explain it. Serial cheaters get really fucking bad as the years goes on.

A pet peeve of mine is the double use of the word 'had'..... "That they had had lessons from Aunty Eve"

if you remove one of them (had) the sentence still works but does slightly change the meaning. Another way of changing the sentence is to use the conjunction 'they'd'. "that they'd had lessons from Aunty Eve"

I guess this kinda fits under loving wives and there was sex at least. Just need a helpful editor and fix the quotations for conversations.

With Becky losing interest in sex, hopefully there's a lot of love outside of the bedroom, otherwise they should have divorced after she got caught having sex so he could gone on with Eve.

There was no doubt who got her pregnant the third time was there?

It would help you tremendously to have a proof reader. Would make reading your work easier.

DOL

Dyslexia doesn't explain a lack of dialog punctuation.

Couldn’t finish!

A village contains about 200 to 1,000 people.

You want us to believe that the wife left her husband in the one pub to have sex with a guy and no one else noticed? It’s a village, you can’t take a dump without the entire village knowing.

Why not hire the village PI and the village expensive village Law firm and get the village judge to divorce her?

Oh right, because it doesn’t exist.

Enjoyed the story, of course it’s fantasy, but something a little different. But it’s just a story. Thanks for writing.

A very good and slightly different story line. I couldn't believe some comments on it from the syntax nazi to the ones that knew how the story should have gone better than you. (Oops, syntax). As far as the cheating, the bully's actions, and Eve, people are strange creatures capable of almost anything. Never say never!

So Becky just never wanted to have sex again? Odd but not unheard of.

Not a bad story. It really really needs proof reading and an editor. The punctuation is atrocious. A lot of sentences you can’t tell if they are comments or one of the characters talking. Lacking quotation marks (“) big time.

Different type of solution to his problem!

4

Joe, you have good story ideas, but unfortunately you write like you speak.

Poorly written and thought out story, 2 stars.

I say great job. How many people can’t think up a full story, hash it out and write it down? To all the nay sayers, move along and write your own.

Totally confused.Who was the bloke he beat up and who was Eve.What was his job and did his wife and Eve work.?

sorry a bit confused who was the man he beat up?