All Comments on 'Blind Faith'

Never read a story by this writer before. It seems like all the characters have about an 80 IQ. You need to fire your editors. That "were he had a great sense of humor" in the second paragraph was jarring. Try writing a sentence once in a while that's longer than four words. That's an exaggeration, of course, but not much of one. It wasn't bad, it wasn't good, just... there. I'll read another one, if you write it, but this one was not very good. Three stars

Do yourself a favor, fire your editors. Like Kimmi said, some errors were jarring. Also too many small sentences. I couldn't finish, characters were all to dumb to care about to keep reading.

I actually read the whole thing . Wasn't easy .

First I will say that you certainly did come up with an " original " storyline , I'm positive that no one else has ever written such a convoluted one before . This is also an answer for everyone who jumps stiff legged when screaming for something " original " , be careful what you wish for !

@ Kimmi who said she had never read anything by edrider73 , well believe it or not , this is probably one of his better LW postings . Most of his works are on par with that crazy 1992 dude ( I know I left some symbols off, but I'm not going to look it up ).

Its been a slow week ! Come on, hurry up St. Patty's day .

while the sighted live and learn how to follow. TK U MLJ LV NV

A husband who supposedly worships women ....especially women that he's close to and that he knows such as Raven and his wife.... a man who's so proper that he won't tolerate any sort of disrespect or bad language about any of the women that hr is close to... is somehow convinced to engage in false statements lies distortions and and deceit that goes on for months and months solely because Raven thinks it would be funny and a good thing to do?

Yes this is somewhat original but it's also original because it's so pathetically moronic and twisted and irrational in every possible way

I had to take 2 years of psychology courses. Even that shit was better than this garbage.1*

Sorta like some of the stupid crap real people get up to, but seldom do they end up as well.

This is bullshit. Most movies I see or books I read have at least one thing in common and that thing is the feeling that I can say, "it could happen". But I can't make that statement here.

This man would never say all of that stuff at the bar if he truly loved his wife the way he said he did. It's such a 180 degree change. So I say BULLSHIT and this story was a waste of my time. 2* for the effort though.

Thank You for the comments. Now I can skip the story.

...you should not post again until you secure a decent editor, with English as their first Language.

Some of the phrasing, the stilted word choices and the sometimes strange sentence structure makes certain that English is a second language for you.

I praise your courage at posting in second language. But it is clear that to make it a comfortable, natural read, you need help with the above items.

I speak from personal experience, having written and published in English and Portuguese. Even after years of study and living abroad, my writing still required extensive editorial work to make it sound "local" enough to be acceptable.

I hope you will try again, but I earnestly hope you will arrange editorial help from one of the several great volunteers here. The interaction can only help.

Was this an excellent story? Was this a bad story? The answer is NO to both questions. All the characters were good guys, all of them wished everybody else to be happy. The weak point of the story is: If both knew each other so well and both knew the other wouldn't ever cheat, why the need for 6 pages? Why the need for a PI? for all the cameras? But at least was a funny story with an happy ending as all children fairy tales are. And comparing this to the last stories in LW (like the other one today), we must agree, that this one isn't so bad to read...3*

Congratulations as confirm by the comments below you have brilliantly screwed with all of our heads with this story plot. What an amazing obtuse angle to take a story. You successfully took us readers and left us off-center unbalanced uncertain and provoked. But isn't that what successful writing should do? Thanks

illiterate shit.

. . . . the story very much. It was convoluted, the dialogue was impossible to follow, the plot was absurd, and it desperately needed some dramatic editing. Just very tough and confusing to follow. And for what it was, 6 pages of drivel was 5 pages too many. 2*. Better luck next time.

There was no husband sucking cum or watching his wife cheat ! Good to see you back .

Perfectly done! I have nothing to add but that this is a 5 star plus story. I will reread it just to achieve that feeling of tension from the drama.

Thanks for your efforts and for sharing.

You wake up one morning, log onto Literotica and you see a new story by Angiquesophie. What if there was a new story from Cpete? Anyone thinking HDK? Whet if there were stories from all three? Think that would be a good day? What if there were 5 of those, written by the masters and legends of the genre? What if there were 15? St Patrick's Day is coming! Be sure to tune in on the 17th. Sorry, author. Shameless promotion.

It made no sense, why would this "salt of the earth, college educated, woman respecting, soft spoken, clean talking, take charge" man be convinced to carry on a joke about having an affair? And the idea that half his business existed because of her? Seriously? His customers turned down hookers and blow to flirt with a woman they could never have?

I gave you a point because it was original but this was absolute shit.

the most convoluted ridiculous stories ive ever read, unlikeable "forest gump" characters, impossible to understand dialouge. basically just fuckin stupid! wierd really because i usually find most of your stories easy to read and entertaining.

It has to be the worst and most ridiculous story I've ever read, I'm just sorry I had to read it to the end to make this comment. What a waste of time, it makes a case for censorship.

I admit it. I ran out of time and skimmed the last couple of pages. What was the point of the picture of Raven? Was it her nude showing her rabbit tat or her with someone else or what?

I do consider the premise interesting. In reading these stories sometimes you have to suspend belief. As soon as I heard what Raven talked H into I knew where it was headed. Nobody would be as stupid as the H but that does not affect the story for me.

Also Randi, there are a lot of others. Consider Nici.

Very confusing story. I rated it too high.

# 1

Confusing claptrap. That being said, having read other stories by this author, this was better than the usual drivel she writes. Hopefully this will be the last post by Edrider73 - ever.

1 star

which isn't hard to believe, since I rarely comment on stories I don't like - why waste time?

Anyway, for a story on the power of belief, I thought it was pretty good. I chose to believe in the characters - in that case, everything ended well. Even though Hon had her faith challenged.

Then again, if you read too much LW, you think Hon cheated with Rip, and then lied about it. Then, you get a LW story with a oblivious male. Not my favorite storyline.

As a story, the motivation of the main characters was hard to sort out, since they are meant to be archtypical. Here, they are fundamentally decent individuals... a tough sell in LW. Further, their faith was the important element... again, a tough sell. Complicating matters was the "situation" situation... not sure I'd do it that way, frankly... to put doubt in the honesty of an apparent situation in a story about faith, but then again what is faith untested?

Not entirely successful, as can be seen by the comments but well worth the effort. As a troll of LW, I'd give it full marks on that basis alone.

Green-something

this is the only story from this editor that I have read that isn't a man hating trail of destruction. TK #4

What a reverse twist. To bad so many could not fiqure it out.those who lost the story in the brain or couldn't see the genius of this story.

I admit I skimmed the last 2 pages. Someone please explain the picture. I am too obtuse to get what it was. Was it the rabbit? Or, was it the Balek and Raven? Is that the twist or was it just a nude of Raven?

I did like it and encourage the author to keep writing.

Mostly enjoyable read, but my comments are similar to a few others, I don't think Balek would have acted out of character, particularly to the degree portrayed in the story. That part was very conflicting with the characters personality.

Otherwise the "twists" were interesting and required careful reading.

Thanks for sharing and please keep writing.

but it did get confusing in spots as to who was saying what, and what exactly they were referring to.

Some humor, much anticipation and good tension, nice job.

He'll never understand her non answer. I am as sure she cheated as I am this is about those poor Indians who are always taken advantage of.

And very acceptable to my monogamous mind, in fact better than that....excellent. Had me, all those late nights etc so well played out and great finish. He said she would never cheat and he would known if she had during the Q&A.

JJ

1*

with more than a little bit of humour thrown into the mix.

I normally do not waste my time reading stories given less than a 4 by other readers. Due to a dearth of such stories recently in LW, I read this story hoping to push it into the 4 category.

Unfortunately it failed to meet my expectations . The story was too long and convoluted and rather unbelievable in the ending.

the end was anti -climatic. It went real well, good build up, and the end was just meh.

Too sophomoric. I had no empathy for any of the characters. None whatsoever. One star. And I feel sorry for you because you tried to write a unique and different story. All that hard work, and for what?

For the most part you write well. This story was not up to par for your talent. The whole premise was border line ridiculous. With that said, you needed something. Not sure how to make it work, but it needed something. Sorry, couldn't be more specific. At least this one didn't have your old theme of string and cameras. So thanks for that. Maybe the next one? 3.

...at least no one got analy fisted. And that shows you are growing. I kinda liked the story so 4 stars and I look forward to the next.

So I went with your little tale out of near desperation. They say 'words have meaning and consequence' and in this case characters and their development are the same. No one is perfect like these two. Made for a terribly boring first 2 pages. And the names were a distinct distraction. Balak, Honette and Raven?? The first is a biblical name for "Destroyer of Worlds", Honette (1 N!!) is French ... and Raven .... I dunno WTF knows. I forced myself to read this word for boring, meandering and dull word.

One ☆.

Just couldn't get through the incredibly boring first page. 1*

ANYONE WASTING THEIR TIME TO READ THIS IS A FOOL!!!

And I'm still confused. From the comments it appears reading all the pages in between 1 and 6 will only increase my confusion, so I won't.

That had to be a lot of work and planning and forethought. For what? Stupid plot, juvenile characters, pointless effort.

But thanks for trying.

excellent story. WTF does annony have to see and read to know it's a fuck story! He loves these and reads them all. They remind him of his whore wife.

Entertaining story. Thanks.

Where in the world did Hon get the grainy, poor picture of a woman with a rabbit over her genitals? Was it actually Raven? It was during that part that Baylek was simply muttering, looking at the picture. You never clearly explained anything about it, where it come from, and how Hon got possession of it.

Because of that I only gave it 4 *'s. I'm glad you are back with submissions to Litt.

I am certain you worked hard on this but it did not work for me. The short sentences grated after a very short time. The two primary protagonists came across as a couple of mentally deficient people playing some imaginary game. I wanted to like this but could not get there.

Interesting concept. He knew she would never cheat and he believed she knew he wouldn't cheat. Boy was he wrong! The story was apply named. Okay she wouldn't cheat but she would steal. Fortunately she couldn't go through with it. She did not have the level of confidence in his fidelity as he did. He did do an incredibly dumb thing and played a bad joke on everyone, so he deserved a lot of what was coming. Of course she went to far. Five stars

I'm sure the wife cheated in spite of what she said, I'm sure she lied.

Cool idea. But I couldn't follow it. Became like a non-comedic "who's on first" skit.

Third base!

I see you haven't posted for a couple of years. You got out of your writing routine; out of yourcomfort zone as modern management speak says. And it shows I hate to say. Best solution: write more and often.

I am teally looking forward to your next story.

Wow, I was on my toes althrough the 5th page. Great climax and a nice title.

For Christ's sake wipe that smug smile of his stupid face. His wife could have cheated with every person in the town and half the animals and this dope would not see anything wrong.

Her redeeming action was that she didn't. She can now look forward to a totally boring life.

a most unusual tale.

enjoyable for being so diferent from the usual fare served up & consumed in this category

did she didn't she .

was his trust & faith misplaced

who knows & who really cares

for me it was just nice to read a story that stepped away from what we are used to

even if it does require the reader to not think deeply or question what is written

interesting tale that is sure to cause a few people to be reaching for thier heart medication ..

so the pi has him monitored 24/7 and knows exactly where and when he is. his conclusion: hubby must be a magician to cheat unnoticed.

wife and pi can't even imagine something else is going on? a nice idiotic desription of idiots doing idiotic things. for your own good read the wikipedia entry on idiot plot.

Way too long. Way too complicated. Way too weak a plot. I gave up caring about page 3.

Dumb me for finishing a waste of time.

Two idiots (your protagonists) and an idiotic dialogue!!! They belong together!!! But they are your infants! The apple never falls far from the tree!!!

This reads like it was written by someone who has never met or interacted with any other people.

But this isn't one of them. Unnecessarily lengthy. Dialogue sounded like two kindergarten students. Her testimony changed more times than I could keep up with. So I am left with my own beliefs at the end. I know that he and Raven did not commit adultery. But they were the most ignorant two people on the planet. Neither one have a thought to the damage their "joke" would do to Hon and the kids, to their marrage, to Raven and Gaven's marriage, to the damage Gaven would do once he found out. They risked two marriages, the lives of six people, their source of income and the jobs of everyone at the company. He should fire Raven for causing all this. Oh, and one more thing. I believe that Hon did, in fact, commit adultery. I see a bunch of "Finish The Damn Stories" following this.

The criticism is a little too harsh but the story was somewhat contradictory and hard to follow. You could have streamlined and written with a little more clarity for a better story IMHO.

The closest to this plot was where the narrator was blind that the husband and wife were working together to catch a criminal, revealed only at the end. Here, they were confident the other wouldn't cheat and then the story leads us to question that and then confirm it.

Ok, that's more intricate than even stories that bubble up past 4 stars. I didn't grasp why raven would want stuff made up about her, which is sort of the foundation for the story. I guess lots of people are pissed it didn't end the way they wished. And some of the conversation needs some she/he said to make sure the reader doesn't lose their place; it was sort of difficult following the conversation at the end two pages.

It's fiction, so having characters that act in ways that are very peculiar is a reserved right for the author. I'd rate it a 3, which literotica thinks means "keep writing".

But I have to admit that I just scanned a line here or there for most of the story after the first page. I read the last two pages.

OK, it's fiction, and there was no set up scene with the husband getting ass raped so I guess it's a good story.

Thanks for this contribution. I thoroughly enjoyed the read, and was surprised afterwards to discover all the negative comments. I hope you don't take them to heart, this was far more original and thought-provoking than much of what I've read here. And based on the comments that this was not one of your best, I can only look forward to reading the rest of your work!

The husband was one of the thickest pieces of shit on the planet, the wife a raging closet whore and the entire story was so ridiculously frustrating to follow, I feel you should pay us, the readers, for our time

One star

I agree with Mauser45.

read 5.5 pages for that ending? 1* because there is no zero.

Based on a very interesting set of circumstances, the story kept my attention all the way through. It's unlike most stories, which proceed to a predictable end (and the only mystery is in the details of the path to that end). This story led me on, and on, but I thought I knew there would come a crisis point, but I didn't know what that would look like (but it had me worried). And then it was leaving me thinking it was going to be a tragedy with a reverse twist. Maybe even a suicide. This is really a quality story. I maybe even can find a lesson for living therein. Bravo. J.

No way Balek would agree to Raven's crazy suggestion about telling the boys he'd fucked her 5 ways from Sunday. (He doesn't degrade women he knows,right?!) ~ So there goes the whole premise of Hon ever learning of any cheating that never happened. ~ The other part that smells bad is the whole "situation" concocted by Hon to get even. We know she had the divorce papers which means she did see a lawyer.We also know that she moved money because Mr Booger the banker tried to warn Balek a couple of times. So ,maybe she really did play "Hide the salami" with Rip.And maybe he really did "eat her out". ~ Then there's the final drama with Balek having a melt-down because he was taped saying that scuzzy Raven had a tattoo of a rabbit over her pussy,which she told him as she was pitching her evil plan in that vulgar way she had. To hell with her! ~ All in all,an interesting ,but seriously flawed story populated by a bunch of people I'd never want to meet!

Time Sequence:

1.Raven, setting up the practical joke, tells Balek about the rabbit tattoo.

2. Balek finally starts talking about Raven in the bar. It's all hearsay and nothing verifiable like the tattoo info.

3. A week passes, it's Friday night at the bar. Balek puts down Charlie for disrespect of Raven, and Jerry shows amazement when Balek puts out plenty of unverifiable details. The tattoo info is still held back.

4. Jerry disrespectfully repeats the bar talk to Val, who within literally hours, tells Hon that Balek is cheating without providing much detail.

5. Early Saturday morning, before the bar boys have finished sleeping, Hon immediately blows off the business meeting and flies home.

6. Saturday afternoon late, Hon arrives home and tries to sneak into the house wanting to catch Balek. He thinks she's a burglar since she's home a day early.

7. That evening (still Saturday) Hon goes over to talk to Val to learn "details".

It's a real credibility push for Hon to respond so fast. First, Val probably didn't have the information before breakfast, unless Jerry couldn't wait to impress Val with his gossip as soon as he got home, and Val woke up Hon to pass it on. Even after time on the the plane to cool off and think things through, Hon's abandoned logic (a strong suit of hers) and became unreasonably obsessed with catching the lovers.

Why is she panicking over Val's tip-off? She's smart, and not one to take action without good information. Val's report is just a rumor, and poor quality information because she would have to trust Jerry's drunken report of bar bragging as 100% accurate and trust that it's framed in the correct context. And she can't get things started with PIs, lawyers, banks, etc. until Monday anyway.

If there is substance to the affair, it has been going on for several weeks at least. There's an excellent chance it will continue, allowing solid confirmation and evidence gathering. She can expect Val to pump Jerry about future bar meetings.

There is no creditable reason for Hon to move at lighting speed. She's acting irresponsible in her job by ditching early. The odds of catching Raven and Balek in the late afternoon are, at best, even. She must realize she won't have any time to prepare for a divorce If she catches them in the act that Saturday.

She's totally unprepared to catch them. She makes no effort to locate Raven before assuming Balek has Raven at the house. (Call Raven's hubby? Call Raven?) She does poor reconnaissance before sneaking inside, alarming Balek before she even enters. She doesn't preserve the option of checking again Saturday evening, or again Sunday if they aren't there Saturday afternoon.

Why is she acting soooooo stupid? And why does she stay so stupid for the rest of the story???

Everything you've established about Hon as a character is contradicted by her impulsive return. She's smart, plans, thinks things through, her job requires that kind of person. She doesn't act irresponsible, she wouldn't she bail on her job unless it's life and death. She has good morals, and doesn't screw people over. She communicates well with Balek, so she'd prepare then ask him for his explanation before doing anything rash.

And most of all, she KNOWS in her heart Balek wouldn't cheat on her.

You start asking readers to suspend an incredible amount of belief for almost the remainder of the story by not dealing with these problems.

The only motivation you give Hon is Val's report of Jerry's report of the bar talk. You don't have any direct investigation done to see if Balek is just bragging. You have a long fruitless search for evidence, which only reenforces Hon's crazy obsession. The PI doesn't follow Raven when she's "known" to be Balek's lover.

These contrarian actions can't survive in the reader's mind for over half the story, and that's why so many of them are unhappy.

Returning to Time Sequence:

8. Hon hires PI, who starts recording the bar sessions the next week.

9. Balek finally tells bar buddies about Raven's rabbit tattoo. This is the first piece of verifiable information Hon receives.

Note: This is not revealed in the story until the very end, but since the information was obtained from a recording the PI made of the bar talk, it had to have happened after the great information dump in 3).

10. Big effort made to prepare for divorce, stealing the money, obtaining new identities, tanking the company, etc. Everything gets lined up to pull the trigger and serve papers.

11. A lot of time and effort go into the PI getting a fuzzy photo of Raven's bush, giving the confirmation Hon needs.

12. Hon gets cold feet and doesn't pull the trigger. She revises terms, undoes her evil actions, and finally starts talking to Balek.

You were dishonest with the reader by not including the rabbit revelation bar talk until the end of the story. The readers perceive pulling the rabbit out of the hat at the end as a slap in their face.

The time sequence is already stressed to the breaking before Hon hires the PI. The reader needs the sequence very clear to understand why Hon is going after Balek, and that means NOT saving the rabbit to be pulled out of the hat at the end.

Everything after Saturday night (time point 7) until the windup goes against all the reader expects based on the information presented, obvious logic, common knowledge and common sense. Hon instantly sheds her morals, her love for children and husband, and her talent to gather and analyze data. Unbelievable.

You don't give Hon much of a reason to go after Balek in stealth mode leaving scorched earth. You only reveal Val's report of Jerry's report of bar talk, and you don't even assert its quality. You have a very smart woman abruptly and totally loose her love for her husband, forget their long history of confirmed faith in each other, never communicate to him that she has a problem, nor solicit his response.

You lost the reader's disbelief. You didn't satisfy their need for logic, and for cause and effect. That's why many readers went unsatisfied and gave up. In short, they saw too much BS and they attributed it to the author, not the characters.

PS: I think Hon did cheat on Balek, and suddenly in the middle of the confrontation, decides to compound the felony by lying. She magically gets her ability to see consequences and connections restored instantly, and decides it's best he not loose his faith in her as she lost her faith in him.

murdered his children, it seems his wife did cheat (he always knew she did but was too much of a coward to do anything about it) and passed her lovers syphilis on to him.

He "luckily" has such a strong immune system he never developed any sores or rash, but over the years it did destroy sections of his brain leading to insanity and murder

You're a great writer!

I was terrified you were going to have her actually cheat and turn the whole thing into a tragedy. Phew! Good story :)

I hope there is nobody in your circle of friends who is as stupid as this idiot! Otherwise I would have to fear for your correctness!

I bet she goes out with her friends and belittles him, puts him down and laughs about the size of his cock. Yet when he does it, she plots and plans and tries to get revenge. Even though her PI says he has done nothing wrong. What a mixed up world it is.

First doing what he did is out of character

Second what she Did is against everything she suppose to be

Third she blindly did it with no evidence even with rabbit picture

Fourth she fucked Morris and cheated

The story makes no sense at end as what she said was probably a crock of shit

Last she never talk to the people who were the most important

Please burn this story

It was a great story but I hated the ending.

As expected from Edrider73.

1 star

Mediocre writing at most. Highly confusing plot. Nonsensical dialogue.

In one word, crap.

There can simply not be a dumber guy than this.This story is totally implausible.It was painful reading it.

Weird, but amusing. Went around in circles a little too long, though.

One of the best period!

I've tried to read this crap, and I just can't see how this author has any followers.

This story is like watching your home town football team winning a game till the last second. then the game ends ina tie.

so did she or did she not 1/5 cause its mess

I wonder if I can sell him London Bridge, it’s gotta be worth a try.

Uh, I don't even know what I don't know. I got confused coming out the gate and got lost soon thereafter. I'm not sure what happened during all the goings-on but I might have to drop by that bar it did or did not revolve around. If you understand all this - good for you!

Thank, God, great work.

He was so clueless, it's criminal. I think she did cheat...

Did she or didn't?

This is the dumbest story I ever read what a waist of time. It's like it was written by a teenager who has no clue about real world

Good idea. Poor execution. Confusing

I like it. Was stupid of him to start the joke, but the story unfolded nicely.

This is so fucking dumb it's beyond words. If a guy like this was real living with or even just talking to him would be torture.

Mindless crap! Hubby is a complete LOSER!!!

I miss humor as story tag. Hilarious plot, excellently told, looking forward to more of this kind!

Come on people! She went to all that trouble to ruin him with the lawyer and the PI and Morris? You don't think somewhere in the middle or at the beginning, she went and got a revenge fuck? Damn right she did!!! She responded quickly about the cell call that he did not listen, but she had a copy of the bill that she was sure he listened to her fucking Rip, plus all the questions he got asked about by the guys about Rip. That was their loving friends worried that she was in fact boning her new employee. Very confusing the way it was presented

One thing I have to give this story credit for.

A bar named O'Blivions ... What a great name for a bar!

The rest of it ... I really wanted to like it. But, seriously, she left the "butt dial" connected for 2 hours because she didn't fuck Rip?

the fact you included the tag cuckold is evidence the wife is a lying cheating whore.

.

If she werent he would be a cuckhold and no need for the tag

I thought the whole story was goofy from beginning to the end. I kept thinking as i kept reading that something reasonable for this story would surely show up, just wow....... nothing, literally nothing worth the what the expectation of a real story.........What a waste of everyone's time if this would have been a real life event. Think of all the wasted resources monetarily had this been a real live event.

It was pretty confusing. At times I couldn't tell who was talking until rereading it and then reading the response.