Blindsided (In 750 Words)

"We're going out to lunch with the parents on Sunday. You will need to let your golf buddies know you won't be able to join them this week."

"Your parents or mine?"

"Both."

"Both? What's going on?"

"Oh, I just thought it would be good to get together with them."

I knew something was up immediately. We get together with one set or the other frequently, but both at once really only pointed in one direction. Of course, you would think that was the kind of thing she'd tell me before announcing it to our families. Sadly, after only being married for a year, she had already started treating me like something beneath her. My golfing on Sunday with the guys was actually her idea, but I'm pretty sure it was just an excuse to get me out of the house so she I wasn't around her.

Looking around the house, all I saw was the ugly furniture that she just had to have and that I loved her enough to let her buy. All of the beautiful, old furniture that came with the house when I inherited it was carefully stored in the barn out back. Lisa wanted me to just sell it and was furious when she found out I had an HVAC system installed in the barn to protect it instead. That was one of the rare arguments that I mostly won as the furniture, along with the money for the HVAC system, was solely mine as it came from an inheritance from my grandmother before we married.

Shaking my head in disgust, I headed out to the aforementioned barn, which also contained my shop that my loving wife refused to enter.

---

It turned out to be one of the most entertaining meals I've ever had. All three women were squirming around in anticipation while us husbands took our time, savoring the food and the fidgeting of our spouses. Finally, we couldn't drag it out any longer and pushed our empty plates aside. Almost immediately, my wife blurted out, "I'm pregnant! A little over 2 months along!"

Neither mother paid any attention to me, as they were too busy gushing over my wife and their first grandchild. Both fathers gave me a nod of acknowledgement before joining in the discussion about due dates, nursery themes, and such. I just sat back and watched, wondering how long it would be before somebody would notice I wasn't involved in the discussion.

Eventually, the various stories from the pregnancies that resulted in me and my wife tapered off. As normality returned, they finally remembered that I was there. My father-in-law asked, "You must be pretty excited about finally getting to be a dad."

I signaled like I was asking for the check before I responded. "Oh, I would be, if it was mine. I don't know who the father actually is, but sadly it's not me."

The table instantly fell silent as my wife turned and fixed her glare at me. "Of course you are the father. How dare you say otherwise."

"Sorry, but if you wanted me to believe it was my child, you probably should have had sex with me."

"We did have sex, two days in a row."

"Yeah, nothing suspicious about two days of lackluster sex after two months without. Besides, you waited until three days after you missed your period to make sure it was safe before having sex with me."

"But... How did you know I missed my period?"

"You're not the only one who keeps track of your bitch week on their calendar."

Silence reigned in the aftermath of that bomb, until a nicely dressed gentleman asked my wife, "Are you Lisa Erin Davenport?"

"Yes," she responded.

"Can I see some ID, please?"

She dug out her driver's license and showed him. He handed her an envelope, took a picture of her holding it, and said, "You have been served. Have a nice day."

With that, I stood up. "Well, if you will all excuse me, I need to be there when the the movers arrive in half an hour."

"You can't move out of our house. We're going to have a baby."

"Oh, I'm not moving out of MY house, just like WE are not having a baby. YOU are. I don't care if your parents take you back in or if you shack up with your lover and baby daddy. Just let me know where the movers should unload your things."