Blood & Fire

My husband had been witness to my shame, and I hadn't counted on that. I sobbed. For the first time since I'd accidentally killed my mother, I let my emotions go unchecked. Ten years of pain released in this moment.

I opened my mouth in a silent scream. Even now, my voice did not return to me. The most I could manage was a quiet exhalation of air that hissed out of me painfully.

"My love, look at me," Carnen begged me.

I shook my head and refused. My chest was clogged with emotion that strangled my breath. It hurt worse than any pricking of corset boning or hit of a cane. It was the guilt, I knew. The guilt I carried for my mother. I'd shoved it down and away, but I guess I could not expect that dam to hold forever.

Carnen jangled his chains in frustration, then shouted, "Guards! My brother has collapsed!"

The two guards burst into the room. One ran to check on Jadeth while the other looked around the room for some hidden danger.

"What happened?" He asked.

"I think it was heart palpitations," Carnen said calmly. "He was pretty worked up, and then he clutched his chest and fell."

I heard all this as if in a dream, the words filtering in from far away.

"Is he dead?"

"Yes," the guard who was kneeling next to Jadeth confirmed.

"I know you were just following orders," Carnen said carefully, giving the men an excuse to which they could cling as their world shifted uncertainly.

"We had to," the man who was still standing claimed.

Abruptly, he realized the situation. His King was dead, the next in line for the throne was chained in front of him, and an army was at the city walls. Carnen's life hung in the balance of this guard's loyalty and practicality.

The moment stretched, the two men staring at each other. Finally, the guard pulled out his keys and went to unlock Carnen's chains. The kneeling man was oblivious as he still stared in disbelief at his dead leader.

As soon as he was free, Carnen came to me, releasing me. I collapsed into him. He stumbled a bit. While he could have easily picked me up in normal circumstances, more than a week in chains had not been kind.

He took off his shirt and slid it over me, giving me back something of my modesty, my humanity. Then, holding me all the while, he barked out orders like a man born to command. Which, of course, he was.

The next hours passed in a haze. I was aware of a flurry of activity around me. Carnen filled the power vacuum left by his dead brother with implacable strength. The captain of the ship challenged him, and for his trouble died in a blaze of fire. It was a display of strength that subdued the rest of the crew quickly. It had only to be repeated once, when one of the other ships turned its cannons towards us. That ship's fire lit the harbor, illuminating the white flags that Carnen ordered to be raised.

Ferdan was removed from a cell like the one I'd been in. He was gagged and injured, but alive. Clothes were found for me, some sailor pants and a shirt that hung oversized on my body. Communication was established with the Army.

Trecian and Darios thundered from army to navy, carrying messages in eagle and bear form until they could no longer shift. By that time, new lines of communication had been established and measure of order was restored to Enerte.

Carnen set up an audience in the palace throne room to accept the fealty of those who'd followed his brother, at least those who were in the capital now. Many of them were simply men who craved the rule of order above all else. Jadeth had been the rightful heir, after all. These were quick to confirm their loyalty to Carnen, especially once they were convinced that Jadeth had murdered the previous king.

When we'd made it to the throne room, Carnen had personally seated me in the Queen's chair. Along the way we'd bathed and dressed in more suitable clothes, the palace servants adapting better than any to the change in regime. I had felt out of place in the Queen's chair, though. So, instead I moved to stand next to the King's throne, just behind Carnen.

From that vantage, I watched as lord after lord came to kneel before their new king. I jerked to life when one deep voice penetrated my daze. I snapped my eyes up and recognized one of Jadeth's cruelest sycophants.

I tapped the King's shoulder, hesitantly. I wasn't sure where I fit in this new world, but I thought I might be in a position to do something about the injustice I'd noticed. I would not let that opportunity pass. Not now, still reeling from the reality of killing Jadeth and the realization that I could have killed him long ago and prevented so much suffering.

Carnen looked at me, his brow wrinkled in concern. I caught his eyes, then flicked my gaze to the nobleman in front of us and shook my head firmly. Carnen nodded slightly and turned back to the lord.

"Tell me, my lord, do you recognize your Queen?"

I trembled at the title, the formal recognition of my status. Some part of me still feared he would cast me away for what I'd done, even if it had been to save his life. He hadn't asked, but he had to know I wasn't in that dungeon by accident. He had to know I'd gone of my own will. He'd told me to run. Trecian, the messenger he sent, told me to run. And I had not.

The lord looked up and examined me, confused, "No, my King."

"She is Captain Nidan's daughter."

The lord paled, no doubt remembering everything he had done in my father's presence. And because I was always his shadow, in mine. Despite the rumors that Jadeth insisted on spreading about Carnen, this lord wasn't ignorant, not like I had been. He knew that King Carnen would not revel in depravity. Instead, he would avenge it.

"My King!" The lord cried and threw himself to the floor, groveling. "Please forgive me. Your brother forced me to participate. I never wanted to..."

He continued to spew lies and excuses, probably believing if he never stopped talking, he would never be held accountable. He was wrong. Shortly, there was a scorch mark on the throne room floor, and another example of how not to behave was added to the day.

There were only a few more oaths to hear after that, and I did not recognize anyone else. Each of the remaining lords noted the scorch mark appreciatively as they entered to swear their fealty. Once the last left, General Yurri and Freja entered together.

"My Queen," General Yurri bowed lowed, snubbing Carnen to greet me first. "My King."

"General, you disobeyed my explicit orders," Carnen commented mildly.

"No sire. When you were captured, the Queen took control, and I followed her orders."

"Indeed?"

Freya was holding my slate and chalk and I walked down to collect it from her.

"Yes," I wrote simply.

"Guards, leave us," My husband ordered, reading my slate.

The soldiers that Carnen had pulled from the army for this duty filed out of the room, lending us privacy. As soon as they exited, Carnen slumped, and his body shook. Alarmed, I knelt before him and held his hands that were digging into his thighs.

He slipped out of the throne to the ground next to me and held me tightly.

"My love, forgive me," my husband choked out.

Forgive him? For what, I wanted to ask. But there was no way I was letting go so that I could write on my slate. He clung to me and shook for only a little while, and then he collected himself. He stood and pulled me up with him, then walked, with me under his arm, down to the throne room floor to where General Yurri and Freja stood.

"General, I know that my marriage came unexpected and recently, and so you may be forgiven for thinking it meant little to me. But I tell you now, Elibeta has become the most important person in the world to me. If you ever put her in danger again, there will be less of you remaining than that soot stain on the floor. Am I clear?"

General Yurri looked at the King solemnly before choosing careful words, "My King, you cannot keep a hawk without clipping her wings. Would you deny the Queen the glory of flight?

"You cannot keep everyone safe. You must allow us our own agency. There are twenty thousand men out there who would die for you. It dishonors them to deny them that, and it dishonors your wife to deny her choice too."

Carnen's expressions turned thunderous, as he listened to Yurri's words. But, by the end, the anger drained out of him.

"Ah, I don't deserve you. I don't deserve any of you! I nearly handed the country to my brother in my arrogant desire to keep everyone safe. You are right, Yurri."

King Carnen hugged his general tightly. Finding my hands free, I wrote on my slate.

"Jadeth was evil. I wish I had killed him sooner," I underlined sooner several times aggressively.

"There is enough guilt between you two to supply a nunnery for years," Freja said lightly. "Now children, the work is done, the country is saved, the wicked man is dead. Time to let go of your regrets and enjoy each other. So, get on to bed. If I see you before the sun is at its peak tomorrow it will be too soon!"

"Yes, grandmother," Carnen bowed, amusement plain in his voice.

I flushed and smiled a little. Freja had broken the serious mood, reminding us that she'd lived through several lifetimes of drama and upheaval and yet, life goes on.

My husband had apparently recovered enough of his strength to carry me, because he lifted me up and strode purposefully from the room. The guards who'd been waiting outside trailed behind us and he made his way through the palace. He obviously knew the place well and exactly where he wanted to go.

At least one of the soldiers following us must have known too because he darted ahead and opened a door in the hallway as we neared it. Carnen nodded to him genially as he entered the room. The door was closed firmly behind us.

My husband laid me gently on the fanciest, plushest bed I'd ever seen. I struggled out of my clothes, with his help. He examined my body, and all the marks of damage it now showed. The old injuries from my father, and the new. The arrow wound, the burned face, and my bruised breasts.

"I have failed to keep you safe," my husband said sadly as he looked at me.

I fished my slate out of my pile of clothes, "You saved me. You showed me what it is to live when I was dead. Life is not safe."

Carnen smiled at me, "My hawk, I love you."

"I love you, my husband."

Reading my message, Carnen took the slate and set it carefully aside. As he had done for my old wounds, he kissed each of the new. He started with the arrow wound, then he kissed my burned face gently, then he laid his lips lightly on each of my nipples, careful not to apply any pressure on my recently bruised breasts.

"I want to enter you. Will you have me?" He asked, holding his pelvis above mine, his body tight with tension.

I nodded. There was nothing I wanted more in this moment than him, inside me. When I'd arrived at the city that morning, I had believed the day would end my marriage, either through Carnen's death or his anger. I was realizing now that I had underestimated my husband.

"Your father underestimated you, my Queen," Carnen said, as if he'd read my mind. "I will find him and kill him. I swear it. I will do one thing right, for you, my love."

Carnen avowed vengeance as he thrust into me. I didn't need vengeance, but I didn't try to argue. If my husband needed to do something for me, that was a fine place to start.

With each thrust, my breasts bounced and jolted me with pain, heightening my arousal. I arched my back and ground my pelvis upward. My husband slipped a hand between us and pressed his fingers to that secret spot he seemed to know so well.

He held himself above me with his other arm until the heat bloomed from where his fingers massaged me. I shivered as I realized he'd added a touch of his magic to speed my release. My body tensed and my nether regions pulsed as the wave of pleasure spread through me. Then Carnen went rigid too, his penis pulsing inside me. I could feel the rhythmic jerking as the flood of new fluids spewed inside me. He soon relaxed and rolled off of me.

Unlike the first time, this time my husband held his arm open, inviting me to lay next to him. I scooted into him and sighed, savoring his heat as I pressed into him.

Could my mother have imagined what her one act of defiance would bring? I wanted to believe that she would be proud of me. Would she forgive me if she could? As I drifted to sleep, I thought I felt a bloom of warmth in my hands as if from a healer's touch and the wind that sighed through the trees seemed to say, "yes."