by shadow_raider
I am not one who looks for style or typo's, I just look for the story line. I have enjoyed reading the first two chapters and looking forward to the next chapters.
The dialogue seems stilted somehow. Though your storyline is interesting, it doesn't seems to have a good flow. As previous readers have commented, please try to get an editor.
I like the story OK, but the excess of typos and grammatical errors really make it hard for me to enjoy it.