All Comments on 'Blood Moon: Lucian's Story Ch. 02'

As i said before in my posts, i love your stories, they are wonderful. but one lil suggestion, maybe you should get word document program to help with some of mis-spelled words, as writers, its easy to get into typing and sometimes we don't notice the miss of a letter in a word. But other then that its a GREAT story and i thank you for posting them here.

thats some girt kiryan has their; obviously caughting lucians attention and garranteing a spot at the castle.cant wait to read the nesxt chapter :] im curious to see who she says dances better..though she might say lucian [just cause she's got a crush on him]...but you never know.you can go alot of ways with this story.i like it! don't keep us waiting to long.

Your definitely headed in the right direction with this story.

I am loving where you are going with this story, however there are some things that I would work on. Someone else had mentioned that you need to use a spellchecker. Problem is that sometimes spellchecker doesn't catch mistakes. Especially if the word is actually spelled right, but the wrong word. For example: 4th paragraph, 6th sentence: "In the span of less then two hours," "Then" should be than. You should consider asking someone to help you edit. Sometimes other people can catch mistakes that you as the writer cannot. Just a thought. :)

I am soooo enjoying this one! What I am really eager to find out is who exactly Kiryn (sp?) is.

there were lots of errors. For example, you wrote "defiantly" instead of "definitely" several times. Keep spell checking and work with an editor for a more polished piece of writing.

when will be the next story?

There's more right?

OMG!! You have got to hurry and continue this story before I have a spaz attack!!!

i can't believe that person's giving you beef about spell checking [douch!]. this story is A M A Z I N G! i hope to read more, and soon ; The first one with Syra, and now this one - i want more please! haha. can't wait for the next chapter. P L E A S E don't keep us waiting too long and keep up the great writing :]

This is definitely one of the best stories that I have read on Literotica so far. Keep up the awesome work! I can't wait until the next chapter.

More PLEASE, could you also make them longer .

Pls do complete this story...a hell lot of time has passed....eagerly waiting !!!!

YOU MUST WRITE MORE! PLZ! LOL THIS STORY IS GETTING GOOD AND YOUS TOPPED AT A GREAT PART, BUT NOW IM JUST STARVING FOR MORE!! AMAZING STORY!

But I see you're pugnacious when you write, it's a quaint quality that I find to be humorous. You've got cat fights early in your stories, but it is good to stir up strife and discord, it makes for a better trial for the heroine. However, it seems that perhaps you can explain the relationship that vampires have between each other as lovers and how that differs when it deals with the royal members.

I had an issue with all of Kiryn's scars being practically erased. Shouldn't she have some form of physical evidence of her abuse if some of the wounds she received were old and not recent? What is her past and how did she come to be at that particular village? Her blood detecting ability was a stretch for me, and it felt too convenient but it can work if you give Kiryn more credibility as a character.

Anyway, I would like to say that Lucian's story is an improvement to "Blood Moon." I understand thought that you mentioned a "Great War" can you describe that in more detail as we go along. Having more information on the matter will allow a reader to understand the setting you're writing in, it will also help to explain behaviors, ideas, and social mindsets and concepts that are accepted by the people that inhabit this space.

I have to say I am a huge supporter of Lucian though, he's a suave sweetheart, mega-playboy; he makes your toes curl that one. Clothing (which I love your descriptors by the way), and minute details (like the night rose scent) are your strong points. You have a handle on using adjectives to your advantage in those cases but the same could be done with the foundation of your writing. Open up the reader's eyes to the entire realm and the spectrum you're sharing.

I am truly excited and I am anticipating what shall come next.

Please post more chapters soon I love this story!

I love how you continued this story from the other. PLEase continue

I think this chapter was a good beginning for this story. I really agree with the points illunaria brought up and so I won't repeat a bunch of the same type of stuff. I really hope you follow her advice. I agree that you could do well by explaining the Great War in greater depth and how it led to the creation of this world they are now in and how the Vamps/demons have maintained a more advanced society. I'd like to see more about the relationship between the demons/vamps since we only have been exposed to the vamps but you've explained that Malachai is King of both.

Kyrin is a great character that obviously you have hinted has many facets. I hope you will develop her. Lucian also seems to have more to him than we saw in Blood Moon, particularly the part about his powers being equal to the King though he is his much younger brother. I think expanding on these things will be great. I hope you will go into more detail as to what Kyrin went through with the humans. I would like to know more about her abilities.

I am unsure of what went between the brothers or what they all realized when it was said that the majority of her wounds had happened soon before the humans attacked. What was it that they got from that?

I really agree with illunaria about the strength of your descriptions. They draw the reader in. I like the interactions between the brothers and especially liked the mind to mind communication in Blood Moon. I think correct usage of that could really add a great dynamic.

there are many spots where there are words that aren't real words and others where wrong usage is plus some grammatical/spelling errors. It really detracts as I said in Blood Moon and I really wish you could get those fixed. Please see to it that someone correct your writings so that it doesn't distract readers from the story.

It seems to me that with all the abilities Kiryn has, it should be impossible that she has bee hurt the way she has, she even threatend to kill - so how come she is so week to not be able to defend herself?

You ought to think through your storyline better as it is not very convincing for me as a reader.