All Comments on 'Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice'

the literary equivalent of an autistic neutered midget

But nothing special. The money theft angle was gratuitous. Of course it would never occur to the bank/FBI to keep an eye on his lifestyle would it? Poor old Carol, one husband dead and the next in gaol-for a long time!

I’d recommend having someone pre-read to give feedback before submitting. First, parents knew son was staying there for a week while husband was told weekend, then she was leaving permanently and left a letter which MC could’ve read long before she got to the airport- and why would she have the documents at her house when she was leaving for good? This really read like you were making things up as you went on and didn’t flow. I liked the idea and decent writing - get pre-reader to help with plot issues. I gave it a 3.

Not bad...it was certainly readable. It’s too bad you chose the title you did, probably had readers primed for a completely different story. As to the story Itself there is no avoiding or escaping...WHY? If you as author are unwilling or unable to answer that essential question then you have a much deeper question that you absolutely must answer - why are you writing and who are you writing for?

The fbi is smarter than you and will find that money.

add more, interesting but very very short. I wasn't able to get into the characters etc.

Both cheaters are shot, he and the wife of the dead lover get married and he has fifteen million? Please, get real, completely unbelievable.

Nothing beats a happy ending where the cheating spouses get their just rewards and the survivors real the rewards. Good first story, short and to the point. So good to see a new author who doesn't play the willing cuck card. Even Bob and Alice ended up together just as they planned.

But very rushed and paint by numbers. The conversations were too simplistic. Her letter to Ted could have been more detailed and it would have given us a peek into her thinking.

Why name it after the famous movie?

Revenge porn drivel, with no characterization, no drama, just a naive first-person account by a stereotyped perfect man betrayed by a lying , cheating wife. The narrator has all the personality of a sack of rusty nuts and bolts.

The story had a feeling like Joe Friday was telling it: 'just the fact ma'am just facts'. That being said, I liked it so full marks to new author.

Girl always marries thieves.

... on publishing your first story. I know that taking that step can be daunting.

I look forward to reading your next effort.

No muss, no fuss!

if i was in the husbands place, i would leave the bastard son to their grandparents. too much remainder of the betrayal. and why marry the widow? and raise the cheaters children?

there will be some who will say the children are innocent, and they’re right. but that is not the issue. for the husband there is nothing in it for him to raise the cheaters children, if anything it furthers the insult because he will be spending time energy and resource to raise them.

he should have broken off all connection to that part of his life and start fresh

lo short and sweet

Thanks for sharing.

a few plot gaffes, like bob telling alice not to say anything while she's in a coma but a fine first effort. More! More!

But your execution of the plot and mangling of the details was not good.

Theft is theft. Guess what, no one lets 15 mil go, especially treasury.

I know I'm not like most folks - I stop blindingly trusting people when I was a kid. Sure, I still got con one or twice afterward, but nobody ever truly 'got' ever since I left my teens years ago. All individuals are flawed, to vary degrees, so expecting everyone, even those closest to you, to always do right by you sounds completely insane, from my viewpoint.

I get that naivete is a hugely important trope in LW - without it, let's be frank, this category couldn't sustain itself. So some poor sap being made a fool of by his wife while remaining totally clueless about it... as they say, that's par for the course.

But sometimes, authors will throw you such illogical mental gymnastics, such completely nonsensical suspension of reality, that, as a reader, you honestly start to wonder if the MC of their stories isn't genuinely written as mentally challenged.

She named the kid Robert.

A child they couldn't have for nine years of their marriage.

Alice wanted it to name ROBERT. Like the neighbor.

Even though NOBODY in her family was named so.

Hell, he knew that was the case! I could have asked his father-in-law for confirmation, if needed so, but he didn't question it any further... 'cause of LOVE!? Lord if I know!

I mean, damn... 'comes a point where people fucking you over has more to do with who you are (aka a dumbass) and way less about who they are (aka assholes). Ted's a gullible idiot - there's really no way around it. Evidently, he willingly went out of his way to ignore huge red flags right in his face - no doubt that, except for the Robert thing, he truly had no clue Alice ever step out on him, and simply ignore all the other, obvious hints that she was cuckolding him. I mean, it's one thing for Carol to not notice - she had two kids to take care of. Ted, though? Yeaaaah... To put it simply: hope for their sake that Carol is now in charge of their budget, 'cause I can definitely see someone successfully convincing Ted to buy the Brooklyn Bridge... Just sayin'.

Anyway, rant's over. Overall, a sad, yet good story, solely because it reminds us that Karma's a bitch, even outside of a saddletramp1956's tale. Again, though, 'gotta wonder about this hell of a suspension of disbelief when it comes to Bob - how come such a sociopath could walk around so many supposedly well-adjusted individuals, for so long, without at least one of them realizing how much of a backstabbing a-hole he truly is? Regardless, he got the fate he deserved - just like Alice, for that matter - without the MC having to work too hard to make it happen. I guess Ted also ended up exactly where he belonged, raising Bob's kids with Carol... I mean, the resolution seems forced - not like it ever was mentioned that those two had any feelings, except for friendship, for each other, but whatever. Better this than Bob killing him. I also have to wonder why Ted and Alice never got themselves tested, after facing such difficulty conceiving... just part of the narrative issues here.

But this isn't a bad first effort - the sorta 'good' guy got out of it pretty well, and the bad ones got their just deserved. It's just hard to stomach the MC's general gullibility, though. Glad for Ted 'happily ever after'... even though I don't truly respect him that much!

5*

Your story got me pissed and made me laughed. Can't ask for much more.

Nice first effort. Keep them coming!

This wasn't a "tragic end to an affair". It was a perfect ending!

Ha Ha Ha !!!

These erotic story writers have brains < donkeys.

Take your time, build some story, build some dialogue, build some tension and some real emotional depth.

Solid work, nicely done

THIS is how to treat a cheating wife and her lover - suicide by cop.

Perfect ending.

Was it necessary to make the wronged spouses thieves too. Sorry but stuck in my craw.

Well written, innovative, great ending.

OK story. but as others have said, pretty dry and unemotional with some major holes in the plot. The main problem, IMO, is the amount of time Alice spends away from Ted. She is away from Ted for a week or more at a time with no credible explanation other than she is going to visit her parents. How can she explain her absence for such lengths? Going with Bob to Belize where he bought a house for them must have taken more than a week. How often could she use the excuse of seeing her parents? Her parents must have been in on her cheating or at least looked the other way. How else could they accept her dumping her son, Robert, with them with her saying she'll be back in a week to pick him up.

Decent first effort and hopefully more to come with tightened-up plots.

The idea was good.

Could've been a very good story,

if the plot had been stronger.

But the plot wasn't strong.

With this plot the husband looked stupid

and a wimp.

Who but a wimp would invite Bob into his home?

But I do think the writer had the right intentions.

Even though he made a mess out of it.

For that and a good idea,

I rate this story as a 3 out of 5.

That's as good as it gets here.

you turn him from a clueless cuckold to the ultimate cuckold. Why would he want to raise Bob's offspring. The kid you thought was yours, was born through betrayal and they all remind him of that betrayal. So why raise your enemies kids?

Wonder if Americans ever realize how unfree they really are.

Hint: The Treasury Dept would know about that account, because all US controlled/owned bank accounts need to be reported to the US Treasury. Being a dual national doesn't even help, a birth place in the US alone is a red flag enough in standard banking procedures.

Well done

You dont get it or? The kid you raise is yours it has NOTHING to do how is the spermdonor. Some times i think guys like you are the real point women cheats😎😆

I for my parts think its funny and Carol seams nice ,maybe they had an affair too?

So where is no need to ramble. Nice and entertaining story👍

But bullet impacts do not throw anyone anywhere.

Now we know this is how you reacted when your wife told you the kid isn't yours! I don't care if I raised the child, they had a different biological father. And yes I would be reminded every day of her infidelity by looking at him.

HueDogg2 is a dumbfuck.

That must have been a really deep intense marriage. The plot premise might as well be that the husband woke up one day and realized he had married an aardvark. I mean, who knew?

Preposterous, but thanks for the effort.

good story, but man, you should have gone a little more into plot development, etc.

Seriously the dumbest husband in LW's. He didnt even need to read the damned letter.

A complex story, cut far too short.

Good!!!!

Rough justice worked, the cheaters dead.

Fickle fate at work

Scores 5/5

A cheating fairytale with a very happy ending for everyone but the cheaters.

Not if they were really close friends AND he had no reason to suspect. It seems the first time he truly had reason to suspect is the accident. You, on the other hand, are reading an erotic website, in the “cheating wives” section. So of course you have reason to suspect every action from word one.

I went 3-4 and we got checked. Nothing wrong just slow starters. 6 kids later and sometimes 2 -3 years between

And they almost all take after my side of family. Cousin 8 years nothing wrong adopted and guess they had child. Strange things fertility!

But name and he knew not family name and ignored?

jtwheels

This is a very nice story but I had read something very similar before. So nothing new to me here.

So dumb. If I ever get a call my wife is in the hospital I'll be sure run to my neighbors and tell them first. When I get to the hospital and want to know why she was in a taxi with the man who is holding her hand, I'll remember the place to find those answers are in the waiting room and not the guy sitting in the chair. Of course, the best part was she left for her new life without taking her important documents. Sooo dumb. Don't you have someone who can read these first to catch some of this stuff?

Well that sure was a waste....though in my defense I stopped reading at one of the best gems anyone has ever tossed into a story and, drum roll please, its..."She insisted our son would be named Robert, after her paternal grandfather.

I thought that was strange since I knew her grandfather's name was Herman, but I let it go."

That much stupid in one sentence literally gave me brain bleed.

That was a waste of energy. 2*

1 star - waste of time

Why are people so delusional as to think that after over 2000 years of storytelling that there is a tale that has not been covered! 5 stars nixrox!!! Thank you chas for your tale.

I actually forced my lunch to stay down and tried to finish this idiocy a second time. I made it to the end it is still a half assed, thrown together empty story.

No emotion, no feeling of it being legit. Empty characters in an empty story. the 5* crowd for this also get excited when jello wiggles.

A feel good flash story. Loved it. All believable if you can believe some people love their spouses beyond sensibility.

The hospital scene was a disaster. Bob's telling Alice that they can get away next time, and then the next sentence has Ted and Carol walking in. The reader naturally assumes they heard this. Right? Then, Dr. Anderson is speaking to Ted.... wait. What? Then, we discover Alice is in an induced coma. Someone needs some serious continuity work. Moreover, Ted legally get's 10% of the recovered funds, but in the end, he's no better than Bob or Alice. 3/5.

Simple story but a lot of fun. Loved it

5/5

A little short but very good.

Good story. 15 million reasons to get over her sounds doable

Fun, simple story.

That isn't a tragic ending?

Well, not for the MC anyway.

What Wargamer said. 5 Stars

It was nice of Bob and Alice to set up a retirement account for Ted.

A good story idea very poorly executed.

I wouldn't piss on this story if it was on fire...wait, its was already a dumpster fire.

Bitch bitch and batch.