Bobson Jars

I would have shrunk to the size of my pinky if I could have.

I probably would have become an innie.

Change of subject.

"So, you said you had some case studies?" I asked.

She unlocked her tablet. Touched a few icons and slid it across to me.

There were roughly a dozen studies. Starting with Bill of course.

Very dry clinical descriptions, with drawings, some holos, and a few non-invasive scans.

I knew Bills story by now. But I was seeing the others for the first time.

There was a twelve-year-old girl who licked the inside of her father's jar. That was pretty horrendous. He had kept it locked in a glass cabinet, but she knew where the key was.

It was a tiny thing eight centimeters long.

After it had sucked her tongue completely in, she couldn't speak at all.

They had to remove her front teeth so she could bring her lips together around the jar to stop drooling.

The jar stuck far enough out the front to form a red ball just in front of her mouth.

When she turned eighteen, she made the decision to have her tongue amputated.

It didn't work.

She healed completely within seconds.

She still had the jar.

There was a young sub whose dom had managed to obtain one of just the right size.

Short and wide. About the size of a tennis ball. A permanent chastity cage.

He managed to get his balls and penis in at the same time and the jar did the rest.

A young lady that sat on a huge one. It took her butt, her torso, and her thighs.

Her arms and lower legs were free as was her head.

She's permanently bent over like a contortionist.

I couldn't read any more. They were so depressing. I pushed the tablet back.

That first night was pretty weird.

Mary had a lounge chair in her bedroom, I started making it up as a bed. She looked at me quizzically.

"Are you seriously planning to sleep there?"

"Mary, my beautiful fiancé, we barely know one another, we've never even kissed"

"Well, that's very gallant of you, but that can be easily rectified" and with that she came over and tried to kiss me.

Tried.

Her breasts were now quite an impediment.

They stuck straight out from her chest about 40cm.

They were hard as diamonds.

And they didn't move much side to side, or up and down. The flanges of the jars were fully seated against her ribcage.

She started crying again.

I tried to hold her to comfort her, but even that was awkward.

I turned her around and hugged her from behind. That sort of worked, except now my manhood was a problem.

Finally, I slid it between her legs and nestled up against her butt. Now it felt like a proper hug.

"Oh god, we can't even kiss, or hug. How are we going to live?"

"We'll figure something out"

"Together"

We slept like that, in her bed. At least part way through the night.

Then she got up to use the toilet.

I was unceremoniously yanked out of bed by my dick and dumped on the floor.

She was thrown backwards into a vanity and also ended up on the floor.

I rushed to the bathroom to see if she was ok.

"Are you ok?" we both said together.

"I think we have a few bugs to work out" she said groggily from the floor.

"Yeah, it seems that way, but we'll figure something out"

I waited outside the bathroom for her to finish.

"Do you have to go?" she asked.

"Uh, I just went." I answered sheepishly.

"Oh, right."

That still seems weird. Where does it go?

We got back into bed and I snuggled up against her butt. She spread her legs a bit and my jar went right between them.

She reached down and grabbed the end of my dick and pulled me in tight.

We lay like that for a few minutes. I was tense as could be.

She was slightly trembling. I could feel it.

Here I was naked in bed with the girl I had been dreaming about. But we had never even dated.

She said quietly "I want you inside of me"

I thought about it for a minute. "Is that even safe?" I asked.

"It's not like you can get me pregnant. You have an indestructible condom."

"That's not what I meant. What if it gets stuck? I mean how much do we know about these things. We could be stuck together permanently!"

"It doesn't work that way." She replied. "It only has a vacuum on the inside."

"You're absolutely sure?"

"Absolutely."

"Well, I'm willing and I'm certainly hard enough. I mean on the inside. And on the outside. I mean I want you badly too. I'm just worried about how this will work. I don't want to hurt you. But I can't feel anything through the glass."

"Why don't you roll over and I'll try being on top. That way I can control how fast and how deep. Ok?"

I rolled over and she straddled me. I looked up at her breasts.

Holy shit. They stuck out so far!

Almost over my head.

I could see how perfect they were.

Or had been. I reached out and held them.

Glass.

Just Glass.

But warm. I could feel her body heat through the Jars.

Mary leaned forward. Quite aways, as my penis was now much larger than it had ever been.

Though I have seen porn stars that were bigger, they can at least go soft, and tuck it in their pants.

How would I ever be able to hide this?

As she slowly lowered herself down over the bulb at the end. I gasped when I felt the heat of her body.

No tactile sensation at all but the body temp was amazing.

She slowly started working up and down, each time getting a little lower.

How much of sex is mental and how much physical?

I was fully erect, I was being squeezed on all sides, and I had a beautiful woman on top of me, obviously enjoying herself.

She was now getting all the way to the base and was speeding up.

I knew in my brain that I couldn't feel her insides but my dick was telling me I was inside something.

I just let go and started pumping my hips.

That was all she needed.

We both were getting close.

I reached up for her breasts, that had been in my sight the whole time. And glass or not, I needed to hold them and squeeze them.

Just as I was coming, I unintentionally banged them together.

Again, the glass bell ringing. A note that seemed to go on forever.

The intense vibration.

I could feel it in my hands and my dick at the same time.

Combined with the intense suction.

My brain exploded and I passed out.

"Paul...PAUL...PAUL...ARE YOU OK?"

I realized Mary was shouting at me.

"FINE, I'm fine. Just let me get my breath"

Breath, breath, breath...breath.......breath.

"Mary! Are you ok?" I notice she was still on my dick.

"I'm fine too. But that was intense."

"When you rang the bell, the vibration, with you inside of me, oh shit, that was intense."

"I passed out too. When I came to, you were unconscious. I was held up by my breasts. They are kind of hooked over your shoulders, and I can't sit up."

I realized her breast jars were on either side of my head with the bulbs tucked into my shoulders. I reached up and freed her breasts and helped her sit up.

"Are you ready to try to get off?" I asked

"I just got off... I think once a night of that, is quite sufficient." She replied with a smile.

"Oh, you mean off of you?"

"Ok sure, but just so you know I'm quite happy where I am."

"Next time" I replied. "I'm still a little worried"

"What? That I'm stuck? That we would be stuck like this for life?"

She was teasing but yes that was what I was worried about.

She started to lift up, but she seemed to be straining.

Then she slammed back down.

Then tried again, she got a few centimeters up, then slammed back down again.

"Oh my god! We really are stuck! We're stuck together, fucking, for the rest of our lives! Oh my god!"

Then she was smiling.

"Gotcha"

Then she pulled almost all the way off without any problem. She stopped smiling when she got to the bulge, but grimaced and managed to pull herself off with a plop.

We snuggled together spooning till we both fell back asleep.

We had to remodel parts of her house. I paid for it with the sale of my place. I insisted.

The bedroom had to be connected to the bathroom.

The toilet had to be within three meters of the bed.

No, the doorway can't be that far over.

Can we put a lounge chair just outside the shower?

We had to put a jacuzzi tub, in the half bath off the living room.

The bar in the kitchen had to be closer to the stove and fridge.

A bunch of changes like that.

None of which made any sense to the contractors.

We finally got the police report.

They had caught the three who did it. All students at the college. Part of a fraternity that aways seemed to have problems with the law.

The smaller kid, the leader, was in one of Mary's classes. He thought she was a stuck-up bitch with huge tits. His words. And needed to be taken down a peg.

He had seen the section on Bobson jars in the textbook and it had caught his eye. Of course, he didn't read the entire chapter, just skimmed it. Had no idea they were permanent.

He convinced his two henchmen, and they broke into the locked cabinet in Mary's lab. They stole the two large jars, and were sneaking out when the third smaller jar leaped out of the cabinet making a huge noise.

Spooked, they just grabbed it as well, and ran.

They used infrared necklaces to spoof the cameras. And hung out near the locker room, as there were obviously no cameras inside.

Mary was coming back from lunch and walked right by the locker-room on her way back from the carpark. They grabbed her, held a hand over her mouth and used her cardkey to open the locker-room.

They gagged her, stripped her naked and tied her to the bench. The leader then started putting the jars on her chest. "You want big boobs? Let's see how big they really are."

Then I showed up. They ran. Pants'd me. And popped the third jar on my dick as a distraction.

They had no idea they were connected.

The thing about IR necklaces is you have to take them off sometime. When three males with balls of light for a head, walk into a men's room, and a few minutes later three identical men walk out with normal heads, its easy to put together what happened.

Then it's just a matter of following them until there's a clear enough image of their faces.

They confessed to the whole thing. Kidnapping, aggravated assault, grievous bodily harm, etc.

Unfortunately, the officer that gave me the report, thinks they will get off light. The judge is a frat alumnus, and this was just a prank that went wrong, you know.

Our lives were ruined but it was just a prank?

After about six months we got a surprise call from the federation ambassadors.

They wanted to meet with us. "But why would they want to meet with us?" I asked.

"I don't know. They weren't specific."

Two days later, there was a knock on the door. Looking at the camera on the porch, there was a couple standing there.

The gate hadn't notified us, and the street cameras hadn't picked up a car.

The couple were standing very close to one another. The woman in front.

They were wearing skintight white jumpsuits.

Very tight.

So tight that it was obvious they weren't carrying any weapons.

I motioned for Mary to move to the side of the door, and opened it. "Hello, can I help you?"

"It's possible, replied the woman" A beautiful older blond in a pony tail. She didn't even glance at the huge pole pushing my pants forward.

"Jill, where are our manners, we've been consorting with aliens for too long. I'm Ben and this is Jill. We're the Federation ambassadors to Earth."

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry, come on in. I'm Paul," and opening the door all the way "and this is Mary."

The couple walked into the house and when I say couple, I mean couple. They seemed to be attached at her rear.

Then I remembered hearing about this somewhere. Humans and aliens generally didn't interact much, and now I was remembering why.

Almost all alien species mate for life. That doesn't mean they stay faithful to their spouse. It means they are connected for life.

Some merge into a single body, some are conjoined in one way or another some are merely attached to each other. They don't really associate with humans because of our vulgar almost obscene ability to stay separate after mating.

The Earth ambassadors were a couple that were abducted from Earth before the great diaspora. But that would make them over 150 years old.

This must be a new couple.

They didn't look more than about 50.

When they walked they were perfectly synchronized. It was mesmerizing they looked like a four-legged human.

I was wearing an oversized set of sweatpants, with an obvious erection in the front.

Mary was wearing an XXXXL men's shirt, not tucked in.

We both looked ridiculous, but it was the best we had come up with. We considered having some clothing custom made, but decided that would look even worse, and draw even more attention to our problem.

The ambassadors didn't give us a second glance. We all sat in the living room.

Jill sat on Ben's lap. Were they actually conjoined?

"So how can we help you?" I asked.

"Actually, we may have a proposal for you. But first; we became aware of your problem a few months ago. We've been asking all of our friends and contacts."

"I'm sorry to say that while most of the Federation members, are aware of the Bobson jars, no one understands them. Samples have been acquired over the years for testing but with very little progress."

"The glass appears to be an analogue of something the Fnor use for spaceship windows. The rest is still a mystery."

Ben paused for a bit, then continued "There has been an understandable shortage of volunteers for testing. The jars are known to be permanent, and no one want's to be in something like your situation, just to further science."

We sat in silence for a few minutes. Absorbing that there was still no way out.

"When you reached out to us, we thought, maybe you had an answer. So, if not why the personal meeting?"

"Well..." they both hesitated. Then looked at one another. They both nodded, as if some inner question had been answered.

"We need a deputy." Jill finally said.

"What?" Mary and I said at the same time. For some reason this brought a smile to both their faces.

"As I'm sure you're aware all the alien cultures we deal with, either have only one sex, or they mate for life. We were chosen as Ambassadors because of our affinity with that concept. We've been maintaining that illusion for over 150 years."

"Wait, you're not really conjoined?" I asked

"You're over 150 years old?" Mary asked at the same time.

"Ok, ok, first off, I'm almost 200 years old, Jill's 180. The space suits keep us young and healthy. And we're not really conjoined, the same suits create that illusion."

"Around a hundred years ago we were given full control over the suits. We could separate any time we wanted to, but we're so used to it now that it feels wrong, almost obscene, when we try it. It has been decades now since we've done that."

"You two on the other hand, while not physically joined, cannot get more than, what three meters apart?" Jill continued.

"Two point eight one meters, actually. Measured from the tip of his penis to the tip of my furthest nipple."

Jill went on "So while I could, in theory get up from Ben's lap and walk by myself into the kitchen." They both shuddered when she said that.

"You, Mary, could not do the same." We were stunned. We had never thought about it that way.

"The Federation now consists of 128 species. We have regular contact and working relationships with about half that."

"It's quite a lot of work for one couple. Right now, we're in the middle of negotiations with the Centaurs for mining rights on one of their moons. We would also like a sample of the biological glue that keeps their rider attached for life. The medical uses would unlimited."

"Glue?" Mary asked

"When young, the Centaurs and Elves roam free. They often have sex for the obvious reasons. The male Centaurs are highly intelligent. The Female elves are considerably less so. The male's penis is on his back, his withers actually.

When they are mating the female elf is riding on the males back, hence riders. Eventually they form regular relationships and start to form emotional bonds.

Then one day when the male reaches maturity, his ejaculate changes to an incredibly strong and apparently permanent glue that permanently bonds him inside her and glues her inner thighs to his back with a totally unbreakable bond. No one knows how the glue works or if it would work on other species. The glue is only secreted once in his lifetime and lasts till the couple dies.

And they live a long time.

If we could get a sample while it's still liquid and preserve it somehow, it could be a huge boon to human surgery.

We also need those mining rights, there's a huge amount of He3 on that moon, and the Centaurs are not interested in it."

"You keep calling them Centaurs. That seems almost derogatory. What do they call themselves?"

"We honestly don't know. The translator devices we use, translate so perfectly that only personal names come through. When we say Centaurs, they could be hearing Mayans for all we know." Ben said

"There's one more thing to consider. I'm not sure how to say this."

Jill jumped in with "You don't fit in here anymore. The rather obvious attempts to cover up. Are they working?"

We both hung our heads "No. And we can't use public restrooms. We both have to get out the same side of the car. Shop in the same isle. Sit on the same couch. Talk to the same people. Neither of us can teach any more, even if the university made accommodations." Mary let off a little steam.

"If you come with us, you'll be living most of your life on a space station. It moves from system to system. Makes first contacts. Or sometimes second contact.

You would be living mostly with aliens who don't even know what the human norm is. I can guaranty the only reason anyone would think you odd would be your less than obvious conjoinment.

There is already one species that has two separate bodies but one conjoined mind. It's like talking to identical twin monkeys. We can't tell them apart and with one mind controlling both bodies there's no point. They are one person.

Would you expect them to think Paul's constant erection was in any way odd?"

"Hmm, can we think about this?"

"Absolutely. It's a big decision. We will return at the same time tomorrow. We look forward to seeing you again. Two to beam up."

And then they vanished. Just poof and gone.

I looked at Mary "Two to beam up?"

She looked back at me "So?"

"It's from a really old show, a television show. Never mind."

I looked at Mary "So, 200 years old? Living on a space station? Living with aliens? What do you think?"

Mary just kind of looked at me funny. "You do remember what I do for a living? Did for a living? The chance to study alien cultures, up close, really interacting with them? The university never could have afforded that, or could have arranged it if they had the money. But I can't push you into this. Its you're choice. I'll go with you whatever you choose."

"Like you have a choice. You're stuck with me forever, my beautiful wife. We said vows. And then there's these." I said tapping my dick.

"Then it's settled. Do we actually leave tomorrow?"

"I can't think of anything I would want to take, except maybe my big bow. More of a wall decoration now, but it brings back some good memories."